This Courage of Mine

by Amanda Bennett

  “I always worry about you. It’s my job as your husband. Cami?”

  “Yeah?”

  “We’re gonna get through this, together. I’ll call you after I talk to Tony. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Don’t forget.”

  I hung up and fell back onto the bed staring at the white ceiling above me. Its funny how something so small can turn into something so big in just a matter of seconds. Cami was my world and the thought of losing her was practically killing me. We wouldn’t go down with out a fight, and now was our time to fight.

  Chapter 27

  Cami

  Work went by at a glacial pace. Kayla came in for a little bit this morning, but she had to get home and tend to Mia. Her grandparents watched Mia while she was at work, but they were getting up there in age and couldn’t keep up with her for too long. That’s why Kayla suggested me coming to work with her. I still hadn’t heard back from Glenn, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad sign.

  I was gathering the last of the clothes from the fitting rooms when the bell above the door chimed, letting me know that someone was in the store. “Hi, I’ll be right with you.” I shouted over my shoulder. I set the handful of clothes on the folding table by the mirrors and made my way up front. I was fixing my shirt, when I looked up and almost tripped over myself. I stopped mid-stride, mouth agape, pinching myself to make sure I was awake.

  “How…I…how are you here?” Before I could say another word, I was running into Glenn’s arms, weeping. “I can’t believe you’re here, with me.”

  His hand stroked my hair as I burrowed my face into his chest. “There’s nowhere else I need to be right now than here with you.”

  I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes that were filled with unshed tears, and I could see how much he loved me. “You’re an amazing man, Glenn Green.” I ran the pad of my thumb across his bottom lip before sealing my lips over his. Our kiss was nothing short of passionate, letting me feel every ounce of love this man felt for me.

  “You almost done here?” He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear, grazing my cheek and the warmth of his touch left me feeling hopeful.

  “Let me just lock up. I’m sure Kayla won’t mind if I close up a little bit early.”

  “I’m sure she’ll understand.” He laughed.

  Within thirty minutes, I was done putting back the stack of clothes and closing up. Glenn reached for my hand, intertwining our fingers as he kept me close by his side. “So…are all of you home? Do the guys hate me now?” I glanced up at him when he didn’t respond right away, and saw that he was lost in thought. I gently tugged on his hand and it brought him back to me.

  “What did you say?”

  I let out a strangled sigh. “How were you able to come home?”

  Glenn shook his head as he opened my door for me, ushering me into the passenger side of my car. He quickly ran around the front and hopped in the driver seat. “We had to cancel the next couple of shows. Well, more like we had to postpone the next couple of shows.”

  “I don’t understand.” I whispered.

  “When I told Tony what was goin’ on, he said that he could find another guitarist to finish the tour with the guys.” I could see the agony in Glenn’s face as he spoke about someone else possibly taking his place.

  “Babe, I’m so sorry. I told you that you didn’t have to come home. I can wait to have the surgery and all that fun stuff. I can’t have you feeling like someone is taking your place in your band. I know how much this means to you, and I would never ask you to choose, or resent you for choosing.” I clutched tightly onto his hand, needing some of his strength. As much as I said I wouldn’t be hurt or resentful, I honestly didn’t know.

  “There was another option he gave us. He said we could reschedule the rest of the tour and hope people didn’t ask for refunds, or cancel on us all together.”

  “Wow, that Tony is a real peach.” The more Glenn talked about Tony, the more I wanted to shove a boot up his arrogant ass.

  “I know he sounds like a complete asshole, but he only looking out for the best interest of the band. I can kinda see why he would be irritated.”

  I let go of Glenn’s hand, as I turned towards him, shocked. “Really? You can see why he would be irritated? Are you sure you don’t want to rephrase that?”

  He looked over at me for a second, and then back at the road. “Are you seriously mad? No I don’t think I want to rephrase that. All I meant was he has no personal interest in our lives, so I could see why he would be irritated. People like Tony only see one thing, money. And if we aren’t performing, then he isn’t makin’ money. That’s all I meant by it, Cam. I swear.”

  I sat there staring aimlessly out the side window as the town passed by us. All I could think was how all these insignificant things in the world around us must feel. Right now I felt so small and unwanted. I didn’t want Glenn thinking he had to choose. “So what decision did you come to?”

  “Doesn’t my being here tell you what decision I made?”

  “No Glenn, it doesn’t. Did you even talk to the guys before you left? Are you only here for a short time? I need you to elaborate a little bit more, please.”

  I could tell that he was getting frustrated with me, but I still had no clue what was going on. “Well, I sat down and spoke with the guys before I left. I hope you don’t mind, but I told them. I had to. Of course Madison completely understood, but Bryce and Brandon had the toughest time with it. I told them that I wouldn’t harbor any ill will towards any of them if they wanted someone to come in and take my place. None of them were okay with that, so we decided to postpone the rest of the tour until you and I were in a place that you would be okay with it.”

  “You didn’t have to do that, Glenn. I could have done this on my own.” It wasn’t that I didn’t want Glenn here to help and support me, but deep down I knew that he could end up resenting me for it one day.

  “Do you not want me here, Cam.”

  My head shot up and I glanced over at him. “Of course I want you here. I just don’t want you to lose the band. That’s all.” Glenn was still sitting there, motionless. “You know, you guys should get on your website and make some sort of announcement. Explain to the fans what is going on, and try to reiterate the fact that you guys aren’t canceling any shows and how much you guys love their support.”

  “That’s a good idea. Do you care if we tell them about you and what’s goin’ on?”

  “No, I don’t mind at all. I just don’t want you and the other guys to be down and angry with me. I swear if I could change all of this, I would in a heartbeat.”

  “I know you would, baby, and I love you for that.”

  I gave him a half-hearted smile as we pulled into the apartments. “I still can’t believe you’re really here. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I haven’t told my mom, yet.”

  “Cami, are you fuckin’ kidding me? Why not?”

  “Honestly, our relationship isn’t what it used to be and I don’t know how to get it back to where it was. I used to be able to tell her stuff without fear of being judged or looked down upon, but now, now she just doesn’t seem to care about much at all. She leaves tomorrow anyway, so there isn’t much she will be able to do for me. This is how I want it to be, Glenn. Please just support me on this one.”

  “What did you tell her the doctor said then?”

  “Just that the medication was making me dizzy.”

  “Okay, but if anything happens, I mean like serious shit, then I’m tellin’ her. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  Chapter 28

  Glenn

  It felt amazing to be able to wake up with my wife wrapped up in my arms. Though it hadn’t been that long since we had been together, I still missed her like crazy whenever I was away from her. I had already been awake for a good thirty minutes, but I just didn’t have the heart to wake her by movin’. After we got home and ate dinner last night, her head pain came back and she had to take
quite a bit of her painkillers to get the pain to subside enough for her to fall asleep. Needless to say, she tossed and turned almost the entire night.

  I hugged her tightly as my mind began to wander. So many things had been constantly runnin’ through my mind since she told me, and I hadn’t stopped long enough to really process everything. As I lay there next to my beautiful and amazing wife tryin’ to just be present, I found myself not being able to lie there any longer. I rolled onto my back and slowly slid my arm from underneath her. When I got my arm free¸ I quickly pulled on some pajama pants and silently made my way out to the kitchen.

  I wandered out of the room in a complete daze, makin’ me run right into Cami’s mom who was gettin’ herself some coffee. “Oh my god, Olivia. I’m so sorry. I guess I wasn’t watchin’ where I was goin’.”

  “No worries, Glenn. It happens.”

  My brows pulled together in utter confusion with how polite and nice she was being. “Still, I apologize. How did ya sleep last night?” I figured I would test the waters to see if she really was tryin’ to be nice, or if it was just a one-time deal.

  “I actually slept great. How about you?”

  This was crazy. In all the time I have known Olivia, she has never once been this cordial to me. “I slept okay. Cami was movin’ a lot last night, so it could’ve been better.”

  “Yeah, she does have a tendency to do that, huh. Funny how certain things never change.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I reached for a coffee cup from the cupboard and made my way over to pour myself some coffee. I thought for sure she would be done talkin’ to me, but boy was I wrong.

  “Hey Glenn, do ya got a minute to talk to me before Cami wakes?”

  “Um…sure. Everything okay with you, Olivia?”

  “Of course. Why do you ask?”

  “No reason. Here, let’s go out on the patio.” I pointed as I took a sip of the delicious caffeinated beverage. I pointed at the chair furthest away from the door for her to take a seat and she smiled as she did so. I sat next to her, starin’ like I had just seen Bigfoot. “This is weird.” I muttered, hopin’ she wouldn’t hear me.

  “I know it must seem that way, but it shouldn’t be. I just want to apologize to you for the way I have treated you. Of course I had my reservations when my daughter came to me, telling me she wanted to marry a boy she had just barely met, and everyday since then I have tried to punish you subconsciously for taking away my baby girl. I know what divorce feels like Glenn, and that is the last thing I want Cami to feel. She loves so passionately and so deeply that sometimes I worry she isn’t being cautious enough. But, I never should’ve passed my pain from what I went through with her father, on the two of you. You’re a good man. I see the way you look at my daughter, and I see nothing but adoration and love. You treat her far better than I gave you credit for.”

  I sat back in amazement and shock. Never in a million years did I think that Cami’s mother would be apologizing to me. I wasn’t sure what had happened in the last twenty-four hours to make her wake up and realize what she was doin’, but I wasn’t about to ask. Olivia leaned forward in her chair, reaching out for my hand. Without hesitation, I let her take it.

  “I want you to know that I support your marriage to my daughter, one hundred percent. I think maybe it just took me seeing the love that you both share, to finally open my eyes and accept it. I just wish I could’ve been there to see my only daughter get married.”

  “And for that, I am truly sorry. I promise we didn’t leave you and Mike out of it on purpose. We just wanted to be married and we didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it.”

  “I understand, I do, but I still wish you two could have waited for me and her brother to be here. It’s in the past now and I want all of us to move forward. I’ve just realized life is too short to not be happy and to love the ones your with.”

  It was ironic that she was sayin’ that, given the current situation with Cami’s health. The more we talked, the guiltier I felt. I wanted so badly to tell her what was going on with her daughter, but I had sworn to Cami I wouldn’t. Though we were rebuilding our relationship now, she was sure as hell gonna hate me when she did find out about Cam. I was at a loss as what to do. On one hand I could possibly lose my wife, in more ways than one, but on the other hand, I was lying to my mother-in-law’s face.

  “Are you plannin’ on tellin’ Cami?”

  “Tellin’ Cami what?” Cami’s voice broke through the silence, instantly puttin’ me and her mother on edge.

  I stood to give her a good mornin’ kiss before things got heated. “Mornin’, baby. How’d ya sleep?”

  “I slept okay. I couldn’t get comfortable.”

  “You want some coffee?” I was halfway through the sliding door before she even answered.

  “Yes, please. Morning, Mom.”

  I quickly ran to get Cami a cup of coffee before her and her mom had a chance to start in on one another. When I came walkin’ back out, the two of them were actually havin’ a decent conversation, amazingly enough. “Here you go, love.” I handed Cami her cup of coffee and took a seat next to her.

  “Thanks, baby.” She took a sip and then turned to her mother. “Mom, I think we should talk before you leave today.”

  I glanced between Cami and her mother and how pleasant they were bein’ to each other. I suddenly felt like I woke up in the middle of a Twilight Zone episode. I pinched my arm, hard. When I flinched, I realized that no I was certainly not dreaming. This was all just way too weird.

  “I actually want to have a talk with you as well. I’ve already said my peace to Glenn.” She looked over at me and I smiled. Cami on the other hand, glared at me as though she wanted to kill me.

  “Oh did you? I’m guessing it was a good conversation then?” Cami was still glarin’ at me, willing me to not say a word.

  “It actually was. We’re in a good place now, your mom and me.”

  “Oh good.” The sarcasm was beyond evident in her tone.

  “Should I leave for this conversation?” I was nervous to even ask. Cami looked like she could rip my head off if I said another word. I stood to go inside and give Cami and her mother some time to talk, but Cami grabbed onto my hand before I could leave.

  “I’d like it if you stayed for this.”

  I sat back down in my chair and propped my feet up on the small table as I sipped on my coffee. I wasn’t about to be the one who started this conversation. I would be here for my wife if she needed me, but I knew that my wife could take care of herself when needed. This wasn’t gonna be pretty.

  Chapter 28

  Cami

  “Well honey, let me start. I was telling Glenn just how sorry I am for the relationship, or lack thereof, that we all have. I’ve had a chance to actually see you two together now that you’re married and I know that you both love each other, so deeply. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. I never meant for our relationship to get this bad. Life is too short for us not to have the type of relationship we both want.”

  I sat there listening to my mother with an open mind. Not once did I try to intervene or back talk. I just sat there calm, cool and collected. When I woke up this morning and Glenn wasn’t next to me, I decided to call Dr. Thomas and make an appointment for my surgery. But I knew if I talked to Glenn about it first, I would drag my heels. That was also the moment I decided that I was going to tell my mom and try to salvage what was left of our relationship. Lucky for me, she was one step ahead of me.

  “I love you Cami, more than I could ever express to you. You’re my only daughter and I’m not willing to lose you over my own stubbornness.”

  “Thanks Mom. I love you too.” I was on the brink of crying, but I held back my tears until after I said what I needed to say. “Mom, there’s something I need to tell you.” I glanced over at Glenn as I spoke and could tell that he was amazed that I was about to tell her, even though I told him I wasn’t going to.

  “What is it, honey? You’re
starting to scare me.”

  I sat forward in my chair and took both of my mom’s hand in mine. “Mom, now I need you stay calm when I tell you this.”

  “Cami, you’re scaring me.” I could see the tears welling up in her eyes and it was breaking my heart.

  “Mom, I have a brain tumor. It’s called a non-functioning pituitary tumor, and I have to have surgery to have it taken out, and then some radiation therapy.” I could see my mother’s tears starting to fall down her cheeks. I brushed them away from her face and pulled her into a tight embrace.

  “If you’re joking, this is one cruel joke.” She croaked out between sobs.

  “I wish I was.” I whispered into her ear.

  “She’s not jokin’, Olivia. That’s why I’m home right now. Now, we haven’t set up a surgery date yet, but-“

  I looked up at Glenn, “Actually…I called Dr. Thomas this morning. I go in tomorrow morning at seven, and I would love for you to stay here with us for a little bit longer if you can?” I watched Glenn’s face go from surprised to livid in a matter of seconds. He pulled back from the both of us and disappeared inside. I was going to have to deal with him, but in a minute.

  “Of course I want to stay. I wouldn’t let my baby girl go through this without me. Oh Cam, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” My mom stood, pulling me with her, and then wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I could feel the tears starting to form in my own eyes, but this time I let them go over the edge.

  My mom pulled back a few minutes later, looking me right in the eyes. “You have to tell your brother.”

  I pulled away from my mom and began pacing back and forth on the patio. “No way. I just barely got you back in my life. I’m not about to guilt him into wanting to be here for me. No, not going to happen.” I shook my head vigorously, causing the pain in my head to come back. I fell to my knees right where I stood, clutching my head in my hands.

  My mom ran over to me, kneeling next to me. “Honey, what’s wrong? GLENN! Hold on honey, Glenn’s coming.”