by Serena Yates
“You do?” Magnus sat up, eyes wide.
“A lot more time.” Lance nodded.
“But that’s great.” Magnus put down his empty mug.
“It is?” Lance’s heart was surging in hope.
“Yeah.” Magnus smiled and leaned forward. “Remember Brian and Nancy and their threats of ‘dire consequences’ when we kicked them out on Monday?”
“Sure. How could I forget?” Lance shuddered. Those people were a little scary.
“Well, I found out those ‘consequences’ when the sheriff came around this morning. They’d lodged a complaint about me being an unfit guardian! I think they expected him to take Jakob and turn him over to them right then. But you know what? Your technique of using emotions as arguments worked perfectly.” Magnus grinned.
“It did?” Lance was light-headed, he was so relieved.
“Yeah. I convinced the sheriff that I was a very fit guardian. He did make me think about something, though.” Magnus rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “He said that he wouldn’t recommend trying to raise children on my own. He said it would be better if there was a second person around to help carry the burden. I’m sure he meant a woman.”
Where was Magnus going with this?
“But I have no intention whatsoever of getting married to some woman to provide a mother for Jakob.” Magnus fisted a hand, and then relaxed it. “I do want help with Jakob, though, and was wondering if, well, if you might be interested in the position?”
“What? As Jakob’s nanny?” God, that was so close to what he really wanted. “Position” just sounded so cold. He’d be living with them, he assumed, but would that be enough?
“Well, I don’t know what you’d call it.” Magnus narrowed his eyes in thought. “I don’t think ‘nanny’ is quite right.”
“So you’re doing this just for Jakob?” Lance’s heart hurt at being so close and yet miles away from what he really wanted.
“No, not just for Jakob.” Magnus looked him straight the eyes. “Look, I know we only met six days ago. But there’s something going on between us that I’d like to explore. The fact that I need help with Jakob just means I’m asking you to move in with us faster than I normally might. If it’s not what you want, that’s not a problem, we can take it more slowly. But you said you wanted to spend more time with us, so….”
“What about my job?” Not that Lance really wanted it, but he needed to find out what Magnus was thinking.
“Do you really like that job?” Magnus tilted his head.
“No.” Lance sighed. He might as well tell Magnus everything. “My last lover dumped me on Thanksgiving. Cleared out our bank account and vanished. The police told me since it was a joint account, there was nothing they could do.”
“What?” Magnus knit his brows.
“Yeah. I had no choice but to come back here since there were no jobs available in L.A., and I thought the ski resorts around here might need a physical therapist. Turns out they don’t, and I’m not qualified as a sports masseur. So I’m stuck in a low-paid job with an apartment I can hardly afford until I can save enough to pay for retraining.” Lance didn’t dare look at Magnus.
“Do you want to work as a masseur?” Magnus’s voice was soft, careful.
“Not really.” Lance shook his head. “But I have to make a living.”
“What if I paid you a salary?” Magnus put a finger under Lance’s chin and made him look up into those silver-blue eyes.
“You would do that?” It wasn’t what he wanted but he couldn’t really ask Magnus to consider him his partner and share everything.
“Of course!” Magnus sounded determined.
“Okay.” Lance smiled when Magnus’s eyes lit up with joy. Moving in with them was a first step. He’d see if it could become more soon enough, especially given all the mistletoe all over the house.
Chapter Eight
Magnus was over the moon that Lance had said yes. The discussion about money had been awkward. Something didn’t feel right, but Lance hadn’t said anything, so he’d ignored it.
“Uncle Magnus?” Jakob sounded like he was a couple of aisles over.
“I’m in the play corner, Jakob.” Magnus grinned.
“Huh? What are you doing there?” Jakob walked up to them and his face lit up when he saw Lance. “Hi, Lance. Will you have dinner with us?”
“Yes, I’d love to.” Lance hugged Jakob.
“He’s going to do more that have dinner with us very soon.” Magnus almost couldn’t contain his happiness.
“Is he going to stay for a sleepover?” Jakob’s eyes sparkled.
“A sleep- sleepover?” Magnus blushed at the pictures appearing in his head. “Actually, I’ve asked him to move in with us so that we can spend more time together.”
“You have?” Jakob turned to Lance. “And you said yes?”
Lance nodded and Jakob launched himself at the other man, trying to hug the stuffing out of him. Magnus wanted to do that too. Why hadn’t he?
“Can you stay tonight?” Jakob let go of Lance. “The guestroom is all set up!”
“I’d love to stay tonight but I need to pack.” Lance looked over at Magnus. “If that’s okay with you? It’s not too fast?”
“The sooner the better.” He nodded. “Do we need a trailer?”
“I haven’t got much.” Lance looked embarrassed. “The studio is furnished, so there’s nothing big to transport.”
“No problem.” He grimaced; Lance had told him how tight money was for him.
“Let me go talk to Katie about my job here.” Lance frowned. “I don’t want to leave her in the lurch.”
* * *
Magnus was grateful to Katie for letting her brother go right away. He hadn’t expected that, had been ready for a transition period where Lance would still go to work every day. The store was really busy with Christmas now only a little over a week away. But she’d insisted that Lance’s new life was more important than her store. Lance’s eyes had lit up. Magnus had been surprised that she hadn’t called it a job like Lance did.
Now it was Saturday evening, and Lance had already lived with them for three days. They had been some of the best days of Magnus’s life. It wasn’t just that their food had gotten better since Lance had taken over in the kitchen; they’d had fun exploring their new environment during the day and their evenings were filled with laughter, whether it was playing board games, reading books, or singing Christmas carols.
Lance had encouraged Jakob to open up, letting him talk about his parents and how much he missed them. That was helping the little boy to accept what had happened and move on, without feeling that he was abandoning his parents or his love for them. Magnus had been carefully included in all of it. He was in awe and depended on Lance’s presence and judgment more every day.
Hell, who was he kidding; he was falling for Lance faster than an avalanche came down a mountain. The connection he’d felt since that very first kiss had only grown. Their “experiments” under the mistletoe all over the house had been fun, but Magnus wanted more. Research had its purpose, but he’d drawn his conclusions and was ready for action.
He glanced around the living room, making sure everything looked as seductive as possible. Candles all over the room replaced the ceiling lights, he’d bought extra pillows and placed them on the couch, and he’d drawn the curtains. He was particularly proud of the mistletoe garlands he’d strung across the ceiling while Lance was upstairs, making sure there wasn’t an uncovered spot to be found. He made himself comfortable in a corner of the couch, ready for Lance to finish the phone call with his parents which he’d taken in his room.
* * *
Lance had been tired and ready to call it a night when he went downstairs. Now he stood and stared. The living room looked like a scene from a romance novel. The intent was clear, even without the mistletoe garlands that had appeared along the ceiling. Magnus’s silver-blue gaze was filled with desire, making his smile and open arms a cle
ar invitation.
None of his lovers had ever gone to this much trouble for him. Was this a sign that it was okay to trust Magnus with his heart? He already trusted the man with everything else. Lance swallowed and walked over to the couch. He sat down next to Magnus and took his hand to twine their fingers.
“Magnus?” Lance had wanted more than a “position” as Jakob’s nanny. But was that what Magnus was offering here? “What’s this about?”
“I wasn’t sure how else to tell you that-that I want more with you.” Magnus’s gaze didn’t waver, but a muscle in his jaw twitched. “I’m not very good at talking about my feelings. I’ve never needed to because I was never emotionally involved.”
“That’s sad.” Lance couldn’t imagine a life like that. “It probably saved you a lot of heartache, though.”
“Maybe. It also suddenly feels like I missed a lot.” Magnus lifted Lance’s hand and kissed it. “You’ve changed that. You’ve made me realize that I can listen to my feelings and follow them. You’ve helped me get closer to Jakob, which I’m more than grateful for. And now I can see that our ‘experiments’ with the odd kiss here or there are nice but not enough.”
“What do you want from me?” Lance wanted everything; he just wasn’t sure Magnus was ready to give it.
“I want you to teach me how to make love.” Magnus closed his eyes for a moment before returning his intense gaze to Lance’s. “I know how to have sex, but I don’t know how to make it mean something.”
“Oh, Magnus. That’s not something I can teach you; making love is about how you feel about the other person, not about what you do.” Lance almost chuckled at the scientist’s attempt to understand with his brain what could only be felt with the heart.
“It is?” Magnus’s eyes were big, the pupils dilated. “Well, in that case, I have something to show you.”
Magnus lifted his free hand and cupped Lance’s cheek. He moved their heads closer together until their lips were touching, just a light back and forth, until Lance sighed and opened up, needing more. Magnus slipped his hot tongue into his mouth and tenderly caressed every surface.
Lance thought he’d died and gone to heaven when the hand cupping his cheek moved along his jaw to the back of his neck and started caressing his sensitive nape. Waves of arousal chased each other down his spine. His cock was hard in seconds. He slid his free hand around Magnus just to have something to hold on to.
Magnus let go of his hand and pulled him over his lap so Lance straddled his thighs. A hard erection touched his through too much fabric. He ground his own against it, moaning in bliss. Not letting go of his nape Magnus used his other hand to open Lance’s pants. A hot fist enclosed his throbbing cock, making him groan. He pulled back from their wild kiss.
“No, not alone.” Lance managed to open Magnus’s pants with a supreme effort. He pulled out the thick cock and closed his own fingers around it as far as they would go.
“God, älskling, what you do to me.” Magnus groaned and dove back into their kiss, pushing his hips up and his cock into Lance’s hand.
Lance wanted to know what älskling meant, but he was too busy pushing his own dick into Magnus’s tight fist.
“Too fast.” Magnus pulled back and panted. “I wanted this to be slow and gentle.”
“We can do that next time.” Lance hadn’t known how starved he was for another man’s touch—Magnus’s touch—on his dick. It felt too good to slow down.
“Oh, God.” Magnus renewed the kiss and his movements grew frantic.
Lance couldn’t have held back for anything. With Magnus squeezing his dick even more tightly as he approached his own orgasm, Lance lost it. His balls drew up and he came in spurts of release that were almost painful. More heat splashed against his shirt and skin as Magnus followed him over the edge with a low growl that made him tingle all over.
Too tired to move, he collapsed against Magnus’s broad chest, his eyelids heavy with sleep. Magnus’s arms cam around him protectively, and he closed his eyes.
The next thing he knew he was in Magnus’s arms and being carried upstairs. God, the man was strong. He was put onto a soft mattress, felt a pillow under his head.
“Sleep well, min älskling.” Magnus brushed a soft kiss across his temple and pulled the blankets up over his shoulders.
Lance’s mind was foggy with sleep but he knew something was wrong. When Magnus walked away and a door clicked softly closed, he realized that he was in the guestroom. He turned onto his side, curled up, and let the tears flow. He was still alone. Even after the first true lovemaking of his life, he’d ended up alone in his own bed. He was so close to having the love and family he’d always wanted and yet it kept escaping him.
Chapter Nine
Magnus read the note he’d found attached to the fridge with widening eyes. His heartbeat sped up, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Fuck!
Lance’s flowing script made the devastating message look deceptively beautiful at first glance. He’d gone to see his parents for their biweekly Sunday family lunch and he’d be back in the afternoon.
It looked simple enough. The fact that Lance had just walked off like that after what they’d shared last night, though, spoke volumes. Something must have been seriously wrong for Lance to do that. Magnus suspected it was something he did or didn’t do. But what? He’d tried so hard to make sure Lance knew how much he meant to him, yet somewhere he’d failed—and failed spectacularly.
For Lance to exclude Jakob and Magnus from this visit was another indication that something was off. They’d done everything together, were growing into a family, so why didn’t Lance take them with him to meet his parents?
Magnus didn’t need his recently developed sensitivity to emotions to see that there was a problem with this note. Hell, half the problem was that there was a note instead of Lance coming to talk to him. He suspected he’d need to understand Lance’s feelings better if he wanted to solve this problem. And he’d need to do it before he went to see the man or he wouldn’t even know what to say to him without making things worse.
Wondering why Jakob wasn’t awake yet, he went upstairs and quietly opened the door to the boy’s room. The curtains were drawn but there was enough light for Magnus to see the curled up shape of the little boy under the covers. Yesterday’s snow-shoeing expedition must have exhausted him more than Magnus realized. He grinned and closed the door again. Best to let him sleep for now.
Back downstairs he made some coffee and toast, and then sat down at the kitchen table to think. The pad of paper they used for the grocery shopping list was close if any points needed writing down. He was going to figure this out and find a solution, as sure as the biggest glacier on the planet was the ice sheet on Antarctica.
After going over the last few days with a fine-toothed comb he came up with two potential clues. One was Lance’s unease when they’d discussed money, which remained unsolved because Magnus hadn’t thought it urgent enough to get back to. The second was Lance’s happiness when Katie had referred to him moving in with Magnus and Jakob as a “new life,” rather than the “job” Magnus had originally seen it as. But that was in the past, wasn’t it? Ever since Lance moved in, it had been obvious that he wasn’t “working” for them, he was “living” with them. Magnus already saw him as part of the family.
And then it clicked. Fuck, why hadn’t he seen this before? Lance had apparently wanted more than just a job with them, so getting paid must have felt uncomfortable. But since Lance had no money to speak of, he’d probably seen no choice but to accept a “salary.” So when Katie referred to the move as Lance’s new life, she’d actually named what Lance wanted but thought he couldn’t get.
To top it all off, Magnus had then made love to Lance without telling him he loved him in so many words. So Lance might even feel like he’d been paid to have sex with Magnus, especially since he’d found himself back in the guest room instead of Magnus’s bed. All Magnus had wanted was to make sure that the man got a good
night’s sleep, which was surely best achieved in your own bed. Or maybe not?
Which reminded him—why was Jakob still asleep at ten in the morning? That just wasn’t right. Relieved that he had at least a working hypothesis where Lance was concerned, he decided it was time to wake Jakob.
He walked into Jakob’s room and opened the curtains so the meager winter sunlight would help rouse the boy, but when he turned around his breath caught in his throat. The huddled shape under the covers he’d seen earlier wasn’t Jakob at all; it was a pile of pillows shaped to look like a body.
Jakob was gone.
* * *
Lance had never felt this miserable when visiting with his parents. He’d retreated to his old room after lunch, feigning tiredness. He just couldn’t go on pretending everything was okay when his heart hurt so much. Normally this family time was happy and relaxed, an occasion where all of them reconnected and made sure they didn’t lose touch despite their busy lives. But nothing could cheer him up today.
Sure, he’d been depressed when he first returned from L.A. and was trying to get over Brice. He’d succeeded surprisingly quickly, making him suspect that he hadn’t loved the thieving bastard as much as he’d thought. This crushing distress over Magnus returning him to his own bed last night was worse, because he’d come closer to having his dream come true than ever before. Now he was scared that it would always elude him.
He sat up and hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. His old bed creaked in protest at the sudden movement. Was it his destiny to be unhappy? It couldn’t be. Did he have to just accept what happened to him? Surely not. Was there a natural law that prevented him from going after what he wanted, fighting for it? There bloody well better not be.
He couldn’t believe he’d almost fallen into the same old trap yet again. He’d done what others expected him to do all his life. Hadn’t he vowed to change that, just a few days ago? Hadn’t that already led to moving in with Magnus and Jakob, and him becoming the homemaker he’d always wanted to be? He was closer now than ever before to making his dreams a reality. There was only one part that was still missing.