Twice Loved

by Mari Brown

  The doorbell rings again.

  “I got it.” Olivia exits, leaving Tate and I alone in the kitchen.

  “Maybe next time Brandy will get to come hang out with us too.”

  It’s hard to miss the wistfulness in his voice as he talks about his daughter. I know he’s missed being around her. LuAnn’s behavior didn’t help his case there.

  “That would be good.” I don’t know what else to say. I’m sure Rachel would let Brandy come with Tate if she knew it was at my place but the lines between student and teacher would blur for sure.

  Tate leans close to me. My heart rate surges. His face is right in front of mine. I turn to face him. Our eyes lock. His head dips down and his lips lightly brush across mine. The butterflies fluttering in my stomach have been replaced with birds flapping their wings. It’s a new but not all together unwelcome sensation.

  “Get a room you two.” I jump away from Tate like I have been burned. Haley and Jake enter the kitchen. Haley’s playful voice does nothing to tamper the fire burning inside me.

  Jake has a smile on his face but doesn’t say a word. He heads straight for the fridge and begins shifting things around to make room for the drinks they brought over with them.

  “Haley go home.”

  She laughs at me. She walks up beside me and plants her hand on her hip “Okay men out of the kitchen go outside and do something manly.”

  The men laugh but grab beers and head out the back door. Olivia and her friend Jodie enter the kitchen right after the men exit.

  “Hey Jodie.” I greet my daughter’s best friend.

  “Hi Ms. Lori and Ms. Haley.” The blonde hair girl that has been friends with my daughter since elementary school is so bubbly. She was an awesome friend to my girl during Steve’s illness and since his passing. The kind of friend I wanted for Olivia to have.

  “Mom you and Aunt Haley go outside. Jodie and I got this.”

  Haley and I share a look of surprise. We don’t let it stop us from grabbing drinks out of the fridge before heading outside. The sun glistens off the pool and my grass is still a dark rich green. My flower beds are blooming with a rainbow of color. The teenage boys are in the pool. The grown men are sitting under an umbrella table. Beer in one hand a cigarette in the other. The two have huge grins on their faces. It makes me wonder what they are over there talking about.

  Haley and I make our way over to two lounge chairs in the sun. Stripping our sundresses off and settling into the chairs in our bikinis. Yep that distracted the two men. Suddenly the conversation they were having is halted as both men gaze at us. Internally I’m smiling. Eat your hearts out boys! I turn to Haley to see unlike me she is openly smiling at the guys.

  “Our men got distracted.” Her lighthearted voice makes me smile. I can’t stop myself now.

  The laughter rumbles out of me. “I noticed.”

  An advantage to wearing sunglasses is that you can look at someone and they are never sure if you are looking at them or not. Thanks to that I’m sitting here staring at Tate. He and Jake are back in conversation and I watch as Jake high fives Tate.

  Bastard probably telling him about last night. I’m not stupid those guys at the garage share everything with each other. And when I hung out there last year they shared with me too. Sometimes more than I wanted to know. I learned enough about their sex lives I could write a book or four.

  “Did you have fun last night?” Haley turns toward me as she speaks softly.

  “It was amazing.” I can’t keep the joy to myself even if I tried “Well until LuAnn showed up and then called nonstop this morning.”

  “What did that crazy stalker bitch want?”

  My eyebrows arch at her question and if I wasn’t wearing sunglasses she would see me looking at her like she was a moron. “What else? Tate!”

  “She is a fruit loop.”

  “Yea she wasn’t happy when I answered his phone this morning.”

  Hand up glasses pushed up on top of her head. Haley sits up looking at me like I’m the crazy one. “Wait did you just say he let you answer his phone for him?”

  “Yea why?”

  “That’s huge!”

  I push my glasses up on my head turn to face her exasperated. “It’s not a big deal. He wouldn’t answer and I got tired of her calling nonstop.”

  “Girl you are lying to yourself. You know how private he is about his damn phone.”

  I sigh. Haley’s right. I’m in denial. I don’t want to admit to myself. If I admit that Tate is trying, I’ll fold and give him full access to me again. I remember all too well Tate making sure the phone was angled where I can’t see who he was texting or what he was saying. Constantly locked and in his hand like it held state secrets. History shows he was up to no good.

  When we were together I tried not to let it bother me. I didn’t dwell on it if I could help it. As long as he wasn’t on his phone while we were having sex I was content. Can I believe that now and for the future he was going to be open?

  Why is he messing with my head? I asked him not to do this to me. Yet, here he is doing it anyway. It was time for me to face reality. There is no way I could be with Tate without emotions being involved. I love him that hadn’t changed. I’ll always care about him.

  I have to decide now how much of him I can handle before my shattered heart completely crumbles. How long can I be near him without really being with him before it’s too much? Last night and this morning already prove that he’s going to keep working his charm on me. I have to build stronger walls to keep Tate out of my heart and my head.

  “Haley, I get it. It don’t mean anything though. This is just fun.”

  “Right… like he’s not trying to win you over.” She plops back down in her chair pulling her sunglasses over her eyes.

  She’s annoyed with me, she can get over it. She’s over the moon with Jake and wants everyone to be that happy. The only reason it’s so easy with Tate now is because he was not new he was as familiar as Steve was to me.

  “He can try all he wants it won’t work.” I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince. It doesn’t matter. It’s the truth. I wanted nothing more than fun with Tate this time.

  Commotion from near the backdoor distracts me as I watch Olivia and Jodie bringing out trays of food. The girls set up everything on the picnic table on the patio right outside the door. They bustle back in and immediately come back with more trays. The girls have set up a good spread of food for all of us.

  “Lunch is served.” Olivia announces to all of us.

  The boys jump out of the pool dripping all the way over to the table. They fill plates moving off in to the shade to eat. I watch them as they sit and talk with one another young and carefree. It warms this mother’s heart to see her children so happy even such a short time after their father’s death. We can and will make it together through this season in life as a family with a few good friends thrown in.

  My eyes gravitate toward Tate and hold there. I love this man. I shouldn’t but I do. I’m playing with fire and I’m sure to scorched.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The afternoon goes by quickly. Everyone has a good time just hanging out by the pool. The ease the kids accepted Tate into our lives, still surprises me. I never dreamed they would be so comfortable with him. I’m still not sure if that is a good or bad thing. I should probably stop worrying about it. All I could do is take it one day at a time, it was the only way to handle this.

  I can’t let myself think about a future with Tate. I don’t trust Tate to be the man he claims to want to be, his past makes it hard. I won’t ask him to change because that would never work. It would only work if he freely chose to change his old habits. I am not naive though. I’m aware of who he is and as long as I keep that in mind I can handle being with him. No surprises, no risk of being hurt by him.

  Tears pool in my eyes. I’m not sure why they are there. It takes me by surprise. I wipe at my eyes discreetly. I hope no one can see that I’m crying
. However, someone is watching me closer than I realized.

  “Why are you crying?” Tate’s smooth voice whispers by my ear.

  “I don't know.”

  “You don’t know?” I shake my head because honestly I don't know why I’m crying. It hit me out of nowhere.

  His eyes scan my face. He searches for something as his eyes lock on mine. The tears build up again. It's all too intense. “You need to stop crying beautiful.”

  Beautiful? I don’t recall him ever calling me that before. He thinks I’m cute. He’s never thought I was beautiful. He’s even said sexy but beautiful never. He’s left me speechless.

  “I hate to see you cry.” His hand swipes a tear off my face.

  I want to turn from his touch but I can’t. I don’t even care if others are watching us right now. I’m frozen in place. Does he think I want to cry like this? I hate crying especially in front of others. It shows weakness. I’m so use to being the strong one in my family. It’s hard for me to let go.

  “I can’t take it if you hurt me again.” What the hell? What am I doing?

  “Princess…” Tate pulls me in his warm embrace. His strong arms give me the freedom to crumble.

  Peace envelops me as I stay in his embrace. Tension leaves my body. This is right. This is how it should feel to be in the arms of the man you love.

  “Does this mean what I hope it means?” Tate’s ask me hopefully. Tate pulls back gazing into my eyes again. They pierce me like a knife. I hold my eyes steady. I nod my head I can’t speak right now. “Thank you Princess. You won’t regret this.”

  “I’m going to try.” whispers out of me.

  Tate’s lips meet mine. It’s just the two of us. The whole world ceases to exist. His kiss deepens I open my mouth to him. Our tongues swipe across each other in a bid for power. He wins. He always does. I’m caught up in kissing Tate and he is just as lost to it as I am. It’s not until a throat clears nearby that we break apart

  “Um that was a nice kiss and all but I think you made Olivia and Jodie uncomfortable.” Haley is the voice of reason.

  “Oops.” I chuckle. Tate grins at me as Haley walks over to where Jake is sitting.

  “Does this mean I can call you my girlfriend again?” A brief pause as I consider his question.

  “Yes… because I’m not sharing you this time around. It’s just the two of us.”

  “That’s all I want… you.”

  I smile at Tate “Good that’s all you can have if you want this to work.”

  It’s time to give this a try to see if he can do it. I am not going to be able to fight him. Or pretend I am not still in love with him. I might as well give him a fair chance. It’s the only one he is going to get so I hope for his sake he doesn’t blow it.

  He takes my hand and leads me over to the table Haley and Jake now occupy.

  “You two together again?” Haley asks bluntly. No sugarcoating shit with her.

  “Yea…”

  “Finally!”

  Leave it to Haley to say it like it is. She’s right though. It was stupid to keep fighting when I love him. If I was going to be with him I might as well go all in. I was trusting him once again. I just hope this time I didn’t end up hurt. I wanted us to work.

  “Fucker never stops talking about you at work now it’s going to get worse.” Jake gives Tate a hard time.

  “Oh you mean like you always running off at the mouth about Haley here?” Jake shrugs his shoulders.

  It’s amusing watching the two guys give each other shit. It’s easy to see they have a brotherhood. One that has withstood time and so much more. Not unlike the relationship Haley and I have.

  The rest of our day is spent poolside hanging and talking. We share laughs and food. The teen girls eventually come back to join us and I notice Olivia eyeing me several times. It’s not like Tate and I are hiding the fact we are together. We sit close to one another. We steal little touches and at one point he even holds my hand for a little bit.

  Noah and CJ come back a couple hours after leaving and have brought the girls back they had gone to meet. Noah looks over at us and his eyes grow big.

  “Please tell me you finally agreed to date Tate again?” he asks looking back and forth between Tate and me.

  “Yes son.”

  “Thank heaven maybe he will leave me alone.”

  Turning toward Tate I eye him carefully. “What does he mean?”

  “Oh you know I may have asked about you… a lot.”

  I give him a warm grin, it matches the sensation running through me. I feel warm and cozy right now. It makes me feel good that Tate has been asking about me. Even if he was using my son to do it.

  “That’s kind of sweet.”

  “Yea?”

  “Yea.”

  I lean over toward him. My lips lightly brush his. Tingles erupt as every fiber of my lips are stimulated by his. I want to keep kissing him but I pull back knowing now is not the time or place for it. Tate and I smile at one another. Lost in our own thoughts, our own world. It’s like the two of us are the only ones here.

  “Ummm do you two need to go inside for a little bit? You know and get a room?”

  Turning toward Haley I give her a look of annoyance. Tate speaks before I do.

  “Haley that sounds like a brilliant idea.”

  “Um no.”

  “But Princess…” Tate fakes whines at me. It’s cute but not happening.

  “Not going to work man-child.” He turns from fake whining to fake pouting which just cracks me up. I’m laughing at his pouting lips so hard right now, I can’t see straight.

  “Well wait to deflate a guy’s ego.”

  I reach out and pat his knee. “Somehow I think you’ll survive.”

  As the evening progresses we clean up the mess out by the pool and begin moving everything indoors. Haley helps with cleanup of dishes while Jake and Tate take care of bringing things indoors. Once we have it all cleaned up Haley and Jake say their goodbyes. The extra teenagers have left. Olivia and Noah have both gone upstairs to shower and get ready for dinner. Tate and I are left standing in the kitchen.

  “Princess can I stay the night with you?”

  “You want to sleepover… here?” I gulp as I speak the words. This was not something I had even thought about yet. How do I feel about it? What would my kids think?

  “Yea, I’ve always wanted to be able to stay with you at your place.”

  “Oh well um sure I guess we can try it see how it goes.”

  Tate leans over kisses a cheek. “I’m going to run home shower and pack a bag then I’ll be back we’ll have dinner with your kids and do whatever y’all normally do on a Sunday night before school.”

  “Okay.” What the hell am I doing?

  I listen as the front door closes behind Tate then I rush upstairs. I find Olivia sitting on her bed.

  “So Tate’s staying the night with us is that cool?”

  “Mom really? You’re a grown adult you don’t need permission.”

  “I know but I want you comfortable.” I say while pushing a book around that’s on top of her desk.

  She shrugs her shoulders slightly with a tiny grin on her face. “I don’t care as long as it makes you happy.”

  “Okay well let me go talk to Noah then.”

  I leave her room and head for my son’s his door is closed so I knock softly.

  “Come in.” I open the door and peek my head in. Per usual Noah’s room looks like a tornado hit it. I shake my head slightly at the mess.

  “Tate’s coming back for dinner and to stay the night just wanted to make sure it was cool with you.”

  “Yea I like Tate.”

  “Okay well, I’m going downstairs to get dinner started.”

  Flying back down the stairs I rush into the kitchen and begin pulling out the things I will need to make meatloaf, mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans. Meatloaf is one of Tate’s favorites and I had always wanted to make it for him but never had the c
hance until now. It’s not long before I have the meat mixture ready and pressed into the loaf pan. I begin cleaning and peeling potatoes as I wait for the oven to finish preheating. Once the potatoes are ready I cheat a little and pop them in the microwave.

  The wonderful aroma of dinner cooking is wafting through the house by the time my doorbell rings. I wipe my hands on a dish towel as I make my way to the front door. Tate is standing on the other side with a small duffle bag. This is really happening. I’m having another man stay overnight with me and my kids. This is a new experience for me totally.

  “Hey come on in.”

  Tate kisses my cheek as he walks by me. “Where do you want me to put this?”

  “Why don’t you set it by the stairs and we can take it up to my room later.” Tate follows my directions.

  “Something smells good.”

  “Oh yea… I umm… making meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

  “You remember.”

  I sigh, looking at this man. How can he not understand that I’m in love with him? Why has he never been able to see that? “I remember. I remember a lot when it comes to you.”

  “Oh yea?”

  I smile. I love the playfulness that we have. Tate and I are always carefree. Steve and I had an easy loving relationship, but it wasn’t wild and carefree like with Tate. Tate makes me forget to think. I want to just live in the moment whenever he’s around.

  “I need to check on dinner then we can go upstairs. I need to shower.”

  “Is that an invitation to join you?” Tate asks while stepping closer to me.

  “Didn’t you already shower?”

  “I can take another one…” His eyebrows waggle at me as he talks. I laugh at him.

  “I think Noah can keep you company while I shower.”

  I run by Noah’s room and ask him to entertain Tate while I shower. I lead Tate to my bedroom.

  I try to picture my king size bed with the hunter green and black trimmed bedding from Tate’s point of view. Does he feel weird staying in the bedroom I use to share with Steve? I bought a new bed after Steve passed so at least it wasn’t the same bed.