The Road Without You

by H. M. Sholander

  When I moved out, I showed Sam how to call me. Somehow, I knew she would need me when I wasn’t around.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Raegan says, trying to comfort me.

  I nod. I appreciate her effort, but it won’t be okay until I see Sam.

  The light in front of us turns red, and I slam on my brakes, lurching us forward. I tap my left foot as a group of college students crosses the street, dressed in costumes and wobbling on their feet, like they’re too drunk or high to walk in a straight line.

  The light turns green, and my jaw clenches, waiting for the crowd to make it to the other side of the road and get out of my damn way.

  As soon as they are out of my path, I gun it down the street.

  I glance at the clock on the dash. Ten minutes since I’ve heard Sam’s voice. I feel like an ocean is separating us instead of the eighteen miles that stand between us.

  I hear Raegan’s muffled voice, but I don’t know what she said, my focus solely on moving us closer to my house.

  After what feels like an eternity, I jerk the truck into the driveway and turn it off, jumping out of my seat as fast as possible without waiting for Raegan.

  I throw open the front door and yell, “Sam! Sam!”

  My eyes scan the living room, but it’s empty. I rush to the kitchen where a broken bowl of cereal is on the ground.

  I whip around and run up the stairs. “Sam!”

  I sprint to her room, and that’s when I see her crouched behind her bed with tears and snot running down her face. Walker growls from the front of her bed before he notices me and moves to her side.

  I race across the room and fall to the floor next to her. “What happened?”

  She cries, sliding her tiny arms around me.

  My body sags, unwinding for the first time since her voice came through my phone. I hold her tight, keeping her in my arms.

  I kiss the side of her head before I pull away, needing her to tell me what’s going on.

  And that’s when I see the red mark on her wrist and cheek.

  “What happened here?” I ask, trying to remain calm as I run my hand down her back.

  She sniffles, not answering me.

  “Sam?”

  More tears fall down her face, her lower lip trembling.

  Voices echo down the hall as Raegan enters the room. I pick Sam up off the floor and place her on the bed. I unwrap her arms from around me, but she clutches my shirt, not wanting to let go.

  Raegan sits on the twin bed next to Sam and whispers, “I got her.”

  I nod my head as I pass Sam off to Raegan. Walker hops on the bed, lying as close to Sam as he can.

  I walk out of the room and push open the door to my parents’ room. Mom is crying on the bed as Dad paces in front of her, his face red and veins popping out of his neck.

  “What happened to Sam?” I yell, my face burning.

  Mom sniffs, and Dad holds the palm of his hand out to me.

  “I’ve got it under control,” he says.

  “Control?” I stalk toward them. “How do you have it under control? There are red marks on Sam, and I want to know what happened.”

  “It was an accident,” Mom whimpers. “Your dad and I had an argument, so I was upset.” She cradles her legs to her chest. “Sam came in the kitchen, and I hit her, but I hadn’t meant to. I just…I’d turned around so fast, and…she was there…and the bowl in her hands fell to the floor.” She cries, not earning any sympathy from me. “I grabbed her wrist, trying to catch her, but she pulled away from me, hitting the side of her face on the floor.”

  I clench my jaw, feeling my face grow hotter by the second. This is it. I’m done letting them break my sister.

  “You hit your own daughter,” I growl, shaking my head.

  “I didn’t mean to,” she cries. “It was an accident.”

  “But you did it.” I clench my fists at my sides. “I’m taking her with me tonight, and you”—I point to Mom—“better get your shit together, or I’m not bringing her back.”

  I storm out of their room, but a hand grabs my elbow before I can make it down the hallway.

  “She’s out,” Dad says, holding my gaze, his face hard, “tomorrow.”

  I shake my head, not believing him.

  “I gave her divorce papers today. That’s why we were fighting. I can’t do this anymore.” He squeezes my elbow, holding my gaze, making sure I hear him. “If she won’t help herself, then I can’t help her, not anymore.”

  My eyes widen at his words. Does he mean it? Will he finally put an end to their marriage that has been festering for years?

  “I’m going to give her money to help her get on her feet, but this is it, Jax.” He drops my elbow, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It might have been an accident, but she still hit my daughter, and that’s not okay.” His face falls, like he’s realizing for the first time, the woman in the room behind him isn’t the person he married. “I can’t put you and Sam through this any longer.”

  I nod once. “Call me when it’s taken care of.” I turn and walk away from him, heading back to Sam’s room.

  Walker lifts his head when he sees me in the doorway. I watch Raegan cradle Sam in her arms, holding my sister against her chest and running her hand down her back.

  I hear Raegan saying something, so I step in the room, careful not to disturb them.

  But she isn’t talking to Sam. She’s singing.

  Her voice is soft, soothing, as she sings to the little girl clinging to her shoulders.

  I walk around to the other side of the bed, looking at Raegan. She glances up at me, her eyes sad, as she holds Sam closer.

  I rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to Raegan because it doesn’t belong to me, not anymore.

  I place Sam in Raegan’s bed, pulling the covers up to her chin.

  I watch her sleep for a minute, letting my head register that she’s okay.

  Mom has things she needs to work out, and she needs to realize what she’s doing to everyone around her.

  I never imagined what happened today would ever transpire in that house. If I had known, I never would have left my sister alone.

  Guilt gnaws at me, but I push it away, knowing I couldn’t have foreseen this.

  I run a hand down Sam’s face, placing a kiss on her forehead, before I back away from her, letting her rest.

  Stella and Walker curl up next to her as I walk out of the room, cracking the door behind me.

  I make it downstairs and sit on the couch next to Raegan, drawing her into my side. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me,” she says, peering up at me.

  I kiss her temple. “I do.” She shifts, laying her head in my lap as she looks up at me. “Thank you for letting us stay the night.”

  Her crystal-blue eyes smile, and I run a hand through her blonde hair.

  “Both of you can stay whenever you want.”

  I place a hand on her stomach. “When’s Arya coming back?”

  She chuckles, and I love the way her eyes crinkle at the corners.

  “Good question. She said she wanted to bring Graham here, but I told her no. I don’t think she’ll be back till morning.”

  I wince. “I’d love to see her reaction when she sees how disgusting his room is. I’ll be surprised if she can find the bed.”

  Raegan slaps her hand over her mouth, muffling her laughter. “If that’s the case, we’ll hear all about it tomorrow.”

  I motion her to sit up, and I lie on the couch, scooting until my back hits the cushions. “Come here.”

  She lies down with her back to my front, and I hold her close, cherishing the girl who took my heart without even trying.

  Raegan

  The door slams, and I jolt awake, my pulse pounding.

  I rub my eyes and see Arya plop on the small couch next to me.

  “Aw, y’all are so cute,” she says, pushing her heels off her feet.

  I look down, noticing an arm aroun
d my midsection. I groan as I drop my head back on the pillow Jax and I are sharing.

  He shifts behind me, and I wonder if he knows Arya just walked in the house.

  His leg swings over mine, and he pulls me closer, placing a kiss on the back of my neck.

  “I knew you guys wanted to do it in the living room,” Arya says, smoothing her long brown hair.

  Jax’s body stiffens behind me before he relaxes, apparently not caring she’s here.

  “Morning,” he grumbles before he buries his face in my hair.

  “How was your night?” I ask Arya.

  I move to sit up, but Jax holds me in place.

  “Don’t get up,” he whispers, hauling me closer.

  Understanding dawns on me as something hard hits my ass.

  I bite my lip, holding back my smile.

  “Fabulous—until I walked in Graham’s room.” She stands from the couch, picking up her shoes. “We spent the night cleaning it instead of doing what I really wanted to.”

  “You cleaned?” I laugh.

  She nods. “There was no way I was going to get down and dirty when his room could have given me a disease just from standing in it.”

  Jax belts out a laugh, and it vibrates through me. “I bet he was happy about that.”

  She shrugs. “He complained the whole time, but I told him to get over it.”

  Yep, I can totally see her pushing him around. She could probably get any guy to do anything she wanted.

  “I slept in his bed after I changed the sheets, and he slept on the floor.”

  “Arya!” I shriek.

  “Hey, it’s not my fault I was exhausted when we were done, and you know I don’t sleep with guys. Maybe, next time, I’ll get as lucky as you.” She winks before she walks off, heading upstairs.

  I don’t bother telling her nothing happened because she wouldn’t believe me anyway.

  I shift away from Jax and stand up, stretching my arms above my head and craning my neck from side to side. “Let’s not do that again.”

  “Do what?” he asks, standing and wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Fall asleep on the couch.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “Bed next time,” I say, arching my back.

  “Are you trying to take advantage of me?”

  I roll my eyes, shoving him.

  He reaches for me, but I run away, and he chases after me, running through the kitchen until I’m backed against the counter. “Can you take advantage of me right now?” He grins.

  He cages me in, placing a kiss on my neck, and I sigh, angling my head so he can have better access.

  “What are you doin’ to Rae, Jax?” a small voice says.

  I quickly push Jax aside and walk toward Sam.

  Jax keeps his back to Sam as he turns his head. “Nothing, Munchkin. We were talking about what to make you for breakfast.”

  I guide her to the living room, so he can pull himself together. “What do you want to eat?” I ask as I lift her onto the couch.

  “Pancakes.” She claps her hands, bouncing up and down on the cushion.

  “You know who makes the best pancakes?” She shakes her head. “Arya.”

  “I like Aya. She dresses funny.” Sam giggles, her nose scrunching.

  “She does,” I agree, placing my hand on Sam’s leg. “She likes to play dress up.” It’s the truth-ish. Arya dresses for all the guys crawling on campus. I’ve never seen her less than perfect in public.

  “Can I play?” Sam asks, looking up at me with doe eyes.

  “After breakfast, Munchkin,” Jax answers, standing next to me.

  Jax, Sam, and I all look at the staircase. It sounds like a baby elephant is trying to run down the stairs, but then I see Stella, Walker, and Arya at the same time. They stop in the living room when they see us staring at them.

  I shake my head at them as Sam hops off the couch, running to the two dogs sniffing each other’s butts.

  “We took a poll,” Jax says to Arya, “and you’re making breakfast.”

  She salutes him. “That’s a no-brainer. If Raegan were in charge, we would be eating cheese slices.”

  “I did that once,” I argue.

  She raises a brow at me as she heads to the kitchen. “Sure, it happened once, but that’s the same time you ate thirteen slices and then threw up in your parents’ front yard.”

  I scrunch my face. “Ugh, it smelled like old cheese for two weeks.”

  Jax places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me to the couch. “You should stay here.”

  I plop on the cushion, crossing my arms. He laughs as he follows Arya.

  “I was hungry. It’s not like I cooked anything.”

  “You’re right; it could have been worse!” Arya shouts from the kitchen.

  Joke’s on them. I get to stay out here while they slave over making breakfast.

  “And done,” Jax says as he shuts my computer, placing it on the coffee table.

  I sit next to him, putting two waters on the table. “There’s no way we’re done with our paper.”

  He takes a bottle and opens it, gulping down half of it before he puts it back. “Yep, and two weeks early.”

  Stella jumps on my lap, whimpering until I pet her.

  “I’m actually impressed.”

  “I’m offended, Red.” He slaps his hand over his heart. “You didn’t think I had it in me?”

  “Nope,” I say, petting Stella’s head as she places her two front paws on my chest. “I thought you were going to be dead weight.”

  He nudges my shoulder. “Wanna know a secret?” He takes Stella from me, and she wiggles in his arms as he holds her on his shoulder. She licks his face, her short tail wagging back and forth. “I have a four-point-oh GPA.”

  My mouth falls open. “You do not.”

  He nods.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He shrugs. “It was more fun this way.”

  I shove his shoulder. “Such a guy.”

  He laughs as he stands from the couch, heading toward the door.

  “What about Sam?” I point up the stairs to where I know she’s fast asleep in my bed.

  “She’ll be fine.” He opens the door and steps outside. “Arya’s in her room; come on.”

  I rush behind him and close the door after I’m outside.

  “Are you going to tell me what your major is now?” I ask, stepping out into the crisp night air. I inhale, loving the smell of burning wood as the wind blows my hair across my face, leaves rustling in the grass.

  “When I graduate at the end of the school year, I’ll be going to school to be a veterinarian.”

  My jaw unhinges as I stare at him with wide eyes. “You’re not.”

  “I am.” He clicks Stella’s leash on before he sets her in the grass, letting her do her business. “You really do just like me for my looks, don’t you?” he jokes.

  I roll my eyes at him. “Don’t be a goober.”

  “A goober?” His lips tip up.

  “Yeah, a goober.” I hug his sweatshirt closer to me.

  He chuckles. “It’s like you’re in fifth grade.”

  I take a step closer to him “If I were acting like a fifth-grader, I would stick my tongue out at you and chase you around the gymnasium at one of those lame school dances.”

  His brows crease. “Is that what you did at school dances?”

  I shrug. “Yeah.” I was never invited by a boy to a school dance, so I spent most of the time running around with Arya when she wasn’t pursuing her latest crush.

  The smell of mint surrounds me as the wind blows again, the trees swaying. His gray eyes are brilliant tonight, drawing me in as they twinkle like the stars in the sky.

  If I had known him in fifth grade, I think I would have spent the whole time chasing him.

  With Stella’s leash in one hand and his other outstretched to me, he says, “Dance with me.”

  I shake my head. “There’s no music.”

  “Who says we
need music?”

  I take his hand, and he hauls me to his body. I willingly press as close as I can to him.

  Our breath floats between us, and I get lost in the guy I thought I wanted nothing to do with. It’s funny how we think we don’t want one thing, but it turns out, it’s exactly what we needed all along.

  Jax is the guy I wanted to stay a million miles away from, and I would have missed out on knowing a guy who has made me a better person. That’s what any of us wants—to be the best version of ourselves with someone who brightens each day.

  “Thanks for letting Sam and I crash another night,” he whispers.

  I smile up at him. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  I reach my hand up, cupping the back of his head, playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. He looks down at me like I’m the rarest of gems in the world.

  We dance in my driveway as Stella lies in the grass, her eyes closed.

  His nose trails down the side of my face before his lips meet mine, soft and slow.

  He kisses me, each sweep of his tongue and nip of his teeth more perfect than the last. I hold him tight as we dance and kiss under the stars.

  Jax

  Bending down, I put Sam on her feet in the living room of our parents’ house. It’s eerily quiet, and I’m not sure if I’m relived or uneasy.

  Sam fists my shirt, keeping me from standing. “Don’t go,” she whimpers.

  My heart cracks at her words. I mash my lips together as I hug her against my chest. I wish I could give her every second of my time.

  I run a hand through her long brown hair. “It’s gonna be okay. You can call me whenever you need me, and I’ll be here.” I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and be at her side faster than a tornado passing through a desert. “Mom isn’t here. Dad will take care of you; I promise.”

  I kiss her cheek and pry her grip from my shirt. I hold her small hand in mine and watch as her lower lip trembles. My throat tightens, and I swallow down the ball of emotions threatening to spill over because I need to be strong for her.

  “You have to be a big girl, Sam. You need to sleep in your own bed tonight.” Tears pool in her eyes, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to haul her out the front door. But where would I take her?