Bacca and the Skeleton King

by Jerome ASF

  Next, a large contingent of zombies headed their way. It was the generals and other high-ranking zombies from the king’s court. They had come out onto the battlefield. The one in front was holding a crown the color of rotting flesh.

  As Bacca looked on, the zombies put the crown firmly on Dug’s head, and stepped a few paces away.

  Dug was stunned.

  “mmmmPssst,” he whispered to Bacca. “What do I do?”

  “Tell them thank you,” Bacca said. “Then tell them whatever you want. You’re their king now. They do what you say.”

  “mmmmThank you,” Dug said to the zombie that had crowned him. Then all the zombies broke into moan-y cheers. Dug tried to wave to them—like Tibia had—but he was too short to be seen above the gathering crowd. Bacca picked Dug up and put him on his shoulders. Now the crowd could see Dug easily, and they all cheered again.

  Eventually, after lots of cheering, Bacca set Dug back down.

  “mmmmI can’t believe we did it!” said the new zombie king. “Not only did we stop the war, but we also saved Gravehome, got the Bonesword, and—most importantly—learned about the shared history between all zombies and skeletons.”

  “Yes,” said Bacca. “A good week’s work, I think. It looks like everything is all wrapped up.”

  Then something across the battlefield caught Bacca’s eye.

  “Except for maybe one thing …” he added mysteriously.

  Dug turned and looked.

  Crawling across the floor of the battlefield was a very small dog—the kind that might sit on a tiny cushion beside a king, or that a queen might carry in her purse. It was crawling between pieces of discarded armor—hiding under a dented helmet, shielding itself between broken breastplates. It gave the distinct impression of trying very hard not to be seen.

  “Ha!” Bacca exclaimed. “It looks like the Bonesword didn’t make the Spirit of the Taiga disappear completely. It just shrunk him down to size. And then some!”

  Pushing aside the zombies and skeletons who surrounded their new leaders, Bacca jogged across the battlefield until he reached the tiny canine. It was shivering underneath an iron helmet. Even though it was trying to hide, its tail stuck out from underneath. It wasn’t fooling anybody.

  Bacca leaned over and picked it up. The small beast struggled as Bacca held it up to look it in the eyes.

  “Got you!” Bacca said.

  “Ack!” said the former spirit. “This is my worst fear. I’ve become a regular dog!”

  “You realize it serves you right, don’t you?” Bacca said. “You were doing horrible things to people, just because those witches gave you a Dragon Egg. Look around here. Look at all the chaos you caused!”

  “I know,” said the tiny dog. “I’m sorry. Please don’t eat me or anything.”

  Bacca laughed.

  “Since the Bonesword didn’t turn you into a delicious raw fish, you won’t have to worry about that,” he said.

  “Then what are you going to do to me?” the small dog said, shaking with fear.

  “mmmmI have some ideas for that,” a voice said.

  It was Dug. He had caught up with Bacca. Marching next to him was a group of zombie soldiers. In the center of this group was Drooler. Someone had put leg-irons on his legs.

  “mmmmYou two deserve each other,” Dug said to both Drooler and the Spirit of the Taiga. “As punishment for your evil actions, I require that you live here at Gravehome as prisoners—until such time as I feel you have learned your lessons. Drooler, you will be responsible for taking this doggie for regular walks, picking the fleas out of his fur, and giving him regular baths.”

  “Treated like a dog!” moaned the former Spirit of the Taiga. “The ultimate humiliation!”

  “mmmmPet care moves me much further down the line from being the next king of the zombies,” moaned Drooler.

  “I’d say it moves you just about to last place,” Bacca said. “But you should have thought of that before you started a war and tried to steal the zombie throne.”

  Bacca took a slimeball and four pieces of string out of his inventory. He used them to craft a lead. Then he put the lead around the tiny dog’s neck, and handed the other end to Drooler.

  “Here you go,” Bacca said. “You two better make the best of it. You’re going to be friends for a very long time.”

  Drooler reluctantly took the lead from Bacca, and slowly walked his new pet away.

  Tibia approached. He was holding both halves of the Bonesword. It had finally stopped steaming.

  “What are we going to do with this?” Tibia asked.

  “Why don’t you and Dug work that out?” Bacca suggested. “After all, you’re the new kings.”

  “mmmmI have an idea,” said Dug. “We can each hold onto our half of it, like in ancient times. We can send for the other if we need to use it. That way, it will only be used for important stuff. Both zombies and skeletons will have to be in agreement. The way it should be.”

  “Like it was before,” Tibia said. “Like the creators intended.”

  “Yes,” said Dug. “But this time, we won’t forget what the Bonesword does. It’s not just a pretty thing for ceremonies. It has real power. And we will be careful to treat it like that, and to always keep it safe. For example, no more keeping it on a platform with just a couple of guards. It needs to be more secure than that. Personally, I’m going to craft a special locked, trapped chest to keep our half of it in. It will be my finest crafting achievement.”

  “I like that idea,” said Tibia. “I see that there will be some advantages for the zombies in having a king who is also a master crafter.”

  Bacca often told prospective students that crafting was important for all sorts of career fields one could go into. Now, apparently, he could add government and politics to that list. Who would have thought?

  Dug turned to Bacca.

  “mmmmAs king, my first responsibility needs to be repairing Gravehome from the damage caused by this battle,” said Dug. “But I won’t just give orders. Using my crafting skills, I’ll personally help rebuild it stronger and better than before.”

  “I’m sure you will,” Bacca said to Dug. “I’m very proud of what you’re doing. Throughout all of this, you’ve proven that zombies can be as skilled as anyone else when it comes to crafting. I think the parents of my crafting students—the ones who criticized the idea of zombie crafters—are going to find themselves with little to complain about when they hear about your accomplishments.”

  “mmmmSpeaking of your class,” Dug said. “I’ll have to miss the rest to do these repairs. But I think we can be finished in time for me to come back for graduation.”

  “That sounds fine,” Bacca said. “We will look forward to that.”

  “Thanks again, Bacca. I’ll be seeing you,” Dug said, sending his mentor off with a wave.

  Bacca had no doubt that Dug would make good on his word.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  Several weeks later, at the end of the summer, Bacca and LadyBacc prepared to bestow the Bacca-laureate degree on all the students who had successfully completed their crafting class. On the front grounds of Bacca’s castle, LadyBacc had crafted a beautiful stage across which the graduates would march. They would shake hands with Bacca and LadyBacc, and then receive a diploma and a set of special crafting tools.

  Students’ families had come from all across the Overworld to pick up their young crafters and watch the graduation. Many of the family members used this as an excuse to meet Bacca personally. He was, after all, one of the Overworld’s most famous celebrities. Between shaking hands and wishing the crafters well, Bacca took special care to spend time with Dug’s parents. Bacca and LadyBacc had built a special shade canopy so the zombies would not be burned by the sun while they watched the ceremony, which everyone found very considerate. It turned out that Dug’s parents did not live in Gravehome, so they’d heard about Dug’s becoming king secondhand.

  “mmmmAt first, we didn’t believe it
!” Dug’s father told Bacca. “We thought someone was playing a joke on us. Can you imagine? Hearing that your boy—who you just dropped off at crafting camp—had become king a week later? My head spun! Literally. It can do that because I’m a zombie. Want to see?”

  Dug’s father showed Bacca how he could rotate his head a full 360 degrees. Bacca nodded and tried not to throw up. Zombies could be a little weird, sometimes.

  When it was time for the ceremony, Bacca and LadyBacc read each young crafter’s name and what their final project had been while the crafter walked across the stage to receive his or her diploma. After each diploma was given out, the audience applauded politely. Soon, all of the students had received their diplomas except for one—a short, bluish-green one who was wearing a crown. It was a little too big for him, and hung crookedly off the side of his head. Bacca secretly thought this was adorable. Bacca cleared his throat and prepared to read the final entry.

  “And, for a final project that included investigating the theft of the Bonesword, scaling the hut of the three witches, solving the mysteries of the Fortress of Confusion, and defeating the Spirit of the Taiga … we hereby award this Bacca-laureate degree to Dug, the Zombie King.”

  All of the families seated in front of the stage stood up and broke into loud applause and cheers. Bacca had never seen a zombie blush—he did not know if it was physically possible—but he could have sworn that Dug’s cheeks turned slightly red as he walked across the stage to receive his diploma and tools.

  “Well done!” Bacca said to the young zombie. “I’m very proud of you!”

  “mmmmThanks,” said Dug with a smile. “I couldn’t have done it without your help!”

  “I’m also very proud of you!” said LadyBacc, shaking Dug’s hand next.

  “mmmmThank you,” said Dug. “I learned a great deal from you as well!”

  Bacca was so happy for Dug that he also cheered. He knew that this wasn’t the end for his student, but just the beginning of a whole new series of crafting adventures. He was excited to see what the young Zombie King would do next. It was going to be great fun finding out!

  After the graduation ceremony was over, the crafters and their families said goodbye to Bacca and LadyBacc and gradually departed. (This included Dug, who had convinced his parents to move to the zombie capital with him.) Bacca and LadyBacc stood next to each other and waved as everyone began their long journeys home. As the last of the crafters faded into the distance, Bacca and LadyBacc prepared to break down the stage and clean up the lawn where the ceremony had been held. It wasn’t glamorous work, but still important to do.

  “Wow,” LadyBacc said. “What a summer! I doubt we’ll ever have a crafting class that interesting again.”

  “I dunno,” Bacca said. “Never say never. Living on the Overworld has taught me not to be too sure about anything.”

  No sooner were these words out of Bacca’s mouth than a strange glow began to appear in the shadows next to where he stood. Both Bacca and LadyBacc stopped and watched it, mesmerized. Several bits of glowing purple matter had materialized out of nowhere. They were about the size of leaves, and, like leaves, were blown about by the wind.

  Gradually, the glowing purple bits seemed to coalesce, forming a jet black creature with a square head and bright purple eyes. The creature had long legs and even longer arms that reached down almost to its feet. Purple glowing bits continued to swirl around its body, even as it stood there.

  “An Enderman!” said LadyBacc, preparing to draw a weapon. “What’s it doing here? I know they can teleport, but I’ve never seen one teleport this far aboveground.”

  “Let’s see what it wants before we get defensive,” Bacca cautioned.

  The Enderman looked around—surveying Bacca’s castle, the lawns, and the graduation stage—until its glowing purple eyes finally lit on Bacca and LadyBacc. It awkwardly lumbered toward them.

  “Are you the one called Bacca?” it asked in a strange, otherworldly voice.

  “I am,” Bacca said. “And this is my girlfiend, LadyBacc.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” the enderman said. “My name is Pearl.”

  Bacca reached up and shook the hand at the end of its creepily-long arm. “Pearl” was an interesting name for an enderman. Bacca wondered if there were Enderwomen too. Apparently so.

  “I know Endermen don’t usually come to this part of the Overworld, but I have special request,” the creature continued. “I have a daughter who is very interested in becoming a crafter. She takes it very seriously. Being able to study with a true master of crafting would mean so much to her. So I was wondering if perhaps … um … ”

  “We would be happy to give you an application for next summer’s crafting class,” Bacca said.

  “Oh, thank you!” said the Enderman, clearly overjoyed. “My daughter will be so pleased. Crafting is all she talks about.”

  “There’s a stack of applications just inside my castle,” Bacca said. “Hang on. We’ll be right back.”

  Bacca and LadyBacc walked to the office where Bacca kept the application forms. The Enderman waited outside and beamed with pleasure. The bright purple light coming from its eyes seemed to radiate happiness.

  “See? It looks like our class could be even more interesting next year,” Bacca said.

  “I guess you’re right,” LadyBacc said. “And that sounds just fine to me.”

  Then something seemed to occur to her.

  “You know,” she said. “Now that I think about it, it seemed like you and Dug tied up all the loose ends in your adventure with the zombies and skeletons … except for one.”

  “Hmm?” Bacca said, looking through his desk for the application forms.

  “Those horrible witches,” LadyBacc said. “They were the ones who brought the Spirit of the Taiga into it. They acted like real monsters, if you ask me—trying to kick the zombies out of Gravehome so they could have it. That part was all their fault.”

  “I agree,” said Bacca. “It was. That’s why I paid them a visit on my way back home from the battle.”

  “You did?” asked LadyBacc.

  Bacca nodded.

  “Yes,” he said. “Let’s just say that those witches won’t be bothering anybody else for a very long time.”

  LadyBacc smiled, happy to know the matter had been resolved.

  Together, they found the applications and brought one back outside to the excited Enderman. (Or Enderwoman.) Bacca didn’t know what next year’s class-members would look like, but he knew one thing for sure: He couldn’t wait to meet them!

  EPILOGUE

  Flappy the bat could not believe his good fortune.

  First, he’d returned home from an ingredient-retrieving errand to find that all the witches had disappeared from the hut. Instead of being criticized for finding the wrong ingredient—or for not bringing back enough of it—the witches had not been there at all. Which, Flappy found to his surprise, he actually liked very much. For the rest of the evening and most of the following day, Flappy had lounged about the chicken leg hut, with no responsibilities at all. Doing this was incredibly relaxing. He wondered why he hadn’t tried it sooner.

  Then, by chance, he’d noticed the note.

  Opening the front door of the hut to see if the witches might be coming back from that direction, Flappy saw that a small piece of paper had been nailed to the hut’s front door. Unlike most bats, Flappy could read and write. Years spent around the witches had made this necessary, as he always had to jot down the complicated lists of ingredients they wanted him to find.

  Curious, Flappy took down the note and began to read it. It said:

  The finder of this note is entitled to become the new owner of this hut, and everything inside. The witches who used to live here have volunteered to take a permanent vacation to the Fortress of Confusion, where they have agreed to live out the remainder of their days without hurting anybody else, ever again.

  Thank you for taking care of this hut, and not using any o
f the potions inside to hurt people.

  Signed,

  Bacca

  Flappy launched himself off the front of the hut and did happy circles in the air. His own hut! All for him! Where he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, with no witches to answer to!

  Now he would spend all his time lounging around or looking for yummy insects to eat, instead of going on endless boring errands for the witches. Flappy couldn’t imagine anything nicer.

  Whoever this mysterious “Bacca” person was, Flappy decided he must be all right.

  About the Authors

  JeromeASF is an Internet personality created by Jerome Aceti, best known for his YouTube Minecraft videos and his character Bacca. Since it was created in 2011, the JeromeASF channel (www.youtube.com/JeromeASF) has grown to become one of the leading YouTube Minecraft channels around the world, with millions of subscribers and hundreds of millions of views.

  Scott Kenemore is a bestselling writer of both adult and children’s fiction, as well as nonfiction humor. A graduate of Kenyon College and Columbia University, Kenemore lives in Chicago.

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