The Improbable

by Tiara James

  There wasn’t any turning back. David and I were over. The happiest moments of my life were discontinued. I pushed the feelings to the back of my mind to deal with them later in the darkness and loneliness of my room. The fact that I was set to marry Ray in the next week set in and I just couldn’t get my mind to wrap around it. I knew that if I was to spend the rest of my life with Ray I’d cut it short because I would end up putting a bullet through my skull. I couldn’t stand him and the life he doomed me to. He didn’t make me happy or feel loved the way David did… My mind started working into overdrive.

  Something had to be done, but what?

  24. The First Rainy Day

  If there were any other reasons in the world for me to live, I demanded they revealed themselves before I decided I had nothing to live for anymore. The pain was that unbearable. It was almost equivalent to the time I lost my mother. Almost.

  Why had I…

  Would she really?

  It’s my fault.

  I did this…

  Married!

  Leaving town?

  Would she come back?

  More to drink…

  I couldn’t think straight even if my life depended on it. After Eva had blown up on me, I had gone home and drank the rest of the night and through the next day and then all night… I hadn’t a clue of what day it was or what time it was. All I knew that it was dark and rainy outside. I was sitting on the couch in my living room, staring out the front window. Drinking bottle after bottle and never moving from that couch, I hadn’t gotten up for a while and I didn’t care. I knew I was going to get an earful when I finally returned back to work but I just couldn’t find it in me to care…

  All I could do was replay the painful words Eva-Marie spat at me that day in the train yard. Our train yard. ‘Leave me alone’...That one had hurt the most. She couldn’t have meant it, right? Deep down I knew she didn’t mean it, but the words still hurt like she did. The only way I could make myself feel better was by convincing myself that Ray took the situation, got in her mind and made it worse than what it was. She couldn’t have been that upset after finding out I lied to her about my name and profession, right? There was no way. Sooner or later I would get to the bottom of it. But for now, I would drink more.

  A few bangs on my door and Timmy’s voice outside alarmed me only slightly. He burst in the door and looked around.

  “What the hell is going on, brother…? You’ve been missing for quite some time.” Timmy questioned, reaching to turn on the light.

  “Leave it off,” I told him in a gravelly voice.

  “Okay…” He stepped cautiously toward me. “Why was your door unlocked? You want someone to come in and murder you, huh?”

  Maybe subconsciously I was hoping it’d be her who walked through the doors. “At this point I wouldn’t even mind if someone did.” I tossed some of the liquor back and swallowed, numb to the burn.

  Timmy lowered himself down onto the couch adjacent to me and leaned his elbows on his knees. The faint light streaming in from outside illuminated his face, and I could see pure concern on my best friend’s face. Timmy sighed and leaned back on the couch. “Whenever you’re ready to talk about whatever it is…I’ll be right here brother.”

  My heart had been reawakened after seven years of darkness when Eva-Marie wandered into my life. She gave me hope and now she was gone! What was I supposed to do? After a few moments of silence I set down the bottle of alcohol, ready to talk.

  “Eva found out I was lying to her about who I was. Ray told her I was undercover and using her for my case. Now she wants nothing to do with me.” I said without emotion, staring at the floor.

  Timmy exhaled loudly, but didn’t say anything. He just listened.

  “Call me emotional or whatever, I don’t give a fuck. That girl was my lifeline, she brought happiness back into my life ever since my mom passed and now she’s gone too. I wanna kill Ray, but even I knew she was going to find out sooner or later. I just don’t understand why she’d be so mad about something so small. You think that’s enough for her to hate me this much?” I looked at him hopelessly.

  Timmy looked stressed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and cleared his throat. “You’re really in love with her. Am I correct?”

  I nodded slowly.

  “Okay, then what you need to understand is that true love – the love you claim to have for her – never, ever fails.” He pointed his finger at me. “You listen to me, you will fight for her until the day she leaves and even after that until she says ‘I do’. Got it?”

  I nodded once, wondering how he expected me to get her back when she wanted nothing to do with me.

  “You’ve also gotta remember that no matter what happens, no matter what comes up, you have to love her. Because loving someone is accepting all of their flaws as well as always being on their side even in the face of chaos, no matter what. Do you understand me?” He eyed me.

  I had never heard Timmy so authoritative. “Yes, I understand. But…that won’t get her to come back.” My shoulders sagged.

  Timmy shook his head with his eyes closed. “As long as you listened to everything I just said, I know for a fact that there’s still hope for the two of you.” He leaned over and slapped my knee. “You’ve gotta trust me, brother.”

  I nodded, trying to make sense of everything he had just said. I reached out for the bottle of liquor but Timmy stood and swiped it up before I could reach it.

  “Give your liver a break, you’re done with this.” He took the bottle and walked over to place it on the kitchen counter.

  The phone began to ring; I couldn’t count how many times it had ever since I had fallen into my dark state and I didn’t care. In fact, I didn’t even make any moves to go and answer the phone. Once Timmy realized I wasn’t getting up, he picked up the telephone.

  “Hello?” He answered. “Yeah, he’s here” A few beats of silence. “He’s on the way.” Timmy hung up the phone.

  “What’s going on?” I asked when Timmy came back to the living room.

  He shrugged. “I’m not sure, brother. Your partner said that your father wants you downtown right now. Said it’s serious.”

  “Where?” I asked.

  “Fillmore and Independence.” He answered.

  I rose, not liking the fact that the alcohol was hitting me so hard, but I pushed through it anyways. I went and threw on a coat before exiting into the rain. The drops of water seemed to revive me in the slightest way, I welcomed the sensation they brought to my skin – the first thing I seemed to feel since Eva broke it off with me. Timmy tagged along with me as I made my way into the city. An uneasy feeling settled over me the closer we got to our destination. Did it have anything to do with Eva? Or was she just on my mind? What could it be?

  By the looks of it, immediately I could tell another body had been found. The scene was roped off and people were gathered around the entrance of a building. I was thrown off because Clayton and I were never called to the scene. We got out the car and made our way toward the crowd.

  “Clayton, what’s going on? Why are we here?” I asked him as soon as I located him.

  Clayton sighed, appearing troubled. “Your father’s over here, I think he should be the one to tell you.”

  I followed him, scanning the crowd as we walked. My heart nearly broke into a million pieces when I saw Kate and her friends in tears, comforting each other. I wanted to die. Was it Eva? Where was she! My breathing picked up speed, but I was relieved to see her holding Sarah’s head to her chest, soothing her. I stared for a moment, waiting for her to see me. Once she saw me, she shut her eyes hard and turned away making it clear that she didn’t want to see me. It was never going to get any easier but I was going to keep fighting for her. Though, I knew I couldn’t approach her and talk because I was working. Timmy left me to deal with my job and made his way over to Kate.

  “Pop, what’s going on? What’s the problem?” I asked anxiously when I found him.

&
nbsp; My father’s mouth was set in a bone straight line and his eyebrows were furrowed. He was looking at the ground and shook his head.

  “No! You’re lying! No!” I heard Timmy yell in the crowd. The anguish in my best friend’s voice drove a thousand knives into my soul.

  I looked over to Timmy with wide eyes and back to my father with a questioning expression. “Pop, what is it?”

  My father sighed and set a hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry, son. I’m so sorry. It’s Chris…they found him dead. Overdosed.”

  It felt as if the world had just knocked the wind out of me and gave me another blow to the head. The words rang throughout my head, just not making any sense. Chris…dead? My best friend, my brother…dead? I couldn’t breathe. Did I want to breathe? This couldn’t be happening…It just couldn’t be happening. He didn’t even use Trioxytin! I rubbed my hand over my face and shook my head, refusing to believe it.

  “Let me see him.” I demanded.

  “I don’t think that’s –”

  “I said let me see him!” I repeated.

  Inside the building felt cold and lifeless, because I knew my friend was laying inside with no life in him. If I hadn’t drank the amount of alcohol that I did, I never would’ve asked to see the body. It was just me, the two coroners, and the covered body. I walked over and kneeled next to Chris, preparing myself for what the white sheet hid underneath. I gently pulled back the sheet and stared. There Chris lay, skin pale with his eyes wide open, and lips cracked. He looked so scared. I shook from holding back sobs, covering my mouth to keep control of myself. How did someone I’d known to be so happy and full of life, come to this? Anger welled up inside of me as I wondered who took my brother’s life.

  “Who did this to you!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Who did this to you! Who did it!” I yelled at the lifeless body. I stood, furious and unable to be in the same room as him anymore. “Well get him out of here!” I instructed the coroner. “How long has he been laying here? Get him out!” I yelled. I had to get out of there before I ended up strangling the coroner who didn’t even deserve it.

  I exited the building aimlessly. Through the crowd, the first face I saw in the distance happened to be Nicholas Brandy. He stood emotionless, just watching the scene. That motherfucker. All I could think of was that he sold the very poison that killed my best friend! I walked toward him hastily, filled with rage. I didn’t even give him time to talk when he saw me. The first thing I did was grab him by the collar and punch him in the face multiple times!

  “What did you do! What did you give him?” I demanded to know, holding him by the collar, making him look me dead in the eyes.

  Brandy wiped the blood from his nose. After quickly and worriedly looking up into the sky and back at me, he chuckled and shook his head. “I laced his reefer, okay.” He held his hands up. “I didn’t know what I laced it with was too toxic. I only realized after I gave it to him. There’s my explanation are you happy?”

  How was he chuckling and being so sarcastic at a time like this? It made me even angrier! I slammed him against his car. “You stupid motherfucker! You killed him! Do you understand that? You took his fucking life!”

  Brandy still didn’t look phased. He was staring up at something and then looked back at me. “Oh but, you’re the stupid one in this situation. You thought all along I didn’t know who you are David O’Neil?” He looked up and back at me. “I knew you were undercover, and I know exactly who you’re looking for. But you’re so stupid you don’t even know that the answer is right under your goddamn nose.” He snorted. “I just took the pleasure in watching you struggle.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, slamming him into the car again.

  He looked up and back at me, smiling weakly. “This is a dirty business you tried to get involved in, try –”

  With his last words, a gunshot went off from above and pierced him in the chest. I felt the life running out of him and let him collapse onto the street. I looked up to where the gunshot came from – the same place he had been looking when he was talking to me. I knew it had to be the main producer the man the other day had told us about. I wanted their heads! I wanted to kill everyone who was involved in the production of the lethal drug that murdered my brother! Without thinking any further, I sprinted into the building and began bounding up the stairs to get to the roof where the gunshot had come from. I burst through the door to the roof and began searching frantically. Where had they gone? I whipped my head around, and searched but there wasn’t a single soul in sight. In that short amount of time, I had lost them.

  As I stood in the rain on the empty rooftop, all the pain and grief from the past few days to the present caught up with me and weighed down heavily. I fell to my knees and let my head fall into my hands. My life wasn’t falling apart, it already had! Should God damn me to hell, I’d be well-prepared because the pain of losing the love of my life and my best friend felt like just that. Absolute hell.

  25. Pain and Decisions

  Was the world ending? It sure felt like it was.

  Two deaths within the same day. I wasn’t much of a superstitious person but I always believed that death happened in threes and I was afraid to see who would be the last person to go. Chris’s death was unexpected and tragic. Nicholas Brandy had only been killed because he was stealing money from my father. It was a good and a bad thing now that he was gone; good because my father wouldn’t have to worry about who was cheating him, bad because the police would now be after only one producer. My father.

  My friends and I were sitting in my room, grieving over the loss of our friend. No one spoke, we all just sat in our own spaces quietly. I sat on my bed, hugged up to a pillow and staring out the bay window into the rainy night; I chose not to sit at the window in fear of looking down into my backyard and seeing lights on in David’s house. I knew he had to be devastated and I wished I could comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be just fine…but I couldn’t. There was so much weighing down on my brain I felt like I was going to explode! I couldn’t explain it to my parents, I had barely seen them because they’d been so busy with both with production and Ace Cigars. Could I tell my friends? What would they think? I didn’t know but all I knew was that I was busting at the seams and had to tell someone what was really going on!

  “David and I broke up.” I blurted.

  There were a few moments of silence before someone spoke up. “What? When in God’s name did this happen?” Kate asked, coming to sit next to me on the bed and putting her hand on my shoulder.

  I didn’t look at her, I kept my gaze on the bay window. “A few days ago. I had to break up with him because I’m leaving town with Ray at the end of next week. We’re getting married.”

  “What?” Yvonne gasped.

  “Why so soon?” Rita asked in a quiet voice.

  “You don’t even like him…” Sarah said, disgusted.

  I nodded. “I know…I love David. I’m in love with David. However, I have to marry Ray because…because if I don’t then he would expose my family for what they really do. My parents run a Trioxytin production.”

  “Oh my Lord in Heaven,” Kate breathed.

  “The reason I broke up with David is because he’s an undercover police who’s working on arresting my father and he doesn’t know it.” I began to tear up. “And I don’t know what to do because I love him so much but I can’t be with him.” My voice cracked and the tears came.

  I expected my friends to loathe me. Trioxytin was the very drug that had just killed Chris along with numerous other people in the city. I expected them to look at me with disgust and ask how I could defend someone involved in such a horrendous business. I expected them to get up and leave me in the darkness of my room. My friends exceeded my expectations. Kate cuddled up next to me on the bed and rubbed my shoulder, soothing me. The rest gathered closer, showing their support in my time of need.

  “Well you’re one hell of a secret hold
er, I’ll give you that.” Yvonne laughed lightly and nudged my leg.

  I giggled through my tears.

  “Does anyone else know about this?” Rita asked.

  I shook my head and sighed. “I’m glad I could get it off of my chest and let you guys know. You don’t know how much it means to me that you guys are here for me. Thank you.” I sniffed.

  “Eva darlin’, you could commit the most horrible crime known to man and we’d still be behind ya. Know why? ‘Cause we love ya, and you’re our friend.” Kate gushed and hugged me closer.

  “And that’s the word from the bird,” Sarah giggled.

  I laughed and wiped my tears, feeling as if I’d just taken a thousand-pound weight off of my shoulders. “Thanks for making me feel a lot better ladies.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” Rita smiled.

  “Too bad we aren’t invited to the wedding…” Yvonne mumbled.

  “She’s not marryin’ that bastard,” Kate sat up and shook her head.

  “I’m supposed to get married next week, what do you mean?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

  “Who do ya love, baby doll?” She looked at me expectantly.

  “David.” I answered immediately. “But I can’t be with him.”

  “You two are in love…you’ll find a way.” Kate shrugged.

  “She’s right…maybe you should come clean to him as well so he’ll understand why you left him.” Rita chirped up.

  My eyes doubled in size. “What? No! He would hate me! I’d rather him just think I didn’t love him anymore than have him hate me!”

  Sarah shook her head. “It’s the best thing to do Eva…if he’s really in love with you he’ll find a way to make it work. Aren’t you tired of living like this? And do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Ray?”

  “And if it doesn’t work out? If he just throws me in jail?” I questioned, blindsided by the fact that they wanted me to turn myself in to him!

  “He wouldn’t do that.” Kate answered. “Because he loves you.”