The Broken Souls

by Rivka Spicer

  As soon as Mara and Guido were finished, he made a beeline towards them and all Jen could do was wait for him to catch up.

  “I’ll meet you guys in the dining hall.” She whispered to Kim and Nkara as they went on ahead and turned to smile up at the giant rugby player.

  “I thought it was you!” He smiled and bent down to kiss her cheek. “It was a bit hard to tell under that killer make-up but then I noticed the hair. What the hell are you doing here? I didn’t think this would be your scene.”

  “I could ask you the same question!” She laughed and he grinned easily.

  “I go to the school to get treatment for my old sports injuries whenever I’m in the UK. They have some of the best techniques in the world. They asked if I’d be interested in coming along for a party tonight and now I’m glad I said yes!”

  “I’m really sorry about the ball.” Jen apologised before he could ask why she was there again. “Tom was really stressed and when he saw me talking to another guy he assumed the worst.” The look Mark gave her was appraising.

  “Doesn’t he trust you?” He said eventually and Jen winced. “I’m sorry.” He said instantly. “That was too personal. Shall we go in?” He offered her his arm and they headed for the dining hall. “I like your dress.” He commented as he removed her cloak like a proper gentleman at the door and Jen frowned.

  “Why didn’t they dress you guys up too?” She demanded. “That’s not fair!” Mark burst out laughing.

  “We have outfits too but apparently they’re kept here because there’s no storage at the school. We have to get changed after lunch although I may be mysteriously missing at that point…”

  “Oh no you don’t!” Jen warned. “If we have to wear them then you are wearing one too!” Mark groaned.

  “Don’t order me around! I was worried I’d never see you again.” Before Jen had a chance to digest that statement they were in the dining hall and Kim and Nkara were beckoning them over.

  “Do you want to sit with us?” Jen asked, feeling inexplicably shy and Mark grinned.

  “Sure.”

  Lunch was a warm and laughter-filled affair and even Kim managed to forget the dress long enough to have a good time. It was over all too soon though and the students dispersed to their rooms to meditate while the men went to get changed. As he was leaving Mark caught Jen’s arm.

  “Can we go for a walk this afternoon?” He asked and Jen nodded.

  “If you like.” She gave him directions to her room and he promised to meet her there in half an hour. Kim and Nkara didn’t say anything until they were halfway up the stairs and then Nkara began to laugh.

  “What?” Jen protested innocently. “He’s just a nice guy.”

  “Whatever.” Nkara laughed and Kim had to agree with her.

  “He’s HOT and he seems pretty smitten with you.” She added and Jen narrowed her eyes.

  “Just because you get to wear a frock doesn’t mean you can start throwing round words like smitten.” She declared and flounced off, leaving Kim and Nkara giggling helplessly at her back.

  True to his word Mark knocked on her door within half an hour, wearing exactly the same clothes he had on when she last saw him.

  “They didn’t have anything big enough to fit me!” He explained with amusement at her questioning look and Jen sighed.

  “Bloody typical.” Fetching her cloak she let him settle it on his shoulders before they left the house to walk in the grounds.

  “So why are you here?” He questioned as they walked and Jen thought how best to answer the question without lying.

  “It was Kim’s birthday yesterday.” She told him. “We’ve been using the spa because Nkara knows Mara really well.” He gave her a surprisingly gentle smile.

  “When you’re ready to tell me the rest I’ll listen.” Jen gaped at him.

  “How did you…?” Mark laughed.

  “I don’t know. I just had a feeling.” They walked in silence for a while as Jen considered that. Something about the whole situation was nagging at her but she couldn’t think what it was. Then she smiled.

  “Okay.” Laughing, he squeezed her shoulder as he ducked beneath a branch.

  “Why did you ask me if I ever felt like I didn’t belong at the ball?” He asked then and Jen frowned.

  “I don’t know.” She answered honestly. “Sometimes I feel like that and for some reason I had to know if you were the same.”

  “Fair enough.” They walked for a while again in silence and then he suddenly stopped her.

  “Jennifer…” He began but she had gone white as she looked up at him, realising what it was that was nagging at her.

  “Oh my god!” Clapping her hands to her mouth to stifle a wail she saw in her mind’s eye another man built of pure muscle and the similarities between the two of them. Unaware that she was backing away from him she almost fell over her skirt and turned to run, but he caught her easily.

  “What’s wrong?” He asked and Jen fought tears.

  “I can’t tell you Mark. I’m so sorry. Not now.” She struggled with him to let her go but he stood his ground.

  “You can tell me.” He said gently, but Jen merely shook her head in mute anguish. “Then when?”

  “I…Mark…”

  “What?” Jen desperately didn’t want to ruin all the hard work they had done with her beautiful makeup by crying so she quelled the tears that threatened and carefully touched his face.

  “Please don’t think that it’s anything you’ve done, but I need a few hours to deal with this.” She said as calmly as she could and, realising how upset she was, Mark let her go. “Sit with me at dinner.” She blurted before she turned to leave and Mark nodded.

  “Of course.” He stared after her in utter bewilderment as she ran back towards the building, hair flying behind her in the breeze.

  Jen rushed back up to the Manse and ran up the steps two at a time with her skirts hiked up around her knees, almost crashing into Mara.

  “What’s the hurry?” Mara asked softly as Jen began to apologise and Jen just stopped in the middle of the hall.

  “It’s Mark.” She felt like she’d separated from reality somehow and sounded bizarrely calm. “I’m not going to meet him, I have already.” Mara winced.

  “Oh.” Understatement of the century. “He’s here?” Jen nodded. “And you just realised you’re in love with him?” The thought struck like a clarion bell in Jen’s head and she felt as though the air had just been sucked out of her lungs.

  “How could I be?” She said tremulously. “I never thought…until just now…and then I saw…Julius. He’s just like Julius and I realised how beautiful he is and…” Realising she was babbling, Jen clapped her hands to her mouth to stop the words, but she couldn’t help the wail that escaped. “Mara what am I going to do?”

  “Oh my poor child!” Mara gave her a motherly hug. “Ride it out and all will come well. The universe works in mysterious ways. Sometimes you just have to believe that everything happens for a reason and you are here together in this magical place on the day that all lovers should be. This is a magical night, do what you must free from all guilt. It’s the way nature intended.”

  Chapter nine

  Jen spent the next few hours in her room alternating between pacing frantically and trying to get some rest without creasing her dress and failing miserably. She didn’t know what she was going to say to Mark and dinner was drawing ever closer. He deserved an explanation for her bizarre behaviour in the gardens and without coming right out and telling the truth she didn’t know what to say.

  The time came all too soon and when Nkara stuck her head round the door to fetch her, Jen was in a state of manic calm.

  “Are you okay?” Kim asked curiously as she joined them and Jen smiled at her a little crazily.

  “I’m fine!” She declared almost defensively and Kim shrugged, gesturing curiously at Nkara behind Jen’s back. Nkara shrugged too, unaware as to what was making Jen act so strangely.
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  When they reached the dining hall even Jen had to stop for a moment to take in the awesome sight. The usual lights had been replaced with chandeliers holding dozens of candles, and there were braziers lining the walls of the room giving the air a rich smoky texture. For an instant Jen almost lost it, the smell taking her back to the first night she had spent with Julius, but she shook herself out of the reverie and looked instead for Mark. He was seated at the head table opposite Guido, but he turned as she entered and smiled at her in a way that made her knees weak.

  “I…uh…I promised to sit with someone.” She told the others and they smiled knowingly.

  “Sure.” Nkara replied warmly. “We’ll see you after the dinner. Don’t forget you’re supposed to go up to your room to write this year’s wishes and fetch your garland. I’ll come get you when it’s time.”

  “Okay.” Jen smiled bravely and went to face Mark. He moved up when she got there so that they could sit at the end of the table, slightly apart from the others in order to talk privately.

  “I’m surprised they haven’t found anything for you to wear yet.” Jen joked as Mark pulled her chair out for her and he grimaced good-naturedly.

  “You should see what I’ve got on underneath my shirt…” He told her. “They painted me instead.” Jen laughed so suddenly at the vision that popped into her head that she almost choked and he smiled at her amusement. “I’ll show you later. It’s going to take me a week to scrub it off!”

  “What colour is it?” Jen had to ask and Mark rolled up a sleeve to show her the edge of a blue design.

  “It’s apparently some sort of traditional dye.” He explained. “They kept talking about wood though so I’m not entirely sure what it is.”

  “Are you sure they didn’t mean woad?” Jen suggested and Mark’s eyes lit up.

  “Yes! That’s exactly how they said it.” He looked confused as Jen burst out laughing. “What is it?” He asked and Jen could barely look at him for the amusement.

  “All I can say is that I hope to god they didn’t make it using the traditional recipe…” she managed eventually. “The Celts used to make it with urine.” Mark pulled a face and discretely sniffed his arm as Jen cracked up again.

  “Did you guys paint me with something that had pee in it?” He called up the table and Guido chuckled.

  “No Mark, we made it with vinegar. No-one would volunteer to give us a free urine sample…”

  “Well that’s a relief!” Mark muttered and Jen did her best to calm down. “Anyway, you can laugh all you want, but you’re getting painted too.”

  “I am?” Nkara hadn’t told them about that bit and Mark nodded.

  “Apparently it’s part of a blessing thing before you get into the stone circle.” He explained and Jen shrugged.

  “Whatever. I don’t think it can be any weirder than what they’ve made me wear so far today.” She shook her sleeves at him and they both laughed.

  Just then the food arrived and they took a few moments to comment how good it was before Jen had a burning need to ask Mark an honest question.

  “Mark, can I ask you something strange?” He chuckled.

  “Sure.”

  “Do you believe…” Jen paused for a moment trying to think of the best way to phrase it. “Do you believe that there are certain souls that are meant to meet?” She eventually finished a bit lamely, frustrated that she couldn’t describe more accurately what she was thinking, but it didn’t matter – Mark understood. He leaned forward.

  “I didn’t until I met you.” His answer was so honest it totally took Jen by surprise. “The day I saw you at the ball I didn’t care what I had to do to get your attention.” He frowned. “It was like I’d known you all my life and yet I know I’ve never met you before.” Jen blinked and then wondered how she could respond to that.

  “Does the name Faustina mean anything to you?” She asked tentatively. “Or perhaps Bint’Anath?” Mark rubbed his eyes.

  “Faustina…I’ve heard that name before. Weird that you should think of it actually, it cropped up in a dream I had a few days ago…” He trailed off and gaped into space for a few moments before blinking. “Jen what the hell is going on here?” He asked suddenly, looking into her eyes with that same blazing intensity and Jen sighed.

  “I’m here because I’ve been having the dreams too.” She said simply and Mark leaned back in his chair, food momentarily forgotten.

  “Well that suddenly makes a lot of things clearer.” He mused quietly. “There’s something going on isn’t there? Something that explains why I feel this need for you right in my soul, this obsession that’s been filling my days.” He unconsciously rubbed his chest as he looked her right in the eye. “Our dreams are connected aren’t they? Whatever this is we’ve been thrown together by something....other. Are we destined to be together for some reason? Do you feel the same?” This was it – the moment of truth – and for one crazy moment Jen felt like she was standing on the edge of a yawning abyss, looking the darkness right in the face while she drowned in vertigo.

  “I can’t deny that I’m powerfully attracted to you Mark.” She replied as carefully and neutrally as she could. “I can’t even deny that we’re connected, but I’m engaged to another man and somewhere down the line that has to come into play.”

  “Bullshit!” He leaned right in close to her. “Don’t try and tell me you haven’t thought about it. Give me a chance Jen! Don’t throw away what is destined to be for a man that doesn’t even trust you.” Jen was saved from having to reply by one of the serving staff clearing their plates away and as their main course arrived Mark cooled a bit.

  “How can I?” Jen asked him softly as she picked at the delicious food. “This is an extremely difficult situation for me. I don’t know how you can be so calmly accepting of this, how you can just assume that two people having the same dreams are destined to be together. I don’t even know you!” Mark sighed.

  “I know. But at the same time I think you probably know me the same way I know you – I can’t explain it but it’s the truth. You want to know how I knew you were keeping things from me earlier? It’s because I’d seen that same expression on your face a hundred thousand times before, somehow, somewhere that I can’t explain. Your whole being is so familiar to me. It was you that echoed in my dreams...I see the Empress in you.” He reached across the table to touch her face and Jen closed her eyes, forced to laugh at herself as she fought the ever-present tears.

  “God, I seem to have spent most of the last three days crying!” When she’d regained her composure she looked at Mark straight in the face. “I need time here. I’m not saying nothing can happen because I’ve seen so much pain this weekend already and if this is love, which I don’t know how it can be when I barely know you, then I don’t think I could face the grief of losing it again. What I’m saying is that I need to come to terms with this. Whether Tom trusts me or not, we’ve shared a lot and I did agree to marry him. Do you have any idea how awful I feel sitting here discussing soul-mates with another man?”

  “I understand that but we’re here and it’s not exactly a normal situation. I thought the whole point of this festival was that there is no guilt or sin here. It’s love in its purest, primal form and it’s a beautiful thing.” His eyes were pleading as he touched her hand. “Can’t you just forget for once who you are? This is a magical night, we’re about as far removed from reality as we can be right now.” Jen swallowed. It was so tempting and she found she had already made the decision without her brain being involved anywhere in the process.

  “One night.” She whispered. “I want the pain to stop.” Tears did come then, and Mark carefully brushed them away with a callused thumb, careful not to smudge her make-up.

  “I don’t want to hurt any more either.”

  When dessert and coffee were finally over, Mark took Jen aside and held her to his huge chest.

  “I’ll wait for you by the doors.” He told her. “Don’t be afraid. I think this
is what we were put on this earth for.” He released her to Nkara who was watching with a slightly bemused expression and Jen followed her friends up the stairs. They dropped Kim off first and as Jen was entering her own room, Nkara caught her arm.

  “Jen, I love you. You know that. I just…” She struggled to find the words. “I wanted to tell you that tonight is a truly magical night; probably the most magical of the year. All the normal rules are suspended. Do you understand what I’m saying? The goddess blesses any union you make as the most beautiful and pure thing in creation.” Jen smiled.

  “Thanks Nkara. That makes it a bit easier.” She meant it genuinely. Nkara had a way of setting her at ease and she impulsively hugged her with gratitude.

  When Jennifer got into her room finally, she found the promised sheet of rose-coloured paper lying on her bed along with a matching pen, also lying on the bed. There was also a garland of fresh flowers woven into thin willow branches. They smelled heavenly and Jen vaguely recognised the scents of frangipani and jasmine. Someone had gone to a lot of expense, she realised as she took note of the roses too.

  Sitting down, weary from the emotional rollercoaster, she wondered what she was going to write on her piece of paper. For half an hour she sat there lost in her thoughts until Nkara quietly knocked on her door.

  “Just a sec!” Jen called back and quickly decided to keep it short and sweet, writing ‘I don’t want to hurt any more’ on her piece of paper. Grabbing her garland, she rushed out into the hallway where Kim was gesturing mutinously with her garland.

  “Satan will be ice-skating before I wear this.” She announced and Jen hid a smile.

  “Oh get over it!” Nkara teased good-naturedly as they traipsed down towards the front doors. “It’ll look lovely.”

  They were still arguing when they got outside and Jen and Mark trailed along behind them as they debated the issue hotly. He’d been waiting by the front doors as promised and joined them silently, stepping into place at Jen’s side as though he had always belonged there.