‘Right then. Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow? Give Harry a big kiss from me.’
‘Sure,’ I said, hanging up with a sigh. I followed the others into the trail, putting on a smile for them, but I was worried. I hoped he’d be okay, that the blizzard wouldn’t be too bad, and he would only need to stay away for one night. I also hated the thought of sleeping at the farm without him, something I’d never done before. Thank goodness I had dinner with Stewart to focus on. I couldn’t help but look forward to my evening away from the farm, even if we had planned to be talking about it. It had been a long time since I’d gone to a restaurant for a meal, and I had always had a good time with Stewart.
There was nothing wrong with that surely? It was all perfectly innocent.
The problem was, there was a little voice in my head telling me I was lying to not only Rory, but also to myself.
Chapter Twelve
I slipped away from the Hall, trying to hold on to my anger with Rory and not let guilt overwhelm me as I waved goodbye to my family and friends and set off in my car to the pub Stewart had booked for dinner a few miles away. I was relieved he hadn’t suggested eating at the Arms, where he was staying, as I knew there would be too many people there I recognised, and no doubt gossip would have spread around Glendale if I was seen eating with another man. Not that there would be any foundation to it, of course.
Finding the pub car park, I pulled in and spotted Stewart’s car already there. I switched off the engine taking a few breaths. Then I glanced at my flushed reflection in the rear-view mirror. ‘Too late to cancel now,’ I whispered to myself.
Pushing open the pub door, warmth and laughter greeted me and I spotted Stewart at a table in the corner close to the log fire, so I weaved my way around the tables towards him. He was wearing a dark shirt and stood up when he saw me, his face breaking into a warm smile. He leaned in to kiss my cheek, his aftershave wafting over me again. ‘You look lovely, Heather,’ he said, reaching for my coat.
‘Thank you,’ I replied, pleased that he had noticed I’d made an effort. I let him slip the coat from my shoulders and drape it behind my chair, and then we sat down, close together thanks to the small table. I was more nervous than I cared to admit. Stewart was, after all, my first love and it was incredibly strange to be with him again. My leg bounced under the table. ‘I haven’t been here before,’ I said, looking around so I wouldn’t have to meet his piercing gaze. It was a small, cosy pub with low wooden beams across the ceiling. Fairy lights were draped over the beams in the centre lending a rather romantic atmosphere to the place. I shifted in my seat, drawing my eyes back to him.
‘The landlord of the Glendale Arms recommended it,’ he told me. ‘I thought you’d appreciate a place that you don’t need to wear wellies to.’
‘Always,’ I said with a smile.
‘This place reminds me of that pub off campus, do you remember it? The Red Lion, I think, with the same kind of beams across the ceiling. I had to carry you out one night…’
‘God, I do remember. You started a shot competition even though I had an early lecture the next day.’ I remembered protesting I needed to go home but Stewart bought another round – he had always been good at persuading me to stay out later than I planned. ‘I would be on the floor now if I had a shot, I don’t know how I drank as much as I did at uni.’
‘Don’t tell me you’re all old and boring now? Let’s have one drink at least… for old times.’ He waved over a waitress and ordered two glasses of wine, despite my weak protest. To be truthful, I needed a drink. ‘I suppose you have to get up too early on the farm to go out much now.’
‘Exactly. There are chores to do every morning and evening. Rory is stuck at an auction tonight, he got snowed in there, so I’ll have to do them when I get back. I mean, we have Angus who lives with us and helps but there is always so much to do. And we have the farm shop in the village to look after too.’
‘And I don’t suppose it’s easy to make money nowadays in farming, and running a small business too. I mean, I know how hard that is with my own company. And Glendale is such a quiet area.’
‘It is but the community is strong, and everyone likes to support each other. But that’s why Rory had to go to this auction, winter is definitely harder all round on us.’ The waitress came back with our drinks, and took our food orders. Stewart ordered steak, and I went for the shoulder of lamb.
When she had gone, Stewart held up his glass so I did too. ‘Here’s to good company and good times,’ he said, clinking my glass with his. I took a long gulp. ‘You seem so grown up to me with all your responsibilities,’ he said then. ‘It’s hard to compute with the woman who used to be running around campus late to her lectures in those boots you had then.’
I laughed. ‘Trust me, I’m still late everywhere. There are not enough hours in the day what with the farm and the shop, looking after Harry, and trying to find time to spend with Rory. I just run around in wellies instead now.’
‘You sound a little frazzled, I hope you’re not taking on too much. You need some time to relax too. Read all those books you always wanted to read.’ He smiled. ‘And what about your love of drawing and designing, did you ever do anything with that?’
‘Well, I took some art classes at college while I was working at the library, and I’ve done some projects for friends. The trail I went to tonight, I designed the banner and marketing materials for that, and my friend Emily runs the bakery in the village so I helped with her logo and menus, and of course everything in the farm shop too. I really enjoy it. I did have an idea to start up a business when Harry goes to school maybe, but it really depends on what’s happening with the farm then. If I can fit it all in or not, really.’
‘I hope you can if it’s something you love, you must miss being creative on the farm. I remember you were always reading or drawing or taking pictures.’
‘Actually, I just started up an Instagram account to get back into that.’ I told him all about it. ‘It might help the business, but even if it doesn’t, I’m really enjoying it.’ It wasn’t quite my own business but it was getting me back into something creative, and that was no small thing.
‘But do you actually enjoy working on the farm, Heather?’ Stewart asked then, leaning forward. ‘It just seems too unlike you, I have to be honest. All the things we talked about that we wanted to do at university, I must admit I’m surprised to see where you ended up. Do you know what I mean?’
I nodded. I did. I hadn’t planned any of it. Love had taken me to a really unexpected place in life, that was for sure. ‘I do miss the library sometimes, usually on a cold, dark morning when I would much prefer to stay in bed, but I get to be with my son every day, and seeing the farm thrive under our care is rewarding even if I do think the animals gang up on me sometimes.’ I chuckled. ‘And I get to work with Rory, although we don’t get as much time together as I would like. It’s hard work but we’re doing something that’s been done for generations, and we are building something together. It’s a way of life really, not a job.’
‘Interesting. Well, it makes me wonder if I should still mention what I’ve been thinking about today, or not…’ He tilted his head as he trailed off.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, to be honest, I wondered if you could be really happy doing something so unlike you. And it got me thinking about the past. We had such a good time together at university, didn’t we? And we talked about the future so much. I can’t deny I have wondered what would have happened if we had done what we said we would do. We were going to set up a company together, do you remember? A design company. Where we could both use our creative skills.’ Our food arrived as I thought back to the late-night conversations with Stewart about what we could do when we left university. He had told me that he wanted me to join him in Edinburgh while he did an architect apprenticeship, and that we would set up a business together down the line where he would design buildings, and I could do graphic design work. I had
n’t really known what I wanted to do, I just knew I enjoyed drawing and designing things, and I loved reading, of course, so I was happy to go along with his idea for our future.
‘I haven’t thought about that in years.’ I looked down at my plate, a little sadly. It wasn’t easy to think about that time. I had thought my whole future had been destroyed that year – my mum had died, and Stewart had gone to Edinburgh to follow through on his plans, plans that I was suddenly no longer part of. I felt a spark of bitterness, and lifted my eyes to meet his. ‘None of that happened because you decided to do it without me.’
He looked stricken. ‘It wasn’t like that, things happened that we could never have foreseen. What happened to your mother was so tragic, we both had to make choices, hard choices back then, Heather. But I wish it hadn’t turned out like it did. You have no idea how much I wish that.’ He leaned forward. ‘As soon as I saw you again, I couldn’t stop thinking about what a good team we were back then. And I realised that we could be a good team again. I’m going to be in Glendale for a long time, working on this project, and it’s the most ambitious thing that my company has done so far. I’ll need some great talent by my side to work with me on it. And who is more talented than you?’
I stared at him. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, I’d love you to come on board. Come and work for me. Put your designing skills to use again. Help me design the hotel, and everything we’ll need for it – signs, logos, a website… all of it. We could do it together. And you’re local, you can advise on how we can fit into the landscape, how we can keep the community on our side.’ He reached out to touch my hand. I was too surprised to move it away. ‘And you could make sure Rory’s farm is protected too.’
‘Are you serious?’ I couldn’t deny the idea had instant appeal. Working in design like I had always planned to do, and helping on such a big project, which would set me up perfectly if I did want to start my own company in the future. Plus, I could ensure the farm was kept at a safe distance from the hotel, and I could make sure it impacted us in the least way possible. But I would be working with Stewart. After all that happened between us, was that really a good idea? And what would Rory say about it?
Stewart cut into my confused thoughts. ‘Do you really see yourself working full-time on the farm forever? What about your designing dreams? If you came on board with my company, you’d get to do what you love but wouldn’t have the risk of setting up on your own, not just yet anyway. I know you, Heather. You would love it.’ He smiled. ‘And I mean, honestly, are you really happy working on the farm? You seem stressed out, and tired too. I know how anxious you can get, and if it’s making you more anxious then maybe you should step back. You need to put yourself first sometimes. I’m sure Rory would understand. Surely, he wants you to be happy like I do? You said it’s a way of life for him, it’s all he’s known, right? But that doesn’t mean you feel the same way. And, if you don’t mind me saying, it would be rather selfish if he didn’t let you follow your dreams, wouldn’t it?’
I didn’t know what to say. Stewart was saying aloud all the dark thoughts I had sometimes. That I just wasn’t cut out for the life I was living. That I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t belong. Not in the way that Rory did. I was an outsider, and Stewart could see that. All I had done to make my family work seemed to crumble under his piercing gaze. Like he was tearing off the outer layer of my skin to reveal the troubled mess underneath. ‘It’s not like that, he doesn’t make me work on the farm…’ I said uncertainly.
‘But you said that you had to leave the library so you could help him with the farm and the shop, didn’t you? He could have hired help instead, couldn’t he?’
I hesitated. We’d never really discussed it. I had just sort of slipped into life on the farm. Organically. But I supposed Rory hadn’t checked it was what I wanted. ‘Well, maybe. I mean if I was earning a salary then we could afford more help,’ I mused. If I worked with Stewart then Rory could have a proper workforce on the farm. And Angus could retire too. It was an interesting thought. But then I’d see even less of Rory than I did now. And what about Harry? I would hardly have time with him. ‘It would be a huge change though, to family life, you know,’ I said, gulping down another sip of my wine, my head starting to spin. ‘Rory would support me whatever I wanted to do though,’ I insisted then. But I knew he’d be heartbroken if I walked away from the farm.
Stewart beamed as if everything was settled. ‘Well then, nothing to worry about. You just need to tell him what you want to do. You’ve fallen into this life, but it doesn’t have to stay that way, does it?’ I was unsure if he meant farming or more generally being with Rory. I thought it was best not to ask. I shifted my hand, and he finally moved it away. ‘You need to think it all over, of course. I hoped you were still here, you know. When I heard there was a site available in Glendale, and that it might work for our hotel, all I could think about was whether it was a sign that I should find you again. After all these years. And it looks like I was right to.’
I lifted my head and met his eyes, feeling confused about everything suddenly. Was he right to? I thought about how much I worried about whether I was capable enough on the farm, perhaps Stewart’s offer was a sign that it wasn’t what I was meant to be doing. Did I really belong on the farm? ‘What about your business partner? Would they be happy if I came on board?’ I asked, taking a small bite of the food but I felt too churned up to really enjoy it.
‘I’ve told him all about you,’ Stewart replied with a smile. ‘He likes us to have the best people around us, so he would be very much on board. Oh, and I have those plans…’ He reached down and pulled out a folder. ‘Here are the plans the council have for the land, you can see that Hilltop owns that lower field. I want to help, I really do, to not disrupt the farm if that’s what you want, but I’ll need your help to do that.’ He slid the folder across the table to me. ‘I suppose you just need to think about what’s really important to you, Heather.’
I looked at the folder and wondered why it felt like it was a bomb threatening to explode in my face.
Chapter Thirteen
Why is it when you really need to sleep, your mind just won’t let you?
I had no need of an alarm the following morning after barely sleeping all night, running over everything Stewart had said to me in my head. After spending two years worrying that farm life just wasn’t for me, suddenly he was offering me a way out. My ex-boyfriend. It was beyond confusing, and on top of that, I felt so guilty about having seen him behind Rory’s back.
When I had arrived home last night, I had gone to see Angus to tell him Rory was stuck at the auction, and he had gruffly told me he’d see to the horses, and the cows, if I sorted everything else in the morning, which I had agreed to, relieved that he was here to help out. I knew Rory thought he should have retired by now, and tended to do more things himself than he had in the past, and I kept suggesting we needed more help so we could spend more time together. But it wasn’t easy when all the spare money we made had to go back into maintenance of the farm and keeping the animals happy. Especially during winter when we made less from farm produce in the shop.
And Rory was fiercely loyal. Angus had worked and lived here since Rory was born, he had become like a second father after Rory’s parents died. I couldn’t help thinking though, if I took Stewart up on his offer, we would have far less money worries, and could bring in extra help around here.
Working with my ex though would be strange. I had been so hurt when things ended between us but I supposed it had been my decision to stay in Glendale, breaking our plans to move to Edinburgh. Perhaps I couldn’t still blame him for not joining me. We had been young, and he had been so ambitious.
And it had been nice to see him again. We had had fun together at uni. We’d had no responsibilities, and had gone out all the time, partying with our friends and staying up until dawn talking. It had been my first proper relationship, and I had been completely infatuated wi
th him, not wanting to leave his side, and needing his opinion on everything. It was hard not to look back on those times with a certain nostalgia; it was so vastly different from my life now. No wonder Stewart had been so surprised to find me here.
But working with him would mean it was no longer just in the past. It would mean changing the life I ha. It would mean letting him back into it. And I wasn’t sure if that was something I wanted to do or not.
I climbed out of bed, realising that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, and went to the window, pulling back the curtains. It was still dark outside and I could see it had started snowing again. I sighed heavily. A dark, snowy morning made me want to stay in the house, crawl under a duvet by the fire with a good book and a hot chocolate, but you just couldn’t do that on a farm. Rory never complained about having to go out in all weather. I supposed though it was all he had ever known.
I got dressed in my warmest clothes ready to brave the elements, thinking back to my first morning on the farm after I had moved in.
* * *
‘So, these are the stables,’ Rory said as I trailed after him as he did his morning chores. ‘Angus usually lets the horses out into the paddock, if it’s not too bad weather, and then mucks out the stables and gives them fresh hay and water and so on,’ he said, gesturing to Angus who was leading Prince out of the stable.
‘Morning, Angus,’ I said as he walked past. He gave me a curt nod. ‘I don’t think he’s happy about me moving in,’ I confessed to Rory once we were alone again.
‘Oh, he’s always like that,’ Rory said breezily, reaching up to pat Duke who I had just fed for the first time. ‘He prefers animals to people, but if you need help, he’d be there like a shot.’ I stood well back, nervous of the large animal.
‘It’s weird though to be living somewhere with someone who barely talks to me,’ I said. I didn’t feel comfortable around Angus. I felt like he knew I had no idea what I was doing here. I worried that he agreed that I didn’t belong here.
Hopeful Hearts at Glendale Hall Page 10