Garret

by Allie Everhart

  “What if I’d said no?”

  I grin, motioning to myself. “Come on. Who can say no to this?”

  “Goodnight, Garret.” She points to the door.

  “I’m kidding! Geez, you really think I’m being serious?”

  She ignores the question. “Well, next time you want to do something, you should give me more notice. You’re just lucky I wasn’t busy tonight.”

  “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

  “Laundry.”

  Laundry? Seriously? That’s the best excuse she could come up with?

  “That’s too bad because I was going to invite you up to my room for pizza and a movie marathon.”

  “Hmm. I do love pizza. And movies. But are you saying you’ll be there, too? Because that kind of ruins the whole thing so—”

  I nudge her side. “Okay, I guess I deserve that. So what’s your answer?”

  “Yes. I think it sounds fun, even if you do insist on being there.”

  Exactly the answer I wanted. And as for the insult she gave me, it just makes me smile because I’m now convinced her insults are her odd way of flirting.

  Jade really warmed up to me tonight. When I moved closer to her at the movies, she didn’t back away. When her hand kept meeting mine in the popcorn bucket, she let it linger there a while. When we walked to the car, I held her hand and she didn’t protest. And now she agreed to hang out with me tomorrow. So I’d say it was a damn good night. Way better than getting wasted with Blake and Decker at some house party.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  It’s Saturday and I spent the morning at the pool. In the afternoon I went to the store to get razors and toothpaste and as I was walking down the aisle I noticed some boxes of blue Christmas lights. They were in the clearance section with some other stuff. I bought the four boxes they had, thinking I could use them in my room.

  I don’t like the ceiling lights and my desk lamp is too bright when I’m watching TV. I plugged in the blue Christmas lights just to test them out and found they add a nice glow to the room.

  So I got a ladder from the maintenance guy and started stringing the lights up along my ceiling. It took forever to do but I like how it turned out.

  I just got back from returning the ladder when Jade knocks on my door. I have the blue lights on and no other lights.

  “What’s all this?” Jade asks as she walks in my room.

  “I wanted to add some atmosphere. It’s cool, right? And now we don’t have to use the harsh overhead lights or the bright desk lamp.”

  “I don’t know.” She eyes the lights, suspiciously. “This seems like some type of romantic mood lighting.” She looks at me. “And I can tell you right now that you’re not getting sex tonight.”

  The way she says it, all determined, makes me laugh. I place my hand on her shoulder. “Tonight? So you’d consider it some other night? Okay. That works for me.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I meant that you’re not getting sex tonight or any night. At least not with me.”

  “Well, if we’re not having sex you might as well leave right now.” I say it jokingly, but she takes it seriously, pushing past me to get to the door.

  I scoop her up and hold her in my arms. “I was kidding, Jade. Man¸ you can’t take everything so seriously.”

  “Put me down.”

  “Only if you promise to stay.”

  She tries to break free, so I hold her tighter.

  “Okay. I’ll stay.”

  Before I set her down, I say, “One more thing. You have to give me a compliment. After all the insults you’ve given me, I don’t think it’s too much to ask.”

  “Just put me down.”

  “One compliment, Jade. That’s it.”

  She sighs. “Fine. I like your stupid lights.”

  Her half-ass attempt at a compliment has me laughing to the point I can’t even hold her. I set her down on my oversized bean bag chair as my cell phone goes off.

  “That’s the pizza. I’ll be right back.” I go down to meet the delivery guy, then come back with the pizza. “Did you pick out a movie?”

  “Yeah. The crime-fighting dog movie.”

  “We’re not watching that, Jade.”

  “Oh, we are so watching it.” She finds it in my box of movies and gets it going.

  I don’t bother stopping her. I knew we’d watch it eventually.

  Jade loves the movie. She laughs through the entire thing. Jade is kind of like a kid sometimes. I don’t mean she’s immature, but just the way she gets so excited about stuff, like pancakes, or the fact that she finds cartoon dogs funny. I don’t think she had much of a childhood. With a drunk for a mother, Jade probably had to raise herself and didn’t get to do normal kid stuff growing up.

  After the cartoon, I take the pizza box out to the dumpster and when I get back, Jade’s going through my movies.

  I stand next to her. “I’m picking the next one. After that last one, I’m starting to question your judgment.”

  “It’s your movie!” She goes and gets another soda from the fridge.

  “This one’s good.” I hold it up to show her. I picked a comedy because I want to hear Jade laugh some more. I like her laugh.

  “As long as it’s not some sappy romance,” she mumbles.

  I think she’s full of shit. I think Jade likes sappy romances but she just won’t admit it. That’s one of the reasons I’m so drawn to her. I’m constantly trying to figure her out. She keeps trying to be this person she isn’t, but I want to know the real Jade. And I want her to eventually be able to show that side of herself to others.

  It sucks going through life hiding who you really are. I say that from experience because I do the same thing. I pretend to be someone else. The person people expect me to be. And I hate it. I hate not being able to be myself.

  So maybe Jade and I can work on this together. Maybe we can show each other who we really are and eventually show that side of ourselves to others.

  After I put the movie in, I turn around and see Jade sitting back down on the bean bag chair. I sat against the bed during the last movie, wanting to give her some space given that we’re ‘just friends.’ But now I want to sit next to her. If she tells me to move, I will, but I want to test her. I need to see if she’s starting to change her mind about the ‘just friends’ thing.

  I do this whenever I’m with her. I test her by holding her hand or kissing her cheek and seeing how she responds. So far, she’s let me do these things but I haven’t taken it any farther than that. I haven’t tried to kiss her again because after that day in the pool, I realized I need to take things slow with her. I still don’t understand what happened that day, but I’m not going to ask her about it. When she wants me to know, she’ll tell me.

  I go and sit next to her on the bean bag chair, putting my arm up behind her. She doesn’t say anything or give me a strange look or try to move away. Instead, she rests her head on me, like she did the last time we sat like this. Then halfway through the movie, she falls asleep, her head falling to the side onto my chest. She turns a little and places her arm over me, like she’s hugging me.

  I like her there, all curled up and snuggled up against me. She looks so cute and sweet as she sleeps. I put my arm around her, then lean down and kiss her forehead. And minutes later, I fall asleep myself.

  “Garret, get up.” I feel Jade push off my chest.

  I open my eyes and see her taking the movie out of the machine. “The movie’s already over?” I yawn and stretch a little. “How did that happen?”

  “We fell asleep. You want to watch another one or do you want to go to bed?”

  I don’t want her to leave yet. Actually, I’d like her to stay the whole night, even if we just remain here on the chair with her sleeping in my arms.

  “It’s only 10:30. It’s too early for bed. Let’s see what’s on TV.”

  Jade gets the remote, then sits next to me again, under my arm and against my side. She finds an old movi
e to watch. It’s a comedy that was one of my mom’s favorites.

  “My mom loved this one,” I say. “It’s about these two girls who—”

  Jade turns to face me. “You never mention your mom. Does she live around here?”

  I pause, trying to figure out how it’s possible Jade doesn’t know this. “My mom is dead. I thought you knew that. Don’t you watch the news?”

  She turns the volume on the TV down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She blushes and glances down at the floor.

  She really didn’t know? I thought everyone knew.

  “It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I was 10 when it happened.”

  “Why was it on the news?”

  I hesitate, then say, “She died in a plane crash. It was one of those small private planes.”

  “Did it happen close to here?” She gently touches my arm. “I’m sorry, Garret. I shouldn’t ask. I’m sure you don’t want to talk about it.”

  “No, it’s fine. I can talk about it.” Truthfully, I don’t like talking about it. In fact, I’ve never talked about it, except with my counselor, and that was years ago. But I feel like I can tell Jade about it. And maybe if I tell her about my past, she’ll tell me more about hers.

  “It, um, it happened in Virginia.” I imagine it in my head as I say it. I wasn’t actually there but I saw the news footage. I saw the mangled plane in the field. The fire. The smoke. Sometimes I still have nightmares about it. “My parents were down in DC for a political fundraiser. My dad had to fly back early for a meeting. Mom stayed behind to attend another event that night. She hated that political crap, but she was kind of expected to go because my dad was a big supporter of this guy’s re-election campaign. Anyway, to say thanks, the guy offered to fly my mom home on his private jet. He had to do a speech in Hartford so the plane was supposed to arrive there and Dad and I were going to drive up and get her.”

  I pause, trying to get myself together before I tell her more. I don’t want to get all emotional about this in front of Jade. And I shouldn’t be emotional about it. It was a long time ago and I should be over it by now.

  I continue. “My mom didn’t like private planes. She said they weren’t safe. That’s why we didn’t have one back then. Anyway, soon after the plane took off it crashed. No survivors. It only made national news because that guy was a senator. And to this day, there’s all these rumors on the Internet about how it wasn’t an accident and how someone was trying to kill the senator. Crazy conspiracy shit. Just last year there was an hour long story about it on one of those news programs. It’s like it never goes away.”

  Jade doesn’t say anything and I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t have told her all that. But I kind of wanted to tell her. My mom’s death is a part of me. It changed me and it changed my relationship with my dad. It changed my whole life. And if Jade and I are going to get closer, I feel like she should know this about me.

  But it wasn’t easy for me to say all that. I try to forget what happened to my mom and now it’s back in my head. All the memories of that horrible day. The day that changed everything from that point forward.

  “Stand up,” Jade says, getting up from the chair.

  “Why?”

  “Just do it.” She stands there, waiting.

  I get up and she steps right in front of me.

  “Let’s do that thing you taught me.”

  I don’t know what she’s talking about. “What thing?”

  “That thing with your arms.”

  My arms? What? Now I’m really confused. I wait for her to explain.

  “You know that day when you found me in your room after I accidentally spent the night here? That thing you did after the pool?”

  I smile as I finally get what she means. “You mean a hug?”

  “Yeah. That. I need to practice that. Can you show me again?”

  I wrap my arms around her and she does the same to me.

  “Tighter,” I tell her.

  She does as instructed, her arms tightening around me, her cheek against my chest.

  It’s exactly what I need right now. I need to feel like someone cares. Like it’s okay that my mom’s death still affects me, even though nine years have passed.

  I didn’t expect to feel this way after telling Jade that story. To feel this overwhelming sadness and loss. I remember the accident like it happened yesterday and whenever I think about it, I remember how I felt when my dad told me she was gone. I guess that’s why I try so hard to block it out.

  I keep Jade in my arms for several minutes. She doesn’t let go and she doesn’t ask if we’re done. She just lets me hold her, and as I do, I feel my sadness slipping away.

  I put my focus back on Jade. I know she’s not comfortable hugging people and I’m going to work on that with her, because everyone needs a hug sometimes and it’s clear she hasn’t had nearly enough hugs in her life. So the fact that she’s hugging me right now says a lot. And the fact that she initiated the hug says even more.

  She keeps doing things like this. Things that make me like her even more than I already do. Actually, I more than like Jade. I’ve been telling myself she’s just a girl I have fun hanging out with. A girl I’m attracted to. But she’s so much more than that. I have feelings for her. Real feelings. Feelings that don’t go away but instead just keep getting stronger.

  I’ve never had these feelings before. I’ve never felt this way about anyone but her. And it scares me. I’m only 19. I’m not ready to feel this way about a girl. But I can’t help it. Jade’s taken hold of me. She’s made her way into my heart and I don’t know if I’ll ever get her out. I don’t think I want to.

  I pull back from the hug and kiss her forehead. Then I whisper in her ear, “Thank you.”

  She smiles and it might just be the biggest smile I’ve seen on her yet. I think she’s embarrassed by how much she’s smiling because she hugs me again, hiding her face. It’s so damn cute. She makes it a quick hug this time and as she backs away, I keep my arms around her waist.

  She looks up at me. “So how did I do? Did I do it right?”

  I smile at her. “Yeah. You did.” I kiss her forehead again. “But I’m still going to make you practice.”

  I hug her one last time, then we sit quietly and watch TV. I hold Jade in my arms and she relaxes against me, her head on my chest, like it’s right where she wants to be.

  When I take her down to her room, I feel like she doesn’t want to say goodbye. I feel the same way. We’ll see each other first thing in the morning for breakfast, but it’s not soon enough.

  Tonight we took a big step in our friendship and I think we both feel like it’s turning into more than that. But I’m not going to rush it. I want Jade to set the pace. And she can take as long as she wants. Because I’m not going anywhere.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  In the morning, we have week two of our newly created tradition of eating at Al’s Pancake House. Jade’s just as excited as she was last Sunday, maybe even more so because she’s been looking forward to it all week.

  “I don’t know what Al puts in these things but they are beyond amazing,” Jade says as she eats. This week she ordered blueberry pancakes. She told me she’s chewing extra slow to make each bite last.

  “I know, right?” I pour more syrup over my buttermilk pancakes. “Are you going to write about these in your English journal again?”

  Jade has devoted several pages in her journal to writing about these pancakes. About how they taste. About all the different varieties. About the toppings.

  She laughs. “Yeah. Why? You don’t like reading about pancakes?”

  “It could get old by the end of the semester. And I think you’re going to run out of things to say.”

  “Never.” She takes a bite and closes her eyes. “These are so good that this week I might even make up a poem about them.”

  “Well, that’s something to look forward to.” I say it jokingly. “You really like pancakes, don’t you?”


  “What’s not to love? They’re basically a dessert but you get to eat them as a meal in giant stacks.”

  “You’re funny.” I take a drink of my orange juice. “My mom used to love pancakes, too. Katherine, my wicked stepmother, can’t stand pancakes. She says it’s poor people food. She won’t even let Lilly have them.”

  “Lilly is your sister?”

  I realize I haven’t told Jade much about my family, so I explain. “Yeah. She’s Katherine’s daughter. And my dad’s. So she’s my half sister. Really sweet kid. Not at all like her mother.”

  “So Katherine’s your dad’s second wife?”

  “Third wife. My mom was his second. His first wife was kind of an arranged marriage so it doesn’t really count.”

  “Arranged marriage?”

  “My dad was only 22 and his parents made him marry this girl because her family was super rich and connected. Shocking, right? So they got married like they were supposed to, but it didn’t last. The woman didn’t want to marry my dad either so it was doomed from the start.”

  “And then he met your mom?”

  “A few years later. Her family didn’t have money and definitely didn’t have any connections so my grandparents got really mad when my dad married her. They even took him out of their will. And my grandfather fired him from the company. But they softened up after I was born. You know, first grandson and all. The grandparents wanted to be involved in my life so they reconciled with my dad, but they still didn’t welcome my mom.”

  “What was she like? Your mom?”

  “She was funny. She laughed a lot. She liked to play music really loud and drive my dad crazy.” I smile. “She loved to give hugs.”

  “So that’s where you learned it from.”

  “Yeah. I really miss her.” Here I am, talking about my mom again. It’s weird because it’s not a topic that ever comes up. But I’m finding that I like talking about her, at least I do with Jade. “I know if she was still around, my dad wouldn’t be the way that he is now. He totally changed after she died. He became a different person. And he got even worse after he married Katherine.”