Leap of Faith

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘It’s okay, girl, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.’ Jessica was almost in tears, she felt so badly for the terrified horse. This was more than just simple fear.

  Jessica stood a metre or so away, wondering what to do. The horse had her back to her – almost within striking distance. Jessica couldn’t get to her head to comfort her and calm her down without putting herself in the firing line. No one was home if she got injured, and she’d promised Steve she’d be careful.

  But Faith was terrified. She needed comforting, to be brought back from this fear. And if Jessica walked away now, she knew she might never have the confidence to face the horse again – and Faith wouldn’t have any respect for her. She’d be letting them both down. Lots of people mistakenly thought horses performed out of fear, but Jessica knew they did what they did for their humans out of love and respect – and trust. It was the only way. How else could a fifty- or sixty-something kilo person get half a tonne of horseflesh to do anything it was reluctant to do? They couldn’t.

  No, if she didn’t step up, boldly go up to Faith now, their relationship, what little they had, was as good as over. And, anyway, Jessica had seen a glimmer of trust shine through while the horse had been eating. This was just a minor setback. She felt for her mobile tucked into her jeans pocket.

  ‘Come on, girl, we can get through this,’ she said, as she stretched a hand out and stepped towards the horse. Faith was tense; a tightly wound spring ready to uncoil. Jessica only hoped she wouldn’t uncoil in her direction.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ she said, putting a hand on her rump. It was hard to tell, but she thought the horse might have relaxed ever so slightly. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that Jessica was now beside the horse and had got there without receiving a double-barrelled kick to her chest.

  Her racing heart started to return to normal. She tugged on the short piece of frayed rope gently, letting the horse know what was expected. She was surprised when Faith obeyed and followed meekly back to the rail where the rest of the rope hung limply.

  Jessica stood there stroking the horse, thinking. Did she have a problem with being tied up or was the problem with Jessica? She nibbled on her bottom lip. No, Faith had stood fine, tied up for a few moments.

  Until I bent down and picked up the brush.

  Jessica wanted to tie the horse up again and do things properly, but didn’t want to walk away and signal the end of things by going to get another lead rope from the shed. Perhaps the horse would stand there. Jessica bent down to pick up the brush that had been dropped.

  As she stood up, Faith snorted and leapt back again, but this time only one large step. Better. Progress. But the horse was eyeing the object in Jessica’s hand. Jessica’s heart lurched and a lump lodged in her throat. ‘Oh my God. Have you been beaten? You poor thing,’ she said gently.

  She held on to the brush, grabbed the short lead rope and led Faith forwards to the rail. The horse obeyed.

  ‘It’s just a brush. See,’ she said, holding the object under the horse’s flared nostrils. Faith was quivering all over. Slowly, Jessica put the brush up to the horse’s neck and ran it down to her chest. She did it again and again until Faith seemed to relax.

  ‘See, nothing to worry about. I won’t hurt you.’ Jessica made a mental note not to bend down and pick anything up in front of Faith. No doubt someone had picked up a whip or something, and given her a belting. Jessica’s heart ached. The horse seemed to have a sweet nature, but sweet nature or not, how could anyone do such a thing to a horse? If you got angry and frustrated with them – and she had, plenty of times – you walked away until you’d calmed down.

  It took an hour, but Jessica managed to rid the horse’s coat of mud and untangle her mane. Her tail could wait until they were more comfortable with each other. The horse was still tense, but no longer appeared afraid; the shaking had stopped and she seemed content to stand there in the sun having attention lavished on her. It was a good sign. Her coat was still starry and dull – it wouldn’t get a decent shine until the better nutrition had worked its way through her system and she’d been wormed. That’ll be fun, Jessica thought wryly, imagining trying to get one of the paste syringes between Faith’s lips.

  Finally she went to get some pellets as a reward. She hoped that when she got back the horse would still be okay and not reverted to where they’d started. Returning to the yard, Jessica got a big buzz of satisfaction from watching Faith’s ears twitch back and forth as she munched the pellets, her head buried in the bucket, trusting that Jessica wouldn’t hurt her while she was so vulnerable.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  While Jessica waited for Dave the farrier to turn up, she brushed Faith, who really seemed to enjoy the attention. A week had passed and the horse was now quite at ease with Jessica, though Jessica was very careful not to make any sudden moves and to keep one hand on a part of the horse if she was reaching down for something.

  Faith seemed to particularly enjoy having her head and forelock brushed and her ears rubbed. She stood with her head lowered at the perfect height for Jessica to oblige her, eyes closed and long lashes fluttering. At one point Jessica thought the horse might have sighed in contentment, but the stench that wafted past her a moment later told her differently.

  When Dave’s vehicle pulled up, Faith was groomed and relaxed. Jessica just hoped she would stay that way; even the best behaved horses could take exception to having their feet tended to, or the person doing the work. At least a good feel in the horse’s mouth had revealed no sharp teeth that needed filing – another string to Dave’s bow. Things still needed to be taken one small step at a time. Though in her experience, Dave tended to be quite well received by the horses. He was big, strong and calm, with a no-nonsense air about him. She’d never seen him get annoyed with a horse yet, even those who leant on him and those who fidgeted. And no matter how tight his schedule was, he always approached each patient as if he had all the time in the world and would be there until the job was done. It didn’t take long for cantankerous horses to give in to him, and the battles were only ever on their first meeting. On his next visit they were usually putty in his hands.

  ‘G’day, Jess,’ Dave said, shaking her hand as they met behind the stables where he’d parked. ‘How’s things?’

  ‘Pretty good. Leg’s almost back to normal,’ she added, to clear any elephants from the room.

  ‘Yeah, I was sorry to hear about that. And that you’d moved the boys on.’

  ‘Hmm. Didn’t want them rotting in the paddock. And I won’t do cross-country again. It really put the wind up me.’

  ‘Yeah, we don’t bounce as well as we used to, and when you’ve got farms to run and responsibilities, you really start thinking things through, huh? I totally understand.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Jessica smiled warmly at him. She hadn’t realised how much she’d feared this encounter, this conversation – this example of everything and nothing being the same. She felt her shoulders relaxing and tension she didn’t know she was holding onto seeping away.

  ‘So how’s the little one doing?’ Jessica asked, remembering he had a small child.

  ‘Great. Growing like a mushroom. We got her first pony the other day.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘Yeah, let the fun and games begin,’ Dave said with a roll of his eyes and a hearty laugh. ‘I have to admit to a stab of jealousy at seeing her kick the pony up and canter to the end of the paddock without a care in the world. She’s only five for goodness’ sake! Oh, to be that fearless again.’

  ‘Ain’t that the truth?’

  ‘So I have to say, I was very surprised to get your phone call. I thought you’d completely gone out of horses.’

  ‘I have. I had.’ It was Jessica’s turn to roll her eyes. ‘Today’s patient is someone Steve picked up at a clearing sale. Some poor, lost, skinny soul he couldn’t leave there.’

  ‘I didn’t have Steve pegged as such a softy.’

  ‘No
, it’s quite out of character. But this one got to him. Actually, I’m starting to see why – she’s quite sweet. Though I suspect she’s had a tough time somewhere along the way.’

  ‘She? Gosh, Jessica Harrington, you are full of surprises today, aren’t you?’

  Jessica chuckled. Dave was right, she and her father had never had mares for competition – they preferred geldings for their more even temperaments. Though, again, that might have just been Jeff Collins’ preference.

  They stepped around the yards, giving a wide berth so Faith had plenty of time to see them and was less likely to get a fright.

  ‘Here she is. Faith, this is farrier Dave. Dave, meet Faith.’

  ‘Well, hello there,’ he said, placing his bag of equipment on the ground a little way from the yard. ‘Gosh, you’re in a bit of a state, aren’t you?’

  Something in his tone made Jessica turn and look at him quizzically. ‘Do you know her?’

  ‘Yes, we’ve met before, haven’t we, girl? And you’re right on both counts, Jess. She’s a sweetie and she’s had a hard time along the way. Where did you say Steve found her?’

  ‘A clearing sale. I can’t remember the owner’s name. Some old lady who practically begged him to take the horse.’

  ‘Hmm, she would have,’ Dave said thoughtfully. He was now at the fence rubbing Faith’s head. Jessica noted Faith was instantly totally at ease with him.

  ‘So what’s the story?’ she asked.

  ‘Do you remember hearing about a girl, Talia Jackson, who was killed over at the Two Wells Pony Club one-day event two years ago when her horse shied and she came off?’

  Jessica nodded. She hadn’t been at the event – she’d been interstate competing – but news of the tragedy went through the horse community like wildfire. Apparently Talia Jackson had been thrown from her horse when it had been spooked on its first ever cross-country run. She’d been cannoned into a tree and had broken her neck. She’d died upon impact. And now a few more details were coming back to Jessica – namely that Talia was being raised by her grandmother at the time, after losing both her parents in a car crash. There was no way Jessica would recognise the horse’s name, because she would have competed under a different, official, name – Faith would be her stable name.

  ‘God, is this Talia’s horse?’

  Dave nodded. She felt some of her blood drain away – partly out of sadness for Talia, for her grandmother and for Faith, but also from a sense of relief. She was so thankful she hadn’t ridden the horse yet – and she doubted she would now.

  Dave must have noticed her odd expression, because he said, ‘Jess, she’s fine. It was a freak accident. She got a fright, Talia came off. Just one of those things.’

  ‘Yeah. I know.’ He was right, but still, she’d put plans to ride the horse aside now. Anyway, Faith was Steve’s rescue project, his pet. She did feel a sense of disappointment, though. She had to admit she’d been looking forward to having a nice quiet horse to potter about the farm on. She looked at Faith sadly. Her entire opinion had changed. She felt like her whole world had shifted on its axis again. The horse wasn’t the same creature as she’d been five minutes before.

  ‘Seriously, Jess, she’s a lovely horse. Don’t give up on her. God, I wish I hadn’t said anything.’

  ‘It’s okay. I’m fine,’ Jessica said. But that wasn’t totally true.

  ‘Well, girl, let’s see how your feet are. Bring her out here,’ Dave said.

  As Dave worked his way through tidying up each of Faith’s feet, Jessica stood making small talk. In her mind she went through how things had changed and eventually had to accept that nothing had changed, not really. Faith was still Steve’s horse and he’d made it clear she was staying, no matter what. All that was different now was that she wouldn’t be saddling her up and going for a ride.

  The thought sent another wave of disappointment through her and her heart sank. The horse was sweet, standing there with her head against Jessica’s chest. Looking at her, Jessica couldn’t imagine her capable of killing her rider. She really did seem to have the sweetest nature. Even the dogs around her feet didn’t bother her. But all animals were unpredictable.

  ‘Good as new,’ Dave finally said, putting his rasp in his bag and undoing his leather apron. ‘Good girl,’ he said, rubbing Faith’s face. He packed up his gear and they headed back to his ute. ‘I feel terrible that you see her differently now. If you want me to come over and hop on and prove she’s safe, just give me a shout.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she said, noncommittally. ‘As I said, she’s Steve’s, really.’

  ‘Well, the offer’s there. She really is a darling, and it really was a freak accident,’ he said, as he handed over a receipt in exchange for Jessica’s cheque. He got into his ute and started the engine. Jessica waved him off and then took a handful of horse pellets over as a treat for Faith.

  As the horse stood munching, Jessica frowned. She too wished Dave hadn’t told her about Faith’s past. It changed everything. She knew it shouldn’t, and six months ago she’d have been up for the challenge of putting Faith to the test, but now she wasn’t prepared to take the risks she once had, thanks to her recent accident. Her hand flew to her belly. She might even have a baby growing inside of her to think of. She glanced at Faith one more time and wondered if the horse realised that she’d killed her previous rider.

  ‘God, listen to you,’ she said aloud, ‘now you’re the one going all soft.’

  On her way back to the house, Jessica felt a great sense of sadness for Talia’s grandmother. The poor woman had had to part with possibly the last solid connection to her granddaughter; perhaps her only remaining family. She’d ask Steve for the woman’s name and see if she could find her and assure her the horse was being well cared for. Was she in a nursing home? If so there couldn’t be too many in the area. Yes, that’s what she’d do. Jessica felt a little better.

  Back in the house she thought about cancelling the vet’s visit, but decided against it. It was probably too short notice and anyway, even if the horse wasn’t going to be ridden, she needed to know she was healthy and not in any pain. She felt she owed it to Talia’s grandmother to take extra-good care of Faith.

  Perhaps all this soppiness and maternal feeling meant she was pregnant. But a little voice inside reminded her she wouldn’t be so quickly affected, even if she was.

  *

  Jessica was enjoying a cup of tea after lunch when she was surprised and pleased to see Tiffany’s car pull up outside. She was still feeling discombobulated after learning the news about Faith and getting restless to learn more from Steve, so she was pleased to have the distraction of company.

  ‘Hey, what brings you by?’ she said, greeting Tiffany at the door with a big hug.

  ‘Just missing you now I’m working full time and wanted to see how things are going. It’s my lunch hour, so I haven’t got long. How’s Faith?’

  ‘Well, that you need to sit down for,’ Jessica said. ‘Cup of tea?’

  ‘Yep. Sounds good,’ Tiffany said, following Jessica inside and taking her usual seat at the table. ‘So?’

  ‘Dave the farrier was here earlier.’

  ‘And how did it go?’

  ‘Great. No problems.’

  ‘That’s good. So, what is it I have to be sitting down for?’

  ‘Cake?’ Jessica asked, standing with the freezer door open. ‘I’ve got lemon and poppy seed muffins, chocolate cupcakes, carrot cake or plain cupcakes with jam and cream.’

  ‘I’ve had a sandwich, but I’ll never say no to your cake. Whatever you’re having.’

  ‘Carrot cake it is then,’ Jessica said, taking two individually wrapped pieces of iced cake out. Tiffany watched while Jessica silently unwrapped the cake, put them on plates and popped them in the microwave to thaw.

  ‘Jess? The suspense is killing me,’ Tiffany finally said with a laugh as Jessica stood in front of the humming appliance, watching the turntable go around.

  ‘Two sec
s. I don’t want to ruin them.’

  ‘Yum,’ Tiffany said, when they each finally had a cup of tea and a plate of cake. ‘So, what’s going on?’

  ‘It turns out Faith is the horse that girl fell from and died at Two Wells the other year,’ Jessica said.

  ‘Oh. Right,’ Tiffany said, looking down and digging her fork into the cake. ‘Wow,’ she said through her first mouthful, ‘great cake.’

  Jessica stared at her friend. ‘Did you hear me? I said Faith is …’

  ‘I heard you.’

  ‘And you don’t care?’

  ‘It was a freak accident, Jess. The horse got spooked, shied, and she was thrown off and hit a tree, and died,’ she said with a shrug, and dug her fork back into her cake.

  ‘Oh my God. You knew?’

  ‘Not really. I thought I recognised her the day I saw her, but it was only that night I remembered where I knew her from.’

  ‘And you didn’t say anything?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like, warning me not to ride her.’

  ‘Why, Jess? There’s nothing wrong with her.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Okay. I don’t. But I do know everyone said it was a freak accident and the coroner said the Pony Club Association was freed of any blame. Jessica, all horses are an unknown quantity, a risk. I can’t believe you’re being so hard on her. Once upon a time this news would have been like a red rag to a bull for you – you’d have been itching to saddle her up and prove she’s safe. Sorry, I really didn’t think it was worth mentioning and, yes, probably because I didn’t want you to be put off. I hoped you’d give her a go and let her prove herself. How many times have you said, “It’s the combination of horse and rider that matters, not just the horse and not just the rider”?’

  ‘I guess I just got a shock. I was actually thinking of saddling her up sometime. Maybe using her for mustering, checking the stock.’

  ‘That’s great. You should.’

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘So, Dave told you?’

  ‘Yeah. And I feel differently about her now. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.’