The Broken Souls

by Rivka Spicer

  “Are you okay?” Kim stuck her head round the door. “I was on my way to look for a glass and I thought I heard you crying.” Jen didn’t even bother pretending.

  “Not really.” She sobbed. “I just don’t know how to cope with this. It’s like having two people really close to me die all in one weekend.” Kim thought about how she’d feel if Jen and Nkara got wiped out in a freak accident and realised it probably wouldn’t even come close. She came all the way in and walked over to give Jen a hug.

  “You’ve just got to let it out.” She advised as best she knew how. “I know it must feel weird to feel all this grief so suddenly, but you can’t bottle it up or it’ll eat away at you.”

  “I can’t even explain it!” Jen sounded so frustrated in her grief. “I knew these people! I loved them! I feel it as though it were recent, not in someone else’s lifetime. It was me and I can’t get my head around it. None of it makes any sense.”

  “One day it will.” Kim promised. “Everything always seems confusing when you’re in pain. When that settles it will be easier to come to terms with it.” So Jen cried and Kim held her and after a while they drank as much water as they could and climbed into bed together because Jen didn’t want to be alone. “You know,” Kim began as they drifted off into darkness “Nkara told me something once that didn’t give me an awful lot of comfort at the time but it gave me hope and I guess it’s something that you need to try and believe too. She told me that everything happens for a reason. You may not know the reason now or next month or even next year but there is a reason and it will all make sense to you at some time. I think what you’re going through right now is happening for a reason and I think that all of your heartache and pain over the last however many thousands of years all happened for a reason, it’s just taken until now to see it. That reason is for you to finally be happy. Events had to be so big and so bad that they stayed with you so you could put it right and have a whole heart again. Maybe in that respect you should embrace the pain because it will make you stronger this time.”

  “Nkara is a very wise woman.” Jen smiled in the darkness despite her tears. “You are too. I’m just very lucky to have you around.”

  Come morning they were both remarkably bright and clear-headed given the amount of alcohol they’d consumed and Nkara popped her head round the door just as they were stirring.

  “Just came to get you guys for breakfast.” She announced cheerfully. “All normal rules are suspended today. No make-up, no grooming, just get your dressing gowns on and head on down.” She stepped into the room and they could see she was still in her pyjamas.

  “Why?” Kim had to ask and Nkara smiled serenely.

  “Because there’s a whole list of stuff that goes with today, including outfits. Come on, I’ll explain it over breakfast.” Shrugging Kim and Jen got up, pulled their dressing gowns on and followed Nkara down to the dining hall where even Mara was seated in her silk oriental-print dressing gown.

  “That’s going to be a good look this summer.” Jen advised her as she sat down and Mara laughed.

  “Thanks for the tip but I don’t think I’ll be wearing my dressing gown in the high street any time soon. Did you all have a good time last night?”

  “Yes indeed!” Nkara grinned. “Good food, great place, shame about the company mind….”

  “Hey!” Jen playfully slapped her arm and they all laughed.

  “No seriously, from lunchtime onwards it was a good day.” Kim beamed. “Probably one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.”

  They all went silent as the food arrived and Jen looked around at the others in the dining hall.

  “How many people actually attend the school?” She asked Mara, trying to do a head count. “It always seems more than it is.” Mara nodded.

  “It’s because the corridors are so narrow. There are usually between twenty-five and thirty students attending at any given time. Most of them live in so we haven’t really got room for any more than that.”

  “And are they all women? I vaguely remember hearing something about a brother school.” Mara nodded again.

  “There are only women here. Although our way of life tends to attract more women than men there are different aspects of it that men appreciate more. As a result a friend and dear colleague of mine chose to open up his own school catering exclusively to men. Many of the courses are the same, but you find that women are more drawn to the goddess aspects of paganism and are more into spiritual things and healing. The men go for a more physical approach. As a result they have an advanced alternative therapy centre instead of the health and beauty spa we have here. You’ll meet some of them later – they arrive in mid-morning after we’ve all had our baths.”

  “Baths?” Jen was confused and Nkara interrupted.

  “I haven’t told them everything that goes on today yet Mara.” She explained and Jen turned to her for the answer. “Beltane is one of our greatest and most ancient festivals.” She began. “It’s also Mara’s favourite, why is why we make such a big thing of it.” Mara grinned broadly and helped herself to more strawberries as Nkara continued. “It’s where the original May Day bank holiday came from.” She told them. “It’s the festival of fertility when we ask the God and Goddess for a good harvest and plentiful year. It’s a time for lovers and a time for those who want children. It’s a time to celebrate all that’s good on this earth when the winter has passed and spring is in full flow. You often find that many of those who walk the old path still tie the knot on Beltane and it’s where the actual phrase ‘to tie the knot’ comes from. It’s the ancient rite of handfasting – the original marriage. The village holy person would tie the lovers together with a red ribbon and they would have to jump over a broom amongst other things which would seal them together for a year and a day, or however long love shall last. There is a lot of sensuality and perhaps even more sexuality to the proceedings, especially since it’s all about fertility. Beltane celebrates the actual physical union between the God and Goddess after their courtship. It’s not unusual for participants to be completely overwhelmed with desire, but it’s perfectly natural and encouraged rather than disapproved of. It used to be that the greatest gift you could give the gods was the purest act of making love.” To their surprise Nkara had a faint blush on her cheeks as she explained all this and she cleared her throat before continuing. “Anyway, as a result most of today is geared up towards that. I guess you could say it’s a bit like the original Valentines Day. The food that we eat, the things we do and wear are all designed to represent the beauty and bountiful nature of everything this festival represents. We eat strawberries and nuts for breakfast, cinnamon and honey porridge. While we’re down here the staff are running us baths with rose petals and other herbs to start the day as part of one big ritual and laying out outfits on the beds. When we’re out they come round and do hair and make-up. There are huge teams of people employed just for today!! It’s like a military operation. Anyway, when the guys arrive we’ll have the official greeting ceremony before sitting down to lunch, which is usually yet more love-related stuff involving seafood and pomegranates. In the afternoon there is a long period of time set aside for meditation on those that you love and those that you wish joy upon this year. As darkness falls, which shouldn’t be too late this evening, we have the feast which somewhere along the line always seems to involve asparagus and chocolate. But separately… Anyway, after that we have a small amount of time to write on rose coloured pieces of paper all the things we wish for this year and burn them in the braziers as we head out for the ritual.”

  “And what does the ritual involve exactly?” Kim asked curiously. “We’re not expected to ‘tie the knot’ or anything?”

  “Not at all!” Nkara laughed. “We cast circle and invoke those whom we want to be there spiritually. Then some of the younger girls dance the May pole and there is usually some singing involved. When that’s done, we have a time when we can speak aloud if we wish to about our desires for th
e year, or give blessings publicly. As soon as everyone is done, we get on with the hand-fastings. I think there are two this year, is that right Mara?” Mara agreed.

  “Mary and Emily are both hand-fasting, but I think Ellie wants to renew her vows this year.” She added and Nkara smiled.

  “That’s sweet. I knew they’d last.” She turned back to Jen and Kim. “Ellie wed her husband here five years ago as part of the Beltane ceremony and met here during the ceremony two years before that. The actual ritual isn’t legally binding but those that wed usually have an appointment at the registry office the following day before they head off on Honeymoon. The rituals take quite a while but when that’s done everyone disperses to talk amongst themselves or join in with the drumming and dancing and it’s usually when the lovers start leaving. The bonfire is there all night so you always get a few coming home with the dawn! It’s up to you what you do though.”

  “Sounds like fun.” Jen smiled, trying to be enthusiastic, but she was having a hard time adjusting to the concept of a festival for lovers given why she was actually at the Manse. Hearing the doubt in her tone Kim squeezed her hand reassuringly under the table and nodded at her as though to say it would be all right.

  They ate their breakfast at leisure, chatting while the dining hall slowly emptied around them and it was almost half ten when they returned to their rooms to find them completely transformed. Jen opened her door and gasped. The whole place was strewn with rose petals, all over the bed and the carpet. The air was softly scented with sweet smelling candles in cinnamon and clove. A lady was just backing out of her bathroom when she entered, and smiled broadly at her.

  “Bath is just finished running.” She told Jen cheerfully. “Your dress and things are hanging on the back of the door although I haven’t fetched your flowers yet.” She consulted her list. “Size 8 in crimson.” She nodded to herself and beamed at Jen. “This is my favourite day of the year!” She tugged the corner of the duvet to smooth a crease Jen hadn’t even noticed. “I love decorating the rooms and the dresses are so pretty. You just hop right in the bath now. All the oils and everything are already in the water you just need to get in. I’ll leave your garland on the bed this afternoon – you won’t need it until tonight.” She gave Jen a motherly pat on the shoulder and wandered out so Jen did as she was told and got in the bath.

  The water smelled absolutely heavenly with flower petals floating round on the surface and it wasn’t much of a trial to spend half an hour soaking away the tears of the day before in the steaming water. She was almost disappointed when she heard someone in her room calling her to hurry up. Sighing she climbed out of the bath and towelled off, pulling on her dressing gown.

  It was Mara in her room and she was on her way out when Jen emerged from the bathroom.

  “Oh good, you are out.” Mara smiled. “Didn’t mean to disturb you but I’m the advance warning for the beauty teams! They’re doing this corridor next.” As she left Jen saw the dress for the first time and just about killed herself laughing.

  “You have got to be kidding!” She heard Kim yelling from down the hall. “I’m a bloody archaeologist! I don’t wear frocks!” That just set Jen off even harder and she went to see what the fuss was about.

  Kim was standing in her towel like some irate Valkyrie with her wet curls dripping all over the carpet as she glared at the forest green velvet dress hanging from the bed. A small group of women were trying to placate her.

  “Well at least it isn’t pink.” Jen commented and Kim turned to her for help.

  “Don’t make them put me in a dress!” She pleaded and Jen couldn’t help herself, she creased with laughter.

  “It’s only for one day!” She chuckled eventually. “I think it would suit you.”

  “It’s even got dropped sleeves!” Kim protested sullenly. “I’m not wearing it.”

  “Look, if I’ve got to wear one then you’re going to wear one.” Jen said firmly. “I think it’s rather pretty and I’m the one that knows about clothes. No-one will ever have to know.”

  “Do I have to?” Jen smothered her smile enough to nod sternly.

  “Put it on now or you’re going to be very lonely for the rest of the day.” She turned to leave and heard Kim sigh as she returned to her own room and couldn’t help chuckling. With the door closed she studied her own dress. It was more elaborate than Kim’s plain velvet, with laced satin panels in the sides of the bodice, lacing up the back and a slightly trailed skirt. The sleeves were dropped like Kim’s, but the colour was very different. Where Kim’s was an earthy dark forest green, Jen’s was deep scarlet like the colour of roses, a rich striking colour. The matching cloak in case it was cold was even darker red than the dress and Jen couldn’t help but feel a bit of girlie excitement at trying it on. She looked like something from a Tennyson poem, the Lady of Shallot perhaps. There were even little matching satin shoes that vaguely reminded her of ballet pumps although they were sturdier.

  She was just pulling on the shoes underneath the long skirt when she was descended on by the same team she had just seen in Kim’s room. Hurrying her to a chair they dried and styled her wet hair, despairing over what to do about the pink and blue extensions that Jen had decided to keep after she’d grown used to them. They didn’t do anything fancy, just gave her the wavy earth-maiden look and then started on the make-up. They were so busy fussing Jen didn’t actually get a glimpse in the mirror until they were finished and she gaped at what they’d turned her into. Dark smoky eye-shadow with a hint of red shimmer gave her a sultry look and the careful blusher combined with the lipstick they had used made her look like an out and out vamp.

  “I can’t wear make-up like this before lunch!” She giggled. “This is evening make-up!”

  “Well it’s got to last all night!” One of the ladies pointed out to her. “This here is the lipstick, in case you need to touch it up.”

  “I haven’t got any pockets.” Jen said lamely and the lady sighed.

  “There’s a belt with the dress.” She said patiently. “It should have a pouch on it.” She pushed Jen’s door back and lifted the cloak to reveal the belt hanging behind it.

  “Oh I didn’t see that.” Jen felt a bit silly and was grateful when they rushed onto the next room like a whirlwind.

  “Okay, it was worth wearing the dress just to get the dagger…” Kim announced sashaying in, a vision in green velvet. “Good god, you look amazing!”

  “Good god! They gave us daggers?!” Jen went to the door and removed the belt that she discovered on closer inspection was actually made of fine silver links. There was indeed a dagger hanging from it, along with the promised pouch, made from the same stuff.

  “Looks a bit like chain mail.” Kim laughed as Jen fastened it around her, where it nestled snugly on her hips. “At least I got a decent leather one.” Jen smiled, secreting the lipstick in the pouch.

  “You know we have to wear garlands later?” Kim’s outburst was cut short by Nkara arriving to take them downstairs.

  “We’ve got to hurry.” She announced. “Ours was the last hallway to be done so most people are down there already.”

  “Where on earth did they get all the dresses from?” Jen asked, eyeing Nkara’s dress which was a gorgeous summer-olive green that complimented her golden skin.

  “They have about two hundred of them in a store-room downstairs.” Nkara explained as they grabbed their cloaks, rushing them down the sweeping staircase. “They’re in all different sizes so they have something for everyone. Mara takes a register of everyone in the building and what size they are and then allocates dresses according to colouring and shape. She’s really very gifted at it.”

  “What are the daggers for?” Kim had to ask. She’d checked and hers wasn’t actually sharp.

  “It’s called an athame.” Nkara explained as they skidded to a halt in the front hall where everyone else was milling around waiting for the men to arrive. “It’s a ritual knife that comes from back when they used t
o use them to gather herbs and stuff. They’re great for when you need to carve things into candles or lay something in the earth but they have all sorts of uses.”

  “Oh.” Kim was about to say something else when Mara called for everyone to go outside. There was a scramble as they all pulled on their cloaks and Jen had the surreal feeling that she’d somehow stepped back in time to a mediaeval gathering. The room was full of ladies in gothic and neo-mediaeval dresses struggling with cloaks. She resisted the impulse to giggle insanely and instead followed Nkara out the door, stopping dead when she realised who was getting out of one of the coaches.

  “Ouch!” Kim had run right into her. “What’s up? Are you okay?” Jen swallowed her astonishment and tried to smile.

  “I’m fine. Just saw someone I knew, that’s all.” Following Nkara down the steps they all congregated around Mara as a gentleman in his mid-fifties approached leading a group of around fifteen men.

  “Guido! Merry meet!” Mara welcomed, opening her arms to the man who kissed both her cheeks.

  “Merry meet indeed!” He responded warmly. “Blessings to you all on this wonderful day.”

  “Isn’t that the guy from the ball?” Nkara whispered to Jen, surreptitiously pointing at a large figure standing behind some of the other men by the coaches as Mara began some ritual greetings and blessings. “What’s he doing here?” Jen shrugged helplessly.

  “No idea.” Mark had obviously just caught sight of them and was gaping at Jen. Had it not been for the pink and blue hair she might have gotten away with not being recognised, she mused ruefully. Ah well, she genuinely did like him but it seemed a bit too much of a coincidence that he happened to be in the same place as her on that particular weekend.