There was movement in the room, and he glanced over to see that more people had joined them in the room. Their presence reinforced the seriousness of the situation. He looked down at Grace to see if she’d noticed them, but her eyes were closed as she bore down for another contraction, her grip on his hand almost painful.
“I can see the top of her head,” the doctor said. “We’re almost there.”
Bennett had appreciated the calm presence of the doctor and how she’d made it all feel like a team effort, which it truly was. Though clearly, Grace was carrying the team.
“You can do this, sweetheart,” Bennett said as he bent his head close to Grace’s.
She opened her eyes, and for a moment their gazes met and held. Hers held so much sadness and resignation that Bennett’s heart ached. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, unable to look at her.
He felt her tense again as the next contraction seized her body. The nurse counted out loud as Grace squeezed his hand painfully. Bennett found himself holding his breath along with Grace as she pushed.
It took three more contractions before the doctor announced that the baby had arrived. Immediately, people were at the doctor’s side to take the baby. Bennett’s gaze followed them as they took her to a small bed with lights over it and began to work on her.
“Dad, if you want to take some pictures, you can do that now. We’ll be taking her to the NICU in a couple of minutes.”
Grace immediately let go of his hand, and Bennett moved away from the bed, pulling out his phone as he walked to where they were working on the baby. As soon as he looked at the little girl lying on her back, a slightly bluish tint to her skin, Bennett lost his heart to her as surely as he had lost it to her mother. He used his phone to take a few pictures of her while he heard the doctor telling Grace to push again.
The baby had a shock of dark hair, not too surprising since Franklin had had dark hair. It lay in damp curls on her head. They were rubbing her with a blanket while someone was suctioning her. He heard her make a few little noises as they worked, but soon they were rolling her out of the room. Bennett watched them go, wishing he could go with her, but he knew that for now, he needed to be there for Grace.
Grace felt alone the moment she let go of Bennett’s hand. She could hear the conversations going on in the room, but she blocked them out. It was over. She’d done her part—poorly as it had been—now it was up to the doctors to save the baby. It was out of her control.
Now she just wanted to sleep.
But then she felt a familiar hand grip hers. “Gracie? Have a look at your little girl.”
She opened her eyes and saw Bennett standing beside her, a hopeful expression on his face.
“She’s beautiful, sweetheart.”
Grace didn’t want to look. Didn’t want to see the child that might not live. But she lowered her gaze long enough to see the picture on Bennett’s phone. Of her baby. She was so tiny. So very tiny. Grace felt something clench in her chest, and she looked away.
“Did you have a name for her?” the nurse asked as she unhooked a couple of the monitors they’d been using.
When Grace didn’t respond, Bennett said, “Not yet. Grace wanted to wait until she saw the baby to choose the name.”
The nurse smiled. “Yeah, some people like to do that. I’ve had a few people tell me that they’ve actually changed the name once they met their baby.”
Bennett stayed by Grace’s side while he sent a quick message to his mom and Makayla with a picture of the baby attached. When they had finished cleaning everything up, they took Grace to another room, since the one she’d been in had been set up for an emergency delivery.
“You should be able to go see the baby in an hour or so,” the nurse said once they were settled in the room.
Bennett looked around, a bit surprised that it was such a nice-looking room. It didn’t seem like a normal hospital room.
“How long will I be in here?” Grace asked, drawing Bennett from his perusal of the room.
“If you’re doing okay, they will probably let you go home tomorrow,” the nurse told her. She hooked Grace up to a machine and began to check her blood pressure. “Something you’ll want to look into is getting a breast pump so that you can begin pumping and then you can bring the milk into the NICU, and they’ll use that to feed the baby. You can also pump while you’re in the NICU visiting the baby.”
“Can you let us know as soon as we can see her?” Bennett asked.
The nurse nodded. “For sure. If she’s stable, it shouldn’t be too long.”
Bennett wondered how much, if anything, Grace was taking in. When the nurse had left, and it was just the two of them, Grace turned to look at him.
“You can go now, Bennett,” she said. Her gaze moved toward the window. “Thank you so much for helping me. I don’t think you know how much it meant to me.”
“I was glad to be here for you,” Bennett assured her. “I’d like to stay until we get an update on the baby.”
Grace nodded but didn’t say anything further. When her eyelids slid shut, he figured she was going to take a well-deserved nap. He settled into a chair in the corner of the room, hoping that someone would come to tell them they could see the baby. A quick check of his phone showed that both his mom and Makayla had replied to his message earlier.
Mom: She looks so tiny but beautiful! Will be praying for her and the doctors and, of course, Grace.
Makayla: Ooooh! I’m in love! I can’t wait to get back so we can see her. Take more pictures if you get the chance.
Bennett: I will see if I can get more pics. Grace has been moved to another room. She’s sleeping now. I’m hanging around here until we get an update then I’ll head for home.
Makayla: How is Gracie doing?
Bennett scrubbed a hand over his face and let out a quick breath.
Bennett: She’s…okay. Physically she’s fine. Physically the birth went fine for her. I think emotionally, she’s shut down. The only thing she’s asked was when she could go home.
Mom: We will continue to pray. I’m sure this is rough on her.
Makayla: Thank you for stepping in for me, Ben. I know this can’t have been easy for you either. But I also know you’re the best person to be with her right now.
Bennett: I’m happy to help her out. I’ll send you an update when I have one.
Bennett rested his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. He must have fallen asleep as well, but he woke to a hand giving his shoulder a gentle shake. Opening his eyes, he saw the nurse standing next to him. He straightened, fighting against the exhaustion that seemed even worse now that he’d had a little rest.
The nurse gave a tilt of her head toward the door. Bennett felt a surge of alarm as he followed her from the room. Once in the hallway, she turned to him and gave him a reassuring smile.
“I didn’t want to wake Grace just yet, but I know you wanted an update as soon as possible. Your little girl is doing just fine. She weighed in at just over sixteen hundred grams.” At his no doubt puzzled look, she quickly added, “Right around three and a half pounds.”
“That’s…small,” Bennett said with a frown.
“Yes, it is small, but for her being just twenty-nine weeks, that’s a good weight. She’s on CPAP to help her a little, but she is breathing on her own. Another good sign. You can probably go see her in about an hour.”
Bennett nodded then, after a quick debate with himself, said, “I need to explain a little about Grace. She might appear a little distant.”
“Yes, I had noticed that, but thought maybe it was just the shock of the early birth.”
“I’m sure that’s part of it, but mainly, it’s because of some extenuating circumstances. I’m not actually the baby’s father. Grace’s husband—the baby’s father—died unexpectedly before Grace even knew she was pregnant. Before that, she’d lost her grandmother and her parents. Right now, I think she is scared of having one more loss in her life. So I’m not sure if
she’ll be able to see the baby right away. I’ll go see the baby before I leave today and hope to reassure Grace on how she’s doing.”
The nurse glanced to the open doorway. “I’m so sorry to hear that, and it explains a lot. We will keep that in mind.”
“Thank you. She isn’t without support, my whole family is here for her, but when push comes to shove, she’s the one who’s having to deal with all the emotions on a scale that none of the rest of us do.”
“For sure,” the nurse said with a nod. “I’ll let you know as soon as you can head to the nursery to see the baby.”
“Thank you,” Bennett said with a quick smile.
Grace was still sleeping when he returned to the dimly lit room. The day seemed to have stretched on forever, and yet it was only seven-thirty in the evening. He took the time to send the update to his mom and Makayla before leaning forward in his chair, elbows resting on his thighs as his hands gripped his phone. He bent his head and spent some time praying.
“Bennett?”
Lifting his head, he saw Tami coming towards him. He got to his feet and gave her a hug. “Hey, Tami.”
“How’s she doing?” Tami glanced over at the bed where Grace was still sleeping. Tami wore scrubs, so Bennett assumed that she was just coming off her shift. “Actually, you can tell me as we walk.”
“Walk?” Bennett asked, keeping his voice low.
“To the NICU. Let’s go see the baby.” Tami linked her arm through his. “She’s doing really well.”
As they walked, Bennett shared about the labor and delivery, being very honest with his thoughts about how Grace had been. “I hope the fact that the baby is doing so well will help her state of mind.”
“I hope so, but to be honest, I’m not sure it will matter,” Tami said. “One of us is going to have to do some tough love with that girl. I’m not minimizing what she’s been through, but there’s someone who needs her right now. Someone who’s totally dependent on her. She needs to find a way to balance her grief and fear with joy over the birth.”
Bennett couldn’t agree more, but he really didn’t want to be the one who told her that. It might be better coming from Makayla or Tami. At least from his perspective. He really didn’t want to jeopardize the fragile relationship they’d developed over the past few months.
“I’m just glad that I was able to get a position in the NICU earlier this year. Never imagined I’d be taking care of Grace’s baby when I ended up here.”
Tami showed him how to get into the NICU and where to wash his hands, giving him a warning that he needed to do it each time he came into the nursery. At some point during the day, someone had put a bracelet on him that identified him as being…well, they had assumed he was the baby’s father. Tami reviewed some other rules for the NICU, stopping to chat with a nurse or two as they made their way through the nursery.
As they approached an enclosed isolette, Bennett felt his heart thudding. He took in the sight of the little girl, laying so still, attached to monitors. “Is she okay?”
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“Sure thing, hun,” Tami said. She explained what the monitors each did and used medical terms that Bennett didn’t understand.
Bennett just nodded, having heard all he really cared about already. The baby was okay.
“You want to touch her?” Tami asked as she opened the isolette.
Bennett felt his heart literally flip in his chest. “Yes.”
Tami guided him through the process, talking about how soon they might be able to hold her. All Bennett cared about at that moment was physically connecting with the baby his heart had already connected to so many weeks ago. As he stroked his finger across her hand, it flexed, her tiny fingers widening then curling into a fist.
“She’s beautiful,” Bennett said softly, a bit surprised he could talk at all.
“Yes, she’s a wonderful combination of Grace and Franklin,” Tami agreed.
At one time, the reminder that the baby really wasn’t his might have hurt, but right then, he could only agree with Tami. “I hope that Grace will agree to see her. I think it would make all the difference in the world.”
Tami slipped an arm around his waist and gave him a squeeze. “If it takes her a few days to come around, it will be okay. You’ll be able to come visit, and I’ll keep an eye on her, too. What Grace won’t have a lot of time to do is to make a decision on the baby’s name.”
Bennett hoped that Grace would be up to that because it really was something no one else could do.
He didn’t stay much longer at the hospital after that. Tami said she’d go back and check on Grace, so Bennett felt okay leaving. As he stepped out into the cold night, he was surprised at how little had changed while he’d been in the hospital even though it felt like everything was different now.
There was a little girl in the world who would be loved and cherished by so many people, even though her father wasn’t going to be there for her.
Grace listened as Bennett and Tami left the room. She kept her eyes closed, wishing she could just fall back to sleep. Being asleep meant she didn’t have to deal with people asking her how she was. Or encouraging her to go see the baby. She didn’t want to deal with either of those things. Not yet. Because she honestly didn’t know how she feeling. It wasn’t a cop-out. She really didn’t know.
It was as if all her emotions had been dropped like different types of fruit into a food processer that was then set on puree. How did someone separate the fruits out afterward? They didn’t. And she couldn’t either. It was a mishmash of all the emotions she’d been feeling since Franklin’s death.
Grief.
Loneliness.
Fear.
Anxiety.
Worry.
Guilt.
Rinse and repeat.
She might have flitted from one emotion to another quite quickly, but most the time, there had usually been one or maybe two identifiable ones. Since the minute she’d realized she was going into labor, it felt like every emotion was present at every second. It left Grace exhausted…too exhausted to try and figure it all out. But with people continually asking her how she felt, she was forced to. Which was why she would much rather be sleeping.
Grace shifted onto her side, wincing a bit at the pain as she turned her back to the door. She closed her eyes, only to have the image she’d seen on Bennett’s phone come to mind. Her eyes popped open, and she stared at the window and the darkness beyond. She knew what she was supposed to be feeling right then—all the feelings she already had—but she should also be happy that her daughter had been born safely. And that, from the sounds of things, she was doing well. From what the doctor had said, the baby had a good chance of making it.
But there were no guarantees, and that right there was enough to rob her of any happiness.
She heard movement behind her and quickly closed her eyes. Had Bennett returned from visiting the baby already? She could hear the person moving around and determined pretty quickly it was the nurse.
“You awake, sweetie?” the nurse asked as her fingertips settled against Grace’s wrist.
Grace debated if she could fake it, but in the end, she slowly opened her eyes and looked up at the nurse.
“How is your pain level?” the woman asked as she gave her a smile. “I can get you some more meds if you need them.”
“I think I’m okay,” Grace told her after taking a moment to consider her body.
“Can I help you to the bathroom? You need to be able to pee, or we might have to catheterize you.”
Grace didn’t want that. She let the woman help her sit up and then get to her feet. The floor didn’t seem all too steady beneath her feet, so she had to brace a hand on the mattress while the nurse took her other hand.
“Just give yourself a minute. You wouldn’t think it would be an issue, but sometimes finding your balance can take a while.”
Grace stood there, hoping that Bennett didn’t return. “I think I’m okay.”
; The nurse still didn’t release her but kept a hand on her elbow as they moved toward the small bathroom in a corner of the room. She was surprised how much effort it took, but in the end, she was successful, and the threat of a catheter was gone. She was beginning to regret that she hadn’t read up more on what was going to happen after the birth.
She’d thought she’d have time yet to do that. The plan had been for Makayla to go with her to the birthing classes that were supposed to start when she was thirty weeks. Which would have been next week. She hadn’t been reading any pregnancy and birthing books either, and now her ignorance was coming back to bite her.
Grace was surprised that through all the checking the nurse did, she didn’t once mention the baby, nor did she suggest that Grace go see her. Once she was settled back in the bed, the nurse smiled at her again.
“If you need anything, use the buzzer to give us a call,” the nurse said. “And if you’re up to seeing the baby, let us know.”
That was it. Just the offer to take her to see the baby. No pressure. No look of judgment.
Grace was grateful. “Thanks. I’ll see how I feel.”
Left alone in the room once again, Grace let out a long breath and closed her eyes. She had no idea if Bennett planned to come back. On the one hand, she hoped that he would, but she knew that he had no obligation. She’d made sure he’d known that. So, if he didn’t come back, she would only have herself to blame.
“Hey, sweetie.” This voice was familiar, but it wasn’t Bennett’s. Grace opened her eyes to see Tami at her bedside, a large smile on her face.
“Hey, Tami.”
“Looks like you’re doing okay,” Tami said, her gaze flitting from the IV stand to the monitors. “How are you feeling?”
“A little sore, but I suppose it could have been worse. I didn’t tear, apparently.”
For the Love of Grace: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 2) Page 22