We all sat around chatting about the babies being born, about us living in the apartment and how life would be in just a few weeks’ time. Although wonderful to imagine, it was also quite difficult; Bangkok was so far away and completely different to our current surroundings. It felt quite surreal. I was beginning to understand the enormity of how life would operate and a little daunted by it, since our babies wouldn’t be born in a local hospital and come home straight after the birth. There would be so much to get used to and, as much as I wanted every precious moment to bond with our babies, I knew that we were embarking on a journey that would involve an enormous amount of administration, as it had up until now. As we were explaining all this to our friends, a few puzzled faces looked back at us, but we knew this was the only way for us, and it was the most remarkable journey.
My mum had arrived from Scotland to help us with the baby shower; she was great and well versed now too in organising baby showers. As our friends were leaving, I knew this would be the last time we would see some of them before the babies were born, so it was brilliant for everyone to give us so much love and encouragement on our journey. I was already looking forward to seeing them all again, next time with the babies in our arms.
Later on in November, Mary had arranged for her friend, Helen, to bring her eleven-week-old twins over to our apartment to familiarise us with the practicalities of living on the second floor with two new babies. Helen also had two slightly older children aged two and four, so I was so happy to meet her and get as much advice as I could. Meeting the twins in our downstairs car park was fun, and bundling them into our space with all of their things was challenging. Mary set about instructing us how to make up some milk from formula, get the temperature right, and make sure the dosage was correct. All the time we were watching, observing and helping them with the babies. We were able to plan feeding, changing, bathing, getting in and out of the apartment – planning sleeping would be a project for later on. I watched Krzysztof constantly as he held one of the babies and, although he looked a little nervous, he also looked so happy and proud. He was asking lots of questions and taking many mental notes, as I was too. It was a superb afternoon and it seemed to go past very quickly. It would be exhausting to do every day, I was sure, but so rewarding. I could barely wait now. As we said goodbye to them, I was so glad we’d had this chance to spend time with Helen, Mary and the twins, and knew we would refer back to this afternoon often in the future.
After lots of deliberating, planning, offering, asking, requesting and suggesting, we finally decided on the names for the twins. I knew this would be a tricky part of the administration as I’d heard about a few names that had gone wrong in translation in Thailand, so I thought with two names to pick and translate we would name them now and have all the translations in place. It would be one thing less for me to worry about. Once we had decided on the names, we wrote to our lawyer in Thailand to get them translated. A few days later, an email came back with the names in Thai script, which looked like the most beautiful names to me:
Our boy will be called:Leo Dudek-Phillip
Our girl will be called:Olivia Dudek-Phillip
It meant so much to me to see the names in black and white, and again it was one more thing that made the babies’ coming even more real to us. I sent a photo of the names written in Thai script straight to Krzysztof, and he was overjoyed too. I was glad this was done, and I wondered if I’d have felt different had we just been having one baby. When I read the names, I knew we’d made the correct choice for us, in our circumstances, to name the babies early. My worries were quickly dispersed when Mary shared with us that she had named her first-born before she missed her first period.
I had another session booked with Mary at my friend Marisa’s house; she had recently had her second boy, Daniel. Each time we met, I felt more and more comfortable with Mary and was able to ask her increasingly honest questions. This time we discussed what the birth could look like and how I would go about feeding the babies Grace’s expressed milk even if they were born a little premature. Mary was great at summing up everything we discussed and put together a pretty definitive job description for our day and night nannies while in Bangkok. The day passed quickly, and it was lovely to spend time with Marisa and Daniel and see how it might be with two little babies seeking our constant attention when they were born. In truth, I was getting more and more confident and assertive about what I wanted from the birth and feeding the twins, and this came through in the paperwork Mary sent over to me afterwards.
On the morning after saying goodbye to Krzysztof for the trip, I hugged and kissed him then went to the office to collect all the suitcases and boxes. I had packed more items with everything we would need before, during and after the babies were born. I was so excited to get the journey started. I had prepared everything I could think of to save time shopping in Thailand and also time trying to read instructions or searching in stores. I even packed a bucket for filling and emptying the baby baths I was taking. How’s that for organisation?
Chapter 21
A Long Flight: It’s Too Early, Please Wait!
Once everything was in the car, I was off to the airport and ready for a last dash round Boots at Terminal 5 for some extra premix formula and as many nappies as I could carry onto the plane. I had heard the local nappies could be of variable quality, so I took the same brand we used for Lily – and lots of them.
I had prepaid all the extra luggage and felt a huge sense of relief after I saw it all make its way down the belt. This relief was short-lived, though, as after I’d bought everything I could carry in Boots, I messaged Grace to wish her goodnight and tell her I would see her the next day. The messages coming back gave me cause for concern. For a couple of days she had mentioned that she’d had some back pain, and now she had some discomfort ‘down below’. I was worried, but she told me that she had called the nurse at the clinic who had advised her to rest and see the doctor at the clinic the next day if things didn’t improve. I asked her if she would prefer to go and see a doctor today, and she said that she would. As soon as I got this message back, I told Krzysztof what she had said and then I messaged Grace that she could go to see the doctor we had arranged at the new hospital in the city. I was getting more and more worried as I was about to board the flight, and the anxiety was building the nearer to the airplane I got. I was updating Krzysztof at every turn, and he was going to keep in touch throughout the night as I was flying. I was nervous, as the flight didn’t have Wi-Fi and I’d have to keep in touch via the airline’s on-board phone, but at least I was going in the right direction.
Emma and Lily were already on their way to Thailand with another airline and had left a couple of hours earlier. As I was getting into my seat, I got an email from the clinic. I was used to reading between the lines as a lot of things can be lost in translation, but this email struck me with fear. Emily at the clinic said that the doctor had advised that the uterine pains were labour pains. Both babies and Grace were completely well, but she advised that the babies be delivered there and then. I was so terrified, as we were only just past the thirty-week mark. It was still so early for them to be born, and neither Krzysztof nor I were there.
I was in tears reading the emails and messages back and forth, but Grace was able to let me call her on her phone and I could talk to the doctor. At least now I would get more up-to-date information and be able to gauge what was going on. Grace had told me that there was no bleeding – just pains that felt like contractions – so I was able to prepare myself to speak to the doctor. I went into the aircraft toilet so that I could talk loudly and hear what the doctor was saying. The doctor confirmed that she wanted to deliver the babies and that Grace was worried. I was terrified, and I desperately wanted to talk to Grace to see how she was really feeling about the doctor’s advice to deliver the babies now. The doctor told me that they would need a deposit of thousands of pounds right there and then,
as the babies would be in ICU for a long time. I was petrified, and although no one could put a price on the health of Grace and the babies, I thought the amount of £100K outrageous. Even if I were able to put my hands on that amount quickly, which I couldn’t, we had no other option but to move her to another hospital. I spoke to Grace and did my best to put her at ease, all the while thinking about her and the babies, their health and well being. I did my best to tell her to keep calm and not worry. I asked her directly if she felt able, with the help of one of the other women at the clinic, to move hospitals and she said yes. I was relieved and also glad we would get a second opinion, as the other hospital was only about twenty minutes away.
Emma and Lily’s flight had left without incident, but I boarded a couple of hours after them, at which point there had been an air traffic control computer failure at Swanwick, and every flight in UK airspace was having to be processed manually, causing huge delays and a backlog of flights. On the one hand, I was glad to be on the ground as this extra time was allowing me to communicate with Grace, the doctors, Krzysztof and the clinic, but, at the same time, I wanted to be travelling at great speed towards Bangkok in case the babies were born. Krzysztof was handling everything brilliantly by getting information from the clinic and Grace; after a few hours’ delay on the ground we were ready to leave. This was just at the time when Grace had arrived at the new hospital, Phyathai 3, and was taken straight to the labour ward. I realised I would be taking off and would have no idea what was going on. I was scared and worried. The last few hours had been so exhausting, and I felt completely ill at ease not being there and not being able to help in any way. As the aircraft door closed and we rolled towards the runway, I gave Krzysztof the go-ahead to make any decision he felt right with, and I would have to wait until I could call on board or had arrived. I messaged him and Grace right up to the end of the runway until, a few hours delayed, we were off up in the air.
As soon as we had taken off, I was fiddling with the in-seat phone to try and get a connection so that I could call Krzysztof, Emily or Grace to find out what was going on. I was so worried about the babies. My phone in my seat wasn’t working so I went to ask the flight attendant if I could use one of the phones in another seat. She asked the chief purser who said that in fact none of the phones on the flight were working. I was filled with fear. Now I would have no contact at all for the next eleven hours. I went back to my seat feeling completely helpless and realised pretty quickly that there was nothing at all I could do. I even thought about getting the captain to radio to Thailand and put a call through to the hospital, but knowing this would probably not happen and wouldn’t change the outcome anyway, I decided not to ask and do my best to sit and wait. This was going to be the longest eleven hours of my life.
After dinner was served, everyone else lay down to go to sleep, but I sat bolt upright. Every possible scenario was playing in my head, but I kept coming back to the fact that Grace was healthy and talking with no problem when I spoke to her and I hoped that things would calm down a bit as she got to the new hospital. This was a hospital I had never been to before so knew nothing about but was aware that she was in the labour ward when I left. I could land and have two very early babies, or I could land and find she was still carrying them safely and, I hoped, sitting up in bed.
As I saw daylight through the window, I knew we were getting closer and closer to Thailand; I would be there very soon. I’d felt every minute of that flight, and as soon as we started our descent I was eager to switch on my phone and talk to Krzysztof and Grace to find out if the babies had been born safely. I was going out of my mind with worry at this point, and I couldn’t wish the plane to land quickly enough.
As soon as we landed I switched my phone on. Some emails came through before I could call Krzysztof: Grace was well and had had some drugs to calm the contractions down, and the second hospital doctor had felt it better to leave the babies safely in her tummy for now but keep her on the labour ward for the time being. I was still in shock about what had happened at the first hospital but had an overwhelming sense of relief that things had calmed down and everyone was fine. I could see by the email thread that Krzysztof had been up the whole night and knew he would be completely exhausted. I picked up the phone to call him as quickly as I could and spoke to him for an update. We were both emotional, and I was desperate to get through the airport and on my way to the hospital in case they were waiting for me to arrive for Grace to give birth. I called Emily, told Krzysztof to get some rest, and reassured him I would call as soon as I got there.
I then called Grace. She seemed relieved and even relaxed. I told her I would be there as soon as I could, but I knew that at this point they were waiting to see me before deciding whether to let her give birth that day. As I had eight suitcases and boxes with me, and the hotel was on the way, plus the fact that Grace and the babies were in no immediate danger, I decided to stop at the hotel so that I didn’t turn up at the hospital with the most stuff anyone had ever seen. I saw Emma at the hotel and burst into tears when I told her what was going on, but no sooner had I arrived there than I was off again to the new hospital.
I was told that this hospital was actually the clinic’s second choice, and the preferred hospital, Phyathai 2, was completely full – all the baby ICU incubators were in use there and they had no space. So off I was to Phyathai 3 to see Grace and feel my babies in her tummy once again.
When I arrived, I was exhausted and running on empty already. I knew that, were the babies to arrive now, I could just keel over. I was updating Krzysztof on my every move as we turned into the hospital car park.
I kept as calm as I could as I asked the patient information desk where Grace was, though I was completely dazed and confused with lack of sleep. I was directed towards the labour ward on the fourth floor and told to put on special shoes and a surgical gown and hat. I was worried they were going to take me straight into theatre, as I had no clue what was going on and none of the nurses spoke English. As I was led into the room where Grace was on bed rest, I was instantly relieved to see her smiling back at me and the babies still moving around in her tummy. She was wired up to a machine and we could hear the heartbeats of the babies being monitored and see the bpm per baby displayed on the screen. My eyes filled with tears. Her neighbour and her daughter were there with her and also Lisa, a lady from the clinic. I was eager to hold her tummy and feel my babies, as it had been five weeks since I had last seen her, and was reassured to feel them moving around.
There was no doctor available for me to talk to that weekend. Grace was only being held there until two ICU incubators were free at Phyathai 2 hospital, in case she had to give birth as an emergency, so I decided to make the best of it and get as much information as I could about her health and that of the babies and when we might expect them to be born. Would it be an hour, or a week, or at the end of the final six or so weeks? Clearly no one could give me an answer, but since Grace was feeling more comfortable, I felt more relaxed, as I am sure even Krzysztof did as I kept him informed of every move and update. So I just sat with Grace. As the contractions had completely stopped and she and the babies were in no danger, it was back to the waiting game, although this time all I could expect was for the babies to be born any time from then on. We were all exhausted, so later on I left her to sleep and went back to the hotel to eat and sleep myself and get ready to go back to the hospital the next day.
I had been so excited about this trip, as Emma and Lily would get the chance to meet Grace and now, even with all the goings-on over the weekend, I still desperately wanted to take them to meet her, even if it was in the labour ward. So, the next day we all went off to the hospital, and Lily had the chance to sit with Grace and chat away to the babies, feeling them kick. It was an amazing moment to share with Emma, and I am so happy that we got the chance for Lily to feel the twins in Grace’s tummy before they were born. Grace’s friends were there, and they had kin
dly got a present for Lily. As we exchanged gifts, the room filled with laughter and love. We all felt the babies kick and a small sense of calm came over us again, which was welcomed if we were going to get any sleep at all before the babies were born.
That evening, while we still didn’t really know what was going on, a bed had become available at Phyathai 2 – now the clinic’s preferred hospital – so they expected to move Grace the very next day. I was happy and nervous at the same time as I knew this meant that if anything else were to happen when we got there, they would not hesitate to deliver the babies, and it might not all go as planned, with Mozart playing in the background and Krzysztof and me waiting patiently with warmed towels to receive the babies straight after birth. In the circumstances, I was just glad that, after the fifth hospital in this pregnancy, we would finally be in the place the babies would be born. The hospital called and said that Grace would be discharged at 6am the next day to get to the new hospital. Time for an early night and an even earlier morning call.
Chapter 22
Fifth Hospital and Home
I struggled to get to sleep, thinking that the next day would be the day the babies would be born. I awoke with jet lag at 2am, which seemed cruel considering I’d had no sleep for the last three days and was getting more and more exhausted every hour. So, as 5am approached I was up and awake, showered and dressed, ready to leave. I jumped in a cab and was at the hospital at 5.45am.
Surrogacy Page 11