Forevermore

by Cristiane Serruya

  “And this means…” Aleksander couldn’t say it. He’d already known about it, but it was one thing for Ava to tell him that blindness was a possibility, and another—entirely too real thing—for the surgeon who held all his hopes in his hands confirm it.

  “Mr. Maximilian, if the surgery had been done at the time I initially examined Olivia, she would have had a small, very small chance of not being blind. I told Dr. Follett that chemo was not going to work. I told him to use radiation to shrink the borders and operate at once before her condition worsened,” Dr. Goldenstein said, not withholding his irritation at the lost time and opportunity. “Now, only if a miracle happens.”

  For a moment, Aleksander looked at the doctor bewildered. After all of the specialists he’d spoken to for months on end, he didn’t recall having been consulted by Dr. Goldenstein about an immediate surgery. “And why was it not done then?”

  Dr. Goldenstein pressed his lips together, pushed his glasses up on his nose.

  It was Ava who answered, “Dr. Follett dismissed it as too risky…and labeled Dr. Goldenstein’s work as experimental. In my opinion…I would not call it experimental, just new. ”

  “Dr. Follett is a—” Dr. Goldenstein coughed in his fist. That was all he could do so he would not call the renowned American doctor an ignoramus. “He simply didn’t understand it. But your wife did. For the tumor, we are the cancer, since it is also struggling to survive, and stay alive. Like a fetus, he’s feeding from Olivia. It sees itself as a baby waiting to be born and we are the barbarians who want to abort it.” Dr. Goldenstein took off his glasses and cleaned as he stared at a speechless Aleksander. “I see I shocked you, Mr. Maximilian. But I don’t do this—calling Olivia’s tumor a baby—as a joke or trying to shock you. Olivia’s tumor deserves respect. It’s alive. It has shown strength and adaptability. Dr. Maximilian sees the tumor in the same way I do: an intimidating, aggressive enemy we get to defeat so life will win. Life. Will. Win.” He paused, took a deep breath. Then he turned to Ava with a smile. “You are an asset, Dr. Maximilian. I wish I had someone like you in my team.”

  “I’d be honored, Dr. Goldenstein. Maybe one day we will work together.”

  “And if…and if we start radiation now?” Aleksander asked.

  “Olivia’s tumor is about to get to her fornix, the place in the brain where we store our hopes, our dreams. What makes you, you, and me, me. Once it gets there…” Dr. Goldenstein leaned over his desk. “We don’t have a minute to lose, Mr. Maximilian.”

  Aleksander let out a breath, closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he asked, “And if it wins?”

  “It won’t. I am a fighter and I don’t surrender easily. I am going to look in the eye of what is killing Olivia, I’ll extirpate it, put radioactive grains in her brain to decimate any tumor cells which are left behind and keep cancer from coming back. Decrease its odds of killing Olivia by a hundred percent and I’ll send death running like a crying bitch,” he said in his heavy accented English. “Because life will win in the end.”

  Ava put her hand over Aleksander’s and squeezed. “Olivia is probably waiting for us outside now with Whitney.”

  He turned his head to look at her, nodded, and then he stood. “I promised Olivia I would take her to see Schloss Heidelberg and buy gifts for her nurses.”

  Dr. Goldenstein stared deep in Aleksander’s eyes, “Fulfill your promise, Mr. Maximilian, and bring her back. That’s all the time I am giving you.”

  He knew that was the best the doctor could do.

  And he prayed it would be enough.

  4:50 p.m.

  * * *

  It was dark already when Ava, Olivia, and Aleksander took the elevator up to the third floor where Dr. Goldenstein and his team of assistants were waiting for Olivia. As Dr. Goldenstein explained to her what he was going to do—in a more accessible and light way than he had done with Aleksander and Ava that morning—Olivia was in good spirits despite never wanting to set foot in another hospital again. She even made them laugh—even if it was a bittersweet laugh—when she asked Dr. Goldenstein to be very careful when he stitched her up because she didn’t want to look like a female version of Frankenstein.

  Aleksander was another matter. Although he kept a smiling face for Olivia’s sake, Ava could feel his dread.

  Aleksander was finally recognizing how delicate the balance was; he held Ava’s hand tight in his and barely spoke a word.

  Olivia obediently took the sedative Dr. Goldenstein gave her and settled on the couch to play with Toddy, waiting for the nurse to come back to take her to the OR.

  “Daddy, where are you and Ava going tonight?” Olivia asked, not raising her head, her focus on her dog’s paws as she tried to slap them as if Toddy were a human friend and they were playing Red Hands.

  He cleared his throat. “We’ll be here waiting for you.”

  “But sixteen hours is a long time to waste when there are so many nice things to see,” she said matter-of-factly.

  “We’ll have time to do it afterward, together, Pumpkin,” he said, caressing her head.

  Seeing Olivia was going to protest, Ava added, “Besides, it will be night and we’ll be sleeping.”

  Then Olivia looked up. “Daddy, can you ask Dr. Goldenstein if Whitney can be with me in the ICU when I wake up? I don’t want to be alone.”

  “She’ll be there, Liv. Don’t worry.” Sensing the girl was beginning to get sleepy, Ava asked, “Why don’t we get changed?”

  “Sure.”

  And as soon as Olivia was dressed, the door opened and two nurses pushed in the gurney.

  “Your carriage has arrived, Princess.”

  Aleksander picked up Olivia in his arms and hugged her. His teeth clenched and he looked up, blinking rapidly. Then he lied her down on the gurney and kissed her. “I’ll be here waiting for you, Pumpkin.”

  It had once been so easy for Ava to keep a smile on her face as her little patients were about to go in to surgery. Now it felt like Ava’s skin might crack, but still, when she bent and kissed Olivia, her smile was in place. “See you tomorrow, Pixie.”

  “Yeah, tomorrow.” Olivia yawned. “Will you take care of Toddy for me?”

  “I promise I’ll take good care of him.” Of your father, too. Ava took Toddy’s leash and passed an arm around Aleksander’s waist as they wheeled her away, down the cold, white hallway. And I will also take care of you, when you come back.

  Because Ava could not envision another outcome.

  Life will win.

  Chapter 40

  Wednesday, December 2, 2015

  2:01 a.m.

  * * *

  Ava was standing in the doorway, her dark-blonde brows knit in an expression of concern. She was dressed as she always was—in somber colors and somber clothes. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she wore no make-up. The picture would have made another woman seem severe. But the warm, interested light in her blue-green eyes softened the effect and suddenly Aleksander no longer felt quite so ungrounded and emotionally adrift.

  “You should try to sleep,” she said, sitting by his side in the ante-room of Olivia’s hospital suite. “It’s past midnight.”

  His gaze strayed down to Olivia’s stuffed rabbit he was clutching in his arms.

  “I’m too strung to sleep.” And frightened to death.

  “You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t, but you should try to rest, Alek. I know you’re scared—”

  He stood up and paced away. “To put it mildly.”

  “I’ve looked at this from every angle, Alek,” said Ava. “I am always thorough with my research—and occasionally, I overdo. For Olivia, I overdid twice.”

  He turned to her. “Why do you doctors keep trying when the barriers are so high and the odds so low? It would be so, so much easier to pack it all up and go home.”

  She rose then, approaching him carefully and taking his hand in hers. “There is no glory in easy, but there is glory in looking death in the eye
and defeating it. Life is beautiful, a privilege. And that is why we fight.”

  He pulled her against him. “And when you lose?”

  “Losses happen. Doctors must always be prepared to lose. We are taught we are going to lose.” I lost. She sighed and craned her head back to look at him. “Hell, Alek, and us, oncologists? We lose those battles half as often as we succeed. The key, though, is to never fail. And the only way to fail is not to fight. So, we fight. Until we win.”

  He put his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “You are superheroes.”

  “Some like to think they are and those are the ones who lose the battles.” Like Dr. Follett. She chuckled. “The greater they think they are, the greater their losses, sooner or later. It should be more about doing great things, than being great.”

  10:50 a.m.

  * * *

  The tension of the last day had left Aleksander completely drained. Still, he sat awake in Olivia’s private suite in the hospital with Ava asleep against his shoulder, doing what anyone else in a normal waiting room did—waiting.

  He squeezed Ava tighter, taking in the flowery scent of her blonde hair as he kissed her atop her head. She gave him strength, more than she would ever know, and if not for her, he would have crumbled by now.

  “What time is it?” Ava mumbled, stirring awake.

  “Almost eleven,” Aleksander said, straightening in his seat. “Would you like some coffee?”

  “Yes, please,” Ava said with a yawn. Aleksander stood and stretched, then made his way over to the coffee machine, which, along with other luxuries, was sitting on a counter.

  He popped the coffee pod in, placed a clean mug below it, and watched as the hot liquid brewed in a matter of seconds.

  Ava gratefully took the coffee in hand. “Any word from the doctor yet?”

  “Not after the last nurse stopped by,” Aleksander said, the exhaustion clear in his voice.

  Before she could ask if he had slept a bit, a knock sounded at the door.

  Ava and Aleksander jumped up simultaneously.

  Aleksander said, “Come in.”

  Dr. Goldenstein stepped into the suite waiting area, shut the door behind him, and greeted them, “Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Maximilian.”

  “Doctor,” Aleksander said. “Please tell me good news.”

  He felt Ava squeeze his hand tightly, firmly. Her occupation trained her to have nerves of steel during these conversations, just as Dr. Goldenstein had been trained, but he knew now she wasn’t impartial to the news.

  Aleksander squeezed her hand back, allowing her to ground him, to keep him in the moment that was only seconds away from crashing down all around him.

  “I’ll give you the facts, Mr. Maximilian,” Dr. Goldenstein said. “And I’ll start with the good ones.”

  “Sit, doctor, please,” Ava said. Though she had been on the other end of these conversations many times before, even her own nerves were shattering beneath her controlled outer surface. But she needed to be strong for Aleksander.

  Dr. Goldenstein pulled a chair and sat in front of them. “As of right now, little Olivia is one hundred percent cancer free.”

  If air could shatter, it just had, into thousands of shards all around them. Aleksander felt the weight of the world roll off his shoulders, a weight he had been carrying for so long he had completely forgotten what it felt like to not have it constantly pressing down on him.

  With a sob, he took Ava in his arms and hugged her tightly. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

  Then Aleksander turned to the doctor and pumped his hand. “Thank you, doctor. Thank you.”

  Hot tears of relief burned down Ava’s eyes, but she held herself together a moment longer to ask for confirmation of what she already knew, hoping it wasn’t anything worse. “And the bad news?”

  “The bad news is, as we feared, she’ll probably be blind.” Dr. Goldenstein took off his glasses and rubbed at his tired eyes. “Probably permanently. But medicine is evolving, Mr. Maximilian, and evolving fast. She might one day be able to see, in the near future. Most importantly though, I don’t suspect she’ll ever again face the threat of dying by cancer. Not this one.”

  “Thank you, doctor.” Aleksander closed his eyes for a moment and let the relief start to sink into his bones. But it was only a start. It would take some focus to truly appreciate the magnitude of the change his future, and hers. “Can we see her?”

  “Not yet. But as soon as she is in the ICU, I’ll come back to take you to see her. If you’ll excuse me until then…” Dr. Goldenstein said, as he quietly exited the room.

  Then there was that feeling again. In his throat. And along with the feeling came thoughts of Rachel, his sister, Olivia’s cancer, Ava’s long-lost daughter, then Olivia again.

  And then he let it go. Let it all flood out of himself in great gulps and sobs. A cry, unlike anything he’d done before; a weakness he never dared show before—not even to himself.

  “Oh, God, oh, God, thank you,” he whispered brokenly against Ava’s shoulder, his voice muffled by her skin.

  She wrapped her arms about his quaking shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and embracing him as tightly she could. “Everything is going to be all right.”

  Finally. Finally. Finally. It flooded out of him in relief such as he had never known. And it helped that Ava was there, rubbing his back, hugging him, and crying silently while she let him have a good, healthy, cleansing cry.

  They sat that way, even after he had calmed down, wrapped in each other’s arms, both happy and sad. It was sad, a girl as bright and joyful as Olivia forced to live a life without her sight, but she would get to live that life now. She would be there for many holidays to come. She would get to go to school, college. She would laugh and fill their hearts with joy and every single Christmas they would return to Lake Tahoe and she would be able to place the star atop the tree as she always did.

  It was the greatest gift any of them could have ever hoped for; a true Christmas miracle.

  Whatever tomorrow brought, he’d be happy.

  Der Europäischer Hof

  5:00 p.m.

  * * *

  They had called the hotel and told Whitney the good news, informing her they had cleared her stay with the hospital so Olivia would have a familiar face with her in the ICU.

  As soon as Whitney arrived at the hospital, Ava took Aleksander back to the hotel so he could finally eat something and get some sleep.

  After Aleksander fell into a heavy sleep, she took a shower and moved to the living room of their suite to relax a bit without waking him.

  It was then that she saw a red light blinking on the telephone. It was an urgent message for her to call a number which she instantly recognized as being from Sloan Kettering Memorial Cancer Center.

  Thinking that it was Sydney wishing for news, Ava immediately placed the call, but it was Dr. Follett’s gruff voice that come over the line. “What are you doing in Heidelberg, Dr. Larsen?”

  Darn. Who told him? She swallowed, but answered in an even tone, “I’m here with Olivia.”

  “What you’re doing is going behind my back with a patient under this hospital’s treatment,” he snapped. “You did not clear consulting Dr. Goldenstein with me and it is not okay. Don’t proceed with this treatment, you’ll turn her into a vegetable. A radioactive vegetable with cancer at that.”

  “I’m doing what’s in the best interest of the patient,” she skirted, avoiding telling him Olivia had already been operated on.

  “That may be so. But if you continue to facilitate this, doctor,” he said, his words biting, “you’re going to have to answer to me. And I promise, the results will not please you.”

  Well, the result that matters is that Olivia is free of cancer. Before Ava could say anything, the line went dead.

  She heaved in a breath. And then another. But it took a few more yoga breaths for her trembling to stop. She was not only angry, but guilty.

  They
still had to go through recovering. It could prove to be the turning point for Olivia. For them.

  The point where they could begin to leave the pain of the past in the past and shoo away the death hovering over the present, and start working toward a future.

  She visualized lifting the heavy baggage she still carried, then flinging it into the River Nekhar. Now, isn’t the time for dreaming. Now is the time for doing.

  It was a time for science—and, perhaps, miracles.

  And if there was some life and love mixed in, so much the better.

  6:00 p.m.

  * * *

  Ava finished the call with Donna, Aleksander’s housekeeper, satisfied that everything in Olivia’s rooms in Manhattan and in Lake Tahoe would be ready to bring her back to the States. She opened her computer and scanned the photos sent to her, making sure it was perfect and safe.

  All furniture with hard corners had already been replaced and a few more adjustments needed to be made. Everything would need to be easily accessible for her when she finally came home. She opened her notebook and checked the items which were already done and started a new list with some other things that still needed doing, chuckling as she noticed she had picked Olivia’s habit of doing the lists.

  A joyful smile opened on her face.

  Her phone rang, distracting her from her thoughts, and she frowned when she saw Dr. James Cullen’s name on the screen. Kristus. Today is the day! “Hello?”

  “Hello, Dr. Larsen. How are you this morning?”

  It’s evening here. “I’m doing well,” Ava said, a bit hesitant. It wasn’t often that she got a direct phone call from the hospital administrator and given Dr. Follett’s call and the several things she’d done lately to break god knows how many ethical codes, she knew it wasn’t a just saying hello kind of phone call.