I bowed my head, hoping that what he said was true, but then why didn’t I believe it? I wiped my tears and sucked in a breath to ease the tightness in my chest. “I hope you’re right.”
“And once he does, I imagine he’ll want Dane to deal with the demon in hopes it’ll take him to Hell.”
“Trust me, Zach.” I stared at him with all seriousness. “I’m tempted to send Dane to Hell myself.”
Zach chuckled, though, tight with worry. He stood, offered his hand and pulled me up. “You need to get some rest. You look exhausted and it’s late.”
My heavy eyelids were in definite agreement to his statement. “Once you’ve dealt with the demon we can deal with the rest. I’m sure Kipp will realize his mistake and will come to your house.”
I gasped and yanked my hand away, irritated at myself. “Oh. My. God. How could I be so stupid?” I smacked my forehead. “I never checked at home. I didn’t even think of going there.” I spun on my heels and ran toward the front of the house.
“Are you going to be all right?” Zach called after me.
I didn’t bother to look back. “I will be when I find him.”
Chapter Sixteen
I gripped the steering wheel tight, ignored red lights making sure the way was clear first and hoped no cops were around.
Ten minutes later, I tore into the back of my building and into my parking spot. I slammed the car into park and was out a second later. I ran forward, and took three steps before a deep voice startled me.
“Hi.”
Elation soared into every molecule of my body, but once I turned around, it all faded the second I met Dane’s gaze. “I thought I told you to go away.”
He sighed, low and deep. “I did the right thing…” Was that guilt flashing in his eyes?
“Did you, now?” I snapped. “I think what you did was take me into a kiss that you had no business doing.” I pulled on my inner bitch and unleashed it. “Your selfish reasons for thinking you know what I need and what’s best for Kipp got us into this mess.” I pointed at him. “You forced away the one ghost I want to keep.”
He glanced at his feet, and shifted. “Max told me you’ve spent the last few hours trying to find Kipp.”
Now he calls him Kipp. “Of course I’m trying to find him.” Was this man completely dense? “And now you’re having a guilt trip?” I clenched my fists at my side ready to deck him. “You threw the knowledge that he’s a ghost and has no control over anything into his face. What you did was cruel.”
I sucked in a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to cut off his balls and feed them to him. “You think you know all the answers, and yes I might not be as knowledgeable as you, but I’ll tell you this. An angry ghost is the worst way to cross over. I’ve seen it. You haven’t.”
He never lifted his head as he said, “I didn’t—”
“You didn’t know that you’d make him so angry,” I cut in. “Don’t even try that shit on me.” My hands trembled and I dug my fingernails into my palms. “You knew exactly what you were doing.” The pain shot through my hands, but I ignored it. “Don’t you care that a ghost is now overwhelmed with rage because you proved to him that he is in fact a ghost when he doesn’t want to be?”
“That’s not—”
“Yes, I know, you thought by ending our relationship you were helping him cross over, because I was being needy and didn’t understand the consequences.” Stupid! “But did you ever think that maybe he’s not ready to cross over and the decision wasn’t fucking yours to make?”
He finally raised his gaze to mine and his eyelids were lowered. “I thought—”
“You didn’t think,” I practically spat. “And that’s the difference between you and me. It’s not our abilities. It’s that I realize things aren’t black and white. And I’m willing to help ghosts, not because of what I think is right for them, but because of what they need.”
“But—”
I stuck my hand up in his face. “I love him. He loves me. Is it wrong? Is it completely insane? Yes. But it’s real, and you had no right to interfere in something you have no understanding of.”
He sighed. “All right, I deserve all that. But that’s not why I came here. I came here to tell you that as I suspected he’s probably crossed, which is why you can’t find him. It’s time to stop looking.” His tone was soft. “I didn’t want to cause you so much pain, and for that, I am sorry.
“Kipp hasn’t gone anywhere,” I retorted. “So you can save your apologies for him. You owe it to him. Not me.” I doubted anything he could say to Kipp would fix what he’d done. I knew I’d never forgive him. “I appreciate what you’ve taught me. Really, I do, but it’s time for you to go back to your life, and get the fuck out of mine.”
He regarded me, then finally said, “I planned on leaving tonight. I’ve seen all I need to here and I’ve taken care of what I should have. I’ve contacted Gretchen and she has offered to deal with you from here on out.”
So, he was leaving anyway.
Good riddance!
It still played on my mind what his real intentions for coming here were, and what exactly he needed to see, and who the others were, but right now I couldn’t give a shit about any of it.
He stared at me with what I assumed might be compassion, but determination flared in his gaze, too. “I apologize that I’ve caused you and this ghost anguish. But in the end I stand by my decision that what you’ve done here is reprehensible. And for your sake, I hope this ghost crossed over and you never do anything like this again.”
I might have responded, if I gave about a rat’s ass about what he thought. “Goodbye, Dane.”
His jaw clenched. “Goodbye.” But he didn’t fail to add, “For now.” He turned on his heels, got into his rented car, and drove off.
My middle finger twitched to wave him farewell, but I refrained too focused on the important stuff, like finding Kipp. I turned toward the door of my condo and strode forward.
Just as I wrapped my hand around the door handle, Holly said, “I found him.”
I gasped in surprise and spun around. After a quick look, no one else was with her, including Kipp. “Where is he?”
Sadness filled her expression. Oh no! “I’m sorry to tell you that he’s not in Memphis anymore.”
“What do you mean?” It explained why I hadn’t found him yet, but it also made no sense. “Where did he go?”
“In the place between here and there.”
The blood drained from my body. A cold sweat formed over my skin and I had to force the words from my thick throat, as what Dane said had become my reality. “He’s crossed over?”
She shook her head. “If he crossed over he wouldn’t be there. But while I traveled, I used that method to move around quicker and felt his presence in the Netherworld.”
I tried to wrap my mind around that. Sure, he was angry, but was he that mad he couldn’t even stay in this world? “Well, go and tell him to come back.”
“I could, but I won’t.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I know he’s there, though. I recognized his presence immediately because it was so strong. Just like it is here.”
My heartbreak morphed into sheer rage, and I glared at her. “Why can’t you do this for me?”
She hugged herself tighter. “Because he’s gone right into the Netherworld, not just the gateway.”
“Which means?”
“Think of it like a road. We can travel along that rode to get where we need to—as in, the fast travel we do—but then you can go further in, past the gateway to enter the Netherworld.”
“So, go there.”
“No, I’m sorry, but I’ve never entered the Netherworld, and I’m afraid of what will happen if I do. I don’t want to get stuck there.”
“And you know this will happen?”
“That’s the thing, I’ve never met a ghost who has gone past the gateway, then returned.” Her gaze filled with concern. “I’m sorry, Tess. Really, I am. But
without knowing if I can come back, I can’t chance it.”
My chin quivered as reality settled in, body trembled, and my voice was a harsh whisper. “Why would he be there?”
“I don’t know.” She lowered her arms and clasped them in front of her. “I don’t understand why anyone would go there. If he was looking for a moment’s peace that place wouldn’t be it.”
I considered all this, but failed to get a grip on it. “Would he go there because he wants to cross over and is trying to find a way?”
“I don’t see how. The Netherworld is just the place between here and beyond. It’s not a desired state.” She squeezed her eyes shut and moaned. “Why would anyone choose a place that’s without loved ones, yet not wish to find eternal peace either?”
“Kipp apparently,” I whispered under my breath.
“There are things to that world that I don’t even understand and don’t want to. But I’d think he’s there for a reason. No one goes there just to go there.”
But a ghost who was angry at the world would. “Can you get a sense of what he’s feeling there?” Energies were strong. That much I now believed.
“He didn’t feel angry.”
“At all?”
“Not from what I felt,” she replied, seemingly sure of herself. “When I touched his soul I only experienced a deep determination from him.”
It should’ve made me happy to hear he wasn’t angry. It didn’t. Maybe Kipp’s determination was more so because he chose to no longer be with me. The truth of all this sank in deep. I gripped my middle and didn’t restrain my tears to release the horrific feeling inside.
“Don’t cry.” Holly stepped forward, reaching out for me, but of course pulled her hand away since it was a useless action. “I wish I could do something. You’re doing so much for us. But I’m afraid I can’t.”
“He left me?” I couldn’t even begin to accept this. He was gone. How? Why? I sank to my knees, dropped my head into my hands and cried. “Not like this. How could he leave like this?”
“Tell me what I can do to help you?”
I shook my head in my hands sending more tears to drip onto my palms. After a hard sob, I finally peeked up at her. “There’s nothing you can do.”
Worry crossed her face. “I…” At her pause, I waved her on. “I don’t want to scare you, but I want to be honest.“
What more could she say to break my heart? “Tell me.”
“If he stays even near the gateway for too long—let alone go into the Netherworld—he’ll be stuck and won’t be able to come back.” At my sheer panic that had no doubt crossed my features, she added, “I’m sure he knows this since it’s kinda common knowledge.”
I wondered how she was so confident since she’d said she didn’t know much about the Netherworld, but right now I only cared about getting Kipp home. The rest I could figure out later. “Do you know how long he has?”
“For everyone it’s different. Because I’ve been around for so long, the time I can spend there has decreased. I have an hour or so, and nothing more. But newer ghosts are granted longer stays because I think it’s understood they’re confused and need to sort things out.”
I tried to let that sink in, but asked the only question that really mattered. “So, he has time?”
“I suspect he does.”
I wiped my tears and realized I shouldn’t be having a breakdown in front of a ghost. She had enough pain and confusion to deal with without adding mine into the mix. I stood, on shaky feet, and pulled myself together. “Thank you for coming to tell me.”
She smiled, full of compassion. “If you need anything please come and ask. Good luck with the demon and I hope it all goes well.” Then, poof, she was gone.
I blinked once before the world spun around me. I sank to my knees again, and placed my hands on the ground. I gasped, forced the sob away, but then it broke free. From the day Kipp entered my life, he’d been there, always near me. I’d grown used to it.
I closed my eyes engulfed with emptiness. He’d come back. He had to. He loved me and that was surely enough to get him to see reason.
Maybe he went to the Netherworld because he thought he should have. He was a ghost, maybe he was making a statement to himself, but I hoped he realized how much he didn’t belong there and that his place with me.
Before it was too late.
Chapter Seventeen
Kipp’s heated gaze warmed me from head-to-toe. The feel of his touch against my skin shivered within me. An icy wisp of air brushed over mine, raising more warmth than cold in my body.
He smiled, a delicious grin, as his touch swept up my thigh and moved toward my center. I held my breath in anticipation of the cold air. When the chilly breeze swept over my most intimate flesh, I sighed as wild sensations stole over my mind.
“I love watching you like this.” His tone was rich, thick with lust. “And imagining what it feels like to have your warm breath rush from your lips.”
He placed both hands beside the pillow staring down at me. Regardless that the chill from him touched me, heat burned wicked in my body.
“You’re so beautiful when your pretty green eyes dilate. When I can tell that you want nothing more than for me to touch you.” He leaned away, swiping his hand over my breast. “In places like this.” He trailed his fingers down my stomach and reached my center. “And here.”
I laughed softly, yet my voice held a husky edge. “You drive me crazy when you talk like that.”
“Then touch yourself,” he whispered. “And imagine it’s me caressing you, teasing and marveling over your body, as I wish I could.”
With my focus on him, I lowered my hand to my heated flesh watching his gaze burn deeper as I satisfied my ache.
“That’s sexy.” His voice dipped low. “You’re sexy.” His attention shifted from my hand, to my face, and repeated the move a few times over before he shed his clothes in his magical way.
I wanted to touch him, reach out and feel his hardened length in my hand, as I brought him to the same level of pleasure I experienced. He, though, proved to bring himself there without my help.
His jaw clenched as he stroked himself in slow movements mirroring my own soft embraces. Nothing looked as incredible as Kipp did in throes of passion. Zings of sensations coursed through my body and my eyes fluttered closed.
He tsked. “You wouldn’t deny me the right to watch you when you lose yourself, would you?”
I struggled to open my eyes to him, moaning not only against the building tension, but at his expression. No man. Not once. Had ever looked at me like he would go to the ends of the Earth for me to fulfill all my desires.
He nibbled on his bottom lip, as he always did when his release was near. I zoned in on it; mesmerized by his beauty. His eyes widened, yet the depths of them remained deep and primal. His hand around his erection moved faster and I kept up with the speed that he set on my own body.
“It’s time,” was all Kipp groaned.
I answered his plea of release with a whimper as my muscles tightened. My body quivered. I was stolen by sensations that left me a panting woman in their wake. More than just a release of pleasure, but the acknowledgment that we belonged to each other.
“I love you, Tess,” Kipp said, quiet and tender, drawing me out of my climax. The intensity in his features touched me right down to the tips of my toes. “I love you more than a man ought to love any woman. I love you enough to stay here as a ghost until you join me.”
I leaned up, brushing my lips over his and met frosty air with no pressure. “And I promise you that one day I will.”
I tore myself away from the memory and the lump in my throat grew thicker. I turned my head into the pillow and cried into it. How could Kipp be gone? His promise, his words of love to me, now lost in a faint memory like it’d never happened.
A pain so profound sank into the pit of my stomach. I gasped, trying to breathe, yet merely let my sadness flow. Kipp hadn’t returned. Not the morning
after I’d searched for him. Not later that night. And not now into the next morning.
I’d slept the better part of yesterday morning away after tears forced me to sleep. I’d woken to call Zach to tell him what happened with Kipp, and do the magical ritual Gretchen advised. From all appearances, it seemed to work. I’d left the jar of cream in the circle I cast with the wand by the air conditioning units at the side of my condominium. Hidden, but exposed to the moonlight like it needed.
After which, I cried more, then slept again.
Now the sunny morning greeted me, but even the sunshine couldn’t brighten my mood. I wiped my face on my pillow to dry the tears from my face when loud bangs on my front door erupted.
I didn’t have the strength to move from the couch, and in fact, hadn’t moved since I plopped down on the spot that I’d made my home the last day. Each hour that passed dragged on feeling like a lifetime.
Part of me was so angry with Kipp. He should’ve known that I’d never kiss Dane. That I loved him. But the other part of me, the one weighed down in grief, missed him terribly.
The hard thumps sounded again, beating at the door, which made it rattle on its hinges. I heaved a sigh. Only one person would bang on my door like that and demand entrance.
I pushed the knit blanket off, approached the door, wearing my fleece pajama bottoms and cotton t-shirt. At the front door, the thumping continued, as I unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door.
Caley was just about to issue another round of hard knocks, but yanked her hand away and gave me a full once over. “You look like absolute shit.”
I left the door open and returned to the spot I was sure was now indented from the contours of my body.
She shut the door behind her, then approached me scanning my coffee table. “This is worse than I thought. How much ice cream have you eaten?” She picked up one of the movies. “The Notebook?” She raised her gaze to mine and arched an eyebrow. “You’re in bad shape, huh?”
I pulled the blanket up to my chin and held it in close. “Did Zach send you?”
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