Lost Angel

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Yeah, ’cos I’m the best,’ Lisa said huskily.

  ‘Sure are,’ Johnny confirmed, winking as he zipped himself back up. ‘Right, I’d best get going.’

  ‘You’re going?’ Lisa echoed, a look of disbelief replacing the smile of satisfaction. ‘I thought you were staying the night?’

  ‘Angel’s here,’ he said, as if he thought she’d forgotten.

  ‘She’s fast asleep,’ Lisa reminded him. ‘And I’ll set the alarm to make sure we’re up before her in the morning. She’ll never even know you were here.’

  ‘Nah, can’t risk it.’ Johnny took his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit up.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Lisa demanded, her eyes flashing with suspicion. ‘I know you’re not going back to yours, ’cos there’s no way you’d stay with Rita on your own. You’re going to see some other woman, aren’t you?’

  ‘You reckon I’ve got the energy for another woman after what we’ve just done?’ Johnny laughed. ‘I’m not fucking superman.’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ Lisa argued, tears sparkling in her eyes.

  ‘Look, I’m going home,’ Johnny told her truthfully. ‘I need to check that the old bitch is still alive, for starters. And the nurse told me to put together a bag for Ruth, so I’ve got to sort that.’

  ‘Do it in the morning,’ Lisa implored, clutching at his hand. ‘Please, Johnny, it’s been ages since you’ve stayed the night, and I just want to go to sleep with your arms around me.’

  ‘You know I would if I could,’ he crooned, pulling her against him and hugging her. ‘But I can’t.’

  ‘I hate this,’ she complained, resting her head on his chest. ‘Ruth’s had you for years, and even now she’s in hospital she’s still pulling all the strings.’

  ‘Don’t start,’ Johnny muttered, pulling away. ‘You knew I was married when we got into this, so there’s no point moaning about it.’

  ‘Yeah, and you said you wished you’d picked me instead of her.’

  ‘I do.’ Johnny sighed. ‘But I’ve got to put Angel first.’

  ‘She won’t be a child for much longer,’ Lisa pointed out. ‘Anyway, she loves me, so she’d come to terms with it pretty fast if she found out about us. It wouldn’t hurt her half as much if she knew you’d left her mum for me rather than some random slag she’d never clapped eyes on in her life.’

  ‘I’m not leaving Ruth for anyone,’ said Johnny. ‘Not right now, anyway.’

  ‘But you’re still going to do it when Angel’s old enough?’ Lisa asked, hope sparking in her heart that these years she’d spent pining for him hadn’t been wasted after all.

  ‘I’m too tired for this,’ Johnny said with finality. ‘We’ve had fun tonight, so let’s just leave it at that, eh?’

  Lisa drew back her head and gaped at him. ‘Are you finishing with me?’

  ‘Did I say that?’ Johnny asked. Smiling slyly when she shook her head and he saw the relief in her eyes, he said, ‘I’ll try and come round in the morning before I go to work. But if I can’t make it, take her out again. Go to the pictures, or something.’

  ‘So, you mean you won’t be coming.’

  ‘No, I mean I’m definitely going to try. But anything could happen between now and then. The yard could go up in flames, or Ruth could take a turn for the worse.’

  Lisa sighed resignedly. ‘Okay, I’ll see you when I see you.’

  Johnny grinned and gave her a slow kiss before leaving.

  Cold when he’d gone, Lisa snatched the sheet off the floor and wrapped it around her shoulders before making her way up to the bedroom. All the effort she’d made to look sexy for him, and it had been all over in a flash. She didn’t know why she bothered.

  25

  Angel overslept for the first time in years. She wasn’t quite sure where she was when she first opened her eyes but, when she remembered, she smiled and stretched her arms out above her head.

  Revelling in the freedom of being able to get up in her own time, without her mum or nan barking at her to hurry up, she had a wash and got dressed, and then went downstairs to make Lisa some breakfast. But Lisa had already gone out and had left twenty quid, a key and a note on the kitchen table.

  Angel picked the note up and read that Lisa had gone to the dentist and would be going straight to her mum’s from there so probably wouldn’t be back until late afternoon. Angel was to help herself to anything she wanted, and use the money to go shopping if she got bored. Oh, and ps: her dad had rung while she was asleep to say that something had cropped up, but he would come round to see her after he’d finished work tonight.

  Disappointed to have missed her dad’s call, but not overly surprised that he’d put work before her, Angel made herself a cup of tea and a piece of toast, and then phoned Vicky to see if she fancied going into town. Fed up when Vicky’s mum informed her that Vicky had just gone swimming with some of her friends, Angel gazed out of the window at the lovely blue sky. It was boring walking around town by yourself, but too nice a day to waste sitting inside. So she went to the shops and bought herself a couple of magazines, and then went to the park at the end of the road.

  Even in the blazing sunshine, the park looked dismal. There was a tiny playground to the left of the path as she entered, comprising a set of seatless swings, a see-saw, and a lopsided roundabout. Beyond that, a bricked-up toilet block squatted beside an old tennis court that had long ago lost its net. But it was still better than being stuck in the house all day by herself, so Angel found herself a nice patch of grass and settled down to read the magazines.

  She’d read one and had just started on the other when she heard the sound of a child crying out in pain. She shielded her eyes with her hand and peered around. A group of young girls were huddled together in the doorway of the toilet block on the other side of the park. Concerned that one of them might have had an accident, Angel got up and strolled towards them.

  As she got closer, one of the girls glanced around and, eyes widening, legged it towards the gate at the far side of the park. Angry when she saw that the two girls who were left behind were kneeling on top of another smaller one, pulling her hair and punching her, Angel yelled, ‘Hey! Pack that in!’

  The girls stopped what they were doing at the sound of her voice and raced after their friend, and Angel rushed to their victim. The little girl was sitting up by now, crying as she examined her bloodied knees.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Angel asked, squatting down beside her.

  The girl nodded, but it was obvious to Angel that she was hurt. Her bushy hair was standing out in clumps around her head, and her tear-streaked face was covered in welts from where the girls had raked her with their nails before setting about her with their fists.

  ‘Do you know them?’ Angel asked, peering angrily around to see if the girls were still in sight.

  ‘Yeah, but it don’t matter,’ the little one said, sniffing and making little gulping sobbing noises. ‘I just wanna go h-home.’

  ‘I’ll walk with you,’ Angel told her, helping her to her feet. ‘Do you live near here?’

  The girl nodded and pointed towards the gate. The scent of urine wafted up from her, and Angel suspected that she had probably pissed herself with fear. But she quickly realised that it might not be that recent when she noticed the child’s dirty dress, and the streaks staining both of her skinny legs. Angel felt sorry for her. As badly as her own mother had treated her over the years, at least she had always been fed and her clothes had been washed. But this skinny little thing looked like she hadn’t eaten in weeks, and she stank to high heaven.

  Angel felt a little thrill of revulsion when the child reached for her hand, but she swallowed it and walked her out of the park. The girl led her past Lisa’s house and around two corners, but as they were approaching the house that she’d pointed out as being hers the front door opened and a woman with an equally skinny face and wild hair came out carrying a bulging bin bag.

  ‘Oi!’ she yelled when s
he clocked her child walking hand in hand with a stranger. ‘What’s going on?’ She dropped the bag and ran out onto the pavement. ‘What’s she supposed to have done?’ she demanded, snatching the girl away and glaring at Angel.

  Shocked by her aggressiveness, Angel took a step back. ‘She’d not done anything,’ she said. ‘Some kids were beating her up in the park, so I walked her home.’

  ‘What kids?’ the woman demanded, glaring at her daughter now.

  The girl winced and raised her arms as if she was expecting to get hit. ‘Kerry, Simone and Danielle,’ she stuttered.

  ‘And you just stood there and let them?’ Her mother clumped her across the side of her head. ‘How many times have I told you to stand up for yourself, you stupid little cow?’

  ‘Hey, there’s no need for that,’ Angel protested. ‘There were three of them, and they looked a lot bigger than her.’

  ‘What’s it got to do with you?’ the woman spat, sneering as she looked Angel up and down. ‘Standing there in your fancy clothes, with your posh voice, making out like you’ve got a clue what it’s like to bring kids up round here.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,’ Angel murmured, feeling more awkward than she’d ever felt in her life before. ‘But I don’t think you should be taking it out on your daughter. It wasn’t her fault.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ a man asked just then.

  Angel glanced around, and her heart sank when Ryan came striding out of the house. And he didn’t look any less shocked than her as he stopped in his tracks and stared at her.

  ‘This posh bitch making out like I don’t know how to look after my own kid, that’s what,’ the woman snarled.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Angel stammered. ‘I was only trying to help.’ She cast an apologetic glance at Ryan and then walked away.

  ‘Yeah, that’s right, piss off,’ the woman yelled after her. ‘And keep your nose out of my family’s business in future, you stuck-up little bitch.’

  ‘Mam, just shut your mouth and get back in the house,’ Ryan hissed. Then, jumping the fence, he called, ‘Angel . . . wait!’

  She had tears in her eyes when he caught up with her at the corner. ‘Oh, Christ, what did she do?’ he groaned. ‘She didn’t hit you or anything, did she?’

  ‘No.’ Angel shook her head and tried to step around him.

  ‘Well, what happened? Did you catch my sister shoplifting or something?’

  ‘No, I found her getting beaten up,’ Angel told him, wondering why both he and his mother had automatically thought that his sister had been up to no good.

  ‘Shit, not again.’ Ryan gritted his teeth and raked his fingers through his short hair. ‘Those little bitches are always picking on her. It does my head in.’

  ‘So do something about it,’ Angel said coolly.

  ‘It’s not that easy,’ he replied. ‘I don’t expect you to understand, because you’ve probably never been hit in your life, but it’s never going to stop if she doesn’t start sticking up for herself.’

  Angel raised her chin. ‘For your information, I have been hit – loads of times. And it’s terrifying when you’re a defenceless little girl.’

  ‘You?’ Ryan frowned. ‘Who’d hit you?’

  Angel kicked herself for opening her mouth and lowered her gaze. ‘No one – forget I said it.’

  ‘Not your dad?’ Ryan’s voice was filled with disbelief.

  ‘Course not,’ she shot back indignantly. ‘My dad would never lay a finger on me.’

  Ryan was truly glad to hear that, because he liked and respected Johnny Conroy and would have hated to think that he was the kind of bastard who would abuse his own kid.

  ‘Look, I’m sorry about my mam kicking off,’ he apologised. ‘She doesn’t mean to be so hard on our Cherise, but she’s forever telling her not to go to the park on her own, and she just keeps sneaking round there, even though she knows them girls are going to be waiting for her. I can’t do anything about it, ’cos I’d end up getting nicked. And there’s no point telling their mams and dads to sort them out, ’cos that just makes them hate Cherise even more than they already do.’

  Angel saw the sincerity in his eyes and realised how difficult this must be for him. ‘It’s all right,’ she said kindly. ‘I shouldn’t have interfered.’

  ‘No, I’m glad you helped her out,’ said Ryan. ‘I’m not saying you did anything wrong, I’m just trying to explain why my mam reacted like that.’

  ‘Well, there’s no hard feelings on my part,’ Angel assured him.

  ‘Thanks,’ he murmured. ‘Anyhow, I suppose I’d best get back – make sure she’s okay.’

  ‘Hope she is.’ Angel smiled.

  ‘She’s tougher than she looks.’ Ryan smiled back.

  They looked at each other for a few more seconds, but there was really nothing left to say, so Angel said goodbye and walked away.

  Ryan chewed on his lip as he watched her go, and reminded himself of all the reasons why he shouldn’t even think about trying to take this any further. She was the boss’s daughter . . . she was still at school . . . she was way too gorgeous to look twice at a broke-arse bloke like him.

  It didn’t work.

  ‘Angel! Wait!’

  Almost halfway down the street by now, Angel stopped and turned around.

  ‘Do you fancy going out sometime?’ Ryan asked when he reached her. ‘To the pictures, or something?’

  Angel dropped her gaze. ‘I’d like to, but I’m not sure if I can.’

  ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.’ Ryan held up his hands and took a step back. ‘Stupid, really – me working for your dad, and that. Anyhow, you’ve probably already got a boyfriend?’

  ‘No, I haven’t,’ Angel said quickly. ‘And it’s got nothing to do with my dad. It’s just . . .’ She trailed off, too embarrassed to tell him that the real reason she couldn’t say yes to a date was because she wasn’t allowed to go out with boys.

  A knowing look came into Ryan’s eyes and he said, ‘Look, just forget I asked, yeah? See you around sometime.’

  Angel frowned when he started walking away. He thought she was being a snob because he worked for her dad.

  ‘Ryan, wait!’

  ‘What?’ he said flatly, turning and looking back at her.

  ‘I would like to go out with you,’ she told him, blushing furiously because this was the first time she had ever spoken to a lad like this.

  ‘But you can’t, because I’m black,’ he said, stating rather than asking.

  ‘God, no, that’s got nothing to do with it.’

  ‘So what is it, then?’

  Angel bit her lip. This was really hard, and she had no idea how she was going to make it happen, but if she didn’t do it now she might not get another chance.

  ‘When do you want to go?’ she asked. ‘To the pictures, I mean. If you still want to?’ she added nervously.

  ‘For real?’ Ryan gave her a questioning look. Grinning when she nodded, he said, ‘How about tomorrow? We could meet here at seven?’

  Angel nodded again, her heart already beating ten to the dozen in her chest.

  ‘Cool.’ He smiled, and Angel’s stomach flipped when she noticed the dimple in his left cheek.

  ‘Hang on – what’s your name?’ she asked when he started to walk away again.

  ‘Ryan,’ he told her, still grinning.

  Angel was worried as she made her way back to Lisa’s. Ryan was the most gorgeous lad she’d ever seen in her life, with his beautiful soft brown eyes, that stunning smile, and that little-boy dimple. But if she couldn’t make it tomorrow, that would be it. He would never want to see her again.

  ‘I am wiped,’ Lisa said when she came home a few hours later.

  ‘Do you want a coffee?’ Angel offered, jumping up from the couch.

  ‘Oh, God, yeah,’ Lisa moaned, dropping her handbag and kicking off her shoes. ‘I had to go to the dentist this morning and I’m only just starting to feel my lips again.’ S
he slipped her jacket off and hung it on a hook behind the door before following Angel into the kitchen. ‘Two fillings – can you believe that?’

  ‘Did it hurt?’ Angel asked, aware that her hands were shaking as she filled the kettle.

  ‘Not as much as the toothache would have done if I’d left it,’ Lisa said, flopping onto a chair. ‘Then I went to my mum’s, and she had me running round after her like a blue-arsed fly all day. I told her . . . I said, you’ve only twisted your ankle, Mam, not snapped the bleedin’ thing off, so stop acting like a cripple. But she’s been like, get me this, get me that, all day. I could have bloody throttled her.’

  ‘Ah, well, you can put your feet up now,’ Angel murmured.

  ‘Oh, I intend to. I’m going to park myself in front of the telly, and I’m not moving again for the rest of the night,’ said Lisa, reaching down to rub her aching feet. ‘So, what have you been up to? Hope you haven’t been too bored?’

  ‘I bought some magazines and went to the park,’ Angel told her, fetching Lisa’s coffee to the table and sitting across from her. ‘But I saw some girls beating another one up, so I—’

  ‘Oh, you didn’t get involved, did you?’ Lisa cut in with a groan. ‘They’re a right load of rough bitches round here. Hope they didn’t follow you back to the house or I’m going to have murder!’

  ‘They were only little. I just chased them off and walked the girl home.’

  ‘Oh, well, good for you. But you’ve got to watch your back round here, ’cos you never know who’s watching you. Don’t suppose your dad’s been round while I was out?’

  ‘No.’ Angel shook her head and gazed down at her fingers linked together on the tabletop.

  Lisa noticed the way she was chewing on her lip, and asked, ‘Is something on your mind, babe?’

  ‘I was just wondering . . .’ Angel said tentatively. ‘Would it be okay if I stayed a few more nights?’

  ‘Fine by me,’ Lisa said. ‘But your dad’s the one you need to be asking, not me.’

  ‘Will you ask him?’ Angel gave her a pleading look. ‘He might say yes to you.’

  Lisa narrowed her eyes. ‘What’s going on, babe? Is there some reason why you don’t want to go home? It’s not your nan, is it?’