Forevermore

by Cristiane Serruya

  “Dr. Larsen, I really wish I didn’t have to be the bearer of bad news, especially knowing the unique circumstances you’ve unfortunately been through.”

  So he knows.

  “But it has come to our attention that you are in a relationship with Mr. Maximilian, the father of a patient under your direct care. Also you have gone against hospital regulations in seeking out and suggesting high-risk clinical trials for said patient, both actions being extreme violations of not only the medical code of ethics but also our policies.”

  “Yes, sir. I’m aware,” Ava whispered into the phone.

  “Needless to say, Dr. Larsen, there is an administrative investigation on you here at the hospital, and it has already reached the hospital’s board of directors. It doesn’t look good. I would highly recommend you get a lawyer. Consider this a strong suggestion from someone who doesn’t have any ill wishes towards you.”

  “Yes, thank you, Dr. Cullen,” Ava said, almost mechanically. “I’ll be sure to find a lawyer.”

  “Very good. I’ll be in touch.”

  Ava sank onto the sofa, completely at a loss for words.

  She thought of asking Aleksander for help, but she couldn’t do that to him, not after all he’d gone through. He’d just feel guilty, as if it were his fault. She didn’t blame him one bit and she knew that she would do it all again if needed.

  Still, she had to think of something. If the board of directors was already discussing her case, she was not only in danger of losing her job, but she could very well lose her license to practice in general. She could lose her entire career.

  Everything she had lived for, fought for.

  Ava opened her laptop once again and immediately Skype-dialed her grandmother.

  “Ava?” Hildegard answered. Eirik leaned over her shoulder peering groggily into the camera. The room was dark and they had obviously been asleep.

  “I’m so sorry to disturb your nap, Mormor,” Ava said.

  “What happened? Is Olivia alright?”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you two sooner to tell you,” Ava said. “The surgery was successful in removing the cancer, but as expected, she lost her sight as a result.”

  “That’s overall really good news, no?” Eirik asked.

  “Pretty much.” Ava smiled at the camera. “She’s going to live, and who knows what the future brings?”

  “Yes, but for a child to lose her sight so suddenly, it must be hard.” Hildegard sighed and added, “By the way, darling, we want to visit you and spend a day getting to know this husband and stepdaughter of yours better. Do you think we can drop by in two or three days? Just for a hug and a kiss.”

  “Yes, yes! I would love to see you again. In five days, it’ll be fine. In fact, she will be discharged from the hospital in five days,” Ava agreed. “But I have another issue at hand. With marrying Aleksander and then finding this experimental procedure for Olivia, I violated a lot of medical ethical rules and hospital policies and I might lose my job over it. Maybe even my career.”

  “Really? Who would be so stupid to judge you for saving Olivia’s life?” Hildegard asked. “If not for the surgery, Olivia might not be with us right now.”

  “I know, Mormor, but still…I’m going to need a lawyer to get me out of this one. Is there anyone you can recommend?”

  Eirik said, “I’ll give my lawyer a call today and let you know. He knows only the best and he’ll recommend someone who will handle it for you. ”

  “Thank you, Morfar,” Ava said, holding back the tears that welled in her eyes. If anyone could help her from this mess, it was one of her grandfather’s lawyers. Despite his gentle and frail appearance, Eirik was a cunning businessman and had the best lawyers at his ship-building company’s disposition all around the world. “I need all the help I can get.”

  He sat on the bed, put his glasses on, and picked up his pad and pen from the bedside table. Sleep forgotten, all business mode now, Eirik requested, “Tell me all the details.”

  In spite of the fact that he’d been well and truly sated, he had not slept well. His arms felt incredibly empty without Ava. He was chilled lying in his bed without the press of her skin against his. The silence was so disturbing when not filled with her soft breathing. She’d given him so much more than her body. She’d given him a taste of something he’d never before savored: being with a woman who had the ability to touch his soul.

  But now, lying awake by himself, he wondered if she truly felt the same.

  He overheard her talking to Donna and he noticed that although she was speaking of the changes she requested for Olivia’s bedroom, there was an edgy tone in her voice.

  When he had gone to bed this evening, Ava made excuses about needing to work, and he let her be.

  Bone tired, warmed by a hot chocolate and stuffed with cookies Ava had made him eat, he dropped into a dreamless slumber to wake up with Ava’s soft voice coming from their suite living room.

  He rolled over again on the bed, attempting to put her out of his mind, and go back to sleep, but he couldn’t. She was ever present in his thoughts and he needed her presently in his arms.

  It was then that he heard her talking to her grandparents. He still had a good enough grasp of Swedish to understand the word lawyer.

  What does she want with a lawyer? He knew there was something going on that had made her edgy, but he had thought it was the burden of the responsibility for recommending Dr. Goldenstein and the surgery. Or the fact that Olivia was now blind, not that any of them blamed her for that. They knew the risks. She and Dr. Goldenstein had been more than clear about it. He had even signed a waiver. So, what’s the problem?

  She wants a divorce. His heart slammed in his chest so hard it hurt. She married me to grant a dying child’s wish. And now the child is no longer dying.

  A cold hand gripped his heart.

  No. It’s not possible.

  But it was the only thing that came to his mind.

  He jumped out of bed and walked to the living room of the presidential suite fully intending to eavesdrop.

  Chapter 41

  He didn’t knock, and when he opened the door, he found her pacing anxiously.

  “We should talk,” he said firmly.

  Ava started and turned to see Aleksander, jaw set, walking toward her. “About what?”

  “About the lawyer you asked your grandparents about.”

  Ava frowned, not expecting him to know. “You listened in on my conversation?”

  “Not intentionally,” Aleksander said, “But I did. When were you going to tell me?”

  “Since when do I have to tell you everything that happens in my life?” Ava asked defensively. She was tired and frustrated, and she knew she was wrongly taking it out on Aleksander, but she couldn’t help it. “I thought for once I would give you a break and not burden you with the problems in my life. ”

  “You married me. That makes your problems my problems.”

  “Not with the hospital investigation. I have to face that on my own.”

  “Hospital?” Aleksander repeated. “Wait, you needed a lawyer about the…hospital?”

  “Of course,” Ava said. “They somehow discovered I am with you and that I suggested a clinical trial for Olivia, both of which violate some pretty major policies. They’re investigating me for unethical behavior. Things will get a lot worse when they discover I married you and that Olivia has gone through surgery.”

  She doesn’t trust me. Aleksander looked away, not only hurt by her not trusting him, not asking him first—not even trusting him with her problems—despite him giving her ample opportunity to mention it.

  “Alek?” She touched his arm. “Why else would I need a lawyer?”

  He took a deep breath of relief before staring into her eyes. “A divorce.”

  Ava was truly shocked. “Why would I want a divorce, Aleksander?”

  He didn’t want to admit what he’d thought. She deserved better than that. “I don’t know. Why d
idn’t you trust me enough to tell me what was going on?”

  “It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Alek.” Ava put her face into her palms and let out a long breath before looking up “It’s just…I didn’t want to burden you. You have so much to deal with already right now and I—”

  “We can fight about it. You can get mad, I can be insulted. I just don’t see the point. The point I see, Ava, is we agreed we would have each others’ backs.”

  What the hell am I supposed to do with that? “Yes, we did.”

  “So, let’s strategize together.” Aleksander took Ava by the hand and motioned for her to sit on the loveseat. He retrieved his laptop from the desk and returned to sit beside her, placing a Skype call to Markus.

  “Alek, how is Olivia?” Markus greeted.

  “She’s great—all things considered.” He filled Markus in on everything that happened and all the good prognostics.

  “I’m happy for you, my friend. And how’s married life treating you?”

  He couldn’t continue with the small talk and blurted, “I need a lawyer.”

  “That bad, eh?”

  Aleksander gave Ava a reassuring smile as he adjusted the computer to include her on the screen. “Not the kind of lawyer you’re thinking. Long story short, Ava’s facing an administrative investigation at Sloan-Kettering for unethical conduct. More of a witch-hunt since she proved Dr. Follett wrong.”

  “Can’t say I didn’t see that one coming,” Markus said. “But it’s unfortunate.”

  “Since you are on the board, I need you to solve the…problem,” Aleksander said, and with Ava’s help they told Markus everything they knew so far.

  “You know I don’t have power over the doctors’ board, Alek, but I’ll make a few calls and see what I can do,” Markus said. “You two need not worry your pretty little heads over it. I’ll let you know how it went in a few days.”

  “Perfect. Thank you, Markus. I’ll leave it in your hands.”

  “Anything for you, old friend.”

  Aleksander disconnected from Markus, put the computer back on the desk, and sighed. “There. No need to worry your grandparents.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  From where he stood, he asked, “Do you realize you’ve never told me you love me?”

  There was an endearing nervousness in his voice that tugged at her heart.

  “I haven’t?” Ava frowned, surprised by the sudden change in topic. Yes, he had made quite clear he loved her and even though she had yet to return the words, she thought her actions would tell him as much.

  “No. You haven’t.” He walked towards the loveseat and sat, facing her. “But I know you do, even though you haven’t said it.”

  “If I didn’t say it, how do you know?”

  “When you touch me, when you look at me, when you hold me, I feel it.” He gave her a gentle kiss. “And I couldn’t love you this much without you loving me back. I couldn’t know how right it is to be with you if I didn’t know you loved me.” He brushed at her hair, all those tumbled curls, and wondered how he’d ever gotten through a single day without her.

  She looked up at him, eyes misting. “So, you were just waiting for me to catch up?”

  “I was just waiting for you to trust me with everything, no matter what it is.”

  “I’m sorry.” She looked up at him with her gorgeous blue-green eyes rimmed in tears.

  He interrupted her with a kiss, not hard and hot with desire, but gentle and sweet.

  “I love you, Ava Larsen Maximilian, and no burden is too great for me to handle as long as we do it together.”

  Ava smiled. She leaned in to kiss him fully and whispered against his lips, “I love you.”

  “I know.” But then, just when she thought the conversation was over, he leaned away and surprised her by saying, “And I see more than you might suspect.”

  “Tell me,” she whispered, placing her hand over his. “What do you see?”

  Ava brought her eyes to his, gazed into those intense depths, and he saw something there he’d never dreamed existed. A tiny spark of vulnerability, of need. She needed to know what he thought of her, that she was important to him. This woman, so self-assured and so confident, needed his approval.

  Maybe she did need him—did love him as he thought she did.

  He uncurled her hand until their palms touched, then used his other index finger to trace a horizontal eight on the fine lines of her palm. Then he raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm with a devotion and intensity that sucked her breath away

  “You are…” he began, taking his time because he knew that every word weighed heavier in such a powerful moment. “You are not quite the woman you present to the rest of the world. You’d like to be thought of as strong, and stern and dedicated—and you are all those things—but underneath, you’re so much more.”

  Ava watched him intently. “And?”

  “You care,” he said, aware that his voice had grown gruff with emotion. “You care about your family, and you even care about me, although God knows I don’t always deserve it.”

  “Always,” she interrupted. “Always.”

  “And…and…” It was hard to continue when her eyes were on his with such single-minded emotion. Can there be anything more magical and marvelous than that? The kind of love that accepted, understood, and—even better—enjoyed who and what they were before, now, and would be in the future.

  “And what?” she whispered.

  “Much of who you are comes from your family. You can’t grow up with such love and loyalty and not become a better person because of it. And much of you is also from what you lost,” he said, the words tumbling forth in a rush. “But deep within you, in your heart, in your very soul, is the woman you were born to be. You, not someone's granddaughter, not someone's mother. Or someone’s wife. Just you. Unique. It’s this I love: you.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but she discovered that she had no words.

  There were no words for a moment like this.

  Monday, December 7, 2015

  1:00 p.m.

  * * *

  Ava waited at the entrance to the hospital for her grandparents since they had called saying they would be stopping by the hotel long enough to drop their bags off, then headed straight for the hospital. When her phone rang, she was sure it was them, calling for directions.

  “Mormor?” Ava said, when she answered the call.

  “I’m sorry. I may have the wrong number,” a strange man’s voice said. “I was attempting to dial Doctor Ava Larson.”

  Now what? “And who is this?”

  “My name is Donald Arenson. I’m an attorney who was referred to Ava Larson by Eirik Huiltfeld.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry. This is Ava Larson. Thank you so much for calling.” She began to pace a little, keeping an eye on cars turning into the hospital parking lot, though she didn’t know what her grandparents would be driving.

  “If this is an okay time, I wanted to reach out and get a basic overview of the case, in your own words—Mr. Huiltfeld gave me minimal info—and then we can arrange to meet later to go over your defense in-depth.”

  Ava looked at her watch, then at the cars passing the hotel. “I’m expecting someone soon, but until they get here, I’m doing nothing but waiting.”

  “Great. I’ll only take a moment of your time. I understand your employer is accusing you of ethical violations.”

  With a sigh, Ava leaned against a wall. “That’s correct.”

  “Have they taken legal action, or do they intend to?”

  “They haven’t, and I don’t know their intentions beyond the investigation they’ve told me I’m under.”

  “Were you seeking counsel for the future possibility of a legal defense?”

  “I hadn’t thought that far ahead, actually.” Ava closed her eyes for a moment, not wanting to see the disastrous path she was soon heading to. My fellowship. My career and life purpose. Saving children. All in j
eopardy if I’m fired. “At the moment, I guess I need advice to help me so that I can keep my job and get my pediatric oncology license, and, most important, keep the ones I already have. Of course, I should be fired according to the rules, but if I can avoid it, and perhaps, agree to quit, then my future as a doctor remains somewhat secure. Although getting a recommendation would probably be impossible.”

  “Okay. So for now, this is strictly an internal matter for which you aren’t in need of legal counsel.”

  “Yes. I think that would sum up the current situation, as it stands, to my knowledge. They’re obviously not sharing their future intentions with me.”

  The attorney chuckled. “Of course not. Well, if you have another minute or two, can you sum up their allegation, and your defense, from your point of view?”

  “Sure. The allegation is that I’ve violated rules of ethical conduct regarding romantic involvement with the family member of an admitted patient and I’ve gone astray of the treatment plan by seeking unauthorized treatment.”

  The lawyer maintained his professional demeanor as he heard the allegations that, even to him, were fairly scandalous. “I see. And your defense against these allegations?”

  “I’m guilty as charged.”

  Donald Arenson was stunned into silence for a moment. “Doctor Larsen, I don’t mean to sound disrespectful in any way. And I have great respect for your father—”

  “Grandfather,” Ava corrected.

  “Right. I’m sorry. He had said you’re like a daughter to him.” He cleared his throat and continued. “My question is, if you’re guilty, what type of legal counsel is it that you’re seeking?”

  Ava had to think for a moment to be able to come up with the words to capsulize her thoughts and feelings. “I want to defend myself, or perhaps justify my actions based on technical grounds. What I did was morally right, despite being ethically wrong.”

  “I see. Well, if this were a criminal case, I would inform you that the jury has a right to judge the law as well as the accused—a Jury Nullification, it’s called. You could throw yourself upon the mercy of the court and the jury, hoping they’d agree with your viewpoint and technical position. However, since this is an administrative proceeding, I see no reason for me to step in.”