"Exactly what I mean." I throw my sub back down onto the plate, annoyed at her silence. It proves my point.
"Now that's not true Olivia. I have been there for you."
Is she kidding me?
"Really mom? Have you really been there for me? One day your fine and yourself and the next it’s like I don’t even know the women I call mom. I ask you what's going on and you change the subject. I know we had this conversation the other night but you did it then, you changed the subject."
She faces away from me knowing I’m right, taking her water into her hands. "Don’t be so childish. I’ve always been the same person."
What the... "Me? Childish? No mom, I needed your support more than ever these last couple of months and where have you been? Running around with Mauricio, that’s where. You kiss his backside so hard." I’m exasperated. How many times have we had this conversation? I’m sick and tired of her excusing her own irrational behavior. She just doesn’t get it. Just because I’m an adult now means I don't need my mom?
I bite into my sub aggressively as she looks on appalled. I can feel the animosity building between us, but I really couldn’t care less, she needs to hear it.
"I don’t like your tone Olivia, since you’ve been knocking around with that boy you’ve become a different person, not me. That was the problem in the first place and I know your hurting right now I really do, but I think...” She pauses on a breath. “It was for the best you finished. And as for running around with Mercy, we went to New York to sort the mess you left us with. Just because you decide to ruin your life for some stupid crush, you expect our lives to be put on hold too? The way you have been speaking to me and your dad, the way you’ve been acting, it's not on, and you wonder why I’ve been distant?"
I can feel my face heated up the more I stare at her, but I’m trying to keep my infuriating thoughts that are tallying up towards her toned down.
"Because you both think you know what’s best for me mom, both of you, and you don't. I’m not a child anymore you can’t protect me forever. You can't run my life for me like you always have and keep things from me just because you think its best. You didn't want me to go to New York because you wanted me here, where you could control what I did. The same way you didn’t want me going to college and only let me after I promised I’d start working for Mauricio when my studies were over with. Then all of a sudden I meet Calvin, he helps me find my own voice for the first time in my life, and then out of the blue, you buy me somewhere to live in New York? Acting like it was your idea all alone. Do you think I’m stupid?"
She shakes her head again like I’m being absurd, laughing her false over the top laugh at me.
"No one is controlling you Olivia, or keeping anything from you for that matter. Calvin was a bad influence on you from day one and nothing else. We thought you wanted to go to New York with Tyler, we actually come around to the idea, and then you didn’t want to go. How is that our fault?"
My mom stabs in fork aggressively into her salad trying to end the conversation but I’m not finished. I lean over the table a little more so she can hear me clearly.
"It wasn’t because I didn’t want to go and you know it. The reason I said no was because I would have be going on your terms, not mine. So there for, you would have still been controlling my life. Don't think I haven’t noticed the way you've been acting mom, this isn't just because I got with Calvin at all. How was my relationship so effective to yours and Mauricio’s? It had nothing to do with you but you won’t tell me what it is."
My mom grits her perfect teeth. "It did because we do know what's best for you and he wasn’t what was best. Now you work for Mercy we can keep an eye on you, it's not controlling, it's called caring. I will not have you saying we control your life. The very idea is absurd and darn right ludicrous."
I throw myself back in my seat feeling exhausted, shaking my head in amazement.
"Ludicrous? No it's the darn right truth. I bet you love that I work for Mauricio now, after all, that was your plan for me at the start. You both took great advantage of my state of mind, getting me to work there. Well now you have your wish, don’t you?"
"So why are you working there if you hate it?" She snaps.
"I have no choice." I snarl through clenched teeth, pushing my plate aside to my mom’s irritation. She looks from the plate back to my face and sighs.
"Olivia, I really don't understand you. You have been put in MF tailors as head and really, you have no clue how to run things, you’re just a talented artist. Your father has done all this for you, pulled so many strings, so don't you forget it. You have everything anybody could ever want, a lovely home, a car, money and you’re still not happy."
I rub my forehead with my fingers at my mom’s materialistic concept of life.
"Pulled strings? He owns the damn place of course he can do what he wants. He only did it so he could get me there and nowhere else. Not for my benefit but for his. And he gives us everything? Mom, you should know by now I do not care for all those things. Mercy just springs it on me and I’m sick of it."
My mom purse her lips hating what I just said. "Olivia, you can be so… impulsive."
"Why? Because I finally have the balls to say what I think?"
"No, because you don’t think before you speak." Her tone becomes louder and snappy, making her look around in case of onlookers.
"Eat your lunch Olivia, we don’t have long."
"I’m not hungry."
She slams her palm down on the table making me jump. "For Christ sake Olivia, you and your damn attitude since that boy and after that boy, the sooner you get over him the better. Good riddance I say."
I stare back at her stunned by her uncharacteristic outburst, and quite frankly hurt. It feels like someone has just slapped me in the face with a load a bull shit.
"How can you say that?" I’m livid. Has she any idea at all what I’ve been going through? This heart ache I’ve been put through? And she tells me this is a good thing? A good thing for who?
She explains her comment to me extremely pretentious. "Oh, Common Olivia, don't look at me like that. It was just a fling, he didn't love you. He doesn’t love anyone apart from himself, that's obvious. You were just a pretty face to pass the time for him. I’ve seen it all before. He didn’t care about you the way myself and your father do. No one will care about you the way I and Mercy do. No one knows what’s best for you except us. He had no business with someone like you anyway, you need someone with prospects, aims in life, just like Tommy." She says so matter of fact pointing with her red painted finger nail. Can she honestly not see the look on my face? Never mind feeling slapped in the face now I feel punched in the chest. What has got into this women?
"Tommy? Oh, because Tommy would be so good for me like Mercy is for you? Because you know all about love don't you mom? You and Mauricio? You both no so much about love." I roll my eyes frantically throwing my arms around trying to make my point as I speak forgetting where I am.
She looks on confused and a little wounded, changing her mood again.
Welcome to my world.
"You don't know what you’re talking about, me and your dad love each other very much."
Ha! "Don’t I? Okay mom, where is he now huh?"
She stays silent as I question her, looking around warning me with her eyes to keep my voice down. The hustle and bustle of the deli is too loud for our conversation to be heard but my mom has to be prim and proper, not to argue in a public place.
"Exactly,” I throw my hands up. “You don't know because you never know, we never know where he is and we’re just supposed to deal with it and not ask questions and you’re meant to put on a brave face and play happy families every day when I know you’re not happy anymore. We have done this for years, gone along with what Mauricio wants and for what?"
"None of that is true. I am happy and I always know the whereabouts of your father. We never keep secrets. This isn’t what this is about. This is about
you getting your life back together. What is wrong with you, throwing all these accusations around?"
She knows I’m exactly right that's why she's so mad.
"Nothing’s wrong with me mom it's this family that's the problem. It's just taken me a while to realize it but now I see it. You think I’m not conscious of the fact something’s going on between our family? And instead of telling me, you turn the blame around on me, making out Calvin was the problem instead of facing the real problem head on. It’s all a big joke, a big joke run by Mauricio."
My mom lowers her head so the anger in her voice can't be heard.
"Stop cursing Mercy right now. He’s your father and he is good to us. You’ll do better not to forget it. Don’t you dare mock what he does."
She then stands up in a haste taking her bag off the back of the chair. She takes one more look at me, and walks out.
I leave the table quickly after her, following her outside. It’s still raining and I can see her polka dot brolly up in front of me as she walks to her car. I reach her as she's about to get in. She puts her brolly down and opens the car door, then turns to me taking an exhausted breath. "If you’re going to get in Olivia, don't speak to me Okay. I’ve had just about enough."
"I just want to no one thing. Tell me why he's so good to us? Tell me why Mauricio is good to us?"
She blinks. "What? Olivia, just get in we’re going to get soaked." I hold the car door open so she can't get in.
"Is it money mom? Is that why you’re with him? Not for love just for the money?" I spit the hurtful comment. I’m going below the belt now but I need to get this out. I’m too angry to stop. She looks on outraged, but I don't let her speak. “Is that why you didn't love my real dad?" I push my face towards hers, "Is that why you didn't stay with my dad? He didn’t give you money like Mauricio does?"
Out of nowhere I feel a stinging slap across my face making me let go of the car door. I hold my cheek in shock as she puts her face close to mine, screaming at me, letting it all out.
"Your dad was an abusive alcoholic who made my life hell. All he cared about was himself, and I can see him in you every damned day. He was a worthless human being and I’m glad he was murdered."
My eyes shoot open stunned as I take a step back. The hair on the back of my neck stands to attention. Murdered?
"What are you talking about?" I choke, backing away from her. "You said he died of alcohol poisoning."
She suddenly realizes what she has just said and immediately regrets it, trying desperately to dig her way out of it.
"That didn't mean to come out Olivia. Don’t listen to me. I’m just angry that's all. I don’t know where that come from. Please don’t repeat that."
The rain falls harder making my hair stick to my face while my mom starts crying hysterically. The cars race past us as we’re parked on the side of the road, but it's like all sound has stopped for me. I’ve been stunned to deaf.
My real father was murdered? Why was I not told about this?
She pulls on my arm as I go to walk away slowly. "No, Olivia, don't go, please. I don’t know what I’m saying."
I snatch my arm out of her grip and she falls forward onto her knees on the side walk. I look down on her in disgrace. I don't even recognize my own mother.
"Please," she screams, as I continue to walk away. Why would she lie to me all this time?
I walk slowly up the busy high street in a daze. People are pushing past one another, even me, trying to get inside and out of the rain or whichever destination they have in mind. I don’t have one. I’m trying to register what my mom has just said to me.
After a few minutes, I finally register a car next to me, honking the horn. I turn quickly and see a blue micra.
The window rolls down and I see Mayra. "Olivia? What the hell are you doing? Get in."
I walk around the car getting in while Mayra shouts some rude words to the car behind her.
"What the hell are you doing walking around like that in the rain?"
I stare straight in front of me, not entirely sure what to say. Words fail me. My mind is blank.
Mayra doesn’t get anything out of me on the way home. She has left me in her car on the drive. I can’t go inside my house. I see my Moms car is here, I know I can't speak to her. What would I say?
I lay my head back on the seat headrest. I’m just about to close my welling up eyes, when I hear a loud bang on the car door. I jump up in fright shooting my eyes open in shock and see Mauricio’s face glaring at me insidiously on the other side of the glass.
"Get out!" He screams the order at me. I look at him bemused.
"Yeah you heard me right, get the fuck out of the car."
He’s scaring me, I almost don't want to get out, but I do as he says, climbing out of the car a little confounded and hesitant.
As I get out I notice blood on his white shirt, he sees me spotting it but ignores me.
"What the fuck have you done to your mother this time?" He barks.
"What have I done?" I scoff, coming back to life a little. "Why don't you ask yourself the same question Mauricio?”
“Don’t call me Mauricio. You will address me as your father.”
I scream back at him. “My father is dead! Did you know he was murdered? Or was everyone in the dark about that too?"
He looks taken back when I spring this on him but quickly composes himself.
"Who the fuck told you that? They’re lying."
"So my mom is a liar?"
His eyes flicker with rage. "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I have a good mind to chuck you out on ya ass. If I had my way you would have been out months ago or maybe when you were a fucking little brat all those years ago. Poor little Olivia, who couldn’t cope with having wealthy stepfather. No, you were just an ungrateful attention seeking little bitch. Who the fuck do you think you are? Your mother is beside herself because of you."
My back is flat against the car door, being pinned there by his glare, but I won't be seen to be intimidated by him.
“Ungrateful? Because I didn’t go around boasting? Because I didn’t join in with your circus act and get on with the fact I had money thrown at me? And my mom is beside herself because you’re making her that way! Making her walk on egg shells. You’ve turned my own mother against me."
He prods a firm finger into my shoulder. “You’ve done that all by yourself. You’ve turned us both against you.”
“And why is that? Because all of a sudden I’m a disturbance to your perfect family life? All of a sudden I realize I have a choice? Olivia’s choice, not Mauricio’s choice. All of a sudden your perfect little untouched step daughter had a man in her life who shown her a different path and you couldn’t stand it. All because you lost influence on me, you hate it. And now you’re making my life hell!”
I’m shaking in anger, trembling out of bitterness towards this man. I am no longer a part of his life and he hates it. I’m slowly becoming to realize what Mauricio Fahoney is all about. I know it, he knows it. And he hates every second.
He tilts his head back to laugh at me. “A choice? You have no fucking choice. You do as I fucking tell you Olivia. You want to continue to cross me? I’ll show you a life on hell.”
I stand staring at him as he’s about to lash out, but he stops as soon as he hears Elise calling my name. She’s getting out of her car when I turn my head.
"Olivia? Dad? What the hell is going on?"
Mauricio straightens himself up and gives me some space to breath when he sees her coming towards us. I deflate automatically.
"What's that on your shirt?" Elise points out the blood I spotted. I think she thinks it’s from me.
"I cut myself that’s all, no big deal." She narrows his eyes at him then turns to me.
“Olivia? Everything alright? I have tried numerous times to contact you and you’re not answering me.”
I stare towards Mauricio whose glare couldn’t be warning me to stay quiet anymo
re if he tried.
“I’m fine and I lost my cell.”
Mauricio pips up all snidely. “Maybe you should take care your things a little more.”
Elise turn’s back towards her father, folding her arms. “It don’t look that way to me. Dad? You have anything to say?”
Mauricio smiles towards her, going to touch her arm fondly but she steps back out of his touch.
“Elise, my angel. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Olivia, get in my car. You’re coming with me.” She demands.
Elise glares at Mauricio as his eyes follow me when I walk away from him. She has a few words with him before she slides in the driver’s side of her car next to me. Mauricio stares after us as Elise backs off the drive way.
What the fuck was that?
He really scared me. I’m sick and tired of my parents. I have too much going on already and now this? Why did he looked so shocked when I asked him about my real father? Did he know? Does he know who killed him? Was my mom telling the truth? The last time she blurted something out in an argument was about the fact my father was dead, and that was true. This time that he’s actually been murdered. It must be true. Why would she lie about that?
Now I know why Mauricio has been acting like I’m the bane of his life. He’s lost that control over me, and now he wants me out? He would do that to me? All because I want a life of my own? I don’t understand it. That can’t just be the sole reason of all this.
"What did he just do?" Elise asks no nonsense tone parking up in the street at the bottom of my drive.
"Nothing." I answer quickly, keeping my eyes focused straight ahead. I’m a little shaken by his continually vindictive attitude towards me and it shows.
What the fuck has just happened in the last half hour? I found out my real dad was actually murdered. Finding out my mom was lying to me the whole time. My step dad threatening me over anything he finds worthy. I don't know how much more I can take.
"Why are you hear Elise?" I mean that in the nicest possible way.
"Mayra called me and told me where she found you, what were you thinking? I tried to call you and I tried this morning. I had to leave for work before you woke. How have you lost your phone?”
Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) Page 6