As soon as I arrived home, where I got a big hug from Krzysztof and chatted non-stop about the baby’s coming, I was already eager to hear the results of the blood tests that would come the following week. I kept in constant touch with Grace. Her updates made me either anxious or ecstatic. When it came to the morning of the second blood tests, I was up and awake early to hear the results. Regular as clockwork, they came across on email at just after 9am. I was expecting them to have high levels of hCG, and they did: 17,229. They had doubled up nicely over the seven days, and in the email the doctor told us again to expect news of twins. I had been reading a lot on the internet and was hesitant about even thinking it could be true, but many people on the forums said it was a really good indication, although it was still possible that it could be a single pregnancy. I kept returning to the fact that both blastocysts had taken, as the hCG levels were high, and I even began to wonder if one had split, making three. I didn’t know how I would get through the week until the scan and another update. So, I just tried to relax and not stress too much, knowing that the results were good and, albeit very early days, the pregnancy was progressing well. All the time I kept remembering that we were going to become an even bigger family.
The positive pregnancy tests
Chapter 11
Double the Joy!
Over the next few days, I was more and more eager to hear the results of the scan. I knew that they would check the heartbeat of the baby and I would get a photo. My own heart was pumping every time I thought about it. The day before the scan, I asked Grace what time the appointment was, and she told me it was 3pm Thai time, which would be 9am in the UK. At first I was relieved to know that I could sleep the whole night through, although I quickly realised that sleep wouldn’t be possible and I’d be awake anyway. As 9am arrived, I called the clinic to hear the results. The nurse said that there were a few women in front of Grace waiting for their scans too and that I would have to wait a little longer. I called again later, only to hear that Grace had moved further down the line. I messaged Grace to see how long she would be, as the suspense was too much, but the message couldn’t get through. Her mobile data had run out on her phone, so I called her instead, and she was still waiting. It seemed even longer than the wait for the pregnancy result, as I could barely let myself think about the mind-blowing news that could be coming. At exactly the same time, I was worried that everything might not be going well. Still no news, and everyone was still waiting; I had called the clinic three times already. In the end, I couldn’t bear it any longer so I called Grace on her phone. She took an age to pick up, and I could tell instantly that she had news for me. I could barely breathe in anticipation. Through tears of joy, she said, ‘It’s twins!’
I could barely keep my feet on the ground. Twins! I asked her to repeat that and send me a photo, as I think that deep down I couldn’t believe it and needed confirmation. I thanked her about three times and could hardly speak through my own tears of joy, and told her that I would call back later. I spoke to the nurse and she said, ‘Hello Daddy, you’re going to have twins, and both have a good strong heartbeat.’ I was beginning to believe it now, and my mind was buzzing, trying to compute the news. Suddenly everything had changed and, at the same time, become more real. I called Krzysztof straight away, then Emma and my mum, but really I wanted to tell the whole world. And I really wanted to start planning and buying things. Everyone was so excited for me and I could hear that in their voices. Later that day an email came through with the image from the clinic. I could actually see them on my screen and they looked beautiful. I could see the heartbeat graphs and was amazed at the detailed information I was given with precise measurements of the size of the babies and their heart rates. Twin A had a heartbeat of 121bpm and Twin B had a heartbeat of 125bpm. Both babies were the correct size for this period in the pregnancy. I was more relieved and expectant than ever. How was I going to plan for twins? I thought back to when Lily was born. Now there were two babies coming, I realised I was just going to enjoy and plan as much as I could. I was already wondering if they were boy/girl, boy/boy or girl/girl. ‘One step at a time,’ I told myself. There were two babies on their way and all I had to think about was Grace’s health, their health and their arrival now. Things were all going to change again.
My plans for the London apartment would have to be adjusted, as there was barely enough room for one baby, but with two arriving I was going to have to rearrange completely. The mere thought was more exciting than I could imagine. It was so early in the pregnancy I was scared to get my hopes up. In fact, it was only the seventh week according to the pregnancy calendar, and one of the embryos might make it no further. Sometimes with twin pregnancies, one of the twins can ‘disappear’ and be reabsorbed into the body at this stage without affecting the other embryo at all. Other than IVF, I didn’t know of any pregnancy that would be this closely monitored, and I was willing on both these minute embryos every step of the way. Everything I had ever wanted in my life was coming true, and I had Krzysztof to share these wonderful moments with. He was so supportive and enthusiastic and had made the whole experience so real and fun. I was growing fonder of him by the day, and his obvious enthusiasm for the babies was marvellous. He was happy to help me plan, and I could tell he wanted to be around. Even with the news of two arriving, he wasn’t running in the opposite direction, so I was thrilled.
It’s twins!
Krzysztof and I were leaving for China the following week: I was working in Beijing and then joining him and his friends on their tour. I was glad of this major distraction for the few days before I arrived in Bangkok for the scan. I had begun to worry about Grace’s health and whether the babies had progressed well. She was still updating me every day on how she was feeling and, although her nausea was quite bad, I consoled myself that this was quite a good sign and that the babies were making their presence known. I arrived very early in the morning from Shanghai and was able to get a few hours’ sleep before it was time to go to the clinic for the scan. I was tense, but not nearly as much as I had been for the blood test to confirm the pregnancy, and I was elated at the prospect of hearing the heartbeats and seeing the babies on the screen.
Chapter 12
Heartbeats and Hopes
Grace came into the clinic and we sat down and chatted for a while. I could tell she was a bit edgy, and I did my best to try and calm her down, even though I was feeling the same nerves myself. Her eyes were happy and wide, and she was fidgeting with her phone. She gave me a gift of a bracelet-maker for Lily – beautifully wrapped – and I had a few gifts to give to her afterwards. Grace was called by the doctor to go and prepare for the scan. The nurse then called me into the room and straight away I could see Grace in position, with one of the twins on the monitor. My heart filled with elation as my eyes did with tears of happiness. I couldn’t hold them back and they were running down my face. I could see in such detail the little heartbeat bouncing away, his or her head, tiny body, then arms and legs too. I peered hard to catch a glimpse of the second twin. Sure enough, just around the corner was my second twin – upside down. It was the tiniest size too but with a good strong heartbeat. I had asked the doctor if I could record the heartbeats on my phone and I was shaking trying to record both of them as he did all his measurements. I was relieved to see both heartbeats were strong, and the doctor seemed really happy with the results at this stage. I wanted to sit and look at them all day. Right then I noticed one of the babies move his or her leg, and I couldn’t stop the tears from filling up my eyes again. Baby A was 1.65cm long with a heartbeat of 180bpm, Baby B was 1.60cm long and had a heartbeat of 173bpm. We were only in the ninth week, yet both babies could be seen so clearly and were so definable. Tiny, but already looking like babies – my babies. Grace, too, was relieved that the babies were healthy and moving around happily in her womb.
Finally, the doctor completed all of his measurements and finished the session with the ultr
asound machine. I wished that we could have spent longer looking at the babies as I still was having a hard time believing that I had one baby coming, never mind being able to see two of them. I met with the nurse, Emily, who would guide me through everything that needed to be done as we approached hospital time, and she told me the twins’ due date was 16 January, to be delivered by C-section at the TNH hospital. We were going to be having lots of birthdays in January.
I had a brief meeting with Dr Levi afterwards, as he was writing his notes, and asked him if he would be able to do the delivery at TNH, which was the hospital both Grace and I wanted. I had no idea if Dr Levi would have been able to deliver the babies himself at the TNH hospital. I also asked him whether he would allow me to be in the delivery room so that I could see both of the babies being born. He agreed to both my requests, and I was overjoyed that we were able to start planning at this point. He told me I could have a DVD of the scan, which I wasn’t expecting, and I jumped at the chance. I couldn’t wait to get back to my hotel, study the footage and show everyone on Skype. However, I sat with Grace for a while and handed over some gifts to her, along with some acupressure bands that might relieve some of her nausea, plus a new batch of pregnancy vitamins. We said goodbye, and I told her that we would chat every day, and I would see her and the babies again in a few weeks’ time. At the hotel I couldn’t wait to sit down and chat with everyone and spread the news a little further and share the happiness with Krzysztof, who was still in China. I showed him the scan footage on Skype and he was so delighted to see that the babies were progressing well and were healthy. It was early to bed for me that night, as I had a meeting in Bangkok for work then a flight back to London the very next day.
When I arrived back in London, I wondered how I would be able to communicate with Grace and tell her how much I loved the babies. I wanted to be respectful of the wonderful children she was allowing me to have, knowing that she would be giving them to me to look after once they were born, and I was sure that wouldn’t be easy. In fact, I’d had no idea that someone could even be that kind. We chatted every day about how she was feeling, and this made me feel better about being so far away again. She said she would send me pictures of herself and her tummy, and I anxiously waited for her message each morning when I awoke to see how she was feeling. I decided to buy some children’s storybooks and a Dictaphone to record myself reading them over the next few weeks. When the babies were sufficiently developed, I hoped they would hear my voice and, to some degree, be familiar with me when they were born. I started to record for them, reading the books to Lily, and was looking forward to handing over the Dictaphone when the babies were a little bigger and I was back in Bangkok.
I knew that the morning sickness was pretty debilitating for Grace and, as far as I could, wanted to help her. I didn’t know how much of the money I had paid to the clinic was being passed on to her, so I decided to pay her salary so that she could stay home and rest and not have to go to her job in an office. She knew that she would have to give up work temporarily when the babies were born and, as her apartment came with her job, I found out that she would have to move out. I was worried that this would be a little dangerous for her and the babies, so I offered to pay the equivalent of her salary and the reduced rent on her apartment so that she could rest. Her boss even agreed to let her stay in the apartment and said he would give her her job back after the babies were born. I knew that she was using the surrogacy money to help her family and put her sister through university, so I was happy to offer to pay. This allowed her some breathing space to progress through these early stages. I was so happy that now she didn’t have to move and, after the babies were born, she would have her job to go back to. She would be financially stable and, therefore, less stressed. This arrangement worked for me too; I would be happier knowing that I could look after her this way, albeit from a distance. Also, she wasn’t comfortable staying in the surrogacy villa long-term, so this arrangement worked for us all.
I had a good rapport with Grace and she was able to approach me with questions. Clearly, I always wanted to remain mindful of the surrogacy and of the advice the clinic had given me not to put her under any stress. One morning, I could tell she was particularly emotional and she asked me what would happen when the babies were born, how soon they would be handed over to me, and whether she should breastfeed. First of all, I felt compassion for her because of my children that she was carrying, but I was also surprised that the clinic hadn’t gone into much more detail with her about the birth and what would happen. When I explained to her that I would do what the clinic told me with the babies and that they would be bottle-fed at home with me, she accepted that, and I didn’t want to push her at all about how she felt. Each day her emotions would be different, but I was always aware that she was so happy for me to be having the babies. Every weekend we would Skype and wherever I was with Lily, Krzysztof or Emma we would chat with her and her family, and at least say ‘Hi’ on FaceTime. It was lovely to see her with her family and observe how supportive they were. It made me feel a lot better that she was comfortable and doing everything she could to have a good pregnancy.
Chapter 13
Clinic Problems: Panic and Patience
At the end of July 2014, there were reports in the media about an Australian couple who had had twins in Thailand via surrogacy, and one of the twins was born with Down’s syndrome. The couple had returned to Australia with the non-Down’s twin and had left the Down’s baby behind. An online charity collection had increased awareness of the story and the media began to report about the children on the TV and internet. Coverage of this story and about surrogacy in general eventually reached fever pitch, and the junta government in Thailand decided to investigate and halt surrogacy immediately. As other stories emerged, various clinics were closed down or, at the very least, told they could only perform certain procedures. Thai IVF clinics were told that they were allowed to perform baby scans, but any future surrogacy was on hold until a decision about the law was taken. Eventually, as a story emerged about a Japanese man who had fathered at least fifteen children via surrogacy with different clinics, allegedly my clinic was found to be one of those involved. Inevitably, the clinic was told to halt all services. A few days later it was closed down completely.
I was worried, firstly, that Grace would panic at all the media reports and the news of the clinic closing, so I did my best to comfort her and tell her not to worry. I read on various forums that many other intended parents had had no contact with their surrogates and were obviously frantic with worry. I was glad that Grace and I had so much trust in each other and I told her she could ask me anything. The scans were now to be performed at a local hospital, and as the date of the next one approached, I was intrigued – and nervous – to see how the babies were doing. I was constantly worried about the long-term impact of the clinic closure and the fate of the nine remaining embryos I had frozen there. In reality, I was in a panic that I did not want to convey to Grace. Krzysztof felt the same and we were in tears as we discussed all the possible implications. What if this was the end? We had heard that some surrogates who had disappeared were now having abortions, and I feared the worst. We imagined all the possible outcomes of this, but we were always hopeful; the most likely scenario for us, because of our relationship with Grace, was that we would adapt and continue in the new form of our own normal. We would continue without the clinic, if need be, and once we had conveyed that to Grace and she had said she would do whatever we asked, I felt a little better but not by much. I had lost so much sleep worrying and was forgetting to eat. I just wanted the three of us to be close to each other and not have such an enormous physical distance between us.
At the new hospital they took blood from Grace for the Dual Marker test, and the scan in the twelfth week went well. I was awake early in the morning to hear and see the results. Grace had waited until the hospital had given her the scan pictures, and it was wonderful to see
two tiny babies in the picture. I could see both of them upside down, and resized them, ready to print them out to put in some twin baby scan frames that I had ordered for family. The heartbeats were strong, and I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that everything was going well. The new hospital was one of the few that would accept women having ‘agency babies’, as they were now referred to. I was glad it was open and honest there, and that Grace did not need to lie about anything. I hoped that all the hype in the media would blow over soon. I felt separated from the clinic at this point and that we were on our own. Previously the clinic had controlled everything, but now Grace was attending the appointments on her own, and I was settling the bill at the hospital direct. I missed the support and guidance from the clinic, but I felt more in control and that could only benefit us and Grace.
As each day passed, I looked forward to any photo of Grace and the baby bump, which was getting increasingly bigger. Every now and then, Grace would go to the temple to ask for a blessing for the babies, and I took great warmth from that and the photos of the temple she sent.
Krzysztof and I went to Scotland to spend time with my family and spread the good news of the twins’ coming. My mother was arranging a little party for everyone to come around and hear the news first hand. I gave my mother and grandmother a framed scan picture each, and we were even able to Skype so that Grace could see the whole family together and we could all chat with her. Everyone was so excited when I told them, and I was moved by all the support and the many offers of babysitting.
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