SHIVER

by Tiffinie Helmer

  “Where’s Roland now?” Garrett asked, obviously not willing to leave him in peace until he had all the facts. Besides, catching Roland was the reason Garrett would have traveled through the night to get here from the Peninsula. He wasn’t here out of concern for Aidan.

  “Took off. He figured leaving me alive, after I’d lost everything, was better than killing me.”

  “Did he find the gold?”

  “No.” Aidan opened his eyes and rolled his head toward Garrett. There was pity in the fish cop’s eyes. “I doubt there’s any gold. If there ever was, why hadn’t Earl spent it? Chalk up another lie for the bastard.”

  “Are you done?” Eva asked Garrett. “I need to see to his other cuts and bruises.” For once her voice was soft, compassionate. And it made him hurt worse.

  “Do you need my help?” Lynx asked.

  “No. I should be fine.”

  “Garrett, why don’t I get you a cup of coffee?” Lynx stood and crossed the room.

  “Thanks. That would be much appreciated. Aidan, I’ll talk with you again later.”

  “Can’t fucking wait.” Then he shut his eyes and focused his energy on surviving Eva’s ministrations.

  “I’m going to give you a shot that will help you with the pain and allow you to sleep.” She gently inserted the needle in his arm.

  Fucking hallelujah.

  Raven stared at her pottery wheel. It was silent, still, as was the room. She usually played a selection of oldies when she worked, using the soothing lyrics to help inspire her. But after what she’d witnessed this morning, inspiration seemed out of reach. Tears flooded her eyes. She wanted to throw up again.

  Why hadn’t he told her he’d bought the explosives? That he’d planted the dynamite that killed her father? Tears clogged her throat and blinded her.

  Would they ever stop?

  She’d done nothing but bawl since she’d left Aidan. It was a miracle she’d made it home without ending upside down in a snow bank.

  Pain continued to burn a hole deep inside her chest. A hole that would never be filled, she realized with another wave of tears.

  This was ridiculous. Sitting here gushing wasn’t helping. She should return to the house and do the laundry. At least that would be productive. She wiped her hands on her towel and threw it onto the wheel.

  Raven left the studio and wandered into the cabin. Again, silence greeted her. She missed Fox and his constant chatter, but she’d leaped when his friend Grand had offered an invitation for a sleepover. Fox would take one look at her and demand answers to questions she wasn’t ready for.

  A knock sounded, and her door opened. She froze and then fought disappointment when it was Lynx who entered. With everything that she’d witnessed, how could she still hope that it was Aidan coming home?

  “Hey,” Lynx said, coming into the kitchen after hanging up his coat. He glanced around. “Is Fox here?”

  “No, he’s spending the night with Grand.”

  “Good. We need to talk.” He walked into the living room where he stood gazing out the window. “Have a seat,” he ordered.

  This was her house. If anyone was going to give orders it would be her. She folded her arms across her chest and stood her ground. “What’s this about?”

  “Do you love Aidan?”

  She hadn’t seen that coming. She took a seat.

  He turned and nailed her with his ‘take no crap’ look. “Do you?”

  “How is that any of your business?”

  “Don’t give me that shit. You’re my sister, he was my best friend. What did you say to him today?”

  “Why?” Dread and fear suddenly surged inside her. “Is he okay?”

  “No, he isn’t. Eva’s going over him now. You never should have left him like that, Raven. If Pike and I hadn’t gone looking for him, he’d probably be dead now.”

  “What happened?”

  “You ripped out his heart and left him to bleed all over the goddamned floor. How could you do that? Haven’t you blamed him enough?”

  “What a minute.” She caught her breath at the unprovoked attack and got to her feet.

  “No, you wait. You sent him away twelve years ago when you knew, you knew, you were carrying his child. You kept Fox from him all these years. Blamed him for killing Dad, when you knew Earl had always used him like a pawn.” He swore under his breath. “I even fell for it. I believed, too, and blamed him for things he didn’t do. But what you did today was unforgivable.”

  “You didn’t see him. He would have killed Roland with his bare hands.” The killing rage in Aidan’s eyes as he beat his uncle had replayed over and over in her mind all day. She’d seen the hate, the violence, the bloodlust the Hartes were famous for. She shied away from it all this time, not wanting those influences to touch Fox.

  “I would have done the same thing in his place. He was protecting you. Fox. Us. Roland had promised to kill Aidan. Would you rather that he was dead instead of fighting for his life?”

  “That wasn’t fighting for his life. That was taking one.”

  “Have you ever been in a fight? Hand to hand combat? You’re pumped with adrenaline. Drowning in testosterone. It’s kill or be killed.” Lynx took a breath and physically tried to calm down. “You’re so afraid to lose the people you love that you would rather push Aidan away than risk losing him. You’re frozen in the past, Raven. Dad’s gone. Deal with it. And Aidan will be gone soon if you don’t do something.”

  Raven took everything he said like a hit. Invisible punches landed in sensitive places. Places she didn’t want to go, didn’t want to acknowledge.

  “I know Dad’s death hit you hard, but—”

  “You weren’t at the hospital, Lynx. You didn’t see Dad as he gasped for breath, his lung crushed. Bleeding to death internally. He…he made me promise,” she finished weakly.

  “What?” He walked up to her and firmly took her shoulders in his hands, his eyes boring into hers. “What did he make you promise?”

  “That I…that I’d stay away from Aidan.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Raven entered the lodge by the back door of the kitchen. She shouldn’t be here, but she couldn’t concentrate on anything without knowing that Aidan was all right, regardless of what Lynx had said.

  The kitchen was empty, which she was grateful for. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hurrying through the great room without making eye contact with the guests milling about, she continued down the hall to the room Aidan had been using. Quietly, she opened the door and peeked in.

  The room was dark. A beam of light from the hallway sliced a path to the bed where Aidan lay under the covers. He didn’t move, so she let herself in, softly closing the door behind her. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the deep shadows. A faint beam of moonlight grazed through the snow-laden clouds, highlighting the bed from the window. She walked toward where Aidan laid, his chest bare, blankets folded down over his stomach. White bandages on his upper arm, neck, and chest glowed neon against his dark skin. His face wasn’t relaxed in sleep, in fact, it didn’t seem as though he slept at all, more as if he were past the point of exhaustion, beaten.

  And she’d had a part in that.

  It wasn’t only Roland who had gotten in a few jabs. While hers hadn’t left a physical mark, she’d done Aidan a fair amount of emotional damage.

  She pulled the blankets up to his chin. His breathing was even and steady. Eva must have given him something to help him sleep. He had the appearance of someone heavily sedated. Raven sat on the edge of the bed, holding her breath when he moved his head toward her. She released a breath when he failed to shift again.

  Silently, she sat, watching him. Her heart aching as it wanted to cradle him to her breast, curl up next to him and feel his warm body align with hers.

  Was she doing the right thing?

  She’d promised her dying father that she’d have nothing more to do with Aidan. But just twenty-four hours ago, she’d been in bed with him
. He’d been inside of her. They’d each been a part of the other, sharing their bodies, their souls, giving the other new promises. She’d been ready to betray her dad’s dying wish in order to grant Aidan’s wishes and her own.

  She wiped tears she wasn’t aware she’d been crying from her cheeks.

  “Raven.”

  She gasped as Aidan softly spoke her name. His eyes were closed, and it took her stumbling heart a moment to realize that he was still out cold. Could he be dreaming of her after she’d said such awful things to him?

  There was so much to think about, and she was so very tired of thinking. Before she gave in and lay down next to him, she stood to leave. Not able to help herself, she smoothed back the lock of hair lying over his forehead. He needed a haircut. He just plain needed taking care of. Since he’d returned to Chatanika, he’d been caught in a trap, hit on the head, left to die in the cold, shot, and beaten.

  And then she’d taken her turn.

  Guilt weighed heavy on her shoulders as she opened the door and stole out of the room.

  A woman with a scowl on her face was leaning across the hall obviously waiting for her. “So you’re the one?”

  “Excuse me?” Raven asked.

  “The one Aidan never spoke of.”

  “Who are you?”

  “Sonya.”

  Her eyes widened with surprise. This was the woman Aidan had asked to marry? Raven suddenly felt very plain in her overalls and old t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into her customary braid, and she didn’t have on a stitch of make-up. Sonya, meanwhile, radiated beauty with her sharp classic features, smoky eyes, and rich hair styled loose around her shoulders. The jeans and plum sweater highlighted her dark eyes and smooth pale skin…and showed off her pregnant belly.

  “I saw you enter his room. How’s he doing?”

  “Sleeping.” Who was the father of this woman’s baby?

  Sonya cocked her head to the side. “Let’s grab a cup of hot chocolate.”

  It wasn’t an invitation, more of a demand. Raven had the feeling Sonya got what she wanted. Curious though about the other woman and her hold over Aidan, Raven followed her into the family kitchen.

  “Your mother said to make myself at home. Lovely woman, your mother.” Sonya looked at Raven as though she didn’t think the trait had been passed on to her daughter. “Hope you don’t mind.”

  “No.” She doubted it would change Sonya’s actions even if she did.

  Sonya took down a pan from the pot rack, while Raven retrieved the milk from the fridge.

  “Garrett filled me in on what happened this afternoon.”

  “Garrett?” Raven felt completely out of the loop. Who were all these people?

  “My husband. Peter called us last night, and we headed up from Soldotna.” She raised a brow. “Peter’s my brother.”

  All that mattered to Raven was that this gorgeous woman was married. Which meant the child she carried probably wasn’t Aidan’s. Thank heavens. Jealously had already taken root, and Raven was finding it hard not to hate her.

  Sonya narrowed her eyes, haphazardly adding sugar and cocoa to the heating milk. “Garrett told me you broke up with Aidan today, and that you share a child.”

  “You know, Sonya, not to be rude, but this is none of your business.”

  A slight smile tipped the corners of Sonya’s mouth, but she quickly squelched it. “I care for Aidan and what happens to him.”

  “So why did you break up with him?”

  A full smile did cross her lips this time. “Want to hand me a couple mugs?”

  Raven reached into the cupboard and pulled down a few cups that she had made years ago.

  “Oh, these are beautiful.” Sonya took them and filled each to the rim with the hot chocolate. “You have any cookies we could add?” She shook her head in disbelief. “All I want to do is eat these days.”

  Raven grabbed a plate and added the dried blueberry shortbread cookies that her mother was famous for and followed Sonya to the table.

  Sonya helped herself to a cookie and bit into it with a moan. She polished off the cookie, washed it down with a sip of hot chocolate and then went for another. “So,” she said around a mouthful, “what were we talking about?”

  “Why you broke up with Aidan.” Raven cautiously sipped her chocolate. It was sweet and delicious.

  “We wanted different things. Why do you think I never heard of you before? Aidan writes about those closest to him in his graphic novels. I’m Senyea. I don’t know of a character that matches your description.”

  Aidan wrote about this woman? “How long have you known Aidan?”

  “Heavens. Forever. We’ve fished next door to each other every summer since he was a kid.”

  Meaning Sonya probably knew Aidan as well as, if not better than, Raven did. And Sonya had known him the last twelve years. Jealously sprang to the forefront again.

  “So, why did you break up with him?” Sonya asked.

  No way was she going to confide in this woman. She didn’t even know if she liked her. Actually, Raven didn’t like her at all. She was too beautiful, too tall, and knew Aidan too well. Raven wanted her gone.

  “Let me guess.” Sonya raised an eyebrow. “Temper?”

  Shock rendered Raven speechless.

  “Ahh.” Sonya lifted her cup for another sip. “We had that problem too. He’d told me he was seeing a counselor and working on his issues. Did he stop?”

  How the hell would she know? Aidan hadn’t said one word about seeing a counselor.

  “Seems to me, you two have a lot to talk about.” Sonya reached for another cookie. “Especially considering you have a child together. Where is he anyway? I’d like to meet him.”

  No. This woman wasn’t getting to know her son. Raven felt jealous enough. If Fox found out that Sonya was Senyea, he’d worship her. She needed to get a copy of Aidan’s graphic novels and see for herself what they were about.

  And how much of a role Sonya or Senyea played in Aidan’s life.

  Aidan woke feeling like he’d been hit by a snowplow, dragged fifty miles, and dumped into a snow bank. Whatever had been in Eva’s syringe had packed a wallop. He had no idea how long he’d been out, just wished it had been longer as he remembered vividly all that had transpired between him and Raven. The room was dark with darker shadows outside the window. He couldn’t tell if it was day or night and didn’t care. Time lay before him long and lonely. He heard rustling off to his right—Raven—and turned his head.

  “You’re awake?” an achingly familiar voice asked from the direction of the rocking chair.

  “Sonya?” he croaked.

  “Yeah, it’s me. Okay, if I turn on a light?”

  He nodded and then realized she couldn’t see him. He wasn’t sure if he was up to seeing her. She’d been another woman who’d broken his heart. “Yeah.”

  The light on the bedside table clicked on, and he turned his head, shutting his eyes as the light sliced through his head.

  “Crap, Aidan, you look like shit. How do you feel?”

  “Like I look.” He blinked his eyes until they adjusted to the change in light, though he still had to narrow his gaze in order to see her. She looked…good, better. Happy. She’d never looked this good when she’d been with him, which meant Garrett was probably responsible for that glow in her cheeks, twinkle in her warm brown eyes. Her rich, dark hair was loose and soft around her shoulders, the strong bones in her face softened, more rounder. That was the word. She looked softer…more womanly. His eyes widened. “You’re pregnant?”

  She blushed and caressed her swollen belly. “Uh, yeah. About five months along.”

  He did the math. “Looks as if you caught more than fish last summer. Knocked up by a fish cop? You’re going to have a tough time living that down.”

  “Don’t I know it.” She grimaced and then smiled secretly, as though she really didn’t mind. “So…tell me about Raven?”

  He shut his eyes as pain vibrated through h
im at the sound of her name.

  “She’s the one, isn’t she?” she asked softly. “The one you wanted me to be. Want to talk about it?”

  “I can’t. Not with you.”

  “Who better than me?” She stood and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “Aidan, I’ve known you a long time, but being here, talking with the Maiskis, I finally feel like I understand you.” She brushed the hair away from his forehead. “Let me help.”

  “With what? I have more help from your family than I want.”

  “What about Raven?”

  He looked away into the darkened room. “There’s nothing to help. She can’t get past my family. And I don’t blame her. I’ve been trying to change my DNA all my life.”

  “You really love her, don’t you?”

  He sat up in the bed, relishing the soreness of his joints and the ache of the cuts Eva had stitched back together. He wished it were enough to dull the slicing pain of Raven’s rejection. But it didn’t even come close. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. Whatever was between us is over.”

  “What about your son?”

  He froze in the process of getting out of the bed and turned to her. “Drop it or you’re going to piss me off.”

  She gave him a small smile. “Better than feeling sorry for yourself.”

  “Were you always this bitchy?”

  She laughed. “And here I’ve been taking it easy on you.”

  “Butt out, Sonya.” He stood, his legs wobbly like a gangly newborn moose. He found his clothes, freshly washed—bless Fiona—folded on the top of the dresser and struggled into them.

  “Answer me this, Aidan. When I called it quits between us, you fought hard to get me back. Why aren’t you fighting for Raven?”

  He stared at her as he buttoned up his shirt. She stared right back. There was no intimidating Sonya. The woman could oxidize rust off a ship’s hull with that look. “Why’d you come? I understand why Garrett’s here. He wants his man. But you—” he indicated her pregnant state “—making Roland pay for his part in last summer’s crimes isn’t a major concern for you now, is it? So, why are you here?”