For Better or For Worse

by Debbi Quattrone

ALEX WATCHED JENNY struggle with the walker, the helpless frustration in her face burning a hole in his gut. It hadn’t been an easy week for her. Just getting from the apartment to physical therapy wore her out. She never complained, though, not even once.

  He forced his attention to the medical record Tuck had faxed him. Gertrude Whynot’s collie had another urinary tract infection, the third one this year without reason. Alex had to be missing something.

  Jen made it halfway to the kitchen and sat down, her expression grim.

  “May I get you anything?” he asked casually, knowing her answer would be no. Sometimes she was too independent and stubborn for her own good.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Yeah.”

  He immediately rose. This was a first.

  “I’d like a double cheeseburger from the Burger Barn.”

  That startled a laugh out of him. “They have a Burger Barn here?”

  She shook her head. “I wonder if they still make the monster burger with the Thousand Island dressing and extra pickles. Oh, and their onion rings are to die for. And their fries. Not the regular ones...the spicy curly ones.”

  With a groan she sank back in the chair, made a face and shifted to a more comfortable position, angling slightly on her side.

  “You’re talking about the Burger Barn outside Cooper’s Corner, I assume.”

  “The one and only. I spent half my teen years there. Oh, God, their shakes. I almost forgot about their awesome double chocolate shakes.”

  Alex laughed. “You like torturing yourself like this?”

  “No offense, but I am sick of soup and salad.”

  “Hey, you’re the one who said you had to eat light since you weren’t getting enough exercise. I’d be happy to make you something else.”

  She grinned. “Make something else? As in open a different can of soup?”

  “I never said I could cook.”

  “No, you didn’t,” she agreed. “Because that would have been a big fat lie.”

  “Who went out in the rain to get you hot and sour soup from Chang’s five blocks away?”

  Her eyes lit up. “Have I told you how much I appreciate you? How crazy I am about you? How much I adore and worship you?” She paused. “How much I’d love another bowl of that hot and sour soup?”

  Shaking his head in mock annoyance, he got to his feet and felt his back pocket for his wallet. Amazing how she never lost her sense of humor. No matter how tired or frustrated or in pain she was, she always had a smile or something positive to say.

  Sara had been so somber all the time. Of course, she knew she was dying. But even before they knew about the cancer, there’d never been much laughter.

  Damn it. He did not want to think about Sara or compare the two women. It wasn’t fair. Not to them. Not to him.

  “Alex?”

  He dismissed his troubling thoughts and met Jen’s concerned eyes.

  “I didn’t mean for you to go right now. In fact, you don’t have to go at all. We still have some chicken noodle.”

  “I don’t mind going. The walk will do me good.”

  She bit her lower lip. “I hope you don’t think I take you for granted. I truly don’t. I—”

  “The thought never crossed my mind. If anything, I wish you’d let me do more for you.”

  “You’ve done too much already, but I swear I’ll make this all up to you.”

  “Stop it, Jen. For God’s sake, you’re my wife.”

  She drew her head back in surprise.

  Hell, he’d surprised himself. “Yeah, I know, in name only.”

  The phrase annoyed him more than it had before. This past week they’d been together constantly, doing everything a married couple would do, like reading the paper together, jockeying for the remote control.

  They ate together, laughed and talked and read a lot of the same books, which had resulted in several spirited discussions. She was very liberal, he’d discovered, much more than he was.

  But the bottom line was, they slept separately. She slept in her bed, and he took the couch. That was as it should be. But he didn’t have to like it.

  Not that he planned on anything amorous. Her surgery had barely been two weeks ago, and she was in no shape for any new adventures.

  Jenny cleared her throat. “To be perfectly honest, I’m not quite sure how to take that remark.”

  “I don’t know.” That was another interesting thing about her. She didn’t gloss over uncomfortable topics. She met them head-on, an admirable characteristic that alternately fascinated and irritated him.

  “I don’t blame you for getting tired of the setup. Maybe tonight you should go see a play, have a drink at the Plaza or Saint Moritz. Maybe you’ll meet someone nice.” Her voice broke, but she gave him a reassuring smile.

  “I don’t want to go out alone. I don’t want to meet anyone. Nice or otherwise.”

  She blinked. “I just thought maybe—well, you looked so disgusted.”

  “I’m not disgusted.” He ran a hand through his hair. Man, it was getting long. Tomorrow he’d get it cut. “I just want to go get the soup, okay?”

  She shrugged. “Okay.”

  The way she seemed to shrink into the chair cushions made him feel like a heel. He should explain, tell her he didn’t feel tied down to her but just the opposite. He thought about touching her and kissing her all the time. He wanted to taste her so badly, the desire kept him up at night.

  But what purpose would it serve to admit that to her? The knowledge would only make her uncomfortable around him. To put her in that position would be cruel. She still depended on his emotional and financial support and would need to do so for the next eight or ten months.

  “Look, Jen, I don’t regret our arrangement. I’m not bored, disgusted, unhappy, any of those things. Okay?”

  She nodded, her smile failing miserably.

  But he couldn’t do anything about it without creating more tension. So he grabbed the apartment key and headed out, the rejection on her face haunting him for five blocks.

  * * *

  “WHAT’S A THREE-LETTER word for double over?”

  Alex glanced up from the sports section of the newspaper, looking so handsome Jenny’s heart fluttered. He hadn’t shaven, and his hair was tousled. She was glad he hadn’t had it cut yet. The rugged look suited him.

  He frowned briefly. “Ply.”

  “Really?”

  “I think so.”

  “Ply, huh?” She checked the words going down the puzzle. “It’ll work. How did you know that?”

  “Toilet paper. Two-ply means double tissue.”

  “Oh.” No way would she have been able to think that quickly. Alex was exceptionally bright. “Thanks.”

  She focused on the crossword puzzle until she knew he’d returned to reading the newspaper. And then she raised her gaze to study the way the morning sunlight filtered through the bay window to touch the blond highlights in his hair.

  Even his beard had some blond in it. No gray yet. Not that she could see. He’d turned forty at the beginning of the year, she recently discovered, and she smiled. Forty used to sound so ancient.

  Alex didn’t seem old at all. His grave sense of responsibility spoke of his maturity, though, and he was analytical and exact. No impulsive decisions for him. He thought problems through until he came up with a solution—an acceptable solution and not merely one that would let him off the hook or enable him to ignore the problem.

  It would be only too easy to lay herself at his mercy. Let him make her decisions for her. He’d never steer her wrong, at least not intentionally. Or hurt her. She’d bet everything she owned on that belief.

  Not that she owned anything worth spit. The tan Italian leather sofa she’d splurged on after moving to Ne
w York was the nicest piece of furniture in the apartment. Good thing, too, because at least she knew Alex was relatively comfortable at night.

  Surely more comfortable than she’d been the past week, lying there for hours wishing he were next to her. But that wasn’t likely to happen, since he practically made a point of steering clear of her unless he was helping her get into the elevator or a cab.

  Several times she thought about pretending to faint just to force him to touch her, but she could clearly see how that would backfire. He’d probably delay their planned trip home at the end of the week.

  How easily she thought of Alex’s place as home. Much more so than this tiny excuse for an apartment. And not because of the size. She’d grown used to cramped quarters after moving to the city. Besides, until a year ago she’d worked so many long hours she was rarely home.

  The simple fact was, the apartment wasn’t a home. There were no handmade pillows or hooked rugs like the ones at Alex’s house. The two Leroy Newman prints on the wall were attractive and contemporary and a little pricey, but they didn’t compare to the watercolors of wildflowers in Alex’s two-story homey brick colonial.

  She sighed. Other than the sofa and the prints, she really didn’t much care what they did with the things she’d picked up in thrift stores and through the classifieds.

  Alex looked up from the paper. “You bored?”

  “No, I still have three books of crosswords to do. Why would I be bored?”

  He smiled and put down the paper. “Is that what all that sighing is about?”

  She sighed again. “I didn’t realize I was doing that out loud.”

  “How about another game of Scrabble?”

  “No, thanks. I don’t think my ego can take being beaten four times in one day.”

  “I’ll let you win.”

  She glared at him. “Don’t you ever do that.” She put down the pen and stared closely at him. “Did you let me win that third game of backgammon?”

  “Nope.”

  “You swear?”

  “I was teasing when I said I’d let you win at Scrabble. I’d never insult you that way. Besides, you’re perfectly capable of beating me on your own.”

  Appeased, she went back to studying her puzzle. She believed him. Not because of the indignation on his face but because Alex was too honorable and straightforward to be so childish as to let her win a silly game.

  Right?

  She looked at him. “What about chess yesterday?”

  He smiled. “What about it?”

  “Did you give me a handicap?”

  “I see. You’re trying to get me to admit that you really cleaned my clock.”

  She tried to tamp down a triumphant smile. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “Right.”

  “Hey, I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t given me any unfair advantage because I was so down yesterday.”

  He frowned. “I didn’t know—what was wrong?”

  “Nothing, really. Probably a little cabin fever.” She shrugged. “I’m not used to being so inactive. Hey, I’ve got an idea.”

  He narrowed his gaze. “Yes?”

  “After physical therapy this afternoon, we’re going on a little field trip.”

  “What?” Alex shook his head. “After therapy, we come straight home like always.”

  “Not today.” The thought cheered her immensely.

  “Jenny, be sensible. You’re always exhausted after therapy.”

  “What I have planned won’t be strenuous. I promise.”

  “What is it?”

  No way would she spill the beans. He’d only tell her to forget it. She gave him a mischievous smile. “It’s a surprise.”

  * * *

  “OH, LOOK AT HER. Isn’t she beautiful.”

  Alex shook his head. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  Jenny ignored him. Using her walker for support, she reached up to stroke the horse’s nose. “I think she’s the one.”

  The mare was a beauty, all right, even wearing the undignified straw hat with fake purple flowers. Her chocolate brown coat glistened like silk in the sun, and her liquid brown eyes were entirely too persuasive.

  “I’ve lived in this city for over two years and never taken a carriage ride through Central Park. I kept saying I would but I’d always get too busy.” Jenny looked at the horse’s owner. He had a gold hoop earring in each ear and one in his left eyebrow. “How much is it?”

  Before the man could answer, Alex stepped in. “Give us a minute.”

  The guy shrugged and went back to shelling peanuts and popping them in his mouth.

  Alex put a hand on her shoulder, sympathy in his eyes. “Going for a carriage ride is a great idea. And when you’re well, I think we should do it. But right now it’s too risky.”

  “Risky? I’ve been riding New York cabs to therapy for the past week and a half, and you call this risky?”

  “The pathway is uneven, and there are too many bumps. And no matter how well trained, a horse can be unpredictable. I really think—”

  “Alex...”

  “—that you should wait until—”

  “Alex.” This time her tone was stern.

  “What?”

  “I appreciate your concern and all the great care you’ve taken of me. Really, I do. But I’m not asking your permission to take this carriage ride.” Her expression softened. “I am going on the ride, and I’d like it if you came with me.”

  Alex rubbed his tired eyes. Damn, she was stubborn. “What if—”

  She shook her head. “There is no negotiation here.”

  “I don’t understand you, Jen. Usually you’re so sensible.”

  “You’re right. I am sensible, so trust me. I know my own body. I know what I can handle and what I can’t. You’ll have to trust that I do.”

  Alex sighed. Why did she have to go and put it that way? “Of course I’ll go with you.”

  Her smile lit her eyes. “Thanks. Is Daisy okay with you?”

  “Daisy?”

  She glanced at the mare. On the side of her hat, the name was stitched in red.

  “What a name for a horse,” he muttered, and signaled to the owner.

  Jenny laughed. “Tell Bagel and Plato that.”

  “Those are two great names.”

  “Just teasing.” She grinned, and using the walker slowly moved to the back of the carriage.

  He watched her with mixed feelings. While he worried she was being too impulsive, pushing herself as the doctor had warned against, Alex admired her resilience. She had a lot of spirit, a joy of life that was often lacking in people who’d been ill for a while.

  Of course she was on the mend, which would account for much of her exuberance, but Jenny had been a fighter from the beginning. He doubted he would have known she was sick if she hadn’t fainted at the funeral. Hell, she hadn’t even told Ed.

  “Uh, Alex, I’m afraid I’m going to need some help up.” Jenny had one hand on the walker, the other on the carriage seat.

  “Allow me, signora.” The guy with the gold earrings hurried around the carriage. “I’m Gino, and I will make sure you have the smoothest ride in the park.”

  “Thanks, Gino. I’ll take care of her.” Alex moved in beside them. The protective, proprietary feelings stirring inside him came as no surprise. Not that he was happy about them. Protective he understood. He felt that way about the animals he treated. That instinct was basic to him, but the proprietary feeling toward Jenny was not. It was wrong. He had no rights where Jenny was concerned. And he was beginning not to care much for that idea, either.

  “How about I take care of this?” Gino put a hand on the walker.

  “Thanks.” With an arm around her waist, Alex su
pported Jenny’s weight while Gino pulled the walker to the side.

  “If you’ll just let me lean on you, I think I can lift myself up.” She set her jaw with determination, but he could see the dampness forming above her lip. The required effort was probably more than she’d anticipated.

  “It’ll be easier if I lift you up.”

  “But I can—”

  He bracketed her waist with his hands and gently lifted her high enough to get a foothold. He didn’t let go until both feet were planted firmly on the carriage step and she’d grabbed the support rail.

  “Okay?” He kept his hands up, ready to catch her if she fell.

  “Okay.” Her voice sounded a little shaky.

  “Here you go.” Gino passed her a cushion and a blanket. “It’s a little breezy this afternoon.”

  “Thank you.” Jenny placed the cushion on the seat, then arranged the blanket as additional padding.

  It was a beautiful late spring day, and the man’s thoughtfulness warmed Alex. That taught him for mentally judging the guy by his eyebrow piercing.

  “Need anything else?” Gino asked.

  “I don’t.” Jenny looked at Alex.

  “You sure you want to do this?”

  “Positive.”

  Alex threw up his hands. “All right. Let’s go.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll take it nice and easy,” Gino said as he folded up the walker.

  “I’d appreciate it.” Alex helped him stow the walker on the seat opposite Jenny, then climbed up and realized it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to crowd her.

  “Here.” She patted the seat beside her when he hesitated. “There’s plenty of room for both of us.”

  He didn’t have much choice. He eased in slowly, trying not to jostle her. The space was cramped, and he stretched his arm across the seat behind her.

  She smiled shyly and snuggled closer, resting her head on his arm. “Thanks, Alex.”

  “For what?”

  “For being you.” She looked up at him, her gaze lingering on his mouth, then meeting his eyes.

  “Are you two ready?” Gino asked over his shoulder.

  It took Alex a moment to register what the man had said. Jenny’s warm sweet breath still seduced his senses. “Ready.”