Loving Lydia (Atlantic Divide)

by Saxon, Diane

  “And Carl. What must Carl think? Oh my God. He’s so old, and he heard me talk about sex.” Ducking her head, she rocked some more.

  Suddenly her head shot up and her eyes narrowed as she glowered at him.

  “You!”

  Her finger shook as she pointed it at him. “It’s your fault!”

  He brought his hand up to pat his chest, his eyes wide and innocent, and her temper rose.

  “Yes! You! If you hadn’t started this nonsense… Lydia, I want you,” she mimicked, “I can’t wait to get you naked.” More annoyed that he seemed to be amused at her, she wriggled up onto her knees and leaned her face into his, her sharp fingernail drilling into his chest. “It’s … your … fault!”

  As she knelt face to face with him, blood surging, breath heaving, it suddenly occurred to her that it was the first time she had been without fear of a man in years. He didn’t frighten her.

  He smiled into her face, and she felt her furious accusation morph into complete puzzlement.

  “What are you doing here?” she whispered.

  “I came to see if you were all right. You took off so quickly I couldn’t be sure.”

  She leaned back on her haunches and studied him for a moment.

  “You can go now. I’m fine.”

  He paused for a moment, and then raised his hand to smooth a lock of hair back from her face, his rough fingers grazing her skin

  “Hey, pretty lady, how about a good luck kiss, so I don’t fall off the balcony on my way down.”

  “You deserve to fall.”

  He winced at her cruelty. “I did try to warn you.”

  “Next time, try harder.”

  He smiled. “At least there’s going to be a next time. Now, where’s my kiss?”

  “Sam…”

  “Lydia, just a little kiss. I know the kids are next door, so I don’t expect more. Although, if you feel inclined to let me see your tattoo, I wouldn’t object.” She laughed as he leered at her. Leaning back, she wondered how she felt so easy with him.

  “Nu uh, no way.”

  “Kiss.” He leaned in; she couldn’t resist. She closed her eyes and let her lips skim across his. He groaned with frustration.

  “Lydia, more.” His hand came up to cradle the back of her head, his lips pressed against hers, firmer, deeper. He opened her lips with the pressure from his own and slipped his tongue inside her mouth.

  She raised her hand in a half-hearted attempt to push him away, but he caught it in his free hand and gently rubbed her palm with his thumb as he pulled her closer, angling his head to sink in deeper. Weak, he made her muscles so weak.

  “More,” he murmured against her lips.

  She let her mind drift as he tenderly cradled her in his arms and sighed against her mouth as her shy tongue slid tentatively against his. She thought she might drown under his tender assault. He dipped in, tasted, retreated. She touched his jaw line and gave a vague murmur of protest, and then he dipped in again. She allowed him to turn her in his arms until she all but lay across his lap. Her eyelids felt heavy, her body like liquid as she let his hand slide under her snug little T-shirt to touch her flesh.

  A quick surge of panic had her stiffening in his arms, but he calmly slid his hand out from her T-shirt again, rested it on her waist, and kept his lips fixed seductively to hers all the time. He pulled back to look at her face. She felt amazingly relaxed, eyelids at half-mast. She could feel her pulse beat a rapid tattoo in the base of her neck. He kissed the end of her nose, and she lazily drifted back until her eyes were fully open. As his dimples appeared, she felt herself respond with a long, slow smile.

  “I have to go now, and I think you’re keeping me.”

  “Oh.” Her mind was still hazy. “I’m sorry…”

  He touched a fleeting kiss to her lips. “Don’t be. I’m not.” Sitting her up, he slid off the bed and made his way to her bedroom door.

  “I thought you were going over the balcony.” Her voice was low and husky, almost an invitation for him to go back, but he snorted instead.

  “You’re kidding. I’m not going to risk breaking my neck when there’s a perfectly good staircase in the house.” He slipped out of the door before she could reply.

  Just as she reclined back on the bed with a long drawn-out sigh, he popped his head back round the door.

  “Lydia, I think you’re going to be just fine at sex.”

  Before she even had time to sit bolt upright, he was gone.

  Thoughtful, she put her fingers up to her lips and smiled to herself. That was the second time she’d been kissed in four years, and she’d never been kissed like that in her life. It had been tender and sensuous, with a promise of what was to come. She hugged herself for a moment and allowed herself just a little time to indulge in the fantasy of Sam before she checked on her children.

  *

  He sneaked silently through the kitchen, congratulated himself on his progress, and almost had a heart attack as Kate snapped on the kitchen light. She leaned against the fridge, her arms crossed over the top of her huge stomach as her cool eyes assessed him. She waited.

  “Jeez, Kate, you make me feel like a teenager again, sneaking out on a date.”

  “You weren’t sneaking out, buddy, but sneaking in. To my sister’s room.”

  “Last time I checked, she was past the age of consent.”

  “Don’t you take that tone with me, young man.” She stepped into his path. “She’s my little sister, and she doesn’t need some Lothario chasing after her and breaking her heart.”

  He didn’t back down; it wasn’t in his nature. Persistence was. So he stepped closer, took hold of Kate’s face in the palm of his hands, and kissed her on the top of her head.

  “Kate, you’re going to make a great mama. Really, you are. But right now, I need some space with your little sister.” He placed his mouth above her ear and whispered, “I’m going to marry her. Don’t tell her yet, though. It’s a secret.” As she gasped, he stepped back, picked up a green apple from the fruit bowl, threw it in the air, and caught it. He took a bite, glanced back, and winked at Kate as he stepped out of the back door and into the fresh night air.

  Chapter 5

  He was romancing her. He wondered if she realized it, or if she had ever even been romanced before.

  Every morning when she brought the children down for breakfast, he made sure he was there to join them, having already done half a day’s work by that time. He’d never spent so much time in Jack’s kitchen.

  He chattered comfortably with Aaron, let Rosie slip onto his knee for a snuggle, and enjoyed flirting with her. They were cute little kids, and there was no sign of their mama’s shy nature in either of them.

  He’d snuck up to her bedroom the morning before and left a small bunch of wildflowers for her. Buffalo Rose, they were one of his mama’s favorites. They sat pretty and blousy in a small vase on her dressing table, the petals warm and silky in stunning magenta, basking in the sun filtering through the window. He thought it might have been a bit foolish until she’d thanked him. Her shy eyes had met his as she had asked what they were without censuring him for going into her room.

  He watched her walk into the kitchen behind her charging children. They never walked anywhere; everything had to be done at a flat-out run. His sister had once told him that two children were ten times the work than one. He considered twins were even more than that, but it didn’t seem to faze Lydia at all. She took it in her stride. He’d never once seen her lose her temper with them. Oh, she had the mum voice, but in general her rules were few and far between. What rules she did have, those kids obeyed. She made a really good mother; it would probably suit her to have more children running around her feet. In fact he quite liked the idea of her being pregnant with his child.

  Her skin flushed a pretty pink when she spotted him, and as usual, she tucked her hair behind her ear and gave him a hesitant smile. Her eyelashes always fluttered a little when she met his gaze, as if she wa
s frightened of seeing something there and was getting ready to retreat. Keeping his eyes as calm and placid as he could when she was around, he tried his best not to frighten her off, but the truth was he wanted to eat her alive. Devour her in one tasty little morsel. That little smile of hers made him want to scoop her up and ravish her, taste her irresistible mouth again, kiss her skin all over, lick her… He sucked in his bottom lip as his gaze dropped to her mouth, and he deliberated whether that was the best place to start.

  The smile on her face flickered, and his thoughts stopped dead in their tracks as he noticed the uncertainty in her wary eyes. She’d gone very still, her breath was fast and shallow, and he realized that his eyes must have been devouring her just as mind had. She was better at reading his mind than he had realized, and just as he suspected, she had seen something in his eyes.

  He deliberately let his attention stray to the children so that he could gather himself again.

  He couldn’t help it if he looked as though he was going to pounce on her because that’s how he felt, but he smiled as he thought it showed how aware of him she was. Just for a moment there, he’d had the strangest feeling that she had been about to step in real close. Until she’d seen the glint in his eye. Perhaps it wasn’t a bad thing for her to know he had a craving for her. One that he had control over. She probably needed to know he had control.

  Kate wandered in and grumbled about there still being no sign of going into labor. She plunked herself down at the kitchen table to ask her nephew what his plans were today.

  “Mummy says we need to go shopping to get some clothes and finger paints.” His voice was quiet, and his mouth turned down in a sulky pout.

  Kate leaned forward and stroked down the length of his nose. “Well, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can stay with me today if mummy needs to do shopping.”

  His hopeful look made his mother roll her eyes in surrender.

  “Okay, but if you don’t like the clothes I choose for you, then it’s your own look-out, pal.” He smiled happily at her, slipped down from the table, and took his sister by the hand to go outside to play.

  As Sam watched them go, he thought it was as good a time as any to make some arrangements of his own.

  “Kate, I was going to ask if you would mind babysitting Friday night if I take Lydia out to Toe Tappers.” He smiled across the room at Lydia. “I get together with some of the boys on a Friday night, and we play a little country. I get to sing.”

  Kate remained silent, and he watched Lydia’s frozen face turn slowly white.

  “I don’t want to go.” It was quiet, adamant.

  She surprised him. He had felt sure she would have jumped at the chance of a little time away from babysitting. “I’m sorry? I thought you might like to go out.”

  “You didn’t ask me.” He noted the determined angle of her chin as it jutted out in challenge and felt confused at her defensiveness. What the hell had he done? He’d only tried to arrange to take her out, and here she was snapping away at him like he’d committed some kind of offense.

  “I just assumed…”

  “Yes, you did,” she cut in. He snapped his mouth closed and clamped his jaw down. “I don’t want or need you to assume on my behalf. I don’t want to go out with you, and I don’t want to discuss it any further.” She stared straight back at him, green eyes defiant, until he dropped his gaze and nodded. In the face of that reaction, retreat was advisable.

  “I got it.” He nodded at Kate. “Excuse me.” He placed his coffee cup down on the table and slowly walked out. There were no tantrums, no loud voices, just an uncomfortable, heavy silence as he walked out.

  *

  Lydia glanced at her sister. Kate’s mouth was tight, cool eyes full of censor.

  “There was no need for that, you know.” Kate rubbed her swollen stomach. “You hurt him.”

  Lydia slumped into a chair, frowned with irritation, and bit her lip. Guilt wound its way through her chest. “I know … it’s just … I can’t let him tell me what to do. I can’t ever be told what to do again.”

  “You never did like being told what to do by anyone, until Greg came along. That’s why you ran away, because he told you to. If he’d told you to jump off a cliff back then, you would have. But you’ve grown up now.” Kate leaned forward and looked Lydia straight in the eye.

  “You know, Lydia, if you expect to have any kind of a life for yourself, you’re going to have to face your own demons. Sam isn’t Greg, and what you just did to him was cruel. You gave him a verbal slap that he didn’t deserve. He obviously cares for you. I think you should go and apologize to him.”

  “He doesn’t like me to apologize…”

  “Not when it’s a knee jerk reaction borne of being abused, he doesn’t.” Lydia sucked in her breath at Kate’s unexpected attack. “He has no idea what you’ve been through, but I bet you he instinctively understands. That’s the way Sam is. He’s instinctive. Haven’t you seen the way he is with animals? Haven’t you noticed that he’s the one who deals with the injured, the abused? Do you really think he doesn’t know on some level that you’ve been abused?”

  She felt her eyes fill with tears, and she almost choked as she realized Kate was right. She stared back at her sister and her heart almost broke as she watched Kate’s eyes well up in sympathy. If anyone understood what she’d been through, it was Kate. After all, she’d been through most of it with her.

  “You need to decide what it is you want, Lydia. If you want a life again, you’ve got to start living it. But you can’t treat him like that.” As Kate sighed heavily and turned away, she surreptitiously wiped a tear from her cheek. Lydia wiped her own tears.

  “You need to apologize.”

  “I’m sorry.” Lydia’s voice hitched.

  “Not to me, to him.” Kate turned back, opened her arms, and with relief, Lydia walked straight into them.

  “I will. I promise,” she snuffled into Kate’s neck.

  “Good, because I hate getting naggy. Being pregnant sucks.”

  Lydia’s head came up, and she caught Jack’s look of sympathy as he leaned against the doorway, having heard every word. He straightened and walked quietly away, leaving her alone with her older sister.

  * * * *

  He was brooding. She knew he was brooding, but it couldn’t be helped. It wasn’t like she could do anything about it. She had no idea where he was. According to Jack, it was in his nature to take himself off for a few days if he was upset. He’d done it since he was a boy, and he would brood until he felt better. Which she realized may not be any time soon. Jack had said their mother would kick his ass if she thought he’d taken himself off on the range for a few days because he didn’t want to face down a problem. That’s the way Sam handled things though, quiet and thoughtful. He believed it was better to back off for a while, let a situation calm down, and then approach it from a different angle. Thinking time, Jack had called it.

  Problem was, she knew it was her fault that he’d disappeared, and it made her heart ache to think she’d hurt him when she’d lashed out at him.

  It was fear that made her act that way. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go out with him so much as he’d assumed that he could just go right ahead and organize her life like she didn’t have a say in the matter. It had made her head buzz and her teeth grind, but when she’d said she didn’t want to go out with him, she hadn’t meant she didn’t want him, more that she wanted to make her own decisions, take her time. Most of all, she didn’t want to be bullied into anything.

  It surprised her that he’d slunk off to lick his wounds. She didn’t think he was the type to give up that easily. The ranch was a big place, It might be a while until she saw him again, and the frustration of waiting for him to turn up was starting to take its toll.

  She would have felt better if she could have apologized to him before he’d disappeared. Carl said he took off. Gone to visit the herd they’d recently moved to the far end of their land
. In the meantime, Carl saw to the kids’ riding lessons. Even Aaron and Rose missed Sam and had started to whine about his absence.

  So, she waited for three days, and in waiting became anxious. In her anxiety, she became more withdrawn and irritable.

  On the fourth evening when Jack mentioned that Sam had arrived back, she was virtually hyperventilating. The children sensed her unease and took so much longer to settle down. She read them an extra story each to try and compensate for being distracted, so that when they eventually snuggled down and closed their eyes, it was later than usual. By the time she’d changed into something pretty and feminine, it was starting to get dark.

  She headed out toward the stables with the thought that if he wasn’t there, she would probably have to walk over to his house. It was a considerable distance, but if she didn’t do it, she was going to be awake all night again. The thought crossed her mind that perhaps she should have just kept her jeans on for practical purposes, but she’d wanted to grab his attention long enough that perhaps she didn’t have to grovel.

  So she’d changed into a floaty, black skirt with dark purple dahlias printed randomly through the material. Her plain, purple T-shirt made it look as though she hadn’t made too much of an effort. The shoes she wore had sweet little kitten heels, which were hardly practical for walking long distances.

  She hadn’t been to his house yet. He’d never invited her. She supposed it was because he always worked on the stable side of the ranch. Not for the last few days though.

  Her nerves jittered as she stepped into the quiet stables. The horses stamped and snorted when they heard her, but she wasn’t going to be fooled this time. She’d keep her mouth shut until she knew just who was in there. She knew Jack wasn’t there because he was still with Kate, but she didn’t need anyone to witness her humiliation. Her pulse hammered in the base of her throat as she walked silently through to the end of the stables. She peered into each darkened stall until she reached the end.

  There was no one there at all. She turned around in frustration and started to make her way back through the dimly lit building. She kept a tight control as her breathing started to escalate. Nerves jittered as it dawned on her that she was alone. She never allowed herself to be alone. There were too many things that could happen to a person when they were on their own.