Warrior of My Own

by Knightley, Diana

“The physician said the bairn will be hearin’ me.”

  “Oh. I guess so... I mean kind of...”

  “Inna that what the physician said?”

  “Yes, that the baby can hear your voice.”

  “I dinna ken the bairn would be listenin’. I daena want tae frighten him.”

  I snuggled into his arms.

  “I would like tae spend this respite with ye and nae discuss it more. I daena want it tae be all we think on. I am protectin’ ye. I am keepin’ the bairn safe. I need it tae be enough.”

  Our room was dark except for the moon-glow outside casting some light across our marital bed. I was held in his arms. My throat wasn’t tight. Not from the outside anyway though I felt a little lump from the tears that wanted to build there. I wanted to force Magnus to tell me all the details of his discussion with Lady Mairead, but he couldn’t speak it. And he had told me that talking after a battle was important and here he was not doing it.

  I had to accept that he couldn’t do it. He wasn’t hiding it from me. I knew what it was. Really. He had traded his life for mine. And I didn’t know what that meant, but I had the answer in that he didn’t want to worry me with it. And he didn’t want to worry over it. He wanted to hold me. Spend all the time he could with me.

  And how could I argue with that?

  I couldn’t.

  So I held him. And he held me. After a few long moments and tender caresses, I asked, “Did she give you a time, any specifics on when?”

  “The moon before Yule.”

  I took a deep breath. “So like, just before Christmas, in December?”

  The word, Aye, rumbled up from his chest.

  “And the baby’s due date is the end of March.”

  “I will do everythin’ in my power tae get back tae ye in time.”

  “Okay.” I nodded on his chest. “Okay,” I said again as if repeating it made it certain.

  Chapter 53

  There wasn’t much that changed about Florida in the fall. A tiny bit cooler perhaps.

  Magnus and I knew our baby was a little boy. I felt like Magnus would want to know before he left so we had an ultrasound. Just in case he missed the birth. Though we still weren’t talking about the possibility of him missing it. We weren’t talking about any of it. It was still two months away when he would leave.

  Two months.

  He spent every day in training. Quentin and I designed a plan based on a Men’s Health magazine article about Chris Hemsworth’s Thor workout. We figured that would be about right. Then we realized that Quentin and I didn’t know jack-shit about training a time-journeyer for a future-battle, so I hired him a personal trainer. Someone who specialized in MMA and had a history of training with a sword.

  Zach bulked him up. Magnus was on a special diet which pissed him off greatly. He managed to sweet talk his way into a bowl of ice cream every night though. And me too. I was bulking up just in different places. My stomach rounded in the front and Magnus couldn’t keep his hands off of it.

  * * *

  We set the alarm so he could go train, but first Magnus scrunched down in the bed until he was eye level to my tummy. He spoke to the baby. “Good mornin’ bairn. You are well this morn?” He kissed my belly and right then there was a flutter, a tiny bit of movement in my lower pelvis, small but unmistakable.

  My eyes widened. “Did you feel that? Right here, oh my god, Magnus, the baby was moving right here.” I pulled his hand to my stomach below my bellybutton. “Wait, wait right there. It was the most amazing thing — just hold your hand like that.”

  We both sat quietly, waiting. Nothing more happened. “Maybe talk to it again.”

  Magnus whispered, his lips brushing against my belly, sending sweet sexy shivers up my skin, “Gum bi thu, a naoinein bhig, fallain, sona air feadh—”

  The flutter happened again.

  Magnus looked up at me with a wide smile and I burst into happy tears. “Wait, hold that, hold it right there, okay?” I wiggled up to the side table, grabbed my phone, hit the video camera button, and pointed it down at my belly with my husband’s face pressed to my skin. I hit ‘record’. “Magnus, talk to the baby again.”

  “Gum bi thu, a naoinein bhig, fa—” He smiled again. “He is movin’.”

  “I can feel it. Isn’t it the most amazing thing in the world?”

  “Tis a miracle, Kaitlyn.” He planted a big kiss on my belly and then wriggled up my body to kiss me on the lips. I kept the camera rolling and when Magnus noticed it in my hand he laughed, our mouths pressed together.

  “One selfie.” I held the camera up, pointed at our faces, his lips pressed to mine with a laugh between them. Happy tears sparkling on my cheeks.

  I snapped the photo.

  It was a moment I never ever wanted to forget.

  Chapter 54

  Magnus went to the gym to meet his trainer. He would be gone for hours.

  Emma and I spent way too long at Target buying Halloween decorations, candy, and costume parts. Everything we considered from one aspect — would Magnus think this is amazing? If the answer was yes, we tossed it in our cart. There was no plan to our decorating. Our carts looked like a Halloween Pop-up Superstore exploded in them. Because yes, we had to get a second cart. I had no idea if there would be any trick-or-treaters in our part of the neighborhood but I bought a massive amount of candy because again, Magnus would think it was amazing.

  Halloween was, now that I thought about it through his filter, almost as amazing as the fireworks at Fourth of July. And they had given him such a thrill I wondered if he would be able to sleep that night.

  And soon would be Thanksgiving, imagine Magnus at a feast like that?

  Imagine Christmas — I stopped myself remembering he wouldn’t be there. Where would he be? Or when?

  Emma and I, with Baby Ben, drove over to Hayley’s office to talk her into going to a restaurant with us for lunch. I walked in with a terrifying mask on to scare the shit out of her and she said, “Hi Katie, what are you up to today?”

  We all devolved into laughter.

  “Coming to get you for lunch.”

  Hayley said, “I can’t! Look at all the work I have!” She collapsed on her desk and pretend to cry for a moment. Then she stood up. “I’m kidding, I can always take a day. Where to? I suppose it has to be somewhere that accepts babies?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Jesus Christ Aunt Hayley, all restaurants accept babies.”

  “But should they? I mean I’m only mentioning this because I’m Ben’s aunt, but he wears diapers.”

  Emma said, “How would you know, you’ve never changed them?”

  “And I won’t. Not for my nephew and not for your baby, Katie. No matter how much you beg. It’s not my style.” She grabbed her purse and keys, locked the front door, and we made our way to a little restaurant just off Centre Street.

  Between the three of us we knew basically the entire staff. We got a great table in the corner. Hayley ordered a grown up drink, Emma went with water because she was nursing, I asked for a coke because I needed the sugar-carbonation-cold ice thing. The menus were delivered and the waitress took our order. But the problem was I was starting to not feel so good. Kind of overly hot. Kind of not right. I watched Emma and Hayley talk about the brothers, one of their favorite subjects. They commiserated about behaviors like the weird noise Zach and Micheal made while brushing their teeth and—

  I clutched my stomach. “Ugh.”

  Emma looked at me quizzically. “You look positively green.”

  “Your conversation is pretty gross.”

  Our food was delivered. My head was spinning.

  And suddenly it felt a lot like I was having a period cramp. Like a doozy. I moaned and put my head on my hand. Then down on the table. “I really don’t feel good.”

  Hayley held my hand stroking the back of it. “Maybe you just need to eat?”

  Emma asked, “Where is it?” She looked under the table to see my hand clutching at my lower p
elvis. “Does it feel like your period?”

  I nodded on my arm. My eyes closed, sweat blooming on my face. “Ugh.” I groaned

  Hayley asked, “Is it the baby?”

  Emma said, “I don’t know.” She came to my side. “Can you stand up?” Her arm went around my back and she helped to heave me to my feet and that’s when they saw it — the blood on the back of my dress. I didn’t need to see it, I knew from their voices.

  “Oh honey,” Hayley said, “we need to get you to—”

  I dropped my head back on my arm on the table. “I can’t...”

  Next thing I heard Emma’s voice saying into the phone, “Yes, I need an ambulance at the Patio on third street. Yes.”

  Hayley was explaining to our waitress. A crowd was gathering. And all I could do was lay there while my body mutinied against me. With my baby’s life in the balance.

  * * *

  When the ambulance arrived Hayley was clutching my hand. She was not good with blood so I was pretty impressed she was still with me. She said, “First of all these hunky first responders — not that you care, your husband is way way hotter — are going to put you up on the stretcher.” I was lifted. “There we go, honey — you got this?” I shook my head. “You got this. You’re going to go to the hospital and they’ll get it sorted out.”

  “Is the baby going to...” I couldn’t finish.

  “Have you ever not done what you set out to do, sweetie? Never, I don’t think you’re going to stop now. You’re my personal hero and this is just another thing you have to do.” She stroked the hair off my head and followed the stretcher as the men wheeled me cramping and moaning to the back of the ambulance.

  “Did Emma call Zach? Tell him to go get Magnus.”

  Hayley looked across the room at Emma. “She’s on the phone now. She’s getting him.”

  I moaned again. “Owie owie owie. It hurts.”

  As my stretcher slid into the back of the ambulance, I said, “He’s afraid of hospitals will you help him get to me?”

  “Of course, honey, we’ll be there in a hot minute.”

  And then the ambulance doors shut closed behind me and an oxygen mask was placed over my face.

  Chapter 55

  The blinds were pulled on the room, a big heavy hotel-room-style curtain was pulled over the window. Though it was afternoon outside, my room was thrown into a melancholy, super sad, gray, dusk-like darkness. The door opened softly and —

  Magnus.

  “Kaitlyn.”

  Tears were damp on my cheeks, my body curled into the fetal position. I had been facing the door though, waiting.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Tears rolled down my cheeks pooling onto the peaks and valleys of my fists. “I’m sorry.” I repeated as he pulled a chair up to the bed.

  “Shhhhh.” He stroked my hair back from my cheek and kissed my damp knuckle and then perched on the edge of his chair his wide shoulders spread across me. He wrapped an arm around my head, the other arm around my thighs, and pulled my body toward him nuzzling his head into the side of my belly. His cheeks were wet. He pressed his face to my bed gown and held on. Like he would never let go.

  “I miss him.” I sobbed and he held on tighter.

  His head burrowed into my side. “Och aye, mo reul-iuil.”

  “I tried, I didn’t mean to. I wanted him so badly and I—“

  His hand released my thighs and he held the back of my head cuddling me nose to wet crying nose. “I ken ye tried Kaitlyn, he just wasna ready for this world.”

  I sniffled. “I feel so empty. So broken. I wanted to have your baby. And I don’t know why I—“

  “You are perfect, mo reul-iuil — if there is blame tis mine tae bear.” He stroked a hand down my hair around my shoulder and down my back and then he snuggled into my stomach again.

  I focused on my fingers. “My body just stopped. And I must be broken that I couldn’t do it.”

  “I have brought this on ye.” His voice came up from the folds of fabric on my puffy stomach. “If you are broken, tis my doin’. I have brought nothin’ but despair and—”

  I touched the back of his hair and wrapped one of the curls around my fingers. “You haven’t broken me, you filled me with so much. My heart, my life, my body. It’s me that couldn’t do this... and I think — I’m just so sad.”

  “I ken ye are, mo reul-iuil. I am too.” His arms went back around me wrapping my torso around his head. He held me still and quiet. Both of us with silent tears rolling down our faces. “You ken I love ye?”

  I nodded.

  “Where do ye ken it?” His voice was a whisper.

  “I know it here.” I touched my ear. “Because you tell it to me.”

  “Tha gaol agam org, I love ye, mo reul-iuil, is ann leatsa abhios mo chridhe gubrath. My heart is yours.” He rubbed his wet cheeks on my bed gown. “Where else do ye ken it?”

  “I used to know it here.” I patted my stomach with more tears rolling down my face.

  He kissed my hand and buried his face there.

  “Now it feels so empty.”

  His voice came from his chest like a rumble. “I miss the wee braw lad.”

  “Me too.”

  “How else do ye ken?”

  “That you love me?” I put my damp hand over my breast. “I know it here.”

  “Och aye, I feel it there as well.

  “And here.” A sad-laugh escaped me as I patted between my legs.

  He smiled a bit. “I once said I would live there if I could, and I meant it.”

  “And here.” I rubbed my wrists. “I can feel the bindings that tied us together.”

  “Tis like a vibration on my skin.” He raised his wrist near me and I clutched his hand and kissed that place on his wrist where his pulse was the strongest. “Anywhere else?” he asked quietly

  “Everywhere.”

  “You ken it in your marrow, Kaitlyn? Will ye remember how much I have loved ye when I am gone?”

  I sobbed as the certainty that he was leaving hit me. I forced out the painful words. “I will.”

  He wrapped his hands around mine and then he stroked down my cheek and rubbed his strong hand down my whole side and then he went back to clutching my hands, his face drawn near. “And ye ken I have tae go?”

  I nodded.

  “I daena want tae. You will hold this in your heart?”

  “I do. I know you don’t want to go, but you have to.”

  “And I canna take ye. I daena ken what the future holds and…”

  “I know. You have to go without me.” I sniffled, trying to hold my tears in. There would be time enough for crying when he was gone.

  He pressed his forehead to our hands. “Thank you, mo reul-iuil.” He kissed my fingers. “I daena want tae leave ye here, but I canna leave when you are home.”

  My bottom lip trembled. “I get that. It would be really hard to watch you go.”

  He raised up still clutching my hands. “And I daena ken if the danger to you has passed. I canna let you be used against me. I think twould be best if ye removed from the house.”

  I nodded with a sob. “What if I moved to the new apartment building? It’s a few miles away. Would that be hidden enough?”

  “I think so. But keep Quentin close.”

  “Do you remember how to get there?”

  The grim gray darkness was all around us as he whispered, “I do.”

  I concentrated on the angle of his thumb wrapped around my hands. “Then that’s where I’ll go.”

  “I will always be comin’ home tae ye. Always.”

  “I know.” I tightened my hold on his hands and drew them in and kissed the end of his thumb. I stared into his eyes for a long, long moment — I love you — he closed his eyes, his brow drawn, his pain evident. I watched his face memorizing the forms — the angles of his nose and the strong line of his jaw. My bottom lip trembled as I ran my fingers down his temple, the soft edge at the corner of his eyes. The wrinkle that
would come once he ever smiled again.

  If…

  I traced the curve of his ear, the scar that was now familiar. He was so much a part of me being without him would — “Can you hold me for a little longer before you go?”

  “Och aye, mo reul-iuil, I will stay til the morn,” and he climbed onto the bed and wrapped around my body and held me like it might be our last time.

  Thank You

  This is still not the true end of Magnus and Kaitlyn. There are more chapters in their story. If you need help getting through the pause before the next book, there is a FB group here: Kaitlyn and the Highlander Group

  Thank you for sticking with this tale. I wanted to write about a grand love, a marriage, that lasts for a long long time. I also wanted to write an adventure. And I wanted to make it fun. The world is full of entertainment and I appreciate that you chose to spend even more time with Magnus and Kaitlyn. I just love them and wish them the best life, I will do my best to write it well.

  As you know, reviews are the best social proof a book can have, and I would greatly appreciate your review on these books.

  Kaitlyn and the Highlander (Book 1)

  Time and Space Between Us (Book 2)

  Warrior of My Own (Book 3)

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