by V. F. Mason
I never loved you, Ryan
As Nate, I could make her burn and even convince her to be with me, but I couldn’t be with her when she didn’t accept the man I was.
When she couldn’t love the man I was.
The situation was doomed, and it was more painful than it was the last time.
At least I still had my pride. I didn’t beg. Not that it was making me feel better.
I poured myself another glass and was about to drink it when the familiar noise of the elevator hit me and I looked in the direction of it, frowning, because who the fuck felt the need to see me?
The security had specific instruction that no one was to bother me, yet they allowed someone to come up here.
I was going to fucking fire everyone.
Finally, the door opened and none other than my father entered the room.
He was tall, broad shouldered, and wore jeans and a polo shirt. His gray hair was neat. His ice-blue eyes, same as mine, studied me from head to toe as he just shook his head.
“Sit, son.” He pointed to the bar table and sat himself. I could do nothing else but oblige.
Donald Jackson had this aura of presence that commanded you to do as he pleased. I sat down opposite him and waited for what he had to say. I remembered the first time I saw him in my life and how taken aback I was by the man. He gripped my shoulder and let me know that from now on, I had a dad.
And he was a perfect dad ever since.
It didn’t mean he couldn’t make you fix your shit when he saw fit, and I knew he came to give me a lecture. He never liked my penthouse and came here only on rare occasions.
“You know, son, I was born into this privileged life. I had everything my heart desired and never had to work much for it. I didn’t exactly love the hotel business, but it was something I was supposed to do, so I learned how to do it. Then I met Amanda; she was the daughter of my dad’s old friend. Everything was going perfectly well and we got engaged.” To be honest, that was the last thing I expected to hear from him. He never spoke about his past life or Drake’s mother, for that matter. It was almost a taboo subject in our house. “Anyway, the guys decided to get me away from New York to unwind before the marriage, to relax. And who wouldn’t want that, right? So, because of a storm, we ended up in this small city in Texas. I thought all our plans went to hell. But then I saw her. She was walking down the street, desperately trying to shield herself with her umbrella, but her dress was soaking wet anyway. She was beautiful. Long, black hair, the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, and she looked adorable when she tried to use her parasol. It was like all the oxygen I needed was gone and, without thinking, I was there with her. That was how I met your mother.” My jaw hit the barstool I was sure, because my old man never spoke in such a romantic manner, let alone rehash his first encounter with Mom. Shit, was he interested in going on about how he fell in love with her? Because there were some details that a guy just didn’t want to know about his mom.
Like, ever.
“Listen, Dad, I don’t really know why all of a sudden you decided to share, but I don’t need to know how you wanted Mo—” He interrupted me without letting me finish my words.
“I invited her to dinner, and then I couldn’t imagine my life without her. Amanda, my dad, my life in New York—none of that didn’t matter to me. I was ready to leave it all behind. I was honest with your mom. I let her know I needed to go back to cancel everything and then we would marry. I still remember our kiss on the porch of her house. For some reason, I didn’t want to let go of her, as if I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold her again for a long time.” His voice became harsh, slightly raspy, and he cleared his throat. “I came back and was about to call everything off when Amanda told me she was pregnant.” His fists clenched. “I felt like the rug went out from under me and the whole world fell apart. I couldn’t be with the woman I loved because I had a child on the way. It was a hard choice, but I made it. I had to. I didn’t want your mom to wait on me. To live on hope or keep her as a mistress. So I told her I never loved her and it was all a game to me. I had no idea she had you.” He stood up and slowly went to the same spot I occupied before he ordered me around. “I can’t say I regret it. How could I? I love my son. I can’t regret him being on this earth. My marriage to Amanda was awful. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, and at some point, she gave up and we divorced. She was a good mom to Drake and didn’t make him hate me, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.” He spun around and gave me a hard stare. “I went to your mom and found her in the poor conditions she lived in, and there was nothing that could have separated us anymore. I found out about you, about everything. Our way to a happy ending was rocky, but we got there, and now I have two sons that I’m proud of. Even though both of them are idiots,” he finished.
My head was about to explode from all the information he just blurted out to me, so I decided to concentrate on the last bit.
“Why are we idiots? You just said you are proud.”
He chuckled. “I’m proud, son, but I can’t believe the both of you, with all your genius DNA, fucked up so badly with the women you are in love with.”
Fuck.
What the hell?
How did he even know about this to begin with?
“Dad—”
“When I got a second chance with your mom, I grabbed it and never let go. What did you do with your girl? Gave up without a fight, and now here you are drinking, working yourself into oblivion.”
That made me angry, because he had no fucking idea what I went through.
“Dad, she doesn’t need me. She was fine until she knew who I was. Mom accepted you after all your shit, but Bella doesn’t want me. Well, the real me at least. You want me to what? Beg until she gets tired and capitulates?” I raised my hands in frustration because I didn’t understand what he wanted from me. There was no choice to make.
She didn’t want me, and as much as I loved her, I couldn’t fight it anymore. I didn’t have hope, and I was fucking tired.
“Yes. But if you are willing to give up, then maybe you don’t deserve that girl after all.” Dad came closer and hugged me in his manly bear hug and then leaned back. His eyes clashed with mine and there was stubbornness in them. “What’s more important? Fighting for the love of your life, or listening to your pride and possibly of never being that happy again?” With one last squeeze on my shoulder, he left as fast as he came and I was left standing there dumbstruck.
Fuck.
He was right, wasn’t he? I already knew what it was like living without her, and it wasn’t a life. I wanted her; I couldn’t live without her. I could find someone else and probably be content with my life.
But I wouldn’t be as happy as I was with her in those past months.
I would fight for her.
Till the end.
I needed to get my shit together and go to her as fast as possible. I felt a vibration in my pocket that distracted me. I took out my cell and saw Drake’s name on the display.
“Hey.”
“Hey, little bro, what’s up?” His voice was too cheery for my liking. The fucker had it easy; his girl was right under his nose and she didn’t show him the door.
“Not great.” What was the point of lying, right? Fuck pride.
“That’s what I thought. Dad’s there to take your head out of your ass?”
“You were the one who sent him? What the hell, man? Never heard of bro code before?”
“I wasn’t aware that we had one.”
“We should,” I grumbled and he laughed. Bastard.
“Anyway, so since I figured you’d want to come here and, you know, get your girl back, I’m calling to inform you not to do it in the next week.”
“What? Why?”
“She went to see Megan, and then one thing kind of led to another, and the band will have a free concert here in a week. They’re kind of busy with preparations and, you know, no one wants you to distract her with your shit.” I sat down because it was a bit too
much information. She hated that town; why would she do it for the townsfolk? It wasn’t a bad place, but maybe seeing her nephew changed her perspective on a lot of things.
“I have to say I’m surprised.”
“We all were, but, apparently, it’s a charity thing and folks in town are excited. It’s to build a new school or something. I didn’t really care that much for details. Even the press is coming. So stay put for now, okay, brother?” He wasn’t amused anymore and his voice was serious. I understood he really was asking me to stay away, all jokes aside.
She needed it. For some reason, I knew it was part of her healing, and since when did I refuse anything for my girl?
“I got you. I’ll see you then.”
I hung up the phone and palmed my face. I thought about the mess I’d been these past few days and how I had to set some shit straight.
I had one week.
I hoped like fuck she would still be willing to give me a chance then.
If not, then, well, it would make it all the more difficult, but I would still fight for our happy ending.
Because I had no desire to live a life full of regrets.
Not anymore.
Annabella
I tried to calm my nerves as the cheering of the crowd was getting louder and louder. My palms were sweaty, and I checked myself one last time in the mirror.
I had on my usual makeup for the performance’s sake. Smoky eyes, jeans, shirt, jacket, and boots. My hair was done in a ponytail and I looked as if I was ready to conquer the world, when inside I felt anything but.
We’d been getting ready for this for the past week. It took some organizing since I came up with it, but Jeremy took over the reins. All we had to do was plan the performance, but the girls helped me out there.
I tried to reach Ryan, but it was useless. I hoped he would be here, but if he wasn’t, there was always the news, right?
The press was here. They all wanted to have the opportunity to cover the event live; after all, we hadn’t been seen in public all together in almost a year.
Jer scheduled the conference for tomorrow and made sure the questions would be only about the performance, no personal questions asked. I knew that probably wouldn’t be the case, but didn’t care that much. I wasn’t afraid of them.
Not anymore.
I knew Megan, Mathew—wearing headphones to protect his tender hearing—and the rest of the family had special seats by the arena.
“You look good,” Sam said in a calming voice and gave me a hug. I just smiled at her, though it was forced.
“I hope I can do it.”
“I hope we all can do it.” Ariel came to us. She was taking longer to apply that damned lipstick of hers. “It’s not like we performed without you.”
“Ariel, your words aren’t exactly reassuring.” Jane finally joined us, looking slightly disheveled. We studied her curiously and she blushed.
“Someone finally had backstage sex, huh?” Ariel elbowed her, but she pushed her away.
“Shut up. I didn’t have sex.” Jane’s voice was hushed.
“Well, you had something.” It made me super happy that I had the opportunity to tease her about the guy.
“Did not.”
“Totally did.”
Jane was about to reply when Sam rolled her eyes and snapped. “Shut up, both of you. We can talk about if after the concert. Surprisingly, a lot of people showed up,” she mused, as she watched what was going on from our hiding place.
“They probably came from all the nearest towns, too. After all, it is a charity concert, and so much attention. Damn, but I feel excited!” Ariel shouted and we all frowned at her. She just winked. “Come on! It’s like old times when we tried to get our gigs.” That brought a smile to my face, because it was true. We all loved our job and never took it for granted, but at some point, we lost this excitement we had before the performance, where everything felt raw and unconquered. That’s how we felt right now.
Maybe we did really need the break we had this year, though I wished it was for different reasons. But life, as I discovered, was too short to live in constant what-ifs.
Jo appeared, all nervous as usual. We had to summon her here, and she lost her shit, because she felt like we didn’t have enough time to prepare everything. But then we assured her that, after all, she was the best, so she could do it.
“Showtime, girls. Cell phones.” I checked my phone one last time, but there was nothing. After Jer had given it back to me, I snuck Ryan’s number from his, but he never picked up. I sent him tons of messages, but they were unanswered.
It didn’t change tonight, either.
Jo took everything and, with hectic hand movements, sent us on stage. We quickly moved by the steps, and the minute we were on the stage, the screams became so loud that I almost felt like covering my ears. I was unused to it after the year break.
We knew our routine and did it perfectly. I came closer to the mic, adjusted it, and calmed myself.
It was a stage, after all, my second home. How could I forget how comfortable it felt?
“Hello, Moonlight Rose!” I screamed loudly, and the cheers erupted around us as I sent them my signature smile.
“Ariel! Ariel! Ariel!” She came closer, took out her white napkin, kissed it swiftly, and threw it to the crowd.
As always, everyone went wild to get it, and she blew them one more kiss in the air. The girls took their positions.
“Before we start our concert, I would like to say something to everyone, and if I can ask for silence, please.” Slowly, the cheers and screams settled down and I gazed at the audience. People were curious, and I took a deep breath because it was a turning point in my life, and I was happy to finally do it.
“We weren’t in public much this year. As you know, I suffered a deep loss.” My voice shook a bit, but I continued. “I lost my brother. He was an amazing person, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. I want him to be remembered as a great brother. I never write songs. That job has always belonged to Jane.” I took a pause and there were whistles for her and I clapped along. “But I wrote a song and my girls composed the music. I would like to share it with you and dedicate it to one of the best men I ever knew, Nick Hastings.” The crowd was silent and I gave the sign to the girls to start. Sam began to play on her guitar and Ariel joined her. Then Jane as well. My slightly raspy voice rang out to accompany them. The song was soft and slow, and the words came from deep inside me.
It’s in the middle of the night
I sit out here thinking to myself
How will it ever be all right…
Without you.
Those words aren’t good…Enough
I’d run to you if I could
I miss those days when I would
Spend them with you.
I wanna let you know
It’s hard to let you go
I’m sitting here alone
And trying to move on
You used to light up my sky
You and I, you said we could fly
Over the world way up, up high
I need you here, I need you now
I need you here, I need you now
My eyes were closed the entire time and all I saw was Nick and all the memories we had together. My voice shook at the end of the song, but I managed to pull it off. It was my sort of good-bye to him, my sort of showing my appreciation for everything he’d done for me. There were tears running down my cheek, but I didn’t try to hide them. They were part of me and my pain. Pain that would always stay, but I could live with it.
I could live in a world he no longer existed in.
I knew I would survive.
I finally opened my eyes and the audience seemed to snap out of their trance. Loud cheers erupted, and since it was dark, I saw lots of mobile phones lighting up. There were also screams of approval and applause. I wiped my tears away and cleared my throat.
“Thank you. I hope Nicky looks down at me and is h
appy with what he sees.” I grabbed the mic harder in my hand and continued with the second thing I had planned for tonight. “I wouldn’t be able to be here if it wasn’t for another man as well. I have been to hell and back, and he was with me all the way. You see, he was always it for me, but I just realized it recently, and I hope it’s not too late to admit it.” I took a deep breath and smiled. “Ryan Jackson, I love you, and I want to thank you for being there for me. You see, I can live without you. I just don’t want to. I don’t ever want to.” There were whistles and more cheers. “Well, I didn’t write a song for you,” I joked, and the audience laughed. “But that doesn’t change anything. I love you.” The last words were said in a whisper that was loud enough for everyone to hear.
I had no idea whether he was here or not, whether he cared or not. But I was free.
Free to love, to choose, and to believe.
“Okay, now that the emotional stuff is out of the way, how about we kick it off with an all-time favorite song?” Now the screams were deafening, and thank God I had to sing, because to hear anything would have been a hard job.
I looked back at my girls and they all smiled as they raised their hands in the classic rock sign. I just rolled my eyes.
We were back.
“Let’s rock the stage, people!”
Ryan
“Well, bro, that was really romantic. I’d have anxiety issues if I were you. You know, to top that is a hard job,” Drake said, and Jer smirked, finding it too damned hilarious.
I came late, but I was there. I joined Jeremy, Drake, and Megan, who watched the performance from the best place. I had made it in time for her speech about Nick.
Damn, that song.
I could feel all her emotion from down here, and all I wanted to do was go there, hold her in my arms, and hug her.
I came here to beg her to take me back, or kidnap her and convince her we were meant to be.
Both seemed like great solutions to me, so whatever. I decided to do what was necessary.
What I didn’t expect was what came after.
Ryan Jackson, I love you.
They were the words I’d wanted to hear from her forever.