Playing Scared

by Sara Solovitch

religious leaders and performance anxiety, (1), (2)

  resilience, (1)

  Rich (author’s husband), (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

  Richter, Sviatoslav, (1)

  Ridout, Nicholas, (1), (2), (3)

  right-handedness, (1), (2)

  right hemisphere of brain, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  Rivers, Sam, (1)

  Robbins, Anthony, (1)

  Robson, Bonnie, (1)

  Roosevelt, Eleanor, (1)

  Rosen, Charles, (1)

  Rothman, Mark, (1), (2)

  Rubin, Burton, (1)

  Russia, (1)

  Russian School (violin technique), (1)

  Sacks, Oliver, (1)

  Sadie (Rothman’s music teacher), (1)

  San Jose International Airport, (1), (2)

  Santa Barbara Symphony, (1)

  Sant’ Ambrogio, Sara, (1)

  Sasser, Mackey, (1)

  Sax, Dave, (1)

  Sax, John, (1), (2)

  Sax, Nancy, (1), (2)

  Sax, Steve, (1)

  Schiff, András, (1)

  Schlueter, Charlie, (1)

  Schnabel, Artur, (1), (2)

  Schnabel, Karl Ulrich, (1)

  the schneid, (1)

  Schumann, Clara, (1), (2)

  Schumann, Robert, (1)

  Schumann’s Piano Concerto, (1)

  Segovia, Andrés, (1)

  Seinfeld, Jerry, (1)

  sekimen-kyofu, (1)

  self-acceptance, (1)

  self-consciousness, (1), (2), (3)

  Self-Expression Center, Houston, (1)

  semen-worry, (1), (2)

  separation anxiety, (1)

  sexual dysfunction, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  Sey, Jennifer, (1)

  the shadow, (1), (2)

  Shainberg, David, (1)

  Shainberg, Diane, (1)

  Shearing, George, (1)

  shinkeishitsu, (1)

  shubo-kyofu, (1)

  shy bladder syndrome. See paruresis

  Sierra Community College, (1)

  Simon, Carly, (1)

  singing brain, (1)

  slack rope vs. tightrope, (1)

  Slenczynski, Joseph, (1), (2), (3)

  Slenczynski, Ruth, (1)

  Smith, Larry, (1)

  Smith, Laura, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

  soccer, (1)

  social phobias, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6)

  Socrates, (1)

  Soifer, Steven, (1)

  Solo Piano Album (Pullen), (1)

  Solovitch, Sara

  attack, escape from, (1)

  Bach, feelings about. See under Bach, Johann Sebastian

  beta-blocker use by, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6)

  Brahms, feelings about. See under Brahms, Johannes

  childhood piano playing by

  at graduation recital, (1)

  at St. Catharines competition, (1), (2)

  stage fright, (1), (2)

  cognitive behavior therapy assignments, (1)

  college, marriage, and family life of, (1)

  earthquake survival, (1)

  exposure therapy

  airport recitals, (1), (2)

  concert, (1), (2)

  library recital, (1), (2)

  piano camp, (1)

  soirees, (1)

  family of

  Aunt Bessie, (1)

  Aunty Maddy. See Maddy (author’s aunt)

  brother Joseph, (1)

  father, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

  grandparents in Russia, (1)

  husband Rich, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

  mother Polly. See Polly (author’s mother)

  sister Syma, (1)

  sons, (1), (2). See also Ben (author’s son); Jesse (author’s son); Max (author’s son)

  in family photos, (1), (2), (3)

  Greene’s work with, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  Kageyama’s work with, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6)

  mindfulness quest by. See mindfulness

  Mozart, feelings about, (1)

  perfectionism of, (1)

  at piano camp, (1)

  return to piano

  confrontation of stage fright, (1)

  in group piano class, (1)

  at lake house, (1)

  lessons with Landis, (1)

  little recital, (1)

  teacher search, (1)

  auditioning for, (1)

  Ellen Chen, (1)

  Landis Gwynn, (1)

  Lynn Kidder, (1)

  Mark Rothman, (1)

  need for guru and, (1)

  Sonata Workshop, (1)

  Song, Master (tae kwon do instructor), (1)

  sport psychology, (1), (2)

  sports

  beta-blocker restrictions in, (1)

  mind-body disconnect, (1)

  music compared to, (1), (2)

  overthinking in, (1), (2)

  perfectionism in, (1), (2)

  performance anxiety in, (1), (2)

  performance inventory, (1), (2)

  St. Catharines piano competition, (1), (2)

  St. Norbert College, (1)

  stage fright. See also anxiety; fear; social phobias

  author’s confrontation of, (1)

  author’s early experiences of, (1), (2)

  author’s evaluation for, (1)

  beta-blockers used for. See beta-blockers

  childhood experiences and, (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7)

  Chiu on, (1)

  culture-specific variants of. See culture-specific variants of performance anxiety

  in DSM, (1)

  history of. See history of stage fright and famous sufferers

  Jungian view of, (1)

  mindfulness and. See mindfulness

  pathogenic beliefs and, (1)

  perfectionism and. See perfection, pursuit of

  psychology of. See psychology

  PTSD compared to, (1)

  public speaking and. See public speaking, fear of

  as reversion to infantile behavior, (1)

  Rothman and, (1)

  Slenczynska’s preparation for, (1)

  in sports. See sports

  strategies to lessen, (1), (2), (3)

  terms used for, (1)

  tightening up and, (1)

  Stage Fright, Animals, and Other Theatrical Problems (Ridout), (1)

  Stage Fright: Its Role in Acting (Aaron), (1)

  Stagefright Survival School, (1), (2), (3)

  stage lighting, history of, (1)

  Stanislavski, Constantin, (1)

  Stanislavski system, (1)

  Steinbeck, John, (1)

  Steve Blass disease, (1), (2)

  Steve Sax syndrome, (1)

  Stewart, Rod, (1)

  stimulant medications, (1)

  stop exercises, (1)

  Strassmayer, Karolina, (1)

  Streisand, Barbra, (1)

  suicide, (1), (2)

  Sullivan, Ira, (1)

  “Summertime” (Shearing), (1)

  supersoldiers, (1)

  survivor guilt, (1)

  Suzuki, Shinichi, (1)

  Sweet, Pete, (1)

  swimming, (1)

  Syma (author’s sister), (1)

  synesthesia of sounds, (1)

  Syracuse Symphony Orchestra, (1), (2)

  Székely, Zoltán, (1)

  tae kwon do, (1), (2)

  taijin kyofusho, (1), (2)

  A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens), (1)

  talmid haham, (1)

  Talmud, (1), (2)

  target panic, (1)

  Taubman Approach, (1)

  Taylor, Billy, (1)

  Tcherepnin, Alexander, (1), (2)

  tennis, (1), (2), (3)

  thalamus, (1)

  the Thing, (1), (2)

  third-person reflection, (1)

  Thomas, Michael Tilson, (1)

  Thompson, Ron, (1)

  thoracic outlet syndrome, (1)

  Thorndike, Sybil, (1)
/>   Tibetan Buddhists, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  tightrope vs. slack rope, (1)

  Toastmasters, (1)

  tolerances, design, (1)

  Tolstoy, Leo, (1), (2)

  Torah, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  track and field, (1), (2)

  traqueuse, (1)

  Twain, Mark, (1)

  Tyner, McCoy, (1)

  ultra-Orthodox Judaism, (1)

  United States Military Academy, (1), (2)

  University of California at Berkeley, (1)

  University of Nebraska, (1), (2)

  unresolved intergenerational loss, (1)

  U.S. Department of Defense, (1)

  U.S. Olympic Diving Team, (1), (2)

  U.S. Women’s Bobsled National Team, (1)

  USA Track and Field Team, (1)

  vagina and stage fright, (1)

  valerian, (1)

  Vamos, Roland and Almita, (1)

  van der Linde, Polly, (1), (2), (3)

  Vermont

  Landis’s father’s accident in, (1)

  piano camp in, (1)

  Ron Thompson’s farmhouse in, (1), (2)

  Verrilli, Donald, (1)

  virtual reality therapy, (1)

  visual cortex of brain, (1)

  Vos, Rein, (1), (2)

  Wagner, Richard, (1)

  Warren, Rick, (1)

  WDR Big Band, (1)

  Weiss, Harold, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  Weiss, Joseph, (1), (2)

  West Virginia University, (1)

  Wharton, Edith, (1)

  Wieck Schumann, Clara, (1), (2)

  William and Flora Hewlett Foundation, (1)

  Wilson, Brian, (1)

  WKCR-FM, Columbia College, (1)

  Wolfenden, Mrs. (piano teacher), (1)

  World Anti-Doping Code, (1)

  World Championships in Berlin (2009), (1)

  Xanax, (1)

  yips, (1), (2), (3)

  yoga, (1), (2), (3), (4)

  Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, (1)

  Zeitlin, Denny, (1)

  Zimmer, Sandra, (1)

  the zone, (1), (2)

  A NOTE ON THE AUTHOR

  Sara Solovitch is a former reporter for the Philadelphia Inquirer whose articles have appeared in Esquire, Wired, the Los Angeles Times, and Politico. She has been a health columnist for the San Jose Mercury News and worked as a medical writer at Stanford University. She also has taught writing and journalism at the University of California, Santa Cruz Science Communication Program, where she was a lecturer for five years, teaching the art of profile writing to graduate students. Solovitch has played classical piano since she was seven and attended Eastman School of Music’s preparatory department during her last two years of high school. A graduate of Barnard College, where she majored in English literature, she is the mother of three sons, two of whom are professional musicians. This is her first book. She lives in Santa Cruz, California, with her husband, Richard Scheinin.

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  First published 2015

  This electronic edition published June 2015

  © Sara Solovitch 2015

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers.

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  ISBN: HB: 978-1-62040-091-3

  ePub: 978-1-62040-092-0

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