Twice Loved

by Mari Brown

  “I do.”

  “Let’s go smoke.”

  I pull one of his T-shirts on over my head and slip my panties back on. I’m guessing whatever happened with LuAnn changed the mood for the night.

  We walk outside to smoke on his back patio. He lights my cigarette then his. No words have passed between us. I’m quiet but it’s a positive silence. I’m content and happy.

  “You okay Princess?” his quiet voice echoes around the cool night air.

  “I’m fine.” I’m not sure what is on his mind right now.

  “I just want to make sure you enjoy yourself.”

  “Here’s a tip if my pussy dries up instantly that means I’m not enjoying it.” We have the oddest conversations. I take a drag of my cigarette. I exhale watching the smoke dissipate in the night air.

  “Good to know.” he chuckles at my words.

  We finish our smoke tossing the butts in the can by the back door.

  “Ready for bed baby?”

  “Mmhmm…”

  He takes my hand as he leads me back to his bedroom. We crawl into bed and snuggle up to one another.

  ***

  The next morning I’m awakened by Tate.

  “Hold me.” He pulls my hand to his cock. I resist laughing out loud. He wants me to hold him alright. I know what he wants as I begin rubbing him through his shorts.

  “Do I need to go smoke first?”

  “What for?” I move to look at him.

  “To wake me up.”

  I smile big at him. As I twist my body around and begin tugging his shorts down.

  “I got this.” Then my mouth begins working on his cock again. It’s like I’m addicted. He’s my addiction or at least his cock is. It’s not long before we are working together to get him the release he didn’t get last night.

  “So you got one, and I got one?”

  Tate’s always worried about orgasms. I appreciate he wants me to have them but sometimes is a little obsessed with it.

  “Yes.”

  “And it was good for you?”

  “OH yeea…” I can’t keep the happiness from my tone.

  Tate’s laugh rings out. “I can tell it was good for you. You didn’t even hesitate.”

  “Cocky bastard!”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Last night and this morning, is all the reason I need to keep falling into Tate’s arms. There is something I can’t resist. I need to submit to him in the bedroom. It’s one of the reasons he is so dangerous to me. If I’m not careful I will engulf in flames one day.

  Tate and I didn’t talk much about LuAnn last night. The only thing he really said about it was she was fucking crazy and he walked out front to make sure she didn’t do any damage to our vehicles. Other than that it was like she was a little blip on the radar.

  As I walk into the kitchen Tate is brewing coffee and frying bacon. Both smell heavenly this morning. “I’m sorry about last night.”

  “What are you apologizing for Tate?”

  “LuAnn.” Oh so we are going to talk about it.

  “It’s not your fault she showed up.”

  I watch his shoulders sag. “If I hadn’t dated her…”

  “Yea but dating someone does not give them the right to become obsessed and stalkerish. Honestly if she keeps it up I would get a restraining order against her just to be on the safe side.”

  “I don’t know… surely I can handle her.” He flips slices of bacon over in the pan carefully. The grease sizzles and pops all around the delicious meat.

  I sit down on a bar stool as we continue talking. The ease of being together this morning should alarm me. It’s doesn’t I am at peace.

  “Tate… I think she has potential to do something to harm you.”

  “I guess... she’s bipolar, but she isn’t that kind of crazy.”

  “I hope she doesn’t do anything but you should be prepared.” There is a pen laying on the kitchen counter I begin twirling it around and around as we talk.

  “Maybe.” He turns his back to me once more. He reaches up and grabs two coffee cups and fills them setting one in front of me. “Pancakes and bacon sound good?”

  “Sounds awesome.”

  Pancakes and Bacon was always our thing when I spent the night in the past. I loved how Tate and I had “our things” but other times it just made it all so fucking hard. I have to work hard to keep the walls around my heart.

  “I’ve missed this.” Oh yea and there he goes chipping away at the wall.

  “I’ve missed it too.” I admit rather shyly.

  It’s too easy to let myself fall for him. Especially since I really haven’t got over him. I learned to live without him. Now here I am again. I’m a fool I can’t do this. I’m not the friends with benefit type of woman. It’s going to blow up in my face.

  “Have you really?”

  “Yes Tate I have. Leaving you was one of the hardest things I’ve done, right next to burying my husband” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I take a sip of my coffee. I glance at Tate. Thankful that his face is soft, and he actually seems to have sympathy for me.

  “I missed you like fuck when you left. There are so many times I picked my phone up to call or text you. You were my friend, my best friend, and you just walked away.”

  Tears fill my eyes.

  “Tate… I hated walking away… like everyone else in your life has done. I had to be home with Steve, my kids… I missed you and you don’t know how many times I typed a text only to delete it before sending it.” My elbows rest on the counter now. My head hangs down. "I can’t do this!” I move to get up.

  “Princess please don’t… stay! I won’t bring it up again. Just stay.”

  I sit back on the stool defeated. I can’t walk away from him again. Yet I can’t let him in again. I’m fucked either way. “I can’t walk away again. I would miss you too much. All this past week every time I saw Brandy sitting in my classroom you’d come to my mind. I can’t forget you no matter how hard I try.”

  “Fuck! Let me have a chance. I want to prove you wrong.” The pen twirls more on the counter as I think about his words. The spinning reminds me much of my own mind right now.

  “Why are you making this so hard?”

  He moves around to my side. He turns me around on the stool his arms come around me his hands resting on the edge of the countertop. My breathing picks up at his movement.

  “It doesn’t have to be just give me a chance please. I’m going to show you Princess.”

  “Umm… okay.” I whisper breathlessly. Tate is way too close to me. I can’t think when he is this close to me. “Don’t you have pancakes to make me?”

  Tate’s boisterous laughter echoes around the room.

  “Yea Princess… I do.” Tate moves away from me and back to the stove. I stand up. Pulling his shirt down over me. I grab my phone and smokes and head out in his backyard with my coffee.

  Lori: This is insane

  Haley: Good Morning to you and what is insane?

  Lori: why did I think I could be fwb with him?

  I light a cigarette as I wait for her to reply. Dragging hard and deep, relaxes some of the tension I’m feeling.

  Haley: Idk because you lost your mind. What’s up?

  Lori: He’s already made me cry this morning

  Drinking my coffee I read her answer.

  Haley: How the hell did he make you cry?

  Lori: He told me how much he missed me

  Haley: you’re screwed

  Lori: Thanks!

  I toss my phone on the table. I’m not getting any sympathy from my friend. I doubt anyone would be very sympathetic to my plight right now. Hell I’m not even sure why I need sympathy at this point. I’m with the man I love. I’m mostly happy. I had AMAZING sex last night!

  The smell of bacon and pancakes assaults me as I walk back into the kitchen.

  “Just in time.” Tate places a plate on the counter. Syrup waits nearby. Lots of butter already melting on top
of my stack. Damn him for remembering how I like my pancakes smothered in butter and syrup. My bacon is fried to perfection. This man knows how to cook. I want to hire him as my personal chef as I remember past meals he has made me.

  “This is so good.” I say as I chew a mouthful of pancakes. “I forgot how good your pancakes are.”

  “Princess you act like you don’t know how to cook.”

  I laugh as I finish swallowing my food. A piece of bacon is waving around in my hand as I begin talking. “I know how to cook. It’s soooo much better when someone else cooks it though.”

  “Spoiled!”

  I laugh again. Tate knows I’m spoiled it’s not a surprise it’s why he started calling me Princess in the first place. It’s like he’s an asshole so I’m not surprised when he does something assholey.

  “Have you met me?”

  “Yes Princess.”

  It's great being carefree with Tate. His phone start ringing. “Motherfuck!”

  “Problem?”

  His face has hardened, his voice is irritated. “It’s LuAnn!”

  “She doesn’t give up.” I take a bite of the bacon strip in my hand. I place my fork on my plate. I’m filling up fast on this breakfast. His phone stops ringing only to start up again. “Maybe you should answer it Tate.”

  “Fuck that she is not ruining our morning.” He is now on the stool beside me. He’s takes a bite of food. His phone starts ringing again. Sure enough LuAnn’s name comes across the screen.

  “If you don’t answer it I will.” I’ve had enough of her calling nonstop. He can’t avoid her she isn’t going to go away.

  “Go for it I don’t care.”

  I pick up his phone punch the screen “Good Morning LuAnn. How can we help you?”

  The words that came out of her mouth after that were not fit for a first grade teacher. I pull the phone from my ear as she begins screeching. She keeps ranting, and I set the phone down on the counter. After a minute it becomes quiet.

  I pick his phone back up see that the call is still connected.

  “Are you done with your temper tantrum?”

  A few more expletives follow my question. I listen patiently and call on my skills dealing with first graders to handle her.

  “LuAnn leave him alone. He broke up with you and he’s paid you back the money you loaned him. If you keep this up he’s going to have to get a restraining order.” I pause as she cusses at me some more. “Well I tried to be helpful. Ignore my advice if you choose but you are making a mistake.”

  I end the call.

  “How did you do that without losing your cool?” Tate is staring at me fork in midair as if he paused in mid bite.

  “Easy I pretended she was one of my students.”

  He pulls the fork from his mouth. “Makes sense.”

  His phone doesn’t ring again. We finish our breakfast in peace and quiet. After eating we walk to the sink together. It’s homey washing our dishes together. Too homey. Once we have the dirty dishes placed in his dishwasher we walk out to the backyard.

  He smacks my ass as I walk out ahead of him.

  “Hey”

  His hand grabs the bottom of the shirt I’m wearing he lifts it up. Then he pulls my underwear up a little.

  “That’s what I’m talking about.”

  “What?” I’m confused as I stand there with him practically undressing me.

  “That ass is mine. It has the handprint to prove it.”

  “Oh…”

  Smug bastard proud of the fact that he left a mark on my ass. I should be mad at him but I’m thankful he can’t see the grin that broke out on my face. Yea, I’m loving he marked me. A tingle starts in my body. A very familiar one.

  “Ok there Princess?”

  “I’m good!” No! I’m turned on right now. I want him to take me back in his bedroom and have his way with me all over again. It still doesn’t make sense how I can want him so much. Why he gets me so excited. Not that I was going to complain. I’ve smiled more in the last twenty-four hours than I have the last six months combined. Tate made me happy.

  “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

  “Go home, hang with my kids, and go over lesson plans.”

  His cigarette hangs from his lips. “Can I hang with y’all?”

  “You want to hang at my house with my kids?”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “Why not? They’re good kids. You have a pool.”

  I laugh. I send a quick text to the kids asking them how they feel about Tate coming over. It’s not long before I get two replies telling me to bring him they don’t care.

  I’m still surprised by how accepting they are of Tate wanting to be in my life. In their lives. When they first found out about him they were understandably upset. They tried to understand where their dad and I were coming from when we made the decision to let me have this fling with Tate. It was hard on them they loved their dad. What no one understood is that even though I enjoyed Tate I also had a hard time dealing with things back then. There was always a part of me who felt guilty for what I was doing.

  Is it time to let go of that guilt? Maybe it is. I loved Steve and was faithful to him for many years. Tate was not planned, but it wasn’t something I went into without some approval from Steve. I needed the distraction Tate gave me back then. Now I just needed Tate. I want to believe him so badly. His track record though doesn’t help him. I don’t trust him. It’s going to take more time than I think we have for me to trust that I’m the one and only woman in his life.

  Although him letting me answer his phone this morning when LuAnn called is a start. In the past he never let me touch his phone he guarded it like it held state secrets. I never pushed because I figured it was none of my business. However, I wasn’t stupid I knew he was hiding shit. Whatever it was he didn’t want me to see it. He didn’t want me to know just what he was up to.

  I don’t know if he was protecting me or himself. Sometimes I felt like it was a good mix of both. I wasn’t going to tell him he already managed to break through my defenses. I was going to make him earn my trust. If he really wanted me it was time for him to prove it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Tate and I walk into the house to find Olivia working hard in the kitchen.

  “What you doing darling?” I kiss her on the cheek.

  “I’m making lunch for us.”

  While it’s not unusual to find Olivia in the kitchen cooking on occasion, I’m a little confused by her welcoming of Tate into our home. She was okay with him at Haley’s and even has encouraged me to explore options with Tate. However, I remember when Mae outed me to the family. Steve of course was aware of Tate the kids not so much. Olivia was the one most upset with me. She didn’t speak to me for almost a week. I worked hard to rebuild the relationship with Olivia.

  “Hey boss man.” Noah enters the kitchen, greeting Tate.

  Reminding me once more how intertwined Tate, and I were these days. My son working for him, his daughter in my class. I am doomed. I never had a chance and I’m not sure Tate didn’t orchestrate the whole thing. I glance over at the sexy man that stole my heart.

  I listen in as Noah and Tate talk shop. Pride fills me at how serious Noah is taking his job. He’s such a jokester and when he takes something serious it surprises the hell out of me. Steve would be proud of our son. Steve would be proud of both our kids right now. Despite losing their father they were moving on with life. Staying involved in their normal activities at school. Living like two teenagers should.

  Tate stopped for beer on the way to my house and he makes himself at home placing it in my fridge. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure why Tate is making me so anxious. I’m worried about every little thing. I’m over thinking and analyzing each detail. It’s time to be free. I have to stop stressing over this.

  “Mom, Jodie and CJ are coming over too.”

  “Oh?” Turning to face my daughter, she is still busy prepping food for the afternoon
.

  “Yea we figured we’d invite a friend over even Haley and Jake too.”

  “You invited Haley and Jake too?” Surprise crosses my face. I’m simply amazed by my kids right now.

  “Yep I did good huh?”

  “Yea baby you did. Anything I can help you with?”

  She is stirring what appears to be spinach dip. “Can you cut up bread to bake in the oven?”

  She nods her head in the direction of a French loaf on the counter. I grab it along with a knife and cutting board and get to work. I’m slicing the bread when a presence comes up behind me. The way my body begins to tingle I know it’s Tate.

  The doorbell rings.

  “I got it.” Noah says before taking off.

  “This is nice.”

  “Hmm…” I have stopped slicing because I tremble a little from his nearness.

  “Being here with you and your kids. I like it.”

  “Oh. Yea it is nice.”

  Weird but nice. I leave out the weird part so I don’t offend Tate. I’m just not use to being around my kids with another man.

  “Relax Princess. I’m not going to ravage you in front of your kids.”

  Oh well damn! I mean that’s comforting. I should be ashamed of myself.

  “I’m here the party can start.” Noah’s buddy CJ enters the kitchen with the exuberance of a seventeen year old. This kid with his dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin is something else. Sometimes I’m not sure him and Noah being friends is a good thing. I’m honestly not sure which one is the bad influence.

  “Hey CJ this is my friend Tate.”

  “Oh I met him the other day when Noah stopped by the garage.”

  “Really? I didn’t realize you were with Noah that day.”

  CJ bounds up beside me reminding me of a puppy full of energy. “Of course I was. I don’t know who I’m going to hang out with when he starts working.”

  I laugh. CJ has plenty of friends besides Noah. The two boys have been friends since they started middle school and have a strong bond.

  “We are going to head out to the pool.” Noah calls out while jerking his head at CJ. CJ follows Noah out into the backyard and suddenly the kitchen grows quiet. Olivia is still quietly working. Tate stands to my side as I go back to slicing the bread. Once I’m done I place it on a baking sheet and preheat the oven.