The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

  I’ve always had this vision of being a photographer with Travis supporting my dreams. But along the way, I lost sight of who I really was. I let him control me, and now that he’s gone, I feel like he still is. He has a rope lassoed around me, keeping me tied to him.

  I appear to be this strong girl, but the only person I ever think about is me. My heart aches as I bite my lip. Maybe that’s why I still don’t have Stella.

  Have I tried as hard as I can to get her back? Have I thought of anyone else but myself since I walked away from Travis?

  I straighten my shoulders, sitting tall. “I don’t know, but I think it’s time I figure it out.”

  He taps his thumb on the steering wheel. “Honest. I like it.”

  I smile at him before I slip my phone out of my purse and send Travis a text.

  Me: It’s time you give me Stella. Stop using her as a pawn to get me back.

  His response is almost immediate and exactly what I expect from him.

  Travis: No. Come back home. Otherwise, you won’t see her again.

  I squeeze my eyes shut, hating the guy who was once my world.

  I don’t bother replying. There’s no reasoning with him, so I shove my phone in my purse, wondering how I’m going to save Stella from him.

  Nathan throws the truck in park. “We’re here, and apparently so is everyone else in town.” He chuckles.

  I take in the packed open field, and my eyes widen. How did he even find a spot to park? There has to be almost a hundred cars here.

  “Holy crap,” I mumble. “How did I not know about this place?”

  “You haven’t been hanging out with the right people. Good thing you are now.” He winks as he jumps out of the truck. He starts pulling blankets and pillows out from behind his seat.

  I unbuckle my seat belt and hop out as well. I inhale a deep breath, relishing the fall air. Apple cider and pumpkin. The scents mix together, emanating from the nearest food truck, and I hold back a moan as my stomach grumbles from the smell.

  Shutting the door, I move around the truck, releasing the tailgate and jumping in the back.

  I wish I hadn’t worn my tan wedges. I love them, but the heels on grass or in this truck are going to land me flat on my ass at some point.

  Nathan squints up at me, the sun setting in the background, casting orange and pink hues across the sky. “Got up there all by yourself.”

  I’m not incapable of getting in the back of a truck. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Yep, no sweat.” I hold my hands out, crouching down. “Throw me the blankets and pillows.”

  He tosses them to me, and I work to keep my balance in these damn wedges, silently cursing them. I rearrange the blankets, pushing the pillows against the window of the cabin.

  Once I’m satisfied everything is in its place, Nathan helps me down. My feet wobble as I land in the grass, and I grasp his hand tighter as I find my footing.

  We amble over to the three food trucks parked off to the side. I spot one that’s selling lobster nachos and haul ass as fast as I can in its direction. Nathan hesitates as I walk forward, and with a sigh, I stop and turn to him.

  “I’m going to get a burger. I’ll meet you back at the truck.” He heads in the opposite direction.

  “Yeah, okay,” I say to the back of his head.

  I sigh as I make my way to the end of the line, flabbergasted he left me alone when we’re supposed to be on a date.

  I guess I attract bad eggs, but I’m thinking Nathan might be more along the lines of an overcooked egg, one that’s rubbery and bland, teetering on the line of delicious and rotten.

  As I’m standing in line, I glance around. There are a lot of couples here, but off to the side is a grassy area where a few people are walking their dogs and throwing Frisbees.

  I smile as a small black dog runs around with a tennis ball in its mouth, but my smile quickly fades as I think about the small fur ball who isn’t with me. She will be though.

  I nod my head to myself. She will be.

  Once I have my nachos in hand, I do a little happy dance, shaking my hips and head as the first bite hits my mouth. Sweet-and-spicy salsa mixes with white queso and lobster, all lathered on a tortilla chip.

  These are delicious.

  I close my eyes as a groan vibrates in my throat, and if my mouth wasn’t full, I would be shouting to the heavens that they could take me now. Because nothing can get better than the lobster nachos in my hand.

  Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I scan the area for Nathan. I spot him still standing in line, waiting for his hamburger. Such a shame he’s missing out on the best food on earth for an average hamburger.

  I mosey over to the truck and sit on the tailgate, my legs swinging over the back as I eat my nachos, as if my life depended on it because I’m freaking starving.

  Ain’t nobody got time to wait on their date to show up to eat.

  I make a mess with my food, shoving the chips in my mouth, my taste buds not able to get enough of the gooey nachos. After I swallow the last morsel, I lick my hands and paper plate clean, savoring every last bit I can.

  I wipe my hands with the single napkin I grabbed, but my hands are sticky, needing something more powerful than a dry napkin. Spotting a restroom off to the side, I jump off the truck, wanting to clean up, since Nathan still isn’t back from getting his food.

  Seriously, what is taking so long? The sun is almost completely gone now, the sky a dark blue.

  After throwing my trash away in the nearby garbage can, I head over to the restroom.

  I’m thankful I don’t have to open a door to the restroom, leaving a mess on the door handle for someone else.

  Can you imagine your hand landing in an unknown substance that’s wet and slimy? Gross.

  I slip out of the restroom after washing my hands, and I’m immediately greeted by a giant dog with long blond fur.

  It jumps up on my legs, nearly knocking me over as it claws at my jeans. Catching my balance, I lean down and pet it behind its ears before kissing its head.

  For some reason, it looks familiar, but I can’t place why.

  The dog licks my face, which makes me laugh, as I continue to pet it.

  “Walker! Walker, down!” someone yells.

  “Walker, huh? It’s nice to formally meet you,” I tell him as I give him one last kiss on the head.

  His golden fur shines in the sun, not much darker than my own hair, as his tail whips back and forth.

  “I’m sorry about that. He’s—Raegan?”

  I look up, not expecting to hear my name. “Jax.” What is he doing here?

  Then I remember the dog that tripped me when I was running a few days ago. Walker.

  “Sorry he attacked you.” Jax bends down, clipping a leash on Walker. “He got away from me. He smelled food and ran as fast as he could in the direction of it.”

  “No worries. I love dogs. Plus, if he likes the nachos I ate, he has good taste.”

  “Oh, man, the lobster nachos are the best,” he says, standing upright.

  “Right?” I agree.

  A throat clears next to me, and I startle at the sound.

  “I was wondering where you ran off to.” Nathan grabs my hand, and I get the strange feeling he’s trying to mark me.

  Walker barks at Nathan as he draws me closer to him.

  “The restroom.” I point behind me.

  Nathan turns his focus to Jax, glowering at him. “What are you doing here?”

  “Just collecting my dog.” Jax indicates to Walker as he tugs on his leash, grabbing his attention. “I’ll see you on Sunday, Red.”

  I nod as I smile down at his dog.

  “You okay, Rae?” Nathan asks.

  My body physically locks up.

  “She doesn’t like that name,” Jax whispers, turning away from us and leaving me completely baffled.

  How does he know that? He barely knows anything about me at all, so how does he know the one thing Travis could never under
stand?

  Jax stops to talk to two girls, both of whom run their hands down his chest and arms. Walker stares back at me, pulling as far as he can on his leash to get away. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be near those girls either.

  Nathan pulls me by the hand back in the direction of the truck. As we pass Jax, he wraps an arm around one of the girl’s shoulders, throwing a wink at me along with that cocky smile I hate so much.

  And, just like that, his switch flips back to the guy I first met, not the one who showed up at my job to apologize.

  Does he have a split personality?

  Something tells me, it’s more than that.

  Jax

  I guide the two girls to the family restroom as Raegan walks past me with her hand in Nathan’s.

  The restroom has a door, unlike the men’s and women’s room. I imagine it’s for little kids who pitch a fit for not getting the candy they want, their Mom or Dad hauling them inside, scolding them for acting out in public.

  One of the girls pushes open the door, and I stop as they step inside.

  “Aren’t you coming?” the blonde whines, smacking her gum.

  I hold back my wince, hating the noise that came out of her mouth.

  “It’ll be fun,” the redhead says, running a finger down my chest.

  I want to step away from her touch, but I don’t. “Actually, I can’t.” Walker pulls on his leash. Perfect. “I can’t leave Walker alone. Maybe next time.”

  They scowl at him, and I’m immediately grateful I didn’t step over the threshold of the restroom. Anyone who doesn’t like Walker doesn’t deserve my time.

  “Your loss,” the redhead says as the restroom door slams in my face, effectively ending our conversation.

  The only reason I followed them was because Raegan was with another guy. She’s here on a date, and that doesn’t sit well with me.

  I clench my hand in a fist at the thought of Nathan touching her all night. He gets to exist in her orbit all night, and I hate him for it.

  Instead of going about my business when Nathan showed his smug face, I decided to slip into the persona I’ve become accustomed to since I started college.

  Walker drags me toward my truck where I left Graham and Luke. They had to drag my ass out of the house. I’m up to my ears in homework, but they begged me to come, saying they needed me to be their wingman for the night.

  I think it’s weird they wanted to come to a drive-in movie. Most of the chicks here are already paired off with a guy. I mean, guys bring their dates here for one reason—to get laid. Once it’s dark enough, bodies disappear from view in the backs of the trucks, and you can hear the moans coming from the vehicle next to you. I’ve done it before, but I’m not interested tonight.

  They knew I didn’t want to come, but they harassed me about being hung up on someone I hardly know. I told them I’d come if I could bring Walker, and they surprisingly agreed. I’d for sure thought that would get me a pass…but apparently not.

  I left Graham and Luke to fend for themselves when I saw Raegan on the back of a truck, swinging her legs and stuffing her face like she hadn’t eaten in days.

  I smiled as I watched her from afar, loving that she wasn’t afraid to eat her weight in food when most girls only picked at a salad.

  I waited until she reappeared from the restroom to unclip Walker’s leash. It was stupid. I should have stayed away from her, but it’s like there’s a gravitational pull around her. I can’t help but to be drawn to her, no matter where she is.

  Walker pulls on his leash, and I blindly follow him, too lost in my own head. But my foot sinks into something mushy, and I look down to see a pile of mud from the downpour of rain we had earlier in the day.

  I step away from the mud, noting it’s only on the sole of my shoe, but my gaze tracks to Walker, who is shamelessly plopped in the mud.

  “Walker”—I yank his leash—“get up.”

  He stares at me, letting his tongue hang out of his mouth, and I glower at him in warning.

  He stands from the mud, and I groan when I see the bottom half of him is completely filthy.

  “It’s your own fault that you’re going to smell like a pile of shit,” I tell him.

  He cocks his head to the side before he shakes out his fur, drops of mud landing on my clothes.

  “Thanks, bud. Now, we both smell like shit.”

  I glance around the field, light streaming from the movie screen and the street lamps by the food trucks, and spot my truck in the middle of the field. I head back, ready to face Graham’s and Luke’s complaints about me running off. But I stop in my tracks when I see Raegan in the back of Nathan’s truck, kissing him.

  I scowl, both at myself and them. I hate that I feel this overwhelming need to protect her. I hate that I want to be the guy her soft lips are touching, melding with her as my tongue slips between her lips. I can almost imagine the way the curve of her hip would feel under the palm of my hand.

  The longer I watch Nathan attack Raegan with his mouth, the madder I get, so I drop Walker’s leash. He runs straight toward them, as if he can sense exactly where I want him to go.

  Walker jumps into the back of the truck, bouncing all over Raegan and licking her face.

  Nathan grimaces at my dog and shouts, “Get off!”

  I run over to make sure he won’t push Walker off the bed of his truck.

  Raegan’s laugh rings through the air, meeting my ears. It’s one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard, sweet and innocent, and I would do anything to make her laugh again.

  “Walker, down,” I command, grabbing his leash, as Raegan’s laughter dies down.

  “Andrews,” Nathan grinds out, “why can’t you control your dog?”

  I shrug, not intimidated by him. “His leash slipped.”

  “Like I believe that,” he grumbles under his breath.

  I turn my attention to Raegan. She’s a gorgeous mess, covered in mud, with her blonde hair in a disarray from the pillow her head was on. I wonder if that’s what she looks like first thing in the morning.

  “Sorry about that,” I apologize to her, watching her eyes shine as she ruffles Walker’s fur.

  Somehow, Nathan got by unscathed from Walker’s attack and doesn’t have a drop of dirt on him.

  “It’s fine.” She beams, wiping at her muddy clothes.

  “Walker, down.” I snap my fingers, and he hops out of the truck. I pat his side, silently thanking him.

  Nathan cringes, taking in Raegan’s appearance. I clench my fist at my side, keeping myself from landing a punch to his face. How he could see her as anything other than beautiful is beyond me.

  “This isn’t my truck,” he mutters, scooting away from her.

  It takes her a minute before she understands what he said.

  “It’s, uh, no problem. I can walk home.” She scoots away from the back of the truck until her legs hang off the edge of the tailgate. “I should go. I’m not going to be very good company once this dries.”

  Nathan eyes her up and down. “I’m sorry.”

  She hops off, landing in the grass with a slight wobble. I grab her elbow, steadying her until she finds her balance. There’s no way she can walk home in those shoes.

  “I’ll see you later,” she says to Nathan as she turns away from him.

  I follow behind her, ignoring the string of curse words coming out of Nathan’s mouth, only loud enough for me to hear.

  The guy is a complete asshole. I wouldn’t care if I were in a priceless antique car. I would never strand a woman…ever.

  I run, catching up with Raegan. “Let me drive you.”

  She shakes her head. “It’s fine. I’m only twenty minutes from here.”

  “By car or foot?” I ask, knowing the answer.

  She winces as she glances down at her shoes. “I can walk.”

  “If you won’t let me drive you, I’m going to walk with you. It’s dark, and you shouldn’t be out here by yourself.”


  “I can take care of myself,” she assures me, her eyes narrowing.

  “I want to.”

  She halts, and I have to turn around to face her.

  “Why? You’ve spent all this time avoiding me when I wanted to work together. Now, you suddenly want to be the good guy?”

  I run my free hand through my brown hair, nervously scratching the back of my head. “I told you I was going to make it up to you. This is me keeping my word.”

  She studies me like she’s unsure if she believes me. Her shoulders sag as she blows out a breath. “Okay. Let’s get going.” She takes one step before she stops again. “Fair warning, I smell awful.”

  I’d stand next to her even if she smelled like rotting chicken.

  I snap my fingers, remembering the lake that’s on the other side of the drive-in. During the day, kids usually swim in it while their parents watch them from the shore, but with it being dark, I bet there isn’t a soul around.

  “Follow me.”

  I don’t wait for her to say anything as I head off in the direction of a clearing of trees.

  I weave through the trees, the pine straw on the ground crunching under my feet. I glance over my shoulder, relieved to see Raegan following behind me.

  As we near the end of the trees, I see the lake. I lean down and unhook Walker’s leash, and he runs to the lake, splashing in the water.

  When we’re closer, I shrug my sweatshirt and shirt off, throwing them on the ground as I slip out of my shoes. I take my phone and wallet out of my pocket and send Graham a quick text, telling him I’ll need him to pick me up from Raegan’s house.

  Before I walked off earlier, I threw him the keys to my truck, so he could park it somewhere else since he was complaining I parked in a sea of couples. He’s lucky I drove him and Luke in the first place.

  Graham: Dude, you’re the worst wingman.

  Me: Shouldn’t have invited me.

  I’m grateful he did, but I’ll never tell him that. If I hadn’t come tonight, I wouldn’t be standing next to Raegan.

  I throw my phone and wallet on the ground, not bothering to wait for him to respond.

  “What are we doing?” Raegan asks, biting her bottom lip.