If Only I Could Tell
Page 12
They hugged.
“Oh my goodness, I have not seen you since fourth grade. How are you?”
“I am great. How are you?”
“I’m good.”
“What are you doing in this neck of the woods? You don’t exactly fit the profile anymore.”
“Well, I am here in town for a few days for work.”
“Oh, really? What is it that you do these days?”
“Please sit,” he motioned with his hand to the booth across from him.
“I am a recruiting agent for Scott and Fitz Sports Academy, and I am here to check out the local talent at the high schools in the area.”
“Okay, any prospects?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“So what about you? What have you been up to?” Eric inquired.
Trisha smiled.
“Well, for the moment this is what I am doing while I save up for college.”
“Okay, not bad, we all have to start somewhere right?”
“That’s right,” Trisha said.
“You know I have contacts with the local community colleges, I may be able to make a few calls for you when you are ready.”
“Thank you. I may just take you up on that offer. Well, I had better get back to work; it was really good to see you, Eric. Good luck with your recruiting!”
“Thanks, Trisha, it was really great to see you too. I am going to be in town for a few more days. Here’s my card. Give me a call so that we can catch up, okay?”
Trisha took the card, nodded, and went her way. Seeing Eric brought back so many childhood memories for Trisha.
Trisha and Eric were next-door neighbors when they were little kids; they both attended the same elementary school, and for a few years, were in the same classes. Eric was Trisha’s little sweetheart in elementary school. They were best friends also. Trisha remembered that Eric’s mom and dad had a volatile relationship; there was always yelling and screaming coming from next door. On several occasions, the police had to come to their home, and Child Protective representatives were always popping up unannounced to check up on them. Trisha recalls that Eric was always so anxious because he thought that one day they would take him away from his parents.
One day, following a huge fight at the house, Eric’s mom packed her things, and she and Eric left town. There was a void in Trisha’s life when Eric left, because he was her only friend at the time. He was the person that she played with at recess, he was the person she shared her snack with at break time, he was the person with whom she shared her lunch at lunchtime, and he was the person with whom she shared her secrets, fears, hopes and dreams. Trisha had not seen Eric since, and seeing him brought back a lot of memories for her, both good and bad.
Eric always wanted to be rich enough to buy his own island. Trisha remembered that on many occasions he would say to her, “One day I am going to buy an island for you and me to live on, and no one would ever find us to make us do stupid chores. We will eat all the chocolate that we want to, and nobody would tell us to go to bed, or do homework, or eat vegetables. We will stay up late and play with all the toys that we want to and nobody would be around to yell at us.”
Well, it seemed as if Eric’s dreams had come true. Trisha stared at his card. Scott and Fitz was an exclusive sports academy. Anyone who wanted to be someone wanted to sign under them.
Seeing Eric reminded Trisha of a time when she dreamed big; of a time untouched by the cruelty of life in the ghetto. She wanted to be a teacher some days. On days when bad things happened in the neighborhood, she wanted to be a police officer, or sometimes she wanted to be a doctor, or on beautiful starry nights, she wanted to be an astronaut and explore space.
What happened to the little girl who knew no bounds? Trisha wondered. Who am I becoming? she asked to herself. I am becoming Mom, she answered. I am allowing life to beat me down. I am learning how not to see past obstacles. I am learning to settle. Trisha realized that she was becoming comfortable with mediocrity. Sure, I could live in an upscale apartment, but at what cost? What is happening to my dreams of higher education? Why am I allowing the temptation of instant gratification to overshadow my dreams?
Trisha realized that she had allowed herself to get caught up in the same net as the other girls in the neighborhood. No, she was not sleeping around with every John who stepped to her, but on a deeper level, she was no different than they were. Seeing Eric was the wakeup call that Trisha needed to refocus her attention on making herself a better person. She was determined to change her circumstances, not losing herself in emotions, but by hard work and diligence. Leo was due back in town later that evening, so Trisha decided that she would let him know that even though she loved him, she needed to pursue her goals for herself. She decided to let him know that she was not ready to move in with him, or to get engaged, or have a baby.
As Trisha was getting ready for her date with Leo, Mom walked into the room and asked, “Where are you preparing to go?”
“Out with Leo.”
Mom gave her a condescending look and said, “Little girl, I hope you know what you are doing.”
Trisha turned her back and continued dressing. Trisha thought, Who was Mom to speak to her about her choice in men when she had been with Harry for almost twenty years, and they were not married. They also have no money, they do not own anything, and her life is miserable. Mom is not the one to give relationship advice to anyone.
Leo pulled up out front and honked the horn.
Trisha said to Mom, “I will be back by twelve,” and headed out of the door. She got into the car and they drove off.
“Hey, baby.” She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. “How was your trip?”
“It was fine.” Leo answered.
He seemed preoccupied.
“Is everything okay? You seem upset.”
Leo kept his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering wheel. He was silent for a while and then he said, “Are you happy with me, Trisha? Do I make you happy?”
“Yes, of course I am happy with you, Leo, and yes, you do make me happy.”
“And are all of your needs being met? Do I spend enough time with you?”
“Leo, what is with this line of questioning? Yes, I have no complaints about our relationship.”
“Then why is it that *itches don’t know how to be faithful, huh?”
“Uh, excuse me. I know that you just did not refer to me as a b*****. I do not know what’s gotten into you but you will not call me out of my name.”
“I will call you whatever I feel like calling you, and if you were not all over the place like one, then there would be no need for me to refer to you as one.”
“Leo, you know what? I don’t know what your problem is tonight, but I think that you had better take me back home.”
“No, I am not doing anything until you explain to me why women can’t be faithful.” He continued to lash out at her with his vile words.
“For the last time, Leo, do not call me out of my name. I do not know what you are talking about. If you have a question to ask me, then ask it, but right now you sound crazy.”
Leo became infuriated by Trisha’s remarks and he gripped her blouse and shoved her into the passenger door.
“Leo,” Trisha yelled, “what is the matter with you?”
“Oh, I’m crazy—you haven’t seen crazy yet, Trisha. All y’all hoes are just alike, a brother bends over backwards to make y’all happy and what do y’all do? You disrespect a brother in the worse way and then you want to call me crazy. You ‘bout to see crazy, b*****. I go away for one day and, as quick as that, I hear that you were flirting with some guy.”
“Leo, what are you talking about?”
“Don’t try to deny it, Trisha, I have a witness.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
Leo grabbed Trisha by the ar
m.
She screamed, “Let go of me, Leo, you are hurting my arm.”
“Not as much as you hurt me, Trisha. You have not felt pain the way I have. I thought you were the one, the one I could finally give my heart to and settle down with; instead, you turn out to be a slut like every other woman who walked in and out of my life. Tell me, Trisha, why are you sleeping around on me, huh? Trisha, I swear you are not going to like what I am going to do to you.”
Trisha pleaded with him, “Please, Leo, there is some misunderstanding, I have not cheated on you with anyone. Now please stop the car and let me out, please. Leo, you are behaving very irrationally please, you need to calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!”
He slapped her with the back of his hand.
“I have done everything that I can to make you happy, to give you everything that you could want and this is how you repay me. I cannot wait to get my hands on you.”
Trisha screamed and cried as she held her face. “Please, Leo, do not hurt me, I promise you that I have done nothing wrong.”
“Liar,” Leo yelled, “you are all liars.” Leo pressed the accelerator and the car accelerated to eighty miles per hour.
Trisha cried out, “Leo, please slow down, you are going way too fast.”
Leo ignored her and kept his foot on the accelerator Then he said, “I have a mind to wrap this car around the next utility pole. Yeah, that would teach you hoes to respect a good man when you have one.”
Trisha cried and cried as she braced herself against the door, “Please, Leo, please just slow down and we can figure this out. Please don’t do anything to hurt us.”
“Trisha, you said that you love me. Then why would you hurt me?” Leo asked.
“I do love you. Please slow down and we can talk, please.”
Leo cried and hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. He said, “I gave you my heart and you hurt me, Trisha. Why have you hurt me like this?”
“I am sorry,” Trisha said, “please slow down and pull the car over and we can talk about it, Leo, I promise.”
Leo pulled the car over to the side of the road, jumped out, stormed around to her side and pulled Trisha out of the car. He held her by the arms and shook her.
“Tell me, Trisha, why, why would you cheat on me?”
Leo had Trisha pressed up against the car. He had his head on her shoulder and his hands around her neck. He squeezed it ever so slightly.
Trisha cried as Leo continued to ask why.
“Answer me,” he demanded.
Still crying, Trisha placed both of her small hands on Leo’s hand and tugged at it so that he would loosen his grip on her throat; she managed to say, “No. No I am not cheating on you, Leo.”
“Then who was the guy you were talking to in the booth, Trisha?”
“What?”
“The guy in the booth? Tony told me that you were laughing and talking with some guy in the restaurant the day I left for the trip. He said you guys were hugging and he gave you something.”
“You were checking up on me?”
“Just answer the question, Trisha.”
“Who was he?”
Trisha gathered her thoughts a moment, still sobbing she said, “You mean Eric?”
“Was I there, Trisha? Who is Eric? He used to live in the neighborhood a long time ago; we were in the same class. He is in town on business. We hugged because we had not seen each other in a long time. It was nothing. We were just catching up.”
“Are you sure that is all it was?”
“Yes, that’s all it was.”
Leo pulled Trisha into himself and kissed her as he embraced her, and she continued to cry.
“Shh,” he said, lifting her head from his shoulders and wiping away her tears.
He kissed her slowly and deeply, “Shh, he said, do not cry, stop crying, honey. I love you Trisha. Shh, stop crying now.” He kissed her on her neck squeezed the small of her back. He pressed her up against the car and said, “I love you, baby. I am sorry that I scared you.” He continued to grope her as he whispered in her ear and sucked on her ear lobe and neck.
Leo held Trisha tightly. She could tell that he was aroused, and he said, “The thought of you with someone else is enough to drive me crazy, Trisha. You are mine and mine alone. Do you understand me?
Trisha nodded yes.
“I can’t live without you, Trisha, you are my everything. Please forgive me. Do you forgive me?” Leo kissed Trisha as she embraced him still crying a little. “Baby, please forgive me,” he said. “I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
Trisha kissed him and said, “Can we go now, please?”
“Yes,” he said. He kissed her again, and then he opened the car door and helped her in.
They drove around in silence for a while, Trisha managed to compose herself, though her face still stung from the slap. She leaned her head on the glass and stared out the window.
“Take me home, please.”
Leo said nothing for a while but continued driving.
“Leo, take me home now, please.”
“Trisha.”
“Now, Leo, I want to go home now, please.”
He reached over to touch her hand which she quickly retracted.
“How many times do I have to say that I am sorry? The thought of you messing around on me made me crazy. I am sorry, honey.”
“Now, Leo. Right now! Take me home right now. I do not want to talk about this anymore tonight, please.”
“Okay. I will take you home.”
They drove the rest of the way in silence. Trisha could hardly believe what had happened. Leo was a totally different person. She had never seen that side of him before. Disbelief, she was in total disbelief. The only thing running through her mind at that time was Mom’s voice reminding her that she told her that the man was no good. Trisha wanted to scream, cry, pull out her hair, hit something, do something, anything that would make her feel better. On the one hand, she wished to talk to Eve and tell her everything that transpired, but on the other, she was in no mood for an “I told you so,” not that Eve was that type of person. The car had barely stopped in front of Trisha’s house when she jumped out and slammed the door.
“Trisha,” Leo called after her. “I am sorry.”
She did not respond but ran quickly to the door, unlocked it, and went inside.
Trisha stormed into the restaurant the next morning. “Tony, I need a word with you right now!” Trisha headed for Tony’s office. He followed. Once inside, Trisha slapped Tony with all her might.
“What?” Tony said as he held his cheek. “What is the matter with you, Trisha? Have you lost your mind? I could have your job for that, not to mention press charges against you.”
“I don’t care what you do, Tony. How dare you spy on me! You could have gotten me killed last night and for what, a couple of dollars? I know that the lines of right and wrong may be blurred for you, but not for me; this is low, Tony, even for you.”
Tony interrupted, “Trisha, you don’t understand.”
“You are right, Tony, I don’t understand. How could you do this to me? You were like a father to me. I am not for sale. I am not a piece of property that must be watched. Do you have any idea what I have been through in the last few hours. I haven’t slept since the night before and it’s all because you told Leo something that was not accurate.”
“Trisha, listen to me. Leo is dangerous.”
“Oh, now you confess. Well, guess what, because of your big mouth I found that out for myself.”
“What happened, Trisha?”
“Please do not pretend that you care, Tony. You almost got me killed last night. That’s what happened.”
“Oh dear God, Trisha, I am truly sorry. Please give me an opportunity to explain.”
Tony paced back and forth for a moment as if he was gathering his thoughts, and then he motioned to Trisha, “Trisha, I don’t know how to tell you this, but right now you are in a lot of danger.”
“Danger? Tony, what are you talking about? What sort of danger am I in and why?”
“Trisha, Leo is quite dangerous. He owns everyone in this town, including me.”
“What? What are you saying?”
“Trisha, are you that naive that you do not see what is right in front of you? Leo’s family business … Trisha, he deals drugs, ammunition, he launders money; there are rumors that his family has ties to crime bosses, and God knows what else. He has been laundering money through this restaurant for years. He has everybody in his back pocket, including the police.”
“What? That cannot be true. You encouraged me to go out with him, and how could you do that knowing that you were putting my life in danger?”
“I had no choice, Trisha. I am sorry.”
“You know what? I am sick of people telling me that they are sorry, and that they love me when they’ve hurt me. There is always a choice; you just selected the outcome that was beneficial to you. It did not matter to you who could be hurt, Tony. Did you ever stop to consider how my life would be affected by all of this? I have a family, and even though we have our share of problems, I would never intentionally put them in harm’s way, and that is exactly what you have done to me and my family.”
Trisha felt sick to her stomach.
“How could I not know this? Why is it that no one told me?”
“Trisha, listen to me please. You are right. I should not have persuaded you to date Leo, but I had no other choice. Leo has control of this town and I too have a family whom I do not want anything bad to happen to; but you are also like a daughter to me and I do not want anything bad to happen to you either. I feel terrible for putting you in this situation; you do not deserve any of this. I am going to make this right. I am sorry for whatever trouble you have already encountered and I promise you that I am going to help you or die trying.”