Wild Surprise

by Helena Mayer

  While Phineas listened to Buford, Ferb was tidying up an omelet station. He wore an apron, a chef’s hat, and a fake mustache—the perfect uniform for a birthday omelet chef.

  “Thanks, Buford,” Phineas said into the phone. “Glad we can count on you.”

  Everything was falling into place.

  “Ahem!” Candace appeared in the doorway, clearing her throat loudly.

  “Hey, Candace!” Phineas was glad to see his big sister. After all, planning a big birthday breakfast was a big job. He and Ferb could use her help. “Wanna man the omelet station for Mom’s birthday?”

  Candace scowled. “I’m doing my own thing.”

  She waited for her brothers to react.

  “Well, aren’t you going ask me what it is?” she asked finally.

  Phineas shrugged. “Sure. Uh, what are you doing?”

  “It’s a secret!” Candace said smugly. She stormed off, hoping they wouldn’t figure out the catch with her secret plan: she still didn’t have one.

  She shouldn’t have worried. Phineas didn’t wonder why his sister was acting weird.

  Besides, he had a birthday breakfast surprise to plan. He and Ferb and Perry the Platypus had plenty of stuff to do. Speaking of their pet—

  Phineas looked around the kitchen. He and Ferb were alone.

  “Hey, where’s Perry?” Phineas asked.

  Little did he know that Perry had a secret of his own. . . .

  While Phineas and Ferb were busy in the kitchen, Perry had slipped into the hallway to stand in front of a photo of himself. He wasn’t admiring how handsome he looked—which was very—he was on a mission.

  He spun the photo upside down, and a secret passageway opened in the wall. Perry ducked inside and whooshed through a tube that led straight to his secret underground lair. Down there, he could ditch the dumb-platypus act. Phineas and Ferb would never know that their pet was really the smartest, slyest platypus on earth: Agent P.

  Agent P dropped into his command-center chair, just in time to receive an urgent message from his boss, Major Monogram.

  “Morning, Agent P,” the major said brusquely. “Seventeen minutes ago, our spy satellites located Doofenshmirtz. He’s hiding out in his mountaintopcastle laboratory.” An image of Doofenshmirtz’s castle popped up on the screen. It was an isolated fortress, just right for an evil madman.

  The major continued, “He’s purchased some suspicious items over the Internet, including a giant metal sphere and two animatronic wax robots.”

  “Gosh, those things give me the creeps,” the major complained. “The way they’re all robotic and waxy. Ugh! They—”

  Agent P knew what he had to do and there wasn’t time to listen to the major describe his fear of wax-covered robots. He pressed a button on his chair and it transformed into a jet pack, blasting him out of the room. The major kept babbling, but Perry was already gone, hot on the trail of the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

  When it came to saving the world, there wasn’t a second to waste.

  * * *

  Not so far away, in his not-so-secret evil lair, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was plotting to take over the world.

  Or at least the tri-state area.

  “Ah, The Unicorn Whisperer, the feel-good movie of the year,” he murmured, dusting off a copy of the gruesomely pink DVD before putting it back on its display table. “And soon it will be gone!” He belted out an evil laugh—then choked, as Agent P leaped through the window.

  Dr. Doofenshmirtz widened his eyes in exaggerated surprise. “Oh, no! It’s Perry the Platypus!” Then the evil scientist burst into laughter. “Ha! I fooled you, Perry the Platypus!” he cried. “I’m not really scared. I’m not scared because I have a new security system. Voilà!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz chuckled as he pressed a button on a tiny remote control.

  A giant door in the wall opened and two animatronic wax robots lurched into the room. One was dressed like Abraham Lincoln, the other like George Washington—and both were heading straight for Perry.

  “Do you like them, Perry the Platypus?” Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked, obviously delighted by his new toys.

  “Get him,” said the George Washington robot in a mechanical monotone.

  “I got them very cheap from a wax museum that went bankrupt.” Dr. Doofenshmirtz giggled. “I love it when dreams fail.”

  Before Perry could react, Lincoln grabbed the platypus’s right hand and his right foot. Washington grabbed his left hand and his left foot. Then the robotic presidents stretched out Agent P flat as a platypus pancake, and they lifted him several feet off the floor. Perry squirmed and struggled, but it was no use. He was trapped!

  Dr. Doofenshmirtz paced back and forth in front of the captive agent. “As you know, I’ve been trying to take over the tri-state area for quite some time now, and I realized this tri-state area is filled with things I detest.”

  “So many things,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz fumed, pausing in front of a red, blinking arrow. “Like blinking traffic arrows. Stop blinking at me, telling me where to go!” he shouted. “Point. Point. Point. Oooh, I hate you!”

  Before he could get too distracted by its detestableness, he moved on. “Let’s see. What else? Ear hair.” He pointed at a giant clump of ear hair trapped under a glass dome. “Oh, yes, I’ve always hated you.”

  Next up was a large white bird, chained to a table. “Pelicans, terrible creatures,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz complained, keeping a safe distance from the beast. “What are you, a bird or a garbage disposal?”

  The final display table held a set of bagpipes, a banjo, and some bongos. “Ugh, musical instruments that start with the letter b.” Dr. Doofenshmirtz shivered in horror. “You get the idea. It’s a long list. I’ve been working on it a while.” He rubbed his hands together in evil anticipation. “Anyway, I realized I should build something that would make all those awful things disappear. Behold, Perry the Platypus. . . . Shrink Spheria!”

  Looking outside, Perry could see a giant metal sphere that stood almost thirty feet high. A long antenna jutted out the top. The doctor glanced quickly at Perry to see his reaction. But the platypus’s face was blank.

  “You like it?” Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked hopefully. “I was going to call it a Shrinkinator, but I’ve done that whole ‘inator’ thing before. It’s just been done to death.”

  Perry just stared at him.

  Disgusted, Dr. Doofenshmirtz decided to show Agent P a simulation of how his invention worked. “Bring him over here,” he commanded his robots.

  The presidents carried Perry over to a large computer suspended from the ceiling. Dr. Doofenshmirtz carefully typed out a word on the giant keyboard: P-E-L-I-C-A-N

  “Pelican,” he said, as a picture of a pelican popped up on the screen. “Shrink Spheria homes in on its molecular structure, and then turns all the particles into sparticles, thereby shrinking it into a teeny, tiny speck, so small I never have to see it again!”

  On the screen, a mini Shrink Spheria shot out glowing, green shrink rays at the picture of the pelican. The bird turned green—then shrank and shrank. And shrank—until it disappeared.

  “So, good-bye to you, Perry the Platypus,”

  Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, cackling. Then he turned his back on the spy and his waxy captors. “Enjoy your presidential suite.” He hurried out of the room, eager to rid the world of detestable detour signs and irritating musical instruments beginning with b. By the time he was finished, he planned to shrink down anything and everything the tri-state area cherished.

  And Agent P could do nothing but watch.

  Chapter 3

  Candace’s desk was a mess.

  Okay, that wasn’t particularly unusual.

  But what was unusual was that the mess was made up of art supplies. In the center of it all sat Candace, who was putting the finishing touches on a new birthday surprise.

  “The boys may have won breakfast,” she said to the empty room, “but wait’ll Mom sees this homemade birthday card.”

  She took one
last look at her masterpiece, then signed it with a flourish:

  Love, the child who loves you most,

  Candace

  Candace proudly carried her card downstairs. She almost ran into Phineas and Ferb, who were leading their blindfolded mother down the hall. Quietly, Candace followed them.

  “All right, Mom, almost there,” Phineas said, guiding Linda toward the kitchen.

  “Oh, this is so exciting!” she cried.

  “Okay, you can look!”

  Linda pulled off her blindfold and gasped in delight. Her friends and all the neighborhood kids crowded around a table piled high with her favorite foods. Banners and streamers dangled from the ceiling, and balloons bobbed over their heads.

  “Happy birthday!” everyone shouted.

  Everyone but Candace. She stood silently behind her mother, waiting to be noticed.

  “What a beautiful breakfast!” her mother exclaimed.

  “Mom?” Candace said quietly. But no one heard her.

  She gripped her homemade card tighter. “Mom, this may not be a fantastic breakfast, but—”

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” Phineas announced loudly. “Mom’s birthday card!”

  The crowd oohed and aahed as Buford toted out a giant birthday card and placed it under a spotlight. Phineas and Ferb joined him in front of the card. It was twice as tall as they were.

  “It may be big,” Candace reassured herself, “but it’s bo-ring!”

  After all, the front of the card was totally empty except for the words To Mom, drawn in wobbly handwriting. What kind of card was that?

  Then Phineas opened it.

  A whole world of 3-D birthday excitement popped out. There was a giant cake that looked ready to eat. Streamers shot into the air, candles twinkled, and sparklers sparkled.

  “Oh, boys, I can’t believe you two made it yourselves!” their mom gushed.

  Candace couldn’t believe it either. The card was amazing. Compared to that, her little card was . . .

  Bo-ring.

  Candace’s eye started to twitch. It tended to do that when Phineas got the best of her. (It twitched a lot.) Her card was just embarrassing. Quick, before her mom could see it, Candace tore the card into tiny pieces.

  And then, just to be safe, she ate it.

  “Glad you liked the card, Mom,” Phineas said. Behind him, Candace fumed.

  Ferb gave his mother a modest smile. “It’s a simple, postmodern fusion of origami and pop-up.”

  “Yeah! And just wait till you see your present!” Phineas grabbed Ferb, and they dashed out of the room to prepare yet another birthday treat.

  Candace sighed miserably.

  “Oh, I hope the boys don’t go overboard with my present.” Linda sounded worried. “All I’d really like is that dress from the cute little sundress shop.”

  Candace felt like a lightbulb had just popped over her head. No, not a lightbulb—a giant, blazing sun. “You mean that really cute one with the polka dots?” she asked eagerly.

  Before her mother had finished nodding, Candace was out the door. She hopped on her bike, slapped on her shiny purple helmet, and took off down the street.

  “I know what she wants!” she cried, pedaling as fast as she could. Candace leaned over the handlebars and tore through the neighborhood, heading for the center of town. “Cute little sundress!” she shouted, panting as she pedaled faster and faster. “Cute little sundress! Cute little sundress!”

  Chapter 4

  Candace was almost as excited about her secret plan as Dr. Doofenshmirtz was about his. He gazed at his Shrink Spheria with awe. This time, his plan was going to work. He was sure of it.

  “Hey, Perry the Platypus!” he shouted. “Say good-bye to blinking detour signs, forever!” Shaking with evil laughter, he pressed a button on his control panel. The antenna on the giant sphere began to glow. Orange waves of light rippled out of the antenna, spreading through the castle.

  Agent P’s eyes widened as the orange waves hit the blinking detour sign. It shrank down to a speck . . . then disappeared!

  “Yes, I’m an evil genius!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz shouted. “Now I have to wait four minutes for it to recharge, which isn’t so bad. I think I’ll go with pelicans next. What do you think, Perry the Platypus? Pelicans next?”

  Perry ignored Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s evil taunting. He had a plan of his own. But first, he had to escape from the wax presidents.

  A circular wooden candelabra hung above Perry’s head. While Dr. Doofenshmirtz ranted outside, Perry twisted around and used his mouth to retrieve the blow dart he’d hidden away in his fur for emergencies.

  He knew he had only one shot.

  Holding the blow dart in his bill, he took aim at the frayed rope that held the candelabra—and blew.

  The dart sliced through the rope, and the candelabra crashed to the floor, surrounding Perry and the wax presidents in a ring of fire. The effect of the heat from the candles on the wax robots was evident immediately.

  “I cannot tell a lie,” the Washington robot moaned, shrinking from the flames as the wax dripped off his face, “I’m melting!”

  In moments, the robots’ faces and bodies had melted into a mess on the floor. They collapsed into a jumbled heap of sticky machine parts. Wax Lincoln’s head toppled off and rolled into the wall, his stovepipe hat still firmly in place.

  Perry raced out the door, determined to stop Dr. Doofenshmirtz before he could do any more harm.

  But Dr. Doofenshmirtz had already done enough.

  The Shrink Spheria ray was more powerful than even he knew. The shrinking waves had penetrated the castle—then kept going, rippling across town and shrinking every blinking detour sign they passed. Including one sign that sat in front of a gaping pothole in Argyle Street, preventing local traffic from driving into it.

  When the sign disappeared, cars and trucks had no way of knowing they should take a detour. Among the many vehicles affected by this was a truck from the Live Moth Circus. (You may not be familiar with the Live Moth Circus, but the name pretty much says it all.) It drove right down Argyle Street—and right into the hole.

  As it crashed into the hole, the doors of the circus truck flew open and the Live Moth Circus fluttered into the air, free at last.

  Free moths are hungry moths, and eating is what moths do best. The circus moths flew about searching for fabric to munch.

  Candace had just left the Cute L’il Sundress Shoppe, the purple polka-dotted sundress her mother wanted in hand. Hunched over her handlebars, eyes narrowed, Candace pedaled faster than she had ever pedaled before. “Cute little sundress,” she muttered through gritted teeth. “Cute little sundress. Cute little sundress.”

  This had to work.

  Candace was totally focused on the road ahead of her and completely unaware of the swarm of moths devouring the dress behind her.

  She burst into the backyard, the sundress hanger hidden behind her back. She wanted the gift to be a surprise. “Hey, everybody! Look what . . .” Her voice trailed off. Phineas and Ferb were putting on a fashion show. The whole neighborhood was in the audience—including her mom. Linda sat in a homemade throne, wearing a birthday crown.

  “You gotta be kidding me,” Candace muttered. No one noticed her. As usual.

  “Our first supermodel sports a chic, stylin’, not-couture sundress,” Phineas announced as a long-legged model strutted down the stage. “Perfect for our birthday queen to sip iced lattes while enjoying a fabu day in the sun.”

  “Huh.” Candace felt a little better when she saw the model was wearing a yellow dress. “Well, they have the wrong sundress. It’s okay, but it is not as great as this!”

  She whipped out the sundress—at least, she tried to. But the dress was long gone. She was holding nothing but a hanger, surrounded by a dress-shaped swarm of fluttering moths!

  Chapter 5

  Now that the blinking detour signs had been vanquished (along with Candace’s birthday present), Dr. Doofenshmirtz was ready to move
on to his next target.

  “Yoo-hoo, Mr. Pelican!” he shouted gleefully. “I’m going to shrink you now!” Giggling, he pressed the pelican button on his control panel.

  Nothing happened.

  He pressed it again, then again, jabbing it harder each time.

  Still nothing.

  “Why is it not working?” he wondered aloud. “Something’s blocking the—” His jaw dropped as he realized the truth. It wasn’t something. It was someone.

  Someone named Agent P.

  After dealing with the wax presidents, Perry had climbed to the top of the Shrink Spheria. He was tugging at the tall antenna, trying to snap it off.

  “Hey!” Enraged, Dr. Doofenshmirtz swung the arm of the cherry picker toward the platypus. Holding tight, Perry swung himself around the antenna once, twice, three times, then let go at exactly the right moment. Momentum carried him through the air and he slammed right into Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

  The evil madman stumbled into his control panel, accidentally activating the Shrink Spheria’s shrinking ray. “Oh, well,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, shrugging. So things weren’t shrinking in the order he’d planned. Worse things had happened. “Good-bye to musical instruments that start with b.”

  At that exact moment, Candace was running away from the swarm of moths. She ducked into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her, finally safe.

  Safe, but still no closer to giving her mother the perfect birthday surprise.