Bonds of Desire

by Lynda Aicher

  “So, what?” Carter stepped back to grab his water. “This guy was just being nice?”

  “Yeah,” Tyler said, his throat dry despite the near-empty bottle in his hand. “Something like that.”

  “Let me guess. Now you don’t know what to do with your sudden good fortune. Right?”

  The low scoff sounded as pathetic as Tyler felt. “Yeah. Something like that.”

  “It’s not unheard of, you know.” Carter waited until Tyler looked up. “The being-nice part.”

  Tyler gave him a half smile. “I know.”

  “So this guy. He didn’t want anything in return?” That brow when up again. “No strings or promises from you?”

  Tyler made the short trip to the recycling bin to toss the empty bottle in. “Nope. Not that he’s said.”

  Tyler jerked around at Carter’s low whistle. “That’s a pretty sweet deal. The guy must care about you.”

  Yeah. Maybe Seth did care. Why else would the man have done all he had if he didn’t? Allie too. “Maybe. But now what? I’m not going to fucking live off him like a worthless schmuck. And what do I have to offer beside a good fuck?”

  “The conundrum of the whore,” Carter said before taking a seat in the one worn chair in the corner. Tyler had dragged the green eyesore off the curb when he’d first moved in. “You don’t want to fuck for money, but if you don’t fuck for money, how will you make money?”

  He sat on the edge of his bed, the only other seat in the room, and fiddled with a loose thread hanging from the frayed edge of his cutoffs.

  “I take it you’ve never had a traditional job?”

  Tyler tugged on the thread, the tiny string snapping under the force. “Some. But they never paid enough to cover the debts and bills.”

  The quiet lengthened, the whirl of the fan ringing off with a click as it reach the end of each arc.

  Carter shifted forward. “Can I ask you something?”

  The defenses came roaring back, but Tyler shoved them aside. “Shoot.”

  “Do you want to go back to being an escort?”

  “No.” The instant denial shot out of Tyler to leave a gaping hole of silence in the room. He picked at another string, tugging the thread free with a violent jerk.

  “Then what do you want to do?”

  “Shit.” Tyler stood and stalked to the window. The entire three steps it took to get there. He leaned against the frame, his palms cutting into the hard edge. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a choice before.”

  “And there’s the problem. It can be damn scary to get what you want.”

  Tyler stared out the window, the view of the brick building across the way providing little to distract him. “What do you want?” He asked the question as a diversion, but he was also curious. “Couldn’t you get out if you wanted?”

  “I got what I want.” He met Tyler’s gaze when he turned to see if the man was telling the truth. “I’m a whore and I don’t have a problem with that. I can do two or three gigs a month and have enough money and time for my hobby. I’m good with that.”

  Curiosity spiked, Tyler asked, “What’s your hobby?”

  The smile that grew over his lips was one hundred percent genuine. “Photography.” He rubbed his nose and looked down. “Do you have one?”

  “A hobby?” Tyler thought about it. “No. But I like to cook.”

  “Then start there.” Carter picked up his bottle and took it to the recycling bin. “Find a job in a kitchen. Restaurants always need help. Do what you enjoy for once.”

  Tyler didn’t respond. Carter made it seem so easy when nothing in life was ever like that.

  “Can I ask you one more question?” Carter was standing by the door now, hand poised on the nob. Tyler nodded. “The guy who paid out your contract. Do you like him?”

  When worded that plainly, the answer was simple. “Yes.”

  “Then don’t hold it against him. Life’s too short.” He opened the door and flashed a smile. “And fucking shave, man. That preteen scuff looks like shit.”

  Tyler rubbed his cheek and laughed. “What? It doesn’t do anything for you?” He wiggled his brows and shot Carter a leer.

  He rolled his eyes. “Not even close. You think I want to look at my little brother when I fuck?” He rubbed his own cheek, which was as smooth as a child’s. “I’ll take a good, manly scruff any day.”

  “True,” Tyler said around a chuckle. Man, he hadn’t laughed since he’d left Allie and Seth. It felt good. Carter turned to leave, and suddenly Tyler didn’t want him to go. “Hey,” he called out. “Thanks.”

  Carter tipped his head. “No problem. You still got my number, right?” Tyler grabbed his phone and read off the number he had for Carter. “That’s it. Call if you need anything. Even to talk. I’ve seen a lot of men come and go from the business. Doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

  Tyler swallowed to relieve the tightness in his throat. “I will.”

  The door closed with a soft click, leaving him alone once again. The fan whirled in the corner, a car horn echoed up from the street below, a bead of sweat made another trail down the side of his temple and he stood there. Alone.

  He stared down at his phone in his hand and finally understood one very important thing. He didn’t have to be alone. Not anymore. And he didn’t want to be.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The thin little line blinked in perpetual insistence on Allie’s computer screen, the tiny mark urging her to work. But her mind was a big blank. She’d read and reread the same paragraph of the legal brief multiple times and still had no clue if she needed to edit any of it.

  Crap. She sighed and pushed away from the desk. It was pointless to pretend she was working. She spun the chair around to stare out the large window in her office. After years of toiling in the cubical farm then moving to the small inner offices, she’d finally gotten a coveted window office. A symbol of success that went with the upgrade in responsibility, expectations and stress.

  The buzz of her intercom jolted her out of her thoughts and almost her chair. It’d be a while before she got used to having an assistant. She blew out a breath and spun around to press the intercom button. “Yes, Jenna?”

  “There’s a Mr. Seth Mathews here to see you,” her admin said. “He doesn’t have an appointment.”

  She couldn’t breathe to answer. Seth was here. To see her. Why? Her first thought was Tyler. Something happened. A sick dread flushed her skin and churned her stomach.

  “Ms. English?”

  She shot out of her chair and rushed across the office before she could think better of it. The big wooden door opened with barely a squeak, yet both of the people outside her door turned to stare. Jenna’s eyes went wide as she put the phone down. But Allie barely noticed. Her attention was glued to Seth.

  A smile curved over his lips, a slow-moving action that traveled to his eyes and nailed her heart. His hair was down, the golden-brown locks shining in the florescent office light. He looked comfortable but nice in the black polo and slacks, and she ate up every inch of him.

  “Allie.” The sound of her name on his lips brought back all the times she’d heard it breathed, groaned, murmured... “You look good.”

  With effort, she pulled in her control and resisted the urge to run a smoothing hand over her suit. She pasted on a smile. “Thank you. I’m surprised to see you here.”

  He took a step closer. “Do you have time to talk?”

  On closer inspection, she noticed all the things she’d missed in her first hurried glance. His shirt hung on him just a bit as if he’d lost weight. His cheekbones appeared sharper, and dark circles ringed the hollow groove that stood out under tired eyes.

  “Of course.” She stepped aside to let him into her office. “Hold my calls, Jenna.”

  She shut the door and was engulfed in Seth’s embrace. Oh, my God. If felt so good. He felt so good. She held on tight before sanity forced her to step back. She wanted to stay in his arms, but logic said sh
e couldn’t.

  Moving away, she took one last inhale to savor his scent. “What do you want, Seth?” She didn’t mean to come across so curt. However, she had to keep her distance. “Did something happen with Tyler?” Her heart hitched at the possibility and she picked up her phone to check for a text or message. Nothing.

  “I don’t know.” Seth scanned her office. “I still haven’t heard from him.”

  “Oh.” The admission that Tyler was still blowing them both off didn’t make her feel better. “I haven’t either.”

  She moved behind her large wooden desk, using the obstacle as a barrier. The silence grew agonizingly long as he stared at the framed documents proclaiming her right to practice law. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, but she held them back.

  “You made partner?” He turned his head to look at her, a smile playing on his lips. “When?”

  “A few weeks ago.”

  “Congratulations.” His voice had a level of pride in it that made her flush. It wasn’t fair that his single word of acknowledgment meant more than all of the other praise and compliments she’d received. Her parents had been appropriately congratulatory then ended the conversation with, “So how are you going to manage a marriage and children working that kind of a job?” Her buzz of accomplishment had instantly died.

  “Thank you.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I thought you wanted that.”

  “I did. Do,” she insisted.

  “Hmmm.”

  The noncommittal sound said more than words. He didn’t believe her. Her spine straightened and she leaned forward, prepared to defend herself before it clicked in—she didn’t have to defend anything to him. They weren’t in a relationship and his opinion shouldn’t matter. She slumped back in her chair. “Why are you here, Seth?

  He looked back to the wall of accolades, his gaze traveling over each one, but she doubted he actually saw any of them. “Do you think I did the right thing? With Tyler?”

  “I thought we went over that.” She studied him, concern returning. “Where’s this coming from?”

  He closed his eyes and took a long breath. “I think I really messed up this time.” His voice was so low that she had to lean forward to hear him.

  “What do you mean?”

  Seth shook his head and the next second threw his shoulders back, lifted his chin and strode toward her. “Can you look at a contract for me?” He stood in front of her desk, the previous moment of vulnerability gone.

  She did a quick mental scramble and tried to keep up with him. “To what extent? Do you need legal advice?”

  “Nothing formal. This is strictly off the books.” He extracted a folded piece of paper from his pocket and flipped it over in his hands a few times then sat in the cushioned visitor’s chair. “I need a second opinion.”

  Okay. “Is this personal or business-related?”

  His eyes were hooded but insistent. “A bit of both.”

  “Why me? I thought the club had a lawyer.”

  “We do.” He unfolded the papers and flattened them on his leg.

  Given her new position, she technically shouldn’t. Not without signing confidentiality agreements and whatnot. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  He laid the papers on the desk then stared at the ground. When he spoke, his voice held a steely edge that was strangely reassuring. “I caught the man who did that to Tyler. He was doing the same thing to another sub.”

  “What?” A sickening wave of nausea ached in her throat at what that meant. “I thought you’d banned him from The Den.”

  “We did. It was at another club.” He looked up. “I was there for a meeting.”

  “And?”

  “It was the same as Tyler. He did it again.” His face hardened in almost imperceptible degrees, but the change turned her blood icy. “The arrogant bastard thought he was untouchable. I proved him wrong.”

  The fierce ruthlessness of his hard glare sent a jolt of fear through her. There was a part of her that hoped Seth kicked the man’s ass. Anger still burned within her that the bastard had gotten away with what he’d done to Tyler.

  “What’d you do, Seth?” A thousand different scenarios rushed through her mind before she halted them all.

  He thrust to a stand and paced around her desk to stare out the window. Her heart rate increased with each second it took for him to respond.

  “The man has no right calling himself a Dom.” He cut a sharp glance at her. “I sent a copy of the video feed from Tyler’s Scene to every club in the area. I blacked out Tyler’s face but provided the Dom’s identity, along with his club name.”

  The breath she didn’t know she was holding eased from her lungs. “You blackballed him. That sounds like a good thing to me. So what’s the problem?”

  He pointed to the forgotten papers on her desk. “That’s a copy of the contact that’s signed between The Den and each member. Read it.”

  It appeared to be a standard business contract, stating terms and agreements for membership to The Den. At three pages long, it wasn’t extensive but covered the rights and responsibilities of both parties. She found the confidentiality clause on the last page.

  Allie read then reread the statement before rereading the entire contract, looking for a loophole. She didn’t find one. The contract clearly stated that The Den would not divulge identities nor share images, names or aliases either verbally or written unless required by law in the case of a criminal investigation.

  Legally, Seth had violated the contract.

  She set the papers down and studied his profile. His brows were drawn down in tight concentration that matched the thin line of his lips. “Is he threatening a lawsuit?”

  “No. That’s too high-profile for him.”

  “Who is he, Seth?” She rubbed at the headache forming behind her eyes. “You already broke the contract, so just tell me who we’re dealing with.”

  She didn’t think he was going to respond, but finally he faced her. “It’s better if you don’t know.”

  Various levels of frustration, disappointment and understanding cascaded within her. Professionally, he was probably right. Personally, it was one more secret that stood between them. She worked to keep her voice level. “Then why are you really here?”

  Seth’s steady gaze held hers. “Did I do the wrong thing?”

  The question startled her, and she didn’t know how to answer. Standing, she placed her palm on the warm skin of his arm. There, in the depths of his golden-brown eyes, she saw the pain and inner struggle he was battling.

  “Ethically, I think you did the right thing. The man who assaulted Tyler should’ve been arrested. You did something to stop him, even if it wasn’t completely within your legal rights.”

  He lifted a hand to run the back of his fingers down her cheek. The touch was gentle and reminded her of how he really was. He cared deeply for people but rarely showed it physically. That gesture spoke volumes to her now that she understood his language. “But was it right?”

  Her heart ached for him, yet there was nothing she could do or say to ease his mind. “Only you can decide that.”

  “To me, it was.”

  “Then hold on to that.” She squeezed his arm when she really wanted to throw her arms around him and never let go. “Everything you’ve done has been for the right reasons.”

  He glanced over her head and distractedly tucked one of her errant curls behind her ear. “Then the question becomes, does the end justify the means?”

  She gave into her urge and looped her arms around his waist to hold him tight. She burrowed her nose into his chest. Damn, he smelled so good. It brought back all of the memories and feelings from their time in the bubble. The ones she’d tried and couldn’t forget. “Do you think he’s okay?”

  “I hope so.” His voice had gone low and deep. “Are you?”

  Was she? On the surface, yes. But below that, everything was fractured and crumbling. “Yeah.”

  His chuckle ru
mbled through his chest. “Right. Me, too.” He undid the clip binding the curls at her nape and speared his fingers through her hair to cup the back of her head. “I’m sorry, Allie.”

  “For what?”

  “This all went so wrong.” He smoothed his cheek over the top of her hair. She tried to look at him, but he held her head firm and wouldn’t let her move. “I never meant to hurt anyone.”

  “I know that. No one did.”

  “But it still happened.” He loosed his hold and stepped away, his fingers trailing out of her hair in a slow slide that sent goose bumps down her back. He cupped her face and tilted it up to give her a soft kiss. His lips rested lightly against hers for a heartbeat that last for eternity. She clenched his wrist and wanted to hang on to everything they’d thrown away. “I’m sorry,” he whispered over her lips.

  No, she wanted to demand. Don’t go. But she didn’t say a word when he grabbed the contract off her desk and walked out her office. Her heart constricted, the ache returning to stretch across her chest as she stared at the closed door. Was this how Seth had felt when they’d both walked out on him?

  She sunk into her chair and spun it around to stare out the big glass window. She blinked then squeezed her eyes closed to hold back the tears that wanted to fall. There was no point—none—in letting them out. They wouldn’t change a thing.

  There was nothing she could do to change any of it. Not without risking everything. Even if she did, there was no guarantee that it would work out. And then where would she be?

  Alone. Just like she was now.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “What were you thinking?” Deklan asked.

  “He obviously wasn’t,” Jake scoffed. “That’s the problem.”

  Seth spun on his two business partners. “I did the right thing.”

  “For who?” Deklan stepped forward, the anger turning his face into a cold mask that would intimidate even the meanest terrorist. “You? Tyler? Because it wasn’t for the club.”

  “Ethically. Damn it.” Seth advanced on the man. He wasn’t afraid of Deklan or any of his military-tactic bullshit he tried to use. “Harcourt deserved what he got.”