The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

I want nothing more than to pop it free and capture it with my mouth.

  What the fuck am I doing? I’m in so much trouble with this girl.

  I clear my throat. “You can rinse off.” I step toward the lake. “Or not, but I wanted to at least let Walker wash off.”

  She throws her short blonde hair into a ponytail and then bends down to take her shoes off. “I’m coming. I wasn’t looking forward to smelling like poop.”

  I laugh, throwing my head back. “You would have been the most attractive piece of poop I’d ever seen.”

  She scowls. “You might think that’s a compliment, but it’s not.”

  She stands up when her shoes are off and takes her purse off her shoulder, discarding it on the ground, before she lifts the cream sweater over her head.

  My breath catches in my throat as I stare at her taut form. She’s wearing a tank top under her sweater, but it hugs every curve from her breasts down to her hips. My eyes travel the length of her slender frame, and I feel my jeans tightening.

  I divert my gaze and walk into the water to fix the problem in my pants.

  Cold water rushes around me, and I move faster until I’m able to swim without my feet hitting the ground. The fabric of my jeans weighs me down, but there was no way I was going to forego my pants while already sporting a woody. I’ll suffer as I walk her home, braving the chilly breeze and chafing instead of embarrassing myself.

  Raegan swims up next to me as Walker paddles around us, happy as can be.

  Thank God I can only see her shoulders.

  “So, Nathan, huh?” I ask her as I tread backward to put space between us.

  She shrugs. “He seems nice.”

  “If you can call a rattlesnake nice, yeah, he’s nice.”

  She splashes water in my face. “He’s not that bad.”

  Her face sours like she’s deep in thought, and I don’t like that I took the carefree look off her face. I slap the water, splashing her.

  “Hey!” she yells.

  “Payback.” I smile.

  She lunges at me, dunking me under the water, and my hands wrap around her waist, bringing her under with me. Her smooth skin meets the palm of my hand.

  Dear God, she took her tank top off.

  If I had grazed her skin when my head was above the surface, she would have seen my eyes roll to the back of my head.

  My thumb sweeps across the skin on her stomach, and I remove my hands from her like she’s on fire.

  I swim to the surface and take in a breath of air as I shake my head, water flying from my short hair, and at the same time, Raegan’s head pops up from underwater.

  “You’re not a dog, Jax,” she complains, shielding her eyes. “Stop—unless you want me to dunk you again.” She wipes a hand down her face.

  The last thing I need is for her to touch me, but I play it off. “You’re just mad I took you with me.”

  She sticks out her tongue, and I chuckle.

  “Are you five?” I ask.

  “No, but you make me act like it.”

  “Aw, I bring out the kid in you?” I place my hand over my heart. “I’m touched you have fun when you’re with me.”

  “More like, you drive me crazy.” She rolls her eyes, swimming away from me. “Why was Walker covered in mud anyway?”

  “He decided to sit in a puddle of it.”

  She laughs, and I savor the sound, letting it wash over me.

  “How did he get away from you…twice?” she asks, suspicion covering her beautiful face.

  I recoil but decide to give her the truth. “I let him go…on purpose.”

  “You let him go?” she balks. “You mean, I was attacked twice because of you?”

  “Yeah.” I pause, trying to think of what to tell her, but she beats me to it.

  “First, you run off with two girls, and then you let poor Walker get muddy.” She tsks.

  I don’t correct her about the two girls. I know exactly what she’s thinking—that I screwed both of them—and I’ll let her believe exactly that.

  “Walker is fine. It’s just mud.”

  “I feel bad for him,” she says, swimming past me.

  “Why is that?” I laugh.

  “He has to deal with you as an owner.”

  “I’m not that bad,” I defend.

  “He did attack me twice today,” she states, holding up two fingers.

  “He likes you. It’s not my fault. He sensed Nathan was a huge dick.” I tug my jeans up, feeling them fall from the weight of the water.

  “You don’t know that,” she argues, treading water in front of me.

  Moving closer, I study the planes of her face. Her crystal-blue eyes shine even in the dark, only the moon and stars casting light on us. All the makeup on her face has washed away, except for her red lipstick.

  “I do,” I whisper, lost in her orbit.

  She chews on her bottom lip, and my hand moves to her face, popping it free. My thumb runs over her bottom lip, and her chest rises and falls faster than it was before.

  Walker hits me in the back of the head with his tail, and I drop my hand from her face, scowling at my dog.

  Cockblocker.

  She swims away, heading to shore. I watch her retreat, knowing it’s for the best. I can’t afford to lose myself in her when I already have so much going on.

  I stifle a groan when the water reaches her waist. Her creamy skin glows in the moonlight, and I have a hard time tearing my eyes away from her bare back.

  I close my eyes and count to twenty. When I open them, she’s out of the water with her tank top in place.

  I swim to the shore and whistle for Walker to do the same. He bounds out of the water ahead of me, shaking his fur out in front of Raegan.

  She bends down, rubbing him behind the ear. I can tell Walker loves her as much as she loves him. She might have more of a soft spot for animals than I do.

  I pick up my shirt from the ground and throw it on, but instead of yanking my sweatshirt over my head, I hand it to Raegan.

  “What’s this for?” she asks, holding it in her hand.

  I nod to her sweater still on the ground. “Yours is dirty. You can wear mine.”

  Her eyebrows wrinkle. “You’ll be cold.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I assure her as I pick up her sweater and hook Walker back to his leash.

  Hesitantly, she slips it on. I press my lips together to keep the satisfaction off my face because she’s wearing something of mine when she was on a date with another guy.

  Yep, I’m so screwed.

  Raegan

  Walker head-butts my wet jean-clad leg as I watch Jax picking up his wallet and phone.

  Something is happening. Everything feels like it’s shifting without my permission. Jax is being…nice. And, for some reason, the universe has been forcing us together. First, our project, and then tonight. Though I feel like Jax had more to do with tonight than the universe.

  I’m letting myself enjoy it, but my head is begging me to get away from him. To step away and not get sucked into Jax Andrews when he reminds me so much of Travis.

  I dip my nose into his sweatshirt and inhale. It smells like mint. Fresh and clean.

  “Ready to go?” Jax asks, shoving his feet in his shoes.

  I pick my wedges up off the ground, not bothering to put them back on, along with my purse. “Yeah.” I lift my purse over my head and place it on my shoulder.

  We walk quietly back through the trees, our footsteps the only noise until we come out on the other side. I can faintly hear the movie playing behind us as we head in the opposite direction.

  The tags on Walker’s collar clink together as he trots in front of us, leading the way, like he knows exactly where he’s going.

  I never expected this night to go the way it has. Nathan let me walk away and straight into Jax.

  I don’t know what’s happening, but Jax is giving me whiplash. His actions change constantly, and I’m not sure if I can keep up.

  This
friendship or whatever you want to call it can’t be anything more than this—two strangers thrown together by chance.

  I peek at him from the corner of my eye. His wet brown hair drips down his forehead. His jaw is slack, and his eyes smile as he walks next to me, seeming content, like this is the most comfortable he’s been in a while.

  I know, if I allow myself to fall into him, he would scar every inch of me without realizing it, leaving me ruined for the rest of my life. His captivating gray eyes would haunt me in my sleep, begging me to come back to him, even after he left me dying on the floor.

  Call it intuition, or maybe I’m just being paranoid, afraid of getting hurt by someone all over again.

  My bare feet pad against the sidewalk, and I dodge the rocks, not wanting them to stab me on the bottom of my feet.

  “Why do you do it?” I ask, peering at him.

  His brows pinch together. “Do what?”

  “Act like a jackass and a player,” I say, stopping on the sidewalk.

  He does the same, and I stare up at him, waiting for an answer, as droplets of water fall from his hair down the side of his clean-shaven face.

  “What makes you think I’m acting?” he questions as Walker sits between us.

  I let out a low chuckle. “Because, if it was real, you wouldn’t have taken the time to tell me you were sorry.”

  “Maybe this is me faking,” he says, looking past my shoulder, avoiding eye contact with me.

  The moon reflects off his irises, and I bite my lip to keep from gasping as they shine like the stars.

  I free my lip and say, “It’s not.”

  He stares up at the sky, and when he speaks, his voice cracks, catching me off guard, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me and not enough time for me to explain. What I can tell you is, everything isn’t as it appears. I do what I have to, to survive.” He blows out a breath. “Some things are meant to be hidden away from the world.”

  I don’t say a word. What do you say to someone who believes that? My hand twitches at my side, wanting to reach out to him, but I don’t. I don’t know how to comfort him, to ease his mind from whatever is making him feel so defeated. It’s obvious he doesn’t have anyone in his life he trusts or can confide in, and my heart aches for him.

  All I’ve done is judge him, but there’s more to the eye with him. There’s more than what he’s willing to show. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to break through his walls when I have my own surrounding me.

  He walks ahead of me, Walker trotting by his side, and I jog behind them until I’m walking next to them.

  Jax isn’t a knight in shining armor, trying to come to my rescue. He’s a star in the night, traveling far and wide, waiting for someone to understand the way he shines. For someone to catch him, seeing past the shield he hides behind.

  Does that make me the one who’s supposed to catch him? Because, through his exterior, I see it. I’m not the one who needs saving; he is.

  Walker guides us in silence down the street, and it’s the most comfortable silence I’ve ever experienced. While we each might be lost in thought, I’ve never felt more connected. And it scares the ever-living shit out of me.

  Arriving at my house, I notice all the lights are on—seriously, every single light. I wish I knew why Arya loved having them all on.

  My car sits in the driveway, but it’s not alone, like it normally is. I furrow my brows when I recognize the truck as the one Nathan picked me up in earlier tonight.

  Why is he here? Was he suddenly concerned about me making it home? He shouldn’t have been.

  “Isn’t that your date’s truck?” Jax grimaces as Walker sniffs the tires when we pass it.

  I chuckle. “I think he’s my ex-date,” I say, sounding as confused as I feel.

  When I swing open the door with Jax and Walker behind me, I see Nathan sitting on the couch with no one else around.

  Where is Arya?

  “Um…” I hesitate by the door, causing Jax to run into me.

  His free hand clasps around my arm, making sure I don’t fall, and I have to force myself to stay upright and not sink into his chest.

  Nathan focuses on me, hatred flaring in his eyes. “What’s he doing here?” He nods his head to Jax, shooting lasers into the hand on my arm.

  “The better question is, what are you doing here?” Jax retorts, stepping in front of me and blocking me from Nathan’s view.

  “I wanted to make sure she got home okay.”

  Jax scoffs. “Had you wanted that, you would have taken her home instead of making her walk in the middle of the night…alone.”

  Arya pops out of the kitchen, holding her phone to her ear, jerking to a stop when she sees me in the doorway. Behind Nathan’s back, she mouths, What the hell?

  All I can do is shake my head with wide eyes. She hangs up the phone, dropping it on the table next to her.

  “Look, I’m sorry,” Nathan apologizes to me, sidestepping Jax. He pauses mid-step as his eyes move from my wet hair down to my bare feet. His jaw tics as he brings his gaze back to my face. “It looks like he got to you since you’re wearing his sweatshirt. I guess I don’t have a chance with you.”

  What does that have to do with anything? What a jackass.

  I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but not anymore.

  “You lost that chance when you told her to walk home,” Jax huffs, his arms and back taut.

  Nathan takes a step toward Jax, and Walker starts barking at Jax’s side before growling at Nathan.

  I push Jax aside and block Walker’s view. “I can speak for myself.” I glare at both of them. “Nathan, you ruined your chance with me when you accused me of being with Jax just because I’m wearing his sweatshirt. If I were wearing Arya’s shirt, would it mean that I was involved with her?” I ask. “No, it wouldn’t. I’m home and perfectly fine.” I step out of the way, motioning to the open door. “You can leave.”

  Nathan maneuvers around me, Jax and Walker, marching out the front door without so much as a word. I want to bang my fist into his back, but I don’t.

  I slam the door behind him and exhale.

  “Burned toast?” Arya asks, grabbing her phone from the table.

  “Burned toast,” I confirm, throwing my shoes on the floor.

  “What does that mean?” Jax asks.

  I startle, as I forgot he was standing there.

  I pull my hair out of the ponytail and run my fingers through it. “You know when you burn a piece of toast, and there is no way in hell you’re going to eat it because it’s disgusting? You throw it away and start over. So, yeah, Nathan’s burned toast.”

  Jax howls, the sound reverberating through the living room. “You’re insane.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “You know I’m right.”

  Walker noses my hand, and I rub his head, ruffling his soft fur.

  “She is.” Arya plops on the couch, tucking her legs under her. “Who eats burned toast?”

  Jax takes a moment, thinking about it. “Okay, you might be right, but you’re still insane.”

  I shrug. “Better that than a love-struck idiot.”

  “Sure, now you say that,” Arya groans, shifting on the couch, propping her head on the back of the cushion.

  “Shut up.” I narrow my eyes at her.

  She smiles brightly, ignoring me. “I’m Arya by the way,” she says to Jax. “Raegan here doesn’t have any manners.”

  I remove my purse from my shoulder and hook it over the banister of the stairs, ignoring the girl who is my best friend for some reason.

  “Jax,” he replies, nodding his head in her direction.

  “Oh, I know who you are.” She smirks.

  I walk toward her, whacking her on the back of the head.

  “Hey,” she complains, rubbing her head. “You’re lucky I love you.”

  “Sure…lucky,” I mutter.

  She lifts her head, pointing to me. “I was calling you like crazy when Nathan showed up.”
She glares. “I thought you were dead.”

  I grimace, shrinking into myself. I turn to my purse and pull out my cell, noticing the five missed calls. “Sorry.”

  “She could have been dead if it wasn’t for me,” Jax pipes in, kneeling next to Walker.

  “What?” Arya shrieks, lifting to her knees on the couch.

  I scowl at him before I look back to Arya. “He’s being dramatic; ignore him.”

  “Next time, let me know you’re abandoning your date. I’ll bring eggs, and we can throw them at his car.”

  I blink several times. “Why would we do that?”

  She shrugs. “Sounds like fun, and I’ve always wanted to do it.”

  I roll my eyes at her, turning my attention back to Jax, who is leaning against the front door with his ankles crossed, holding Walker’s leash. His short brown hair is almost completely dry, and his damn gray eyes twinkle, even when he isn’t smiling.

  “I’ll see you Sunday?” I ask.

  He pushes away from the door. “I’ll be here, Red.” He reaches for the doorknob and slips outside.

  I follow behind him and Walker, closing the door, not wanting Arya to eavesdrop.

  He calls me Red when everyone else is so quick to shorten my name to Rae. I think back to what he said to Nathan earlier.

  “How did you know I didn’t like the name Rae?” I ask because I never told him about my disdain for the name.

  “You didn’t have to say anything. I saw the way your body locked up when Nathan said it.” He shrugs, like it’s not a big deal. “You were stiff and uncomfortable. I just knew, Red.”

  I’m too stunned to say anything as he walks away, heading toward a truck that’s idling by the mailbox.

  He glances over his shoulder at me before he jumps in after Walker and leaves me standing on my doorstep.

  A gust of winds blows, and I shiver, hunkering down in my sweatshirt—in Jax’s sweatshirt.

  Funny how everything has seemed to change faster than I ever thought it would.

  My phone has been vibrating all damn day as I’ve been sitting on the couch, mindlessly watching the television across from me.

  Travis has been calling and texting me since I woke up. More, I’m sorry, and, We can work this out. Blah, blah, blah.

  I deleted every voicemail and text without responding to him. If he’s not going to give me Stella, then I’m not going to answer him. I haven’t figured out how to get her back yet, but I need to.