This Courage of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  “Are you gonna be okay goin’ back to the apartment?”

  Her eyes went wide, but she quickly recovered, most likely hopin’ I didn’t see it. “Yeah, nothing happened. I’ll be fine.” She growled.

  We pulled into our gated apartments a few minutes later, and I couldn’t have been more relieved to be gettin’ out of the small confines of the cab of my truck. I parked and quickly ran around the front to get Cami, but she was already makin’ her way out. I shook my head in disappointment at just how fuckin’ stubborn she really was. I grabbed her belongings and guided her up the steps with my hand on her lower back. She flinched for a brief second when I first placed it there, but she made no attempt to move it.

  I unlocked the door and pushed it open for her to go in first, but she didn’t move. As I walked in ahead of her, I glanced back to see what was wrong, when I saw nothin’ but pure fear take over her expression. I instantly dropped her things on the floor and rushed back over to her, pullin’ her tightly against my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was going to comfort her in the slightest, but I had to at least try.

  “Everything is going to be okay, love. I promise.” I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. Everything about this girl made me weak in the knees, but her scent drove me mad. It reminded me of an easier time. I was enjoyin’ holdin’ my wife so close, when she suddenly pulled away from me. “What’s goin’ on? Come back to me.” I smiled as I tried to pull her back into my embrace.

  “Let go, Glenn!” She snapped, and I instantly dropped her wrist that I was holdin’. “You know better than to make promises you can’t keep. I have to go pick up my mom from the airport. I’ll be back in about an hour.” She snatched her keys from the counter and tried to move past me, but I stood my ground.

  “Cami, you can’t treat me like this just because of what happened. I’m tryin’ to be here for you the best I know how, but all you do is push me away. I’m drownin’ here, Cam. You gotta help me understand what you need from me.”

  She pushed past me and swung open the front door, lookin’ back at me. “Right now, I need you to leave me alone. I’ll be back.” The door slammed into the frame and I grabbed the closest object to me, and chucked it at the door.

  I knew she wouldn’t hear it. She was most likely already in her car, but it helped ease my anger. I was tryin’ to be patient with her. After seein’ and hearin’ what Kayla went through after Wren, I knew I just needed to be supportive, but damn. I’m only one man, and there was only so much I could do to protect her and make her feel safe. I thought I was doin’ a good job, but apparently I was completely and utterly wrong. I let out an audible sigh as I kneeled down on the ground to grab the catalog and paperwork that I picked up for Cami from the college. So much for that.

  Chapter 13

  Cami

  I frantically searched my surroundings as I made my way down to my car. I wasn’t about to take any chances after what happened. I told Glenn I had to pick up my mom, but I actually wasn’t due to get her for at least another thirty minutes. There were a few things I needed to get done before then, and I didn’t need Glenn coming along so he could tell me how dumb I was for doing what I was about to do.

  As I merged onto the freeway from our middle of nowhere town, a few stray tears managed to fall from the corners of my eyes. With everything that had been going on at the hospital, I didn’t really have a chance to even let what happened soak in. I really wasn’t mad at Glenn. That much was the truth. For some reason I felt almost as though he was making light of the situation. I wanted to believe that he truly was sorry for our fight, but something inside of me felt as though he was only apologizing because I was attacked.

  I knew how mean and stubborn I sounded, but I couldn’t help but feel utterly alone. I thought it was going to be easy, going back to our apartment, but it proved to be anything but. When Glenn opened the door, I froze. My entire body began to shake involuntarily, making me feel weak. If my mother had taught me anything, it was to never be weak. I prided myself on being independent and being able to protect myself. Unfortunately, now all I could see was a frightened little girl wishing her husband would quit his dream and protect her forever. But I knew I couldn’t ask him to do that.

  A car horn blared behind me, pulling me from my reverie. I glanced around to see exactly where I was, and then proceeded through the stoplight. The place I was headed for was only a mile and half down the main road and I let out a sigh of relief once I parked in the parking lot. I turned the car off and pushed open my door. I glanced up at the extra large sign above that read The Gun Emporium. I was a little bit nervous as I walked through the front doors, but my nervousness was replaced with security as soon as I saw all the guns around me. I knew it wasn’t the best answer, but for me, it was the only answer.

  “Hi there. Welcome to The Gun Emporium, I’m Sean. What can I do for you?”

  I rarely ever blushed around guys, but the way this guy was looking at me with those baby blues, I could feel the blush rising in my cheeks. He was absolutely gorgeous. When I realized that I still hadn’t said anything, I quickly regained my composure and spoke. “I’m looking for a gun.” Oh my god how stupid. Of course I was looking for a gun, why else would I be here?

  “Well we have some.” He smiled as he waved his hands in the direction of the massive amounts of firearms around us. “Anything in particular you’d like to see?”

  His gorgeous smile and perfectly straight white teeth had me at a loss for words, yet again. What the hell was wrong with me? I was a married woman for crying out loud. “Um, I’m looking for a pistol for my home.” I knew a little bit about guns because of my dad, but I figured I would see what Sean thought would suit me best.

  “We have quite a few options for home safety. Come down this way and I’ll show you what we’ve got.”

  He led me towards the back of the store, stopping at a huge glass case that housed at least fifty different guns. Instead of opening up the glass case like I thought he would, he reached behind him for one of the pistols that were hanging on the wall. When he reached up, I couldn’t help but notice his somewhat large muscles tugging at the fabric of his shirt just waiting to bust free. He definitely worked out. I silently slapped myself forcing the enticing thoughts from my mind.

  When he turned around, he was holding a black pistol with a pink handle and I smiled. “I like it.”

  “This is a Ruger 9mm Luger center fire pistol. It has amazing accuracy and it’s pretty lightweight. Its nice and compact and super easy to shoot. You ever shoot a gun before?” He was looking me over trying to come to his own conclusion.

  “I know I don’t look like a girl who knows how to shoot, but believe you me, I can. My daddy taught me when I was young. Can I hold it?”

  “Of course.” He handed me the gun and it felt so natural in my hands. It fit perfectly.

  “It is lightweight. I like that.”

  “Can I ask what you need it for?” I knew it was probably a question he asked everyone, but I instantly froze up.

  I set the gun back down on the counter and tried to pretend that I was just looking.

  “Oh yeah?” He joked.

  I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and then looked directly at Sean. “I was attacked this morning and now I need some protection. My husband leaves to go on tour tomorrow and I don’t feel safe without him.” I was beyond embarrassed by my confession, so I simply gave him a smile and said thank you.

  “Wait! Come back.” He shouted as I reached the door. I thought about just leaving and not worrying about it any longer, but something inside of me told me to turn around and go back to the counter.

  “Look, I just need something for protection. I’m not even sure how all of this works as far as buying a gun.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll help you. Here’s the deal though, you have to be twenty-one in the state of Texas to own a pistol. Are you twenty-one?”

  I silently shook my head no as I let out a strangled breath. “Seriously?
”

  “Yeah. But I might be able to still help you out. I have a few guns I’m actually selling myself.”

  I stood back amazed that this guy would be willing to help me so much, even though he just met me. I wasn’t feeling very good about purchasing one through him without knowing him, so I decided to stop him right there. “It’s okay. I’ll be back a little bit later. Thank you so much for your help, Sean.” I turned and walked away, leaving him stunned.

  “Oh…okay. See you soon.” He shouted as I left.

  I checked the clock in the town square and realized that I was going to be late picking up my mom. I ran to my car and jumped in. The airport was still another twenty-five minutes in the opposite direction, but I did what I had to do to get there on time. I pulled up curbside where my mom was standing, a short while later. I threw the car in park and ran over to her, throwing my arms around her and holding her as tight as I could.

  “Well hello to you too, honey.”

  “Mom, you have no idea what I’ve been through this morning.” I could barely get the words out between my sobs.

  “Oh honey, what happened?”

  “I was attacked at home. I was just released from the emergency room a little while ago. It was horrible, and now I can’t get the guy’s face out of my head. I’m taking everything out on Glenn because he wasn’t there, and I just went by a gun shop to purchase a gun. Mom, I don’t know what to do. It has only been a few hours and I feel like I have absolutely no control over anything.”

  “Whoa whoa, now just slow down Cam. Take a deep breath, baby girl. Let’s get my things in the trunk, and then we can talk while I drive. I can’t believe Glenn let you drive yourself while you’re like this.”

  “I didn’t give him much of a choice. I just left.” I hung my head in embarrassment. “I already know what you’re gonna say. I know I shouldn’t have left like that, but I had to get out of my apartment. That’s where it happened.”

  I watched my mother’s sympathetic look morph into shock, and then anger. “Get in the car Cami.”

  “Yes, Mom.” I got in the passenger seat and a few minutes later, we were on our way back to my apartment. I glanced over at my mom, but she was busy staring out the windshield and gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles were bright white. “Mom?”

  “Start at the beginning, Cami. I want to know everything so don’t leave anything out.”

  I took in a deep breath and began telling her the entire story. I could tell already that this lovely reunion wasn’t going to be so lovely in a just a bit. My mom had a way of overreacting to things, not that she shouldn’t to what happened, but either way I was going to be the one getting the brunt of her anger and frustration. Having my mom come visit, not such a good idea.

  Chapter 14

  Glenn

  As much as I loved Cami and her family, I was not looking forward to being around her mother for the next twenty-four hours. Although, I would much rather deal with her mom than her brother. When I was done cleaning up the house, I stepped out onto the patio and called Joey. I wasn’t lookin’ forward to havin’ to ask what I was gonna ask from him, but I really had no other choice at the moment.

  “Hey bro, what’s up?”

  “Hey Jo, I need to ask a huge favor of you. First, Cami was attacked this mornin’. Some guy broke into our apartment and almost raped her. Secondly, can you come stay with her for a few days out of the week while I’m gone?”

  “Why the hell didn’t you call me douche? Seriously, she was attacked and you don’t even think to call your family? What the hell, bro?”

  “Look Jo, I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry for everything because obviously I can’t do a single fuckin’ thing right today. I just need to know if you can fuckin’ help me out?”

  “Sorry. Of course I will help, but why wouldn’t she just go stay with Kayla?”

  “I dunno, Jo. When we got back from the hospital she practically ran out of here to go pick up her mom like she was on fire. We don’t leave until tomorrow night at six, but I wanna make sure I have everything in order before she gets back. I’m gonna call Kayla in just a minute and see what she thinks. That, and I have no idea how long her mom is gonna be in town.”

  “All right, well let me know when you figure it out. And I’m sorry, Glenn. I know this shit can’t be easy on you.”

  “Thanks, Jo. Tell Mom and Dad I say hi, and I’ll call them later.”

  “Sounds good. See ya.”

  “Bye.” I hung up with Joey and quickly dialed Kayla. I wasn’t sure if her and Cami had already figured out what they were gonna do while we were gone, but I figured I’d call her anyway.

  “Hey Glenn. How’s Cam?”

  I let out a frustrated sigh, “She’s not here. She went to pick her mom up from the airport.”

  “All by herself? Why would you let her do that?”

  “Oh my god for the last fuckin’ time, I did not let her go by herself, she practically ran past me to get away from me and out of the apartment. Whatever. I just need to know if you and Cam talked about what she’s gonna do while I’m gone?”

  “No, we didn’t talk about it at all, but she is more than welcome to come stay here with me and Mia. I would hate for her to be by herself in that apartment.”

  “Well, lucky for her, her mom is in town right now. I don’t know for how long though.”

  “Yeah, she told me the devil was comin’ in today.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at her callin’ Cami’s mom the devil, because it was totally true. “That’s too funny.”

  “Right! Look, as soon as she gets home and settled or settled a little bit, tell her to call me. I’ll talk to her and we will figure it out. Glenn, don’t even worry about it. I know you’ve got enough to worry about right now, so let me take this off of your plate.”

  “Thanks, Kayla. I seriously appreciate it. I called Jo to see if he could keep an eye on her while I was gone too.”

  “Oh yay, babysitting with Joey. Sounds like a blast.” The sarcasm in her voice did not go unnoticed. “Just kidding. That’s fine. I’ll call him in a little bit after I talk to Cami.”

  “Thanks again, Kayla. Talk to you later.”

  I hung up my phone and tossed it onto the counter. The apartment was a little messed up, so I went around and picked up a bit before Cami returned with her mother. I didn’t want to give her mom another reason to dislike me. Once I was done pickin’ up the kitchen and living room, I made my way into our room and the bathroom. When I saw the sheets in disarray, I almost lost it.

  Visions of what may have gone on in here flashed through my mind like a bad movie. Over and over again I saw my poor helpless wife fighting to get free from the clutches of that evil piece of shit. Before I even knew what I was doin’, I was throwin’ the comforter, pillows and sheets on the floor, and then I went ballistic. I threw the mattress off of the bed frame, and proceeded to punch holes in the box springs. I would’ve kept goin’, but I suddenly felt a small hand on my shoulder and all my rage dissipated. When I turned to look at my beautiful wife’s face, I lost it. Every emotion that I had pent up inside of me came spewing out.

  Cami wrapped her arms around me and I pulled her into my lap, clutching onto every fiber of her being. “This isn’t fair to you. I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around.”

  She grasped my face in her hands, pulling it up to look at her. “How about we comfort each other?”

  I smiled into her shoulder as I squeezed her tightly against my chest. “God Cami, I’ll never forgive myself for not being here for you. I should have protected you.” Suddenly it dawned on me that if she was here, then so was her mother. “Where’s your mom? Did she see me freakin’ out?”

  “No. She’s in the living room. I just told her to give us a minute.” Her lips grazed my ear as she whispered just below it, and my body quickly reacted.

  “Cami?” I exhaled.

  “Yes, Glenn?”

  I thought about a
skin’ her if she was okay with havin’ sex with me, but I changed my mind. I didn’t want to force her to do anything she wasn’t ready for. That and I really didn’t want to listen to her mother, but selfishly I couldn’t help but want to have sex with my wife before I left for six weeks. It was most likely goin’ to kill me to be away from her.

  I looked up into her beautiful green eyes and placed a chaste kiss to the tip of her nose. “Never mind, my love.” I tucked my finger under her chin and brought her lips up to meet mine. Her lips were silky and smooth and I tried not to deepen the kiss, but my mind and my mouth weren’t communicating properly. I half expected her to pull away from me, but surprisingly she pulled me even closer, grasping at my shirt.

  I knew if this was leading to anything, then I was gonna let her take the reigns and tell me what she wanted. As if she could read my mind, she gripped the bottom of my shirt, swiftly pulling it up and over my head, discarding it on the floor behind her. When her fingers fell to my zipper, I took that as permission to undress her as well. My hands brushed against her stomach causing her to flinch, but she never made an attempt to stop me.

  I tugged on her shirt and pulled it up over her head. My lips fell to her exposed neck and I wasted no time placing soft featherlike kisses all down it, until my lips reached her collarbone. She had made quick work of unbuttoning my pants and pullin’ them down as much as she could as I leaned back on my hands. I tried to get her to look at me a few times, but she seemed to be concentrating awfully hard and I knew she was tryin’ to do anything she could to keep her mind off of what happened this mornin’.

  Before I could change our positions, she was pushin’ me down to the ground, rather roughly I might add, but I was willin’ to let her do just about anything to me in this moment. My hands slid up and down her exposed sides, makin’ her shudder every time. Before I knew it, she was positioning me at her entrance and slowly slidin’ down my erection. I took in a deep breath and let out a loud moan as she began to move up and down my length. At this rate, I wasn’t gonna last much longer.