The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

  If I had never kissed Jax Andrews, my body would know. My heart would know I was missing something in life. He’s a force I can’t compete with. A force that encloses me, not letting me dare to think of anything other than him.

  Bang!

  A car backfires on the street, wrenching us away from each other.

  His gaze shifts over his shoulder as he grips my waist, and I take in his swollen lips.

  How could I have let this happen?

  I can’t sink into Jax’s world. I won’t let him swallow me whole, no matter how much my body wants to give in to the guy with alluring gray eyes.

  I need space.

  I hear the car drive away, and Jax looks back at me. He leans his head down to reconnect with my mouth, but I push him away, putting a mountain between us. He stumbles back, his shoulders slouching, as he frowns, which catches me by surprise, but I ignore it. I drop my eyes from his gorgeous face before I can latch on to him again.

  “Stella, let’s go.” I leave Jax and Walker standing next to the house without so much as a glance back in their direction.

  Stella whimpers as we jog away, but I disregard her pleas as we head closer to home and away from the flashing warning sign hanging over Jax’s head that I keep ignoring.

  “What is it about him, Stella?” I ask her, knowing I won’t get an answer. “Why do we both want more from him?”

  Somehow, he has captivated both me and Stella, but maybe it’s just his charm. His attractive smile, gorgeous brown hair that’s always perfectly in place, and those damn gray eyes that put a spell on anyone within fifty feet of him are enough to captivate a nun. He’s a walking dream.

  Maybe, if I can stay away from him, he won’t have any effect on me. He won’t be able to pull me in with his charisma. Although that will make getting our paper done that much harder, but that’s what phones are for, right?

  As long as cocky Jax is at the forefront of his personality, I’ll be able to resist him. Stella, however, is a complete goner.

  I curl up on the couch with a steaming cup of hot chocolate and Stella at my feet. I pull the fuzzy blanket off the back of the couch and throw it over my legs and stomach. Stella paws at the blanket before she drops her head to the soft material, using it as a pillow.

  I spent most of the day avoiding Jax after our run-in this morning.

  When I walked into English this morning, I immediately sought out an empty desk that was as far away from him as possible. I saw the downturn of his lips as I dropped my stuff between two other girls. The seat next to him was quickly occupied by some random chick with her cleavage on display. I ignored the way my stomach sank at the sight of her running her hand down his arm.

  Nathan didn’t even glance in my direction when he waltzed into class. I didn’t miss the dirty look he gave Jax as he passed me, though.

  I kept my eyes trained on the front of the class the rest of the time. When our professor dismissed us, I ran out of there like the room was on fire.

  It wasn’t hard to keep my distance from Jax the rest of the day because I don’t share any other classes with him, and I came home for lunch to avoid stepping foot in the cafeteria.

  When I got home, I applauded myself for doing what I’d said I would where Jax Andrews was concerned.

  I flip the channels on our television but give up when I surf through the same sixty channels three times, coming up empty. I turn on Netflix, but before I have a chance to press play on anything, Arya lands on the couch next to me with a devious smile on her face.

  “Let’s go out.” She steals my cup of hot chocolate and takes a sip.

  I scowl, taking the mug back from her. “I don’t want to,” I whine. I’m relaxed and comfy. There’s no way I’m moving.

  “Do we have to go over this again?” She sighs. “This is your last year in college. Come out and have fun. Find a cute guy to hook up with.”

  That’s the last thing I want. “But, Arya—”

  “Don’t but, Arya me. You’re coming, and that’s final. Be ready in one hour, or I’m taking you in whatever you’re wearing.” She stands from the couch, bounding up the stairs.

  I believe her because she already did it to me once before. I was wearing pajamas with pigs on them, and she dragged me out of the house to a nearby bar. I was relentlessly laughed at and called Piggy by every person who walked by. I was mortified. The only plus was, we weren’t at a bar where people we went to school with hung out. I didn’t talk to her for a week after that, but she proceeded to tell me it was my own fault since she’d told me she would do it.

  I sip on my hot chocolate while thumbing through my phone. Since I have to get up soon, there’s no point in starting something on Netflix I can’t finish.

  While I’m watching some silly video of a bird singing, a text pops up.

  Jax: What are you doing?

  I don’t bother to reply. I’m not doing anything with him, so what does it matter?

  Jax: Raegan, don’t ignore me.

  But I do because I’m putting distance between us. Much-needed space.

  Jax: Raegan Winters, if you don’t answer me, I will come pounding on your front door.

  I hate him.

  Me: I’m going out with Arya.

  Jax: Where?

  Me: I have no idea.

  It’s the truth. I didn’t bother to ask Arya where she wanted to go. I just do whatever she tells me to. Like I said, there is no use in arguing with that girl.

  Jax: Have fun.

  Weird.

  He never texts me, and the one time he does, he’s vague about what he wants. Maybe he wants to be friends.

  Doubtful.

  I flip the blanket off me and wrap Stella in it, making her the cutest hot dog ever. I squeeze her tight as she gives me a look that says she wants me to get the hell away from her. I place a kiss on her wet nose and hug her one more time before letting her go and running up the stairs.

  By the time I’m done getting ready, I’m wearing skinny jeans with black flats and a body-hugging black top to show off my curves. My straight blonde hair sits above my shoulders, and my signature red lipstick graces my lips. Nothing too fancy, but at least Arya can’t say I didn’t put in any effort.

  “Come on, Raegan!” she yells. I imagine her with her hands on her hips, waiting expectantly for me to traipse down the stairs.

  I throw my phone and ID in my back pocket with my credit card and run out of my room and down the stairs before she can say anything else.

  “Look at you.” She smiles.

  I place a hand on my hip and the other in the air, showcasing myself. She laughs as I stop in front of her, twirling her around in front of me.

  Arya is flashy. She’s wearing bedazzled silver heels with her deep pink halter dress. It has an empire waist, flowing down her body but stopping well before her knees. It’s flirty and every bit her.

  “Let’s go have some fun.” She snaps her fingers, urging me to hurry out the door.

  Saying bye to Stella, I click the door closed behind me.

  Jax

  “Is this the same chick you were sucking face with against the house earlier?” Graham asks as we stop outside Maze, a club, to show the bouncer our IDs.

  I stick my license in my wallet when he lets us inside and shove it in my back pocket. “Dude, shut up.” I hit his shoulder as he walks with me down the first long hallway. “I told you, it’s nothing. She’s my partner.”

  “But you did ditch Luke and me for her…” He trails off, his eyes glued to me, waiting for a response.

  Yeah, I did ditch them, but I’m not apologizing for it. “You’d have done the same thing.”

  He chuckles, slapping me on the back. “You’re right. If her friend is hot, I’ll forgive you.”

  I shake my head at him as we curve through the second hallway packed with people.

  “If not, there are plenty of other women here,” I assure him as we step into the crowded main room.

  A bar spans the back
wall, which is over fifty feet long, with red neon lights lighting up the bar top. This place is massive. Six hallways split off from the main dance floor that has booths lining the walls. I know, from experience, all the hallways are littered with people getting drunk, not much different than the scene laid out before me. The hallways are all dead ends, but it provides a space that’s a somewhat quieter than the main room.

  I scan the room, searching for Raegan. Hundreds of people dance and mill around making it hard to spot her. My eyes finally find her, and I pause as my pulse picks up speed. She’s sitting in a booth with Arya, who is dressed in some frilly pink dress, across the room with more than fifty people separating us.

  The bass thumps through the club, making it impossible to hear anything other than the music streaming through the speakers.

  I jerk my head, motioning for Graham to follow me. I push through the crowd, keeping my eyes trained on Raegan as much as I can. But people keep waving their arms around, dancing or calling for a waitress, cutting off my view.

  I step around the last two women in my way and stop a foot away from their table. Raegan doesn’t notice me at first as she slides her beer between her hands.

  The outfit Raegan’s wearing hugs every inch of her body, and I hope she doesn’t flinch when I move to touch her because I know I will. When I’m around her, I can’t control what I do.

  The day I showed up at Raegan’s house, looking for her, and she was at work, Arya convinced me to give her my number. She said she was on my side—whatever that meant. But, when she sent me a text earlier today, informing me she was forcing Raegan to go out tonight, I replied that I would be there. I didn’t take a second to think about it. I just responded, wanting to see Raegan again after what had happened this morning.

  She’d left me in a daze as she walked away after our second kiss. I’d let myself get lost in her, forgetting all my responsibilities. When she’d ditched me, not letting me mold my mouth back to hers, I’d found myself wishing I could make her stay for a lifetime.

  She ignored me in class, and I admit it stung but not enough for me to back off.

  Arya sees me first, and her eyes widen as she waves like I’m not standing directly across from her. The pink drink she’s holding sloshes in her glass from the movement. She brings her hand to her mouth and licks the alcohol from her skin.

  Raegan’s eyes shift to me, and when recognition lights her eyes, she puckers her lips like she bit straight into a lemon.

  Graham claps me on the back, and I peer over my shoulder at him. He’s wearing an amused grin, his eyes on Arya. He doesn’t say anything to me as he slides into the booth next to her, but I can see that he approves.

  I sit in the vacant spot next to Raegan, and she picks up the shot glass that was hidden behind her beer. She throws her head back, the alcohol moving down her throat.

  I clasp my hands on the table to keep from leaning into her and tasting the alcohol on her wet lips.

  She slams the shot glass back on the table as she stares at me. When I don’t say anything, she takes a pull from her beer, emptying it, before she places it at the end of the table, next to the wall she’s propped up against.

  Raegan’s lips move as she pointedly looks at me, but I don’t hear what she said.

  I lean forward, pressing my mouth next to her ear. “I can’t hear you, Red,” I say at a normal volume though I can barely hear myself. I should be given an award for not scooting closer to her when she has a mile of space between us.

  She grabs the back of my head and speaks in my ear, “What are you doing here?”

  “Same thing you are.”

  I feel her groan rather than hear it, her throat vibrating against my shoulder.

  “How’d you know I was here?”

  Leaning back, I point to Arya, selling her out. I’m not ashamed that I’m only here because Raegan is. My stomach turns, knowing I should be with someone else instead of chasing a girl I have no business getting involved with.

  Raegan scowls across the table. “Traitor!” she shouts at Arya, who just shrugs with an innocent smile on her face.

  The volume on the music is turned down a few notches, making it so I can hear myself think.

  “It’s for your own good,” Arya says, sipping on her drink.

  I frown, knowing I won’t have an excuse to be so close to Raegan since I heard Arya from across the table. “This is my friend Graham.”

  “I’m Arya.” She sticks out her hand for him to shake, but instead, he kisses the top of it.

  Smooth. Real smooth, dude.

  He clasps his hands together on the table, smiling at the girl next to me, who’s still hugging the wall. “You must be Raegan. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Really?” she asks, leaning forward. “Like what?”

  “That you kiss—”

  I stomp on his foot under the table, and he narrows his eyes at me before looking back to Raegan.

  “That you’re nice.”

  “Uh-huh,” she says, not believing him.

  A waitress appears at our table, wearing skimpy black shorts and what looks like a bra, but she doesn’t hold my attention like the girl next to me. “Can I get you guys anything?”

  “Four beers,” Graham says, waving his hand to the four of us, “and two rounds of tequila shots.”

  “I don’t like beer.” Arya scrunches her face as Graham moves closer to her.

  “It won’t give you as bad of a hangover compared to whatever you’re drinking, which I’m positive is half-sugar.” He nods to the half-empty drink in her hand.

  She pats him on the arm. “You have no idea whom you’re talking to.” She downs the rest of the drink, placing the glass on the table. “I bet I can drink you under the table.”

  “Is that a challenge?” he asks, flipping her long brown hair.

  Raegan laughs next to me. “You don’t know what you’re getting into with her.”

  “I think I can take her.” He smirks, running a hand over his buzzed light-brown hair.

  Arya grabs two of the shots the waitress just placed in the middle of the table and throws each of them back before the rest of us can reach for one. “I don’t think you can,” she retorts, grabbing one of the beers.

  “This is gonna be fun. Thanks for the invite.” Graham tips his beer toward me before taking a swig.

  I slide two shots over to Raegan and hold one in my hand, waiting for her to clink it with her glass, but instead, she downs hers, disregarding me.

  I chuckle before I tilt my head back, emptying the shot glass.

  I feel like I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to ignore this girl, and I’m not sure I can do it anymore. But, if she wants to fight me, she can as long as she knows she’ll eventually fail. We’ll get lost in each other because, since our first kiss, my obsession with her has gotten worse, growing to the size of Texas.

  I maneuver out of the booth and step behind it since it’s the last one in the row. I lean over the back of it, her short blonde hair inches from my nose. I inhale, taking in her warm vanilla scent. She peeks at me over her shoulder.

  I say, “Come dance with me.”

  She shakes her head.

  “Please,” I beg, jutting out my lower lip, not above groveling to get this girl to spend ten minutes with me.

  She sighs as she slips out of the booth. She walks to the dance floor, and I follow her, letting her lead me wherever she wants to go, as I watch her hips sway.

  She moves to the middle of the crowd and stops, waiting for me to catch up. When I reach her, she’s hesitant, biting that damn lip again and shifting on her feet.

  My lips curve up as a new song plays, and I break out in the most ridiculous dance move, doing the robot and earning myself a smile. Her body relaxes as she laughs at me. I don’t care how many people are watching me dance like I’m a fifty-year-old in a club that’s playing top-forty dance music.

  She joins me, doing her own lame dance move, waving her arms around as
she twirls in a circle. The crowd around us gravitates away, giving us space as we dance together, standing more than a foot apart.

  A waitress walks by, selling test-tube shooters, and I pull cash out of my wallet, buying four of them. I hand two to Raegan, and the waitress hands me the other two. I wink at Raegan before I down the first shot, and she follows suit.

  She quickly does her second shot, giving the waitress still standing nearby her shooters, and I do the same.

  Feeling lighter than a minute ago, I bring my right hand to the back of my head and gyrate my hips as I hold my left arm out, doing the sprinkler. She counters my move, breaking out in the running man. I smile wide at her. The people around us gawk at our atrocious moves, but I don’t care. All that matters is, she’s happy and free.

  I knock into the guy behind me, and he stares me down, blowing out an irritated breath. Raegan throws her hand over her mouth, her eyes crinkling at the corners, as she contains her laugh.

  I step away from the guy and slide my arm around Raegan’s waist. She drops her hand to my shoulder, her laughter dying off, as she stares up at me. I look at the girl who’s slowly stealing my heart without my permission, wishing I could have more with her. If there was a girl out there who could make me change, it would be her.

  Her blue eyes shine as the lights from overhead flash. I see her in bursts, the lights making her brighter and then darker as they fade away. She looks at me with apprehension one second, and the next, I see a wall crashing down, her body relaxing. But I feel like I have more barriers to break down as she keeps several inches between us. She’s not going to give in to me all in one night, and I shouldn’t expect her to.

  I brush her hair away from her face, and her eyes close briefly before she stares up at me again.

  She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Her looks might have caught my eye when I first met her, but her personality is what drew me in and took hold of me. Her confidence hasn’t wavered since the last time she encountered Travis. Though she threw attitude at me in the beginning, I can tell she’s fighting to hold on to whatever’s keeping most of her walls firmly in place.