Crash Into Me

by Liz Seccuro

  CHAPMAN: And what was the physical contact that he was having with you?

  ME: He was holding me by my left arm and he proceeded to very swiftly take my clothes off.

  CHAPMAN: Okay, now, let me ask you, are you the same approximate size now as you were then?

  ME: Yes.

  CHAPMAN: How tall are you now?

  ME: I’d like to think five-seven, but I believe it’s five six and a half.

  CHAPMAN: And are you the same approximate weight now as you were then?

  ME: Give or take.

  CHAPMAN: In comparison with yourself would you describe the Defendant’s size at that time?

  ME: He seemed extremely large and tall to me and I had flat shoes on at the time, unlike today. He—my sense was that he was a big guy.

  CHAPMAN: Could you describe the force with which you were held at that time?

  ME: It was not comfortable. It was extremely forceful.

  CHAPMAN: To what extent were you able to move or free yourself or the like?

  ME: I wasn’t—I was not able to.

  I started to cry.

  CHAPMAN: Now, you describe your clothes having been removed, could you tell the Court what you recall you were wearing at that time?

  ME: Yes, I was wearing a denim miniskirt, a Guess miniskirt with a snap closure and a zip. I was wearing a long sleeved crew neck cotton sweater with pink, pale blue, yellow and white squares. A bra, underpants, navy blue leather flat shoes, a string of pearls and pearl stud earrings.

  Even after burning those clothes, I would never forget them.

  CHAPMAN: Now, could you describe to the Judge how it is the Defendant was able to remove your clothing under the circumstances?

  ME: In what order, or—

  CHAPMAN: If you can remember the order, and if you can remember physically what he did, please describe those things.

  ME: If I’m him and you are me [Dave remained seated during the questioning, and he and I are sitting next to one another], I was held by—that would be my left arm, whereupon he unsnapped and unzipped my skirt and hooked his finger into my underwear and that came off all at once. Seconds later, the sweater came off over my head, it was a pullover, and seconds later, he unhooked my bra.

  CHAPMAN: Could you describe when you say he threw you onto the bed, what is it he did, where is it you ended up and how rapidly or slowly and with what degree of force, if any, did those occur?

  We had reached the moment—the actual crime. I could hear a bit of a sharp breath from the gallery and saw, out of my right eye, my husband start to slowly rock back and forth.

  ME: It was rather forceful. Mind you, my arms and legs are not really coordinated, so it didn’t take very long. It was a very swift motion. My head ended up at the, for lack of a better word, north end, probably the north end of the room where the pillow would be and my feet ended up at the foot of the bed.

  CHAPMAN: Where was he?

  ME: He was right there.

  CHAPMAN: Standing, sitting, what—can you describe that?

  ME: In a matter of moments he was climbing on top of me.

  CHAPMAN: Do you know whether he had his clothes on?

  ME: Yes, his clothes were on.

  CHAPMAN: Did he remove his clothing?

  ME: No, he did not.

  CHAPMAN: At any time did he remove his clothing?

  ME: Not to my recollection[.]

  CHAPMAN: Would you tell the Judge what he did?

  ME: Help me out here. Where do you want me to start?

  CHAPMAN: Well, you’ve described that he was on top of you?

  ME: Yes.

  CHAPMAN: At that time he was on top of you, what was going on? What did he do?

  ME: The first thing that I recall is that I was digitally penetrated with his hand.

  CHAPMAN: What part of your body was digitally penetrated?

  ME: My vagina.

  CHAPMAN: Could you tell the Court what he did in order to be able to do that, with what force, if any, he was able to accomplish that?

  ME: It was rather forceful I recall because it was extraordinarily painful for me. And it was quite brief, ten seconds, I guess that’s not very brief when that is happening.

  CHAPMAN: Were you penetrated in any other way or by any other object?

  ME: Yes.

  CHAPMAN: Would you describe that to the Court, please?

  ME: After the digital penetration, he lay on top of me and forced his penis in and around my vaginal area. I say around because there—how do I say this—?

  CHAPMAN: Well, use your own words and describe what he did.

  ME: Okay. He was extremely forceful and because I was a virgin, there was—he was having a very difficult time penetrating me, so he was being extremely aggressive and fast and rough.

  Mike started to become visibly and audibly agitated and I feared he would jump the seats and strangle William Beebe. A bailiff came over, bent down and whispered to him to settle down or he would have to leave the courtroom.

  ME: I remember the first thing I tried to do was to keep my legs together in the hopes that he wouldn’t get in as hard as he got. And I remember having my hands up over my face. It’s almost like when a turtle is on its back and he can’t—and it’s fighting, but it really is not getting anywhere. My arms then became pinned to my sides by the Defendant, so my arms were no longer fighting, so I tried to move my legs, to kick my legs, but once again, he was just—he was just so much bigger than me, and I couldn’t.

  Sobbing.

  CHAPMAN: Could you tell the Court if there were any other ways in which you resisted what he was attempting to do?

  ME: I said “No!” I said “Get off me!” I said “Please stop, you’re hurting me!”

  CHAPMAN: Did he do that.

  ME: No, he did not.

  CHAPMAN: How did it stop?

  ME: I don’t know how it stopped because after a few minutes, I—I remember looking out the window, which was to my left, I remember seeing the streetlight and wondering—I don’t know if the window was open or closed, wondering if anyone could hear me. And I—I just—I remember thinking “I’m going to die here in this room and my mom and dad aren’t going to find me.” And all the while, the rape was continuing and, at that point, I lost consciousness.

  CHAPMAN: Now, when you say you lost consciousness, is that something of which you’re aware of [or] is it something in the nature of a conclusion that you reached based on other things?

  ME: No, I literally remember just everything—I remember seeing stars from the pain and it became too great for me and I recall just saying, “You know, it’s okay, you can just let go, you can—you can go to sleep.” And I just blacked out. I actually remember the process of it.

  The worst was over.

  CHAPMAN: Can you remember the next thing? What’s your first recollection after that?

  ME: I awoke on the sofa, which was perpendicular to the bed where the attack occurred. And I was naked and wrapped in a sheet which had blood on it.

  CHAPMAN: Where did it have blood on it?

  ME: Sort of where—I had been wrapped in it, I don’t know how. And it was—there was sort of a one and a half foot square area around my mid-section after I inspected the sheet. No one was in the room when I awoke.

  CHAPMAN: Do you know how much later it was that you awoke or became conscious?

  ME: I do not recall. It was early morning, approximately.

  CHAPMAN: How do you know it was early morning, and if you have a time estimate, would you describe that?

  ME: I would describe it about eight A.M. to nine A.M. simply because of the position of the sun and my own internal body clock.

  CHAPMAN: Was it light out?

  ME: It was.

  CHAPMAN: Was it fully light out?

  ME: Yes.

  CHAPMAN: Was there anybody in the room?

  ME: No. May I back up?

  CHAPMAN: Is there something you’ve forgotten or left out?

  ME: Yes.
>
  CHAPMAN: What is that?

  ME: After I became unconscious, I don’t know how much time later, I do recall the door to the room opening, I recall hearing voices. I had a sense that there were people milling about. I had a sense that I was seen there.

  CHAPMAN: I’m not sure I’ve heard you; are you using the word I was “seen” there or I was “seeing” there?

  ME: No, I was seen there by others, by people.

  CHAPMAN: Can you tell the Court whether that was—well, what were the lighting conditions at the time that you had that observation?

  ME: The room was dark as it had been during the attack. And when the door to the room opened, some light from the hallway was let into the room, so I was obviously aware.

  CHAPMAN: Could you describe the lighting conditions outside at that time?

  ME: The lights were on in the hallway.

  CHAPMAN: But my question was outside of the building. Was it still dark or—

  ME: Yes, it was still dark.

  CHAPMAN: Now, did you do or say anything at that time?

  ME: Not that I recall. I was in shock I recall.

  CHAPMAN: Do you have the ability to say who or how many people were there?

  ME: No. I do recall there being, from hearing their voices, that it was more than one since there was conversation. But I was unable to speak or cry out and I didn’t know if the Defendant was one of those people.

  CHAPMAN: Do you know if you had any interaction with any of them?

  ME: I don’t recall.

  CHAPMAN: Do you know if you moved in a significant way?

  ME: I may have tried to, but significant, no.

  CHAPMAN: Now, after the time period when you’re aware it was fully light outside, did you remain in the room?

  ME: No, not for long.

  CHAPMAN: Now, while you were still in the room, did you see anybody?

  ME: Yes.

  CHAPMAN: Who did you see?

  ME: The Defendant.

  CHAPMAN: Could you describe that to the Court?

  ME: Yes. As I was on the sofa, still naked and wrapped in this sheet, he came in, fully clothed, was packing his backpack and somewhat incredulously said “good morning,” or something—I—I—you know, I really don’t remember exactly what he said. He made some reference to the fact that it was chilly outside, that I would need a jacket. And I just remember thinking this was so completely incongruous. I was standing there with no clothes on and in a sheet and had just been raped and I don’t believe I—I don’t know if I responded.

  Dave led me through the rest of the testimony—finding my clothes, retrieving my handbag, going down the stairs to leave the house.

  CHAPMAN: Is the person who did those things to you in Court here today?

  ME: Yes, he is.

  CHAPMAN: Would you point him out, please?

  ME: [I pointed toward the Defendant.]

  CHAPMAN: The record—

  THE COURT: The record will reflect she’s indicated the Defendant.

  CHAPMAN: Thank you. Those are the questions that I have. Answer questions from Counsel.

  Breathe. Breathe. This part was over.

  * Ellipsis points (…) used in original court documents to indicate pauses in speech have been changed to em-dashes (—) for reader clarity.

  CHAPTER 9 Cross-Examination and Redirect

  I felt relief after getting my testimony out. But there was more to come: the cross-examination. The job of the defense attorney is to make the witness look as confused and untruthful as possible. Rhonda Quagliana was just doing what she was paid to do—I didn’t blame her then and harbor no ill will toward her now. But her questioning was far from pleasant.

  Rhonda conferred with Francis Lawrence, shuffled her papers, and took a very long pause. She looked perfectly put together, with flawless skin and raven hair, dressed in a black pantsuit and low-heeled pumps. She launched right into the classic blame-the-victim triumvirate of “You were out on a school night,” “You drank alcohol,” and “You wore a short skirt.” If it had not been so painful, it would have been laughable in its predictability. With no jury to impress—or alienate—at these preliminary hearings, the defense attorneys can attack hard.

  RHONDA QUAGLIANA: Ms. Seccuro, I’m Rhonda Quagliana. Did you have Friday class that semester?

  ME: I did.

  QUAGLIANA: And did you go to class on Friday?

  ME: I did not.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. And—but it’s because you have a Friday class that you think this was on a Thursday night, is that correct?

  ME: Correct.

  QUAGLIANA: And is it fair to say that you had been attending fraternity parties and the like through the semester up until October?

  ME: I had been to a few, yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And you had consumed alcohol at those parties?

  ME: Certainly.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. When you awoke and found yourself in a bloody sheet, was the blood just located on one area of the sheet, or was the sheet covered with blood?

  ME: I would say there were about six or seven ovals, two to three inches in diameter.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay, and you were naked at this point?

  ME: I was.

  QUAGLIANA: And was there blood on other parts of your body besides the area between your legs?

  ME: I was going to say in between my legs.

  QUAGLIANA: Is that the only area that any blood ever touched?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And where was the bloody area between your legs?

  ME: Well, there was some dried blood on my inner thighs.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay, how far down your legs did that go?

  ME: Almost to my knees.

  QUAGLIANA: What area of your legs did it cover?

  ME: I’m not sure I get your meaning.

  QUAGLIANA: I’m sorry. Was it—

  ME: But I just answered that.

  QUAGLIANA: Thank you. If it went down to your knees—

  ME: The inside, the inside of my thighs.

  QUAGLIANA: The inside, you know, did it cover—what area did it cover around the inside of your legs?

  ME: Maybe like a two inch, is that what you’re looking for?

  QUAGLIANA: Yes, that’s what I want to know.

  ME: Two inch—two inch wide area.

  These questions had the intended effect of making me nervous about the details of my answers—focusing on minutiae, and especially the traumatic minutiae of the blood.

  QUAGLIANA: Was your jewelry intact?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And you testified that the stripping of your clothes occurred all in one area, is that correct, one area of the room?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And that Mr. Beebe had your arm while he was taking your clothes off?

  ME: One arm and then the other.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. Oh, he had one arm and then the other? When did he take your other arm?

  ME: The sweater. No, no, no, to take my sweater off, he began by holding my left arm and then to take the other arm out, switched arms.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay.

  ME: I’m sorry if I was unclear.

  QUAGLIANA: That’s okay. Well, I’m trying to find out. So, and you testified that he was holding you very forcefully with his hand, is that correct?

  ME: Correct.

  QUAGLIANA: And when you went to retrieve your clothes that morning, your clothing was right in that area where he had allegedly stripped your clothes off, is that correct?

  As if to say that in a rape, clothing must be strewn wildly about the room.

  ME: Correct.

  QUAGLIANA: And you recovered everything except your underwear?

  ME: Correct.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. And you testified that you were wearing a denim miniskirt, is that correct?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And, if you could just tell me, how—what was the length of the skirt? How far down did it go?

  What? Really? I felt the same swell
of anger I had felt when I screamed at my mother for asking about my clothes that day in the dean’s office.

  ME: What are you implying? I would say that it went to mid-thigh. Would you like me to stand up and demonstrate for you?

  She ignored my hate-dripping sarcasm.

  QUAGLIANA: Sure, thank you.

  So I stood.

  ME: The skirt I’m currently wearing—

  THE COURT: If the Witness would please step forward just so the Court and the Court Reporter can see.

  ME: About two to three inches shorter than the hem I’m currently wearing.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. You—I take it that before—this is sort of a dumb question, but before you left the room, you put on the clothes that you could find, correct?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: Including your shoes, is that right?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And you would testify that your foot had been injured the night before from having to try to kick the door down where your friend Hudson was, is that correct?

  ME: Correct.

  QUAGLIANA: And your toe had already, according to your account, begun to swell, is that right?

  ME: Yes.

  QUAGLIANA: And would you say you had trouble getting your feet into your shoes?

  ME: I had trouble getting my right foot into my right shoe.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay, and was your toe bleeding at that point?

  ME: No.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. And when you put on your clothing, and particularly your skirt, did your skirt make contact with any blood, if you know?

  ME: I stepped into it, so I’m not quite sure.

  QUAGLIANA: Did you have other opportunities during the morning to examine yourself to ascertain your condition after this occurred?

  ME: Certainly.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay, and did you see any blood on your clothing?

  ME: After sitting—subsequently sitting, that, yeah, there was a bit on the hem on the back.

  QUAGLIANA: Okay. And tell me what injuries you would say you sustained as a result of this incident?

  ME: My toe, which became, you know, just worse later on was most certainly broken and I know this because I was a classical ballerina and I had broken my toes many times. A few of my ribs were bruised. I had a bruise in the back of my head on the center left side and I had a contusion on my right cheekbone.