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Bonds of Desire

Page 23

by Lynda Aicher


  She missed them. So very much.

  More than she knew was possible. Way more than she wanted to.

  Was this her punishment for being so single-minded for so long? Or simply a just reminder that life was meant to be shared and enjoyed? Loved. She squeezed her eyes closed against the thought. It wouldn’t bring them back or magically fix their situation.

  She’d had minimal communication with Seth. Their few calls had centered on Tyler and his lack of contact with either of them. And that only brought out the guilt, which led to silent recriminations before plunging to regret.

  Those talks had proven that she’d been right. A relationship with Seth wasn’t possible without Tyler.

  Right. Enough. This was going nowhere, and she’d earned the right to celebrate.

  Dashing upstairs, she made a quick change into shorts and a tank before heading back down. She grabbed the Champagne and slipped out the sliding glass door.

  The temperature had been brutal the past week and the heat engulfed her the second she stepped outside. A glance at the courtyard showed that it was still too hot for the usual Friday night gathering. Then maybe it was just too early. It was usually after nine before she ever joined in.

  Allie knocked on Cali’s slider and peered through the glass. The site of her friend sent a wave of relief through her.

  Cali slid the door open, her bright smile greeting Allie. “Hey. What’s up?” She motioned Allie into the homey condo. “Everything okay?”

  “It’s great,” Allie insisted, the joy rebuilding now that she had someone to share her news with. She waved the bottle of Champagne before her friend. “I got some good news today.”

  Cali’s eyes went wide. “Partner?”

  “Yup.” Allie beamed and let the pride in her achievement glow within her again. “I found out this afternoon.”

  “Congratulations!” Cali cried before enfolding Allie in a tight hug. If she clung a little longer than normal, Cali didn’t say anything. “You’ve worked so hard for this.”

  “Yeah. I have.” Maybe too hard.

  Cali went to the kitchen and took down a couple of Champagne glasses. “Should I call Kendra?”

  “Of course.” Allie waved her on. “She was next on my list.” She leaned on the counter as Cali made the call. She did have friends to share her success with. This was good. Burying herself in work hadn’t stopped the pain, but maybe her friends could.

  Cali pocked her phone and grabbed the bottle. “Come on. We should open this outside.”

  The shade of the covered patio provided a smidgen of relief from the heat as they waited for Kendra to hurry across the courtyard. Her ponytail swayed with each rushed step.

  “What’d I miss?” She looked between the other two then at the bottle of Champagne.

  “I made partner!” Allie beamed and spread her arm wide for Kendra’s hug. Again, if she held on too long, her friend didn’t say a word.

  “Here.” Cali shoved the bottle at Allie and the next minutes were occupied by opening the expensive celebration. The cork popped, its high arc shooting into the courtyard. Their laughter surrounded Allie as she gulped down the first fizzy bubbles that overflowed from the top. They tingled up her nose and down her throat and she choked on the goodness.

  “Let’s go inside,” Cali said pulling open the door. “It’s too hot out here.”

  The next hour was spent toasting Allie’s success. They were spread around Cali’s living room, the bottle almost empty and the conversation moving to other topics.

  Kendra was curled up in the recliner, her long legs tucked beneath her. She’d relaxed and opened up so much once the threat of her ex was gone. Her days as a shelf stocker at Target had ended not long after. They’d all celebrated in June when she’d received her license, enabling her to work as a counselor in the Minnesota school systems.

  “Have you heard from any of the schools yet?” Allie asked.

  Kendra shook her head. “Nothing. But the school year’s starting in a few weeks, so it should be soon.”

  “I hope you get one,” Cali said.

  “Me, too.” Kendra chuckled and finished off her glass. “So Allie...” She let the sentence dangle as she shot a look to Cali.

  Allie straightened from her relaxed slump on the couch. Somehow, she knew what was coming. Even expected it. Her friends had been incredibly restrained in the month since her unexpected vacation. She met Kendra’s speculative look. “Yes?”

  Her friend grinned. “So what happened with you and Seth?” She raised her brows. “And Tyler?”

  The question still sucked the air from her lungs. She’d been prepared, but to hear it said aloud meant that her secret was really out. She took a sip from her glass. “Why do you think something happened?”

  Cali reached down the sofa and put her hand on Allie’s knee. “Your car was parked in the club garage for almost a week.” Her voice was gentle and soothing. “And Jake and Deklan talk to us. We know something happened, but not the details. Seth hasn’t said a word and neither have you.”

  “Oh.” Allie’s words seemed to vanish. She wasn’t used to being the one in the spotlight.

  “Are you okay?” She looked to Kendra and saw the same concern she’d heard. “We’ve been worried but thought you’d come to us when you were ready. And since that hasn’t happened, I figured I take your approach and barge on in.”

  That brought a needed chuckle. “I’m not that bad.”

  “No,” Cali agreed. “But you didn’t let either of us hide when you thought something was wrong. Now it’s our turn.”

  They had her. Surprisingly though, she was relieved. She never would’ve brought it up on her own. It didn’t matter how open and accepting her friends were, she still feared what the world would think. Not that it mattered now that the relationship was over.

  “So,” Kendra prompted. “Did you get kinky with the men?”

  Allie let a sly smile curl her lips. “What if I did?”

  “I’d say it’s about time.”

  “Why?” Allie gaped at her friend.

  Kendra laughed before rushing to explain. “Because for all of your forwardness and talk, I doubt you’ve ever really played. And despite your claim to desire vanilla-only sex, you weren’t turned off by what you witnessed at The Den. So good for you.”

  Good for her? Yeah, it had been. Too good.

  “You still haven’t answered us, though,” Cali said. “Are you okay?”

  It was such a relative term. Allie forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  She glared at Kendra, but the woman didn’t flinch. “Fine.” She sighed. She rested her head on the back of the couch and mentally picked through what to divulge. “The three of us had sex. Okay? It was hot and good and now it’s over. That’s it.”

  “Why is it over?”

  Cali voice was deceptively soft, yet Kendra knew she couldn’t get away with a brushoff answer. So once again she shot it straight and clean. “The week ended and we couldn’t let Tyler go back to his job. We lied to him and he left us. It all blew apart and I left too.”

  “Did you want it to be done?”

  And the questions kept coming. She reminded herself that they were only digging because they cared about her. Just like she’d done to them. Allie crossed her arms over her chest and forced herself to answer. “Yes and no. I miss them, but I don’t see how a threesome relationship would work long term. It was fun, but not realistic in our society.”

  Kendra snorted her disagreement. “Like being a masochist is ‘realistic’ in our society.”

  Allie sat up at the challenging tone, ready for battle. “But no one knows that unless you tell them. You can walk down the street with Deklan and no one will judge you, unlike if I appear with a man on each arm. I’d be instantly branded a hussy.”

  “It’s the way we’re raised,” Cali interjected, her low tone diluting the tension in the room. “We understand what you’re saying. And it’
s hard to go against that expected image of right and wrong. But at some point, you have to decide if pleasing society is worth your happiness.”

  Her fight drained away. Both of her friends had struggled against that very issue before finally going after their own happiness. But was she that strong? “It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s over, so this whole discussion’s irrelevant.”

  It really was. There was little to zero chance of them getting back together when Tyler wanted nothing to do with either of them. They didn’t even know if he’d stopped being an escort. The last time she’d talked to Seth, he said he wasn’t back at that agency. But there was more than one in the city.

  And the thought of Tyler with anyone but her and Seth stabbed at her heart.

  She jumped up, taking her empty glass to the kitchen, and spotted the perfect escape. “Hey, I’m going to head outside. It looks like Evan and Robert could use some help setting up.”

  Cali stared at her for a long moment before she stood. “We’ll be out in a minute.”

  “Allie?”

  She paused halfway out the door and turned back to Kendra, her apprehension hidden behind her smile.

  “You know we’d support you, right?” Kendra waited until Allie nodded. “Being with two men is nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you get twice the love.”

  And twice the heartache.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The summer heat rippled over Tyler, the humidity pressing down on him like a physical force. The dank confines of his studio apartment acted like an oven, cooking the contents to a blistering level. The lone window was wide open, but the lame breeze couldn’t collect enough force to break through the thick mugginess.

  August was stuck in a heat wave that pushed everyone into air-conditioned sanctuaries and left the unlucky shits like him sweltering in their fucking walk-ups. He should move his ass and find somewhere to go. Even a mall would offer relief for a while. But he couldn’t muster the energy.

  Truth was, he hadn’t done much of anything since his fuck-fest with Seth and Allie. And yeah, he had to make it crude—otherwise it cut too deep. When he’d first left, the anger and hurt had burned hot and hard, but the initial sting had eventually faded to leave behind an empty lethargy.

  What did he do now?

  A part of him kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Someone was bound to show and tell him it was all a dream or that Seth had reneged on his offer. Life didn’t hand Tyler golden tickets like that. Hell, it usually gave him a handful of shit. Now that he would trust.

  His chuckle sounded hollow and wrong as it clawed through the air. Maybe he was going nuts. Maybe he already was. Shit. He scrubbed a hand over his face, his palm catching on the patches of stubble that had managed to grow in sparse defiance of his baby-faced image. Give it another week or two, and he might have enough growth to call it a beard. A lame one, but hell, he had to claim what he could.

  Damn. Why’d he have to think of that word? Claim. He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose willing the thoughts to go away. There was a huge part of him that wanted to run back and claim everything he’d stubbornly, stupidly walked away from. Seth and Allie. The three of them. But it was too late now.

  They’d both texted and called—not that he’d responded. The betrayal was still too fresh. If they’d only talked to him first. Then maybe...

  And where did maybes get you? Fucking nowhere.

  His father’s deep laughter tumbled through his mind, taunting him with memories that wouldn’t fade. You’re nothing, boy. Why in fuck would they keep a worthless shit like you? Because he’d never felt worthless with them. Damn. He pounded his fist into the mattress, the dull thump doing little to help.

  The bedframe creaked in protest as he rolled over and forced himself to sit up. Christ, even the linoleum was hot under his feet. Unbelievable. A bead of sweat made a slow path down the side of his face and he brushed it away, knowing another would soon follow.

  Wiping his damp fingers on his cutoffs, he picked up the crumpled business card from the side table. It was far past worn, but he could still make out the name and number of one Dr. Drey Brown, the therapist the ER doctor had recommended. He’d found the card stuffed inside his bag and assumed Seth had put it there. Evidently, he was trying to tell him something.

  Or he was trying to help. Again. A part of Tyler got that, even accepted it at some level.

  The card made a soft thwack when he flicked it with his fingers. He should toss the damn thing. Yeah, he’d been thinking that every day since he’d returned to his apartment.

  He picked up his phone and quickly punched in the numbers. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this, but it was the first time he waited long enough to hear the pleasant voice on the other end asking if she could help him. Could she? Only one way to find out.

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’d like to make an appointment.”

  He squeezed his eyes closed and fisted his hand in his bangs. The damn queasiness in his stomach had to be from the heat. That was it. Minutes later he had his name on a schedule to meet with the lovely doctor. He watched his phone fade to black and wished his mind would do the same thing.

  He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, seeking the touch he missed more than anything. As long has Seth’s hand had been on his neck, he’d known he belonged somewhere.

  The sharp rap at Tyler’s door made him jump and sent an instant flash of fear through him. Fuck. Nobody came to the dive he called home. It wasn’t like he had a boatload of friends dropping by. His job had pretty much killed that.

  “Who is it?” he called out, looking around for his baseball bat. Spotting it beside the bed, he shoved his phone in his pocket, picked up the bat and edged toward the door.

  “It’s Carter,” the voice yelled through the door. “Open up.”

  “Are you alone?”

  “Yes.”

  The tight ball of nerves eased a bit. The man might be loosely classified as friend, but he was still tied to the agency. Tyler had been waiting the last four weeks for either the agency or the loan shark to show up and prove Seth a liar. But neither had.

  He kept the bat in his grip as he released the locks and cracked the door open. He waited a second before peeking through the small opening to see Carter standing by himself in the dingy hallway.

  “Are you going to let me in?”

  Tyler shook his head at his own foolishness. “Sure.” He stepped aside. “Why are you here?”

  Carter made a quick survey of the small apartment before turning back to Tyler. His gaze fell to the bat still clenched in Tyler’s fist. “You plan on using that on me?” The wry tone of his voice matched the lightness playing in his eyes.

  “Do I need to?” Tyler lifted the bat, only half joking. He still wasn’t sure why Carter was there.

  “I’m not here for the agency, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

  Carter was the one who’d recruited him over a year ago. It’d been a huge step up off the street, which made him a bit indebted to the guy. Not everyone would understand that, but Carter had always been decent to Tyler and had shared the tips and trick of the professional trade when he’d first signed on.

  “Then why are you here?” Tyler set the bat down but didn’t allow himself to completely relax.

  Carter wandered over to the open window. A single fan whirled away in the corner, the slow rotation giving intermittent seconds of relief to those in its path. Dressed in a tight V-neck T-shirt and khaki shorts, Carter still managed to look sexy in the heat. Something Tyler doubted he achieved, given the state of his grungy, sweat-stained tank and cutoffs.

  The term tall, dark and handsome was made for Carter. His black hair had enough length for a man to grab but still remained stylish for a high-end night on the town. Tyler knew he had that opportunity more often than not. Carter had been with the agency for years and had earned his way to the top of the pay list. He only worked with the elite at this point. Lucky f
ucker.

  He turned away from the window to level his stunning blue eyes at Tyler. When he’d first met Carter, he’d bet that the deep, crystal-blue color were from contacts. He’d lost that bet.

  “Word on the street is a sugar daddy bought you out.” Carter arched a brow and made another pointed look around. “Not that he’s sharing any of his cash with you. What the hell have you been doing with all your money?”

  Tyler’s defenses kicked in. “None of your business.”

  “Yeah. Whatever.” Carter shrugged in dismissal then moved to the tiny refrigerator, completely at ease. “Got a beer in here?”

  “I don’t drink.” Not a drop. No way was he taking after his dad in any way.

  He opened the door anyway and stooped to peer inside. He glanced at Tyler. “Mind if I grab a water? It’s hot as hell in here.”

  “Sure. Grab me one too.” Tyler blew out a long, slow breath and tried to relax. He took the cold bottle from Carter and pressed the icy goodness to his temple. “Damn. That feels good.”

  Carter settled his hip against the small kitchen counter and eyed Tyler. “Is it true?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  He sighed and set the bottle down. “Look. We can play this word game all day. But what’s the point? I came here in case you needed someone to talk to. That’s all. If you’re good, I’ll hit the road.” He pushed away from the counter and headed for the door.

  “Wait.” The word came out sounding a bit too desperate. “I mean, sorry.” Christ. He ran a hand through his sweat-damp hair and then wished he hadn’t. He tucked the wet hand in his pocket. “Thanks for coming by.”

  Carter narrowed his eyes and studied Tyler. “So it’s true.”

  The shame creep up his neck in a heated wave, and Tyler couldn’t look at him. “It’s not like that.” Even if it still felt like he’d been bought and paid for, he finally understood what Seth had been trying to do. And for some reason, he couldn’t let Carter think badly of the man.

  “Then what’s it like?”

  Tyler took a sip of the water, stalling for time. “He didn’t tell me he was doing it. I didn’t know.”

 

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