Garret

by Allie Everhart

  The waitress drops off the check, then leaves.

  “Ready to go?” I smile at Jade.

  “Yes.” She looks down at her empty plate. “But it’s sad that I have to wait another whole week to eat these again.”

  I laugh as I lay some cash out for the bill. “We could always make a weekday trip if you’re not able to make it that long.”

  She doesn’t answer, but I think if she wasn’t so worried about me paying, she’d take me up on the offer. She really loves these pancakes.

  On the drive back to campus, I’m feeling really good. Jade and I are getting along great and I feel like she’s starting to trust me more. In the car, I reach over and hold her hand and she lets me. And I noticed the smile on her face when I did it.

  I know I have to take things slow with her, but the way things are going, it may not take as long as I thought to get her to take this beyond just a friendship.

  My happy mood is shot to hell when I get back to campus and see my dad’s black Mercedes in the parking lot in front of the dorm.

  Shit. He must’ve heard I’ve been hanging out with Jade. I wonder who told him. Blake? Ava? Sierra? Could be any one of those three.

  I park, then watch as my dad gets out of his car. Jade and I meet him on the sidewalk.

  “Dad, what are you doing here?” My heart’s pounding. I don’t want him yelling at Jade. He can yell at me all he wants, but he needs to leave Jade alone. She won’t understand why he’s mad. She has no idea about the world I live in and how it’s so exclusive that people like her aren’t allowed in it.

  “Jade, nice to see you again.” My dad briefly smiles at her and for once, I’m actually happy he’s doing the fake nice thing. “I hope your classes are going well.”

  She smiles back. “Yes. Classes are going very well. I really like it here.”

  “Good. Very good.” He nods, and waits for her to leave. When she doesn’t, he says, “I need to talk to my son now if you don’t mind.”

  “No. Not at all. Goodbye, Mr. Kensington.” Jade smiles at me. “I’ll see you later, Garret.”

  She obviously doesn’t get what this means. She doesn’t get that my dad’s here to tell me this is over. Her and me. Our friendship. And whatever else could’ve developed between us.

  I feel a heaviness in my chest as she walks away. This morning Jade was the happiest I’ve seen her since I met her. And now all that happiness is about to come crashing down.

  My dad waits until Jade’s in the dorm, then grabs my arm. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  I yank my arm back. “I took her to breakfast. Big deal. You told me to get to know her.”

  “I told you to introduce her to people. That’s it! Nothing more!” He raised his voice and people are starting to stare. He notices and walks over to the edge of the parking lot, standing on the grass. “Garret, get over here.”

  I shake my head as I walk over to him. “Dad, I tried introducing her to people but they haven’t been friendly to her. So I took her out a few times. Just to eat. It’s not a big deal.”

  “You know the rules. You know she’s off limits. You are NOT to see or talk to her again!” He’s yelling and waving his hands around, making a scene and completely embarrassing me. I hope Jade’s not looking out her window right now.

  My hands are fisted and every muscle is tight as I try to control my anger. I want to scream at him but it wouldn’t do any good.

  “Garret, I am not going to waste time explaining this to you. You know the rules and you will obey the rules. You are a Kensington and you do not associate with people like her.”

  Hearing him talk like Jade’s some second-class citizen sparks a fire inside me that burns and feels ready to explode. “I’m not going to stop talking to her. Or seeing her. I told you. We’re just friends. And she doesn’t have any other friends.” I try to reason with my dad, but it’s useless. He doesn’t reason with people, especially me. It’s his way or no way.

  “We don’t have friends.” He glares at me and lowers his voice. “We have strategic alliances.”

  “Yeah. And it’s stupid. I fucking hate it. I don’t want to be part of it. I don’t want this life. The fake friends. The fake girlfriends. The parties. The media attention. I don’t want any of it.”

  “Don’t pretend you don’t know the reality of this, Garret. You’re a Kensington and you always will be. And that means you will act like a Kensington and you will not humiliate our family or destroy our family name. Your actions affect more than just you. If you’re seen with someone like her, people will talk. They won’t want to associate with us anymore. Alliances will be broken and those alliances are what keep our company growing. And I will not let you destroy all that because of some girl.”

  “You’re overreacting. Nobody’s going to stop doing business with us because I’m friends with Jade.”

  “That statement alone proves you’re not mature enough to make your own choices. You’re completely naive if you can’t see the impact of your actions on this family and our company.” He gets up in my face. “We’re done discussing this. You will stay away from her. You will—”

  “No! I’m not going to—”

  “Garret!” He sets his eyes directly on mine. “You will not speak to her again. If I hear otherwise, there will be consequences. And I’m not just talking about you. There will be consequences for Jade as well.” He steps back. “Goodbye, Garret.”

  He walks back to his car and leaves. As always, my dad gets to have the last word. Whenever we fight, he always wins. He never listens. He doesn’t care what I think or what I want. The only thing that matters is what he wants. And I’m so damn tired of it.

  I go over to a bench and sit down. I don’t know why I let my dad keep doing this to me. Why I don’t stand up to him. I don’t want to listen to him and yet I keep doing it. I think because part of me is scared of him. I know he does bad things and it’s not like he’d do anything to hurt me but I’m afraid he might hurt someone else to get back at me. Like Jade.

  If I don’t stay away from her, he said there’ll be consequences. I don’t know what that means. I don’t think he’d hurt her physically, but he could hurt her some other way. Like take her scholarship away. Send her back to Iowa. And if he did that, she wouldn’t have college anymore.

  Jade doesn’t have money to pay for college. If she went back to Iowa, she’d probably have to get a job and then apply at other schools and hope to get another scholarship. Or maybe she’d end up never going to college.

  I can’t be responsible for that. Jade is smart and she deserves to be at a good school like Moorhurst. I can’t take that away from her.

  I get up from the bench and go to my car. I can’t be here right now. Jade will want to see me and I can’t be around her. I wouldn’t even know what to say.

  I drive south until I’m at the coast and pull off at an area that overlooks Long Island Sound. I used to come here sometimes in high school when I wanted to be alone and think.

  I get out of the car and walk down to the beach. The beach is closed but nobody’s around to tell me I can’t be here. I don’t think anyone cares. Kenton calls and asks why I’m not at the flag football game. I tell him I couldn’t make it and that I’ll be there next week.

  I find a secluded spot on the beach and stay there for a good two hours, just thinking. Thinking about what to do.

  How do I explain this to Jade? I can’t. There’s no way to explain this that will make sense to her, because it doesn’t make sense. These rules that govern my life and the world I live in? None of them make sense.

  I don’t get back to the dorm until evening. On Monday, I try to avoid being in my room in case Jade stops by. I eat out instead of eating in the dining hall and spend my night working out at the gym and then the pool.

  Tuesday, I get to English class late so I don’t have to talk to Jade. I still don’t know what to say to her. After class I hurry out of the room.

  She follow
s, running after me. “What’s going on with you? It’s like you’re completely ignoring me.”

  Dammit. I can’t do this. But I have to. She needs to be here at Moorhurst. She needs to go to college. She needs a future. And she doesn’t need me getting in the way of that.

  “I can’t spend every minute with you, Jade.” I say it like I’m angry. Like I’m no longer interested in her. It rips me apart to treat her this way but I’m hoping it’ll make her hate me and want nothing to do with me. “I’m behind on my homework. I’m not swimming enough. Blake’s pissed because I haven’t been doing stuff with him.”

  “But you don’t even like Blake.” She races to keep up with me as I walk fast across the quad. “Garret, wait. Why are you acting like this? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?”

  She sounds so hurt.

  I hate doing this to her. I told myself I’d take her sadness away but I’ve only made it worse. And now she thinks she did something wrong.

  Fuck.

  I stop and place my hands on her shoulders. “No, Jade. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I soften my tone. I want her to be mad at me, but I don’t want her feeling like any of this is her fault. “Don’t even think that, okay? This isn’t about you.”

  “Then what is it about? Why are you avoiding me?”

  God, I feel so bad. I fucking hate myself right now. I hate myself for getting involved with her in the first place. Because I knew this would happen. It was selfish of me to keep going after her when I knew this would be the outcome.

  “I just—we just can’t see each other anymore. I’m sorry, Jade.”

  “Can’t see each other? But we’re just friends. You can’t be my friend anymore?”

  She sounds so damn sad. And desperate to be my friend. She was so lonely when we met. All she wanted was a friend. And she thought she had one. A friend she was starting to trust. But now I’m taking that away.

  She looks up at me with those beautiful green eyes, that sweet face, and says, “You’re saying that we’re done being friends?”

  I knew this would be hard, but this is so much worse than I thought it would be. I thought Jade would yell at me. Tell me I’m an ass. Say she’s glad to get rid of me. But instead, she’s just sad. And hurt. And confused.

  “I have to go. I’m sorry. I really am.” I take off across the quad. I can’t look at her a second longer. Seeing the sadness in her eyes, knowing I hurt her like that, is killing me. A sharp pain shoots through my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe.

  I can’t believe I did that to her. And then just walked away. But fuck. What was I supposed to do? This had to end. I can’t ruin her life. Her future.

  I get in my car and drive to the coast to the same spot I was at the other day. I sit there, staring out at the waves, trying to come up with a solution. A way around this. Some way to convince my dad to let me be friends with her. Just friends. But I can’t come up with a way to change his mind.

  I wish I could make myself stop listening to him. I want to stand up for myself. Be my own person. Take charge of my life. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. But each time I do, he puts me in my place, letting me know he’s the one in charge, not me. And I back down because he fucking scares me. I’ve seen too much. I know what he’s done. Actually, I only know part of it. The unknown part scares me even more.

  I feel like there are two sides to my dad and I only know one of them. The side that I’m used to seeing; the stressed, overworked CEO who has no time for his family. The other side is one I rarely see, but when I do, it’s like I’m seeing a stranger. And it’s that side of him that scares me. I don’t know everything my dad’s done but I know he works with bad people and I know he has a lot of enemies, some who want to kill him. I witnessed this firsthand when I was a kid.

  It happened almost a year after my mom died. I was 11 and my dad was supposed to pick me up from swim practice. Usually he had his car service pick me up, but that night he was picking me up and we were going out for dinner.

  We rarely ate dinner together. After my mom died, I’d become accustomed to eating by myself. Our cook, Charles, would make me whatever I wanted. He and I both knew my dad wouldn’t make it home for dinner, even though he always said he would.

  My dad hired Charles right after my mom died. After school, I’d sit in the kitchen and watch him cook and we’d talk, usually about sports or sometimes I’d ask him about girls. Charles became like family to me. He felt bad I had to eat dinner alone every night, but he worked another job in the evenings so he couldn’t stay and eat with me.

  So I always took my dinner to my room and ate in front of the TV. I couldn’t sit at the dining room table. Not the same table where my mom, dad, and I used to have dinner. One night I tried sitting there but it was too hard. I kept imagining my mom across from me, talking and laughing, my dad seated next to her at the end of the table. I wondered if that’s why my dad never showed up for dinner. He didn’t want to sit at the table either. Whenever my dad and I ate together, he insisted we go out, like we did that night.

  It was early November and cold and windy. I waited outside the pool building, which was locked up for the night. My dad was late, which was typical for him. He was only on time for business meetings. He didn’t care if I had to stand around, waiting and wondering when the hell he’d show up.

  He finally arrived, 35 minutes late. I threw my gym bag in the back seat, then got in the front and slammed the door shut. I’d learned it was better to show him my anger rather than express it with words. My dad and I were, and still are, experts at non-verbal communication. He cleared his throat, which was his way of expressing his annoyance with me. Like he had reason to be annoyed. I was the one left waiting out in the cold.

  “Sorry, I’m late.” He stared straight ahead, his hands tight around the steering wheel. “There were some issues at work I had to take care of.”

  I said nothing.

  “Would you like Italian tonight?”

  I gazed out the front window. “I’m not hungry. Let’s just go home.”

  “It’s 7:30 and you haven’t eaten for hours. You need to eat.”

  He sounded concerned and it pissed me off. My dad did this all the time. He pretended to care about me but then he’d act like he didn’t. I wished he’d just make a decision. Either be a dad or don’t. But don’t get my hopes up by acting like you give a shit and then ignore me again later.

  “We’ll go to the Italian place.” He turned down the road that led to the restaurant. “How was swim practice?”

  I ignored him. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I was still pissed at him for making me wait 35 minutes in the freezing cold.

  “Garret, don’t start. I don’t want to argue with you tonight. Let’s just have a nice dinner.”

  “Fine,” I agreed, but I didn’t sound happy about it. I knew he’d spend the entire dinner on his phone and I’d sit there eating alone, as usual.

  “Shit.” He said it under his breath as he checked the rear view mirror.

  “What’s wrong?” I turned back and saw a black car behind us.

  “Get down!” He grabbed his phone and swerved into the other lane. “Garret, get down!”

  I ducked down. “What’s going on? Who’s behind us?”

  He didn’t answer. And then I heard a loud noise, like a shot being fired. It sounded like it hit the back window, but when I turned back I saw it hadn’t even broken the glass. It’s like our car had bulletproof glass, which even at the age of 11, I knew wasn’t a standard feature on cars.

  “Dad, what just happened? Did someone shoot at us?”

  My dad made a sharp left turn in front of oncoming traffic. “Just stay down and be quiet.”

  I heard another shot and then two more after that. I was sure we were going to die, but my dad was strangely calm. Maybe he was doing it for my sake. If so, it worked. I calmed down and pretended I was in one of the action movies I liked, with car chases and shootings.

  My dad talked into
the phone, his voice low and steady. “They’re here. Just like I said.” He turned onto the interstate and accelerated. I saw him check the mirror and from the look on his face, I knew they were still behind us. “We’re approaching the exit. Should be there in a couple minutes. Garret’s with me.” He listened. “Yes, I know. It’s unfortunate, but he’ll be fine.”

  He tossed the phone on the seat and put both hands on the wheel. I checked the dash and saw we were going 90 miles per hour. I started to panic again.

  “Dad, what’s going on?” I tried to sit up but he shoved me back toward the seat.

  “Stay down!”

  He yanked on the steering wheel and we veered off to what I’m guessing was the exit he was referring to on the phone. He didn’t bother stopping the car at the end of the exit. He just kept speeding ahead, then finally slowed down and stopped.

  I heard voices, followed by multiple shots from some type of semi-automatic weapon.

  The shots ended and it got quiet.

  “Dad, what just—”

  “Garret, stop talking. And don’t look.” He slowly pulled forward.

  A typical 11-year-old, I didn’t do as I was told. I wanted to look. I had to see what was going on and where we were. I sat up in my seat and noticed we were on a narrow dirt road, the woods on each side of us. It was dark except for the lights coming from our car. I turned around and saw the car that had been following us. The whole front window was covered in blood, so much I couldn’t see inside. Dark figures dressed in black with their heads covered, surrounded the car and were pouring something on it.

  “Dad, tell me what’s going on.” I was shaking, and it wasn’t from the cold. “What just happened?”

  My dad didn’t answer as he drove down the dirt road even deeper into the woods. There was a sudden burst of light and I looked back and saw the car in flames. Then a gate closed behind us. I whipped my head forward again and noticed we were driving into a garage.

  The car came to a stop and my dad gripped my shoulder. “This never happened. Do you understand?”