by Holly Jacobs
Yes, Carolyn was finding a routine, but through it all, she held on to the thought of Heritage Bay…and Stephan. She’d been afraid Emma’s team of therapists and doctors would balk at the time away from her regime, but they’d all agreed that a break might be beneficial. Right up until she packed the car and pulled out of the driveway, she worried that something was going to force the trip to be called off.
But as each mile sped by, bringing them closer to the cottage, Carolyn’s heart felt lighter and lighter.
They had two weeks off from schedules and doctors.
Two weeks to relax and just enjoy each other’s company.
Two weeks for her and Stephan…
She slowed the car as they approached the cottage. The weathered clapboards looked almost white with age. The shutters needed painting again, she realized. There was definitely more gray than green left.
“We’re here, Em,” she said.
When there was no answer, she glanced into the backseat to find Emma had dozed off.
Carolyn pulled into the garage, wondering if Stephan had arrived.
She’d missed him so much. Their evening calls weren’t enough. She needed to see him, to be with him. To touch him. To figure out where they stood.
Carolyn carried Emma into the house; she was so exhausted she didn’t even stir as Carolyn settled her in the bed.
There was a host of things she should do, from unpacking the car to settling their things into the cottage. Normally, Carolyn would have just started at it, but the porch swing called, and she took a few minutes to herself. She sank onto the seat and stared at the road, hoping to see Stephan’s car come around the bend.
Her feet barely reached the porch, but she kicked at it with her toes and set the swing in motion, finding comfort in the rhythmic to-and-fro rocking.
She’d purposefully come to the cottage on a week she knew her parents had to be in Columbus. Knowing how they felt about Stephan, she wanted to give herself some time with him without them in the background. They wouldn’t arrive until next week. They would have seven days here on their own.
Carolyn had tried to calm her mind. She’d felt uncertain ever since Stephan canceled his last trip to Cleveland. She tried to remind herself that she loved Stephan, and she truly believed he loved her.
Most of the time she believed.
She watched the road, waiting to see his car barrel down it. She remembered all the times she’d sat here, eagerly anticipating Stephan’s arrival.
1972
“CAROLYN, WHY DON’T YOU come in?” her mother called through the screen window. “Maybe they were delayed. Stephan will probably be here tomorrow.”
“He said they were starting out late, but they’d be here tonight,” she’d called back. “I’m just going to wait a little longer, okay?”
Carolyn didn’t need to hear her mother’s sigh to know it was there. She was twelve, almost a teenager. Her mother didn’t seem to get that. She was bound and determined to treat Carolyn like a baby.
“Fine. But put a sweater on.”
“I’ve got a sweatshirt on.” Geesh, her mom didn’t even think she had enough sense to dress for the weather. “Come on, Mom.”
“One hour. If he’s still not here, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see him.”
“Okay.” Stephan would be here. He always kept his promise. She sat on the porch swing, lulled by its rhythm as she waited. The fireflies were blinking in the front yard. It made for a merry show. She’d catch one blinking, then try to guess where it would be next time it blinked on and off.
The game distracted her enough that she was surprised to see headlights coming around the bend forty-five minutes later. Stephan’s mom’s station wagon came down the dirt road and pulled into the Foster’s driveway.
“Mom, he’s here, I’m going over,” she called through the screen door. She didn’t wait for permission as she sprinted across the grass that separated her front yard from Stephan’s. She was there when he opened the car door. “You made it.”
He was taller, she realized as he climbed out of the station wagon. She hadn’t grown since she was ten and worried that this was it. But at the moment her lack of height didn’t matter. Stephan was here.
“I told you I’d be here tonight. Come on, Elf, have a little faith.”
“I will from now on,” she promised.
HAVE A LITTLE FAITH.
Carolyn wasn’t sure why that particular greeting came to her all these years later. They’d said hello and goodbye so many times that she couldn’t even begin to count them. But that one, Have a little faith, stuck in her mind.
Stephan had said he’d come, and he had.
He’d be here today, just like he’d promised.
Carolyn stood as she spotted Stephan’s SUV coming down the road. Instead of pulling into his parents’ drive, as it once would have, he pulled into hers.
It took everything she had not to run across to him and launch herself into his arms. She tried for a more staid, “You’re here.”
“I told you I would be,” he said. “You owe me a date, remember? I’m here to collect.”
“I didn’t forget.”
Stephan sat down next to her on swing. “Where’s the birthday girl?”
“Taking a nap. She’s not keen on the idea, but she’s still recuperating. They seem to help, despite the daily battle to get her down.” She looked for something to say, to fill the void. The silence between them had never seemed uncomfortable in the past, but now, it weighed heavily. “How was your drive?” she finally tried.
“Don’t,” Stephan said.
She didn’t have to ask him don’t what? She knew, just as she knew they had to talk. “So?”
“I’ve missed you,” he said simply. “Missed seeing you…just missed you.”
A tightness in her chest that she hadn’t recognized, unfurled, relaxing. Carolyn felt as if she could breathe. “I missed you, too. More than I imagined I could miss someone.”
Those simple words seemed to break the awkwardness. “Tell me about Emma. How was the trip from Cleveland?”
They rocked back and forth on the swing, easily finding a rhythm together. Carolyn summarized the car trip and updated him on Emma’s achievements.
“I’m glad things are working out. I can’t wait to see her.”
“She’s anxious to see you, too.” Carolyn made a quick change of topic, “And as soon as my parents arrive, we’ll have our date.”
“Are you sure? We could hold off a bit longer. Everything in your life and Emma’s is in flux. I don’t want to add to that.”
Carolyn could see his uncertainty, his nervousness, and it made her feel better. Why, she wasn’t sure, but it did. She smiled and took his hand. “It’s only a date, Stephan.”
“I think we both know it’s not only a date.” He squeezed her hand three times, slowly and deliberately. “I think we both know it will change everything. I don’t know that you’re up for more change.”
Carolyn knew what he was saying, and his concern was one of the reasons she loved him. She didn’t voice the feeling, but it was there, and it was growing.
Carolyn Kendal loved Stephan Foster.
She always had. As a friend, a buddy, a spring fling. But this newest incarnation was stronger, deeper.
She squeezed his hand three times in a row, just as deliberately as he had.
“Stephan, Emma and I have found a new normal. Nothing is the same as it was before the accident, but it’s settling down and we’re settling in. The doctor was right, Emma’s recovery hasn’t been a movie-of-the-week sort of thing, but she is recovering. Every day, by increments.”
“And if you and I try?” he asked. “If we see where this goes, then things will change again, just as you’ve found a ‘new normal.’”
“It might be hard, but we’ll find another new normal. Maybe that’s what life is, finding a series of new normals. Maybe that’s how you measure if a change is worth it…are you willin
g to find a ‘new normal’ for it?” She smiled as she said the term.
“Are you willing to find a new normal for me?” he asked.
Carolyn didn’t quite hesitate, but she took a minute to let the question settle in. “Yes. Asking for more changes might feel a bit like jumping off the boat in the middle of a cold lake, but I know you’ll be there to throw me a life ring if I need it.”
She thought about how that sounded and added, “But I need you to know it’s not that I need you to support me. Emma and I can go it on our own. These last few months proved that. I want you for you. I’m not sure how we’ll make it work, but I’m confident we will. When Emma’s better, we can talk about moving.”
He stopped the swing, and looked at her intently. “You’d do that for me?” There was such surprise in his eyes.
She kissed him then, a quick giddy kiss. “Yes. Stephan, I’d do that and so much more. But let’s just enjoy ourselves.”
“Come here,” he said, crooking a finger, urging her closer.
She went willingly. Needing to touch him, to connect with him. Her feelings for Stephan hadn’t diminished over their time apart. If anything, they’d grown.
Tentatively, she pressed her lips to his. Softly, at first, but she grew bolder and deepened the kiss. She savored the feel of him pressed against her.
She touched his cheek, her fingers abraded against the slight stubble. He tangled his fingers in her hair. His other hand snaked under her shirt, softly caressing her skin, rising higher…
“Mom,” interrupted a small voice from inside.
Slowly, they broke off the kiss and drew apart. “That’s my cue,” she said with regret.
He reached over and smoothed her hair. “We’ll pick this up when your parents have arrived and can babysit for our date.”
“I can’t wait.” For the moment all her worries were at rest.
She hurried into the Kendal’s cottage and into the room she was sharing with Emma.
“Hey, honey,” she said. “How was that nap?”
Emma’s expression said that she wasn’t any happier about napping after the fact as she was before it.
Part of Carolyn wanted to do whatever it took to make Emma happy, the other part knew that being treated the way she’d always been was important. The latter part generally won out. “Sorry, Charlie. Doctor’s orders. But I think I have a surprise that just might make you happy.”
Carolyn took Emma’s hand and helped her into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.
“What?” Emma demanded.
“Uncle Stephan’s here. And I think, if we play our cards right, we can talk him into birthday ice cream in Port Clinton. And maybe a boat ride later.”
Emma concentrated, and finally managed, “Shack?”
Her aphasia. She understood things but finding the right words still came hard. Every time she managed to find the right word it was a small triumph.
Carolyn smiled. “The Burger Shack is a great idea. Dinner and ice cream all in one.” Carolyn kissed her daughter’s forehead, still marveling that Emma was here, was talking. “Let’s go find Uncle Stephan.”
She brought the walker to Emma and stood by as her daughter got up and out of the bed. She still dragged her right foot when she walked, though her left side was as strong as ever, but Emma showed more tenacity that any six-year-old should as she methodically made her way to the door. She waited, allowed Carolyn to open it, then went into the living room.
“Emma,” Stephan said, his voice raw with emotion. “You’re walking.”
Emma grinned, showing off a missing front tooth. “Yes.”
Stephan noticed the loss. “And you lost a tooth? Did the tooth fairy come?”
Emma beamed and nodded.
“Good. But since I’m your godfather, I think it’s important to celebrate both birthdays, walking and the loss of a tooth.”
“Ice…cream?” Emma managed.
Carolyn stood behind her daughter, feeling the warm glow that came every time she really thought about how far Emma had come in just a few short months. Seeing her daughter’s improvement through Stephan’s eyes was a great reminder.
“Emma and I thought that in order to celebrate her birthday, dinner at the Burger Shack, followed by ice cream, might be in order. And maybe a boat ride later?”
“That sounds like the perfect plan to me,” he readily agreed, just as she’d known he would.
ON THE SHORT DRIVE TO the Burger Shack Stephan worked at entertaining Emma with tales of his and Carolyn’s childhood exploits. “…and then your mother decided to tell the kids in the front row to stop being so rude. Did I mention they were football players here in Port Clinton…high-school football players?”
Emma laughed, showing off her new gap-toothed grin. “No.”
“Well, they were. But your mother wanted to see the movie and wasn’t going to let them interrupt it, so she went up, tapped the biggest player—”
“I tapped the first one sitting in the end seat. It’s not like I went looking for the biggest player.”
Stephan ignored her interruption. “And she said, pretty as you please, in her under-five-feet way, ‘You are being a bore. All of you need to sit down and be quiet so the rest of us can enjoy the movie.’ Then without another look back, she stomped back to her seat.”
“I’m sure I didn’t stomp. Walked in a stately manner. Ambled even, but not stomped.”
Again he ignored Caro’s interruption. “I’m pretty sure bore was your mom’s word of the week. It means someone who’s not very bright and makes you feel bored. She didn’t have a word of the day until she was in high school,” he added for Emma’s benefit.
“What…happened?” Emma asked.
“Tell her I didn’t stomp,” Carolyn insisted.
“Oh, she stomped all right.” He glanced into the backseat at Emma. He couldn’t get over how much she’d improved in just a month since he’d last visited her in Cleveland.
“Uncle Stephan?”
“Oh, right, the story.” He tried to remember where they were. “Stomping. So, there your mom was stomping to her seat and I figured I was going to have to take on that whole football team singlehandedly, or at least take on the big guy who got up and followed your mother. But instead of picking a fight, he came up to your mom and simply said, ‘Sorry.’ Then went back to his buddies without even giving me an opportunity to defend your mom’s honor.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, Stephan.” Carolyn rolled her eyes in his general direction. “Emma, don’t listen to him. He’s embellishing. It means adding on things that didn’t happen.”
“Oh, it happened, Emma.” He turned to Carolyn. “And I’d have taken him, defending your honor.”
“He’d have pulverized you. Even then I was perfectly capable of defending my own honor, thank you very much,” Carolyn bristled.
“See, she’s still every bit as touchy as she was then.” He paused, and added, “or should I say, peevish? Wasn’t that one of your words for the week once?”
“Emma, now you see how it was when we were younger. Stephan has always done his best to aggravate me at every turn.”
“Or, you could use the word exasperate.”
He couldn’t help teasing. It had always been one of his favorite pastimes growing up, and he couldn’t imagine, even as their relationship was deepening, that his delight at picking at her would diminish. She looked so cute, all red-faced. He would have liked to pull the car over and kiss her right then and there, but with Emma in the backseat, he refrained. Next week, they’d have their date, and then…
Carolyn interrupted his very nice fantasy. “Are you going to play thesaurus all night, Stephan Foster?”
“Uh-oh, if you’re using my whole name I’m in trouble. And if Emma keeps giggling like that, maybe I will keep playing word games.” Listening to Emma’s laughter after all those weeks of her silence was such a joy. He’d do anything to keep the sound ringing throughout the night.
T
he hamburgers at the Shack were as good as ever. Carolyn played along, keeping their banter going until the very last fry made its sweep through the ketchup. He’d purposefully eaten slower than usual to accommodate the studied effort it took Emma to get through her meal.
“Caro, all our plates are clean, it’s dessert time, right?”
“Yes, it is. What are you both going to have? Me, I’m having a marshmallow sundae with chocolate ice cream.”
“Oh, Emma, your mom used to eat those all the time when we were kids. I’m more of a classic chocolate shake man myself. How about you?”
Emma concentrated a minute, then said, “Erasers.”
“Honey,” Caro said softly, “you said erasers. That’s not quite right. Did you mean some kind of sundae? You always liked strawberry sundaes.”
“No. Erasers,” Emma tried again. Her gap-tooth smile replaced by an expression of frustration.
Caro simply smiled and said, “Take your time. If not a sundae, then maybe a milkshake like Uncle Stephan?”
“No. No. No,” Emma chanted, each word growing louder.
“Sweetheart, I know it’s difficult. Let’s try again. An ice cream cone?”
“No.” This time, Emma’s response had escalated to a shriek. She slammed a hand down on the table, knocking a spoon and sending it flying onto Stephan’s plate.
“Hey, it’s okay, Em,” he tried, but it didn’t silence her shouting.
Caro stood and, with effort, picked up Emma, who was a handful for most, but for the diminutive Carolyn was even more so. “If you’ll get the check and bring her walker, I’ll take her out to the car.”
She didn’t wait for his response, only took the still-screaming Emma from the restaurant.
Stephan waved down the waitress, who handed him the bill. “Is everything okay with your little girl?”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” He glanced at the bill, pulled out a twenty and handed it to her. “Keep the change.”
“Tell your wife I’ve got three of my own, and all kids get tired and melt down every now and again. Bring her back anytime.”
“I will.” He picked up the walker and hurried out.