6 Murder at the Art & Craft Fair

by Steve Demaree

  “I’ll come and get it after while. I just can’t figure out why he’d be writing to me, and why he’d send the letter there. Anyway, I appreciate your calling. I’ll stop by later and pick it up. You be there?”

  “If you’re coming, I’m not sure.”

  “I’m excited to see you, too. Try to get a little work done for a change, and I’ll see you after while.”

  I wondered briefly why Bill O’Connell would be writing to me, but quickly settled back down to finish reading my book.

  An hour later, pleased with myself for figuring out the book I’d just finished before the facts were revealed, I remembered George’s call. Curious, I picked up my keys and headed downtown.

  I picked up the letter and received ribbing from a few people about being too old to work or being a part-timer. Heather Ambrose arrived just after I did. She gave me a lingering hug and a peck on the cheek, which made my entire day. After lingering near her as long as possible, I floated out to Lightning to read Bill’s letter in private.

  Cy,

  I’d heard that you and Lou became cops, which might be why I couldn’t find your address or phone number. I don’t know if you remember me from school or not, but I remember the two of you. I’m going to be in Hilldale next weekend. I’ll be a vendor at the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair and I’d love to see you again. I hope you can stop by. I’ll be in Booth 37.

  Bill O’Connell

  Like I told George, I did remember Bill. I couldn’t figure out why he’d want to see me. Maybe George was right. Maybe he’s in some kind of trouble and wanted to talk to a cop about it, or it could just be that he’s getting older and he wanted to touch base with a couple of people from his past, although I don’t remember ever being buddy-buddy with him. Of course, if he’s a vendor, maybe he wants to sell me something. He didn’t tell me what he sells. Probably nothing I’d have a use for. The thing is the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair has been around for years and I’ve never had even the slightest curiosity as to what goes on there. If I remember correctly, it’s both Saturday and Sunday. But I thought maybe Lou and I could sneak down there and see Bill for a few minutes before things got crowded, or after they slowed down for the day. Of course, since I’ve never attended the event, I had no idea when would be the best time to go and avoid the crowd.

  I hurried home. I was on my way to the phone to call Lou and tell him about the letter, when my phone rang. Maybe Lou had e.s.p. and was saving me from phoning him.

  I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to go to some art and craft thing. Maybe I could send my yard boy by with a note telling Bill to stop by after it was over. Like I said, I, Cy Dekker, have lived my entire life in Hilldale without once taking in the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair. I saw no reason for any red-blooded male to attend such an event. I didn’t need to go there to see and be seen. I wasn’t running for public office. I doubted if anyone would be selling anything that I either couldn’t do without or wouldn’t be able to find in some store in town. And no man would go to such an event just to look. Why would anyone go shopping just to look? Any man knows that you go somewhere that sells stuff because you want some of the stuff they sell and for no other reason. And when the place selling something is a space that is probably 10x10 or 10x20, it doesn’t take but a second or two to find out if there is anything there you want. No man God ever made would take five to ten minutes memorizing everything in a booth, only to return after seeing everything sold by every other vendor in order to take another five to ten minutes to see if the merchandise looks like it did the first time and decide whether or not to purchase it, provided no one had bought said item in the two hours or so it had taken to check out all of the other booths. But then, as all of us men know, not all the creatures God made are men. Some are those better looking ones. You know who I mean? The ones who mess with your thought process and get you to do things you’d never do if you were thinking rationally. As it turned out, I was about to talk to one of them. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

  A while back, I, Cy Dekker, a lieutenant with the Hilldale Police Department, the lead homicide detective of our illustrious organization, was a man who always thought rationally. That was until my good friend and partner in solving crimes, Sgt. Lou Murdock, conned me into going out on a blind date. Oh, I’m not complaining. Oh I complained enough at the time, up until I first cast my eyes on the most gorgeous creature God has ever made. Well, one of the two most gorgeous. I was married when I was younger. My wonderful wife, Eunice, was the other one. And for many years, unless a woman was a suspect or a murder victim, I never looked at another woman. Well, not often anyway. Heather Ambrose has always been a lot better to look at than any other officer at the Hilldale Police Department. Anyway, I was talking about women close to my age. Heather is nowhere near my age. But then, one day Lou’s girlfriend, Thelma Lou, conned him into suckering me into a blind date. That was the end of it for me. Since then, other than on those occasions when Lou and I are out solving another murder, my brain has turned to mush. It’s not good for anything anymore, and I chalk all of that up to a woman I now call My Jennifer. I thought Jennifer Garner looked good. I thought Jennifer Aniston looked good. And they did, and do, but I never saw them in person and they never caused my brain to malfunction to the point where I can’t make a rational decision anymore. Of course I didn’t think about any of this until after I answered the phone twice, talked a while to both parties, and had hung up. The first call came just after I returned home from picking up Bill’s letter.

  “Dekker and Murdock Investigations. This is the brilliant lieutenant, not the dumb sergeant.”

  “This isn’t the dumb sergeant, either. He’s on Hogan’s Heroes. This is your conscience calling.”

  “That’s a scary thought. So, what do you want, Lou? I’ve already made out my will and left you the bulk of my estate.”

  “You don’t have as much bulk as you used to.”

  “But my estate is just as much. I’ve left everything to you.”

  “Does that include your next-door neighbor?”

  “You can have her if you want.”

  “I don’t want, but your estate isn’t why I called you. Your future is. Cy, did you know that the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair is next weekend?”

  “So, you got a letter, too.”

  “You mean you got a letter telling you about it?”

  “So, you didn’t get a letter.”

  “No, I got a phone call.”

  “Bill called you. How come he had your phone number and didn’t have mine?”

  “Bill who? Cy, have you been taking your medication?”

  “The only Bill I know who’s going to be at that art and craft thing. Bill O’Connell.”

  “The only Bill O’Connell I’ve heard of is that snotty-nosed kid we went to school with.”

  “You were the snotty-nosed kid. Bill was the bully who beat you up.”

  “He never beat me up.”

  “I know, but he wasn’t a snotty-nosed kid, either. Anyway, I got a letter from him. He’s coming to Hilldale next weekend, will have a booth at that craft thing, and wants me and you to stop by and see him. You interested in going?”

  “What’s he selling?”

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say. But if he has a booth at this thing, I doubt if it’s insurance, cars, or some multi-level marketing scheme. Anyway, enough about Bill. Why did you call?”

  “Guess who else is coming to Hilldale next weekend?”

  “Other vendors at the art and craft thing?”

  “I’m sure they are, but I’m talking about Jennifer.”

  “Jennifer, as in Jennifer Sharp, My Jennifer?”

  “That’s right.”

  “How come she didn’t call me and tell me?”

  “I think they used me to call and break the news.”

  “What’s the matter? She’s not bringing some other guy, is she?”

  “No, she hasn’t upgraded.”

  “I’ll pretend you did
n’t say that, although I might consider redoing my will. But back to Jennifer, who might get the bulk of my estate. At least her coming will give me an excuse not to go to that art and craft thing.”

  “Afraid not.”

  “Why not? I’d rather spend my time with Jennifer than Bill.”

  “Cy, it looks like you’ll get to spend time with both.”

  “You mean Jennifer’s got a booth, too? What’s she selling?”

  “Time share.”

  “Time share to what?”

  “She’s going to share her time with you. The reason she’s coming is that she and Thelma Lou want to go to the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair.”

  “Well, I hope she doesn’t want to spend much time there. I’d rather she spend it with me. Of course, maybe we can kill two birds with one stone, drive the girls down, and stop and say ‘hi’ to Bill while she and Thelma Lou do whatever women do at those things.”

  “I know one thing women like to do at those things. At least two women.”

  “What’s that? Spend money? I don’t mind giving her some money to buy her something.”

  “I’m afraid it’s your arm she wants, not your money.”

  “Maybe she wants an arm and a leg, which translates to my money.”

  “I didn’t know you had any. All I know is she wants to see this craft fair on your arm.”

  “You don’t think maybe she’d be interested in a quick walk through and then off to park and smooch somewhere, do you?”

  “Cy, she’s a woman. So’s Thelma Lou. And you know what happens when you have two women together, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, they have to go to the restroom.”

  “That, too. But what I meant was they shop a little slower.”

  “So, we’ll just drop them off for an hour and stop back by and pick them up, then go somewhere better.”

  “Do you actually believe that’s going to happen?”

  I had to admit I didn’t. When I hung up I planned to Google the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair to see if there would be anything there Lou and I would like. Lou and I spent another five minutes consoling each other, and then I hung up.

  Chapter Five

  Just as I was about to trot off to the computer to Google our upcoming event, the phone rang again.

  “Dekker here.”

  “Cy, Darling, is that you?”

  “No, this is the answering service. Cy Darling will not be available until after the Hilldale Art & Craft Fair is over.”

  “So, Lou spoiled my surprise. Are you saying you don’t want to see me when I come in this weekend?”

  “Oh, I definitely want to see you, but I received the worst news from my allergist the other day. It seems I’m allergic to tents.”

  “Nice try. And did this doctor, Dr. Lou, tell you that you’ll be going to this wonderful festival on both Saturday and Sunday?”

  “Saturday and Sunday?”

  “So, I guess he didn’t get that far.”

  “No, you beeped in while he was still telling me. Why would someone want to go both days?”

  “Cy, you still have that old-fashioned phone, so I know you don’t have call-waiting, so I couldn’t have beeped in.”

  “You win, Miss Sharp. Maybe he wanted to spare me some of my pain until I talked to you.”

  “So, you’re saying that time spent with me is pain?”

  “Only when I have to share you with a bunch of people hawking their wares.”

  “There will be other weekends. Besides, with all those fabulously-crafted bargains, it’ll be easy to miss something the first time through. And I’m only going to be there this weekend, and the festival is just this one weekend, anyway, so we might as well take advantage of it.”

  “Why don’t we let someone else take advantage of it? Besides, wouldn’t you rather go to the drive-in with me?”

  “I guess Lou didn’t get that far, either.”

  “You mean the festival is open at night this year?”

  “No, I mean after we leave the arts and crafts fair Saturday night the four of us are going to the drive-in. And remember, Lou’s driving. That means we get the back seat.”

  “We need to get there early, say around three o’clock, so we can get the back row.”

  “You rascal you. You mean you don’t want to get the front row so we can show those young people a thing or two?”

  “I thought we’d get there early and practice kissing.”

  “Cy, you don’t need any practice. And believe me, your lips will be numb before we leave there.”

  That was it for me. She had me when she mentioned the back seat. And when she added that I didn’t need any practice, that was it. I thought of the two of us eating pizza, stuffing popcorn into each other’s mouth, licking ice cream off of each other’s lips, and giving each other artificial respiration, or something resembling that. I wouldn’t think of that dreaded art and craft fair again. Well, not until we arrived there on Saturday morning. And then all that I’d be able to think about would be the drive-in. I didn’t care what movie was on. I didn’t care if she went back to each booth three times before we left the craft fair. I just knew that at some point, after so many endless hours, Saturday would be over, and Saturday night would be upon us, and I would be upon My Jennifer. Well, upon as in snuggled up next to her, kissing on her luscious lips and coming up for air only long enough to eat something we’d purchased from the concession stand, something that would give me enough strength to kiss Jennifer some more.

  “Cy, are you still there?”

  “Sure, I was just thinking about Saturday night.”

  “Well, I’m thinking of Saturday morning first.”

  “Morning? Shouldn’t we wait until afternoon to go, give the crowd a chance to thin out?”

  “You mean you don’t want to be seen with me?”

  “No, I want all the guys to eat their hearts out. I just didn’t want either of us to get tired before Saturday night. I thought maybe we could get there around 2:00, leave around 4:00, and get to the drive-in around 5:00, so we’d get a good spot in the back, before the teenagers get all of them.”

  “You’re to get to Thelma Lou’s at 8:00. We’re fixing breakfast for the two of you. That way we can eat and still get there around 9:00, when the thing starts.”

  “So, you want to go in the morning, rather than afternoon?”

  “Oh, we’ll probably still be there until the middle of the afternoon, but don’t worry. I have money of my own. I don’t expect you to buy me anything.”

  Cy sneezed.

  “Are you coming down with something?”

  “No, there’s a tent salesman at the front door.”

  “Good. Make sure you buy one. They say the best way to get over your allergies is to be around whatever it is you are allergic to. That way you can work up immunity to it.”

  “If that’s true, I should be over my allergies by Sunday.”

  “Oh, good. I might come back up in a few weeks. I hear there’s another art and craft fair over in Connersville. Too bad most of the good craft fairs up your way were last month.”

  I said a quick prayer and thanked God for small favors, then got back to Jennifer before she thought I’d hung up on her.

  “That reminds me. When are you moving up here?”

  “Soon, my love. Very soon. I can’t wait until Saturday.”

  We said goodbye and five minutes later I remembered to hang my phone up. No End button for me. I think I’m one of only two people in the county to have a phone with a rotary dial. And the other person is over ninety years old.

  When I was able to think somewhat rationally again I called Lou back to see if he knew about the drive-in. He did. If he had told me that part first the other part would have been easier to take. Oh, well! At least I would be with My Jennifer. And then I remembered. No woman over the age of thirty would pay more attention to the man she was with than the merchandise she came to check out. I knew what merchandise I would be checking out, an
d it wouldn’t be some guy’s cuckoo clocks, or whatever they sell at those events.

  +++

  It didn’t seem like it was already the first of October, but it was. It wouldn’t be long until the leaves began to fall from my trees, and I knew what that meant. It was time to call the yard boy and give him an opportunity to earn a few bucks. I’d planned to spend the rest of the week reading. When I checked with Lou, I found out that he didn’t know anything about Jennifer coming until an hour or so before he called me, which meant he didn’t know before he and I went to Scene of the Crime to bulk up on our fall reading material. It was still a few days until Saturday, so I’d have time to read a couple more of my purchases before Jennifer arrived. But first, it was time to head to the computer and see what I could find out about this blasted art and craft fair.

  +++

  A few minutes later I returned to my recliner, only a little more knowledgeable about what lay before me than I was before I Googled the upcoming art and craft fair. I knew the hours of the event. 9:00-7:00 on Saturday, 11:00-4:00 on Sunday. I saw a few pictures on the website, some of people looked vaguely familiar, spineless men whose wives had dragged them to some woman thing. And I was soon to become one of those spineless men. At least I was doing it for love. Most of the guys in the picture weren’t in love. They were already married.

  While I was at the computer I started a file to keep track of the books I read. Not only would I be able to keep track of them, but now that I was venturing out and reading more authors I would rate each book on a scale of 1-4, with ratings in tenths. I would make it a point to buy another book by any author whose book I read that I rated at least a 3.1. I’d run to the bookstore to buy another book by any author I rated a 3.5 or better. Well, maybe not run. I can’t get carried away with this exercise thing. Thankful that I’d already done an hour of exercising in the morning I was free to read the rest of the day. When I got hungry I ate a small snack. Then, when I got hungry again I planned to fix myself a salmon and spinach salad. Before I left the computer, I headed to the website http://www.fastastic.fiction.co.uk and printed a list of books written by every author I planned to read. I hadn’t stuck to this yet, but from now on I planned to read each author’s books in order. I hadn’t decided what to do if an author wrote more than one series. I’d probably read the books in order within a series, and then go on to another series. I’d either begin with his or her most popular series or the one that debuted first.