Borgon the Axeboy and the Prince's Shadow

by Kjartan, Poskitt

  ‘Well, just for once, try to be a sensible barbarian,’ said Grizzy. ‘If the Raggahoos think you’re dead, you can catch them by surprise. Hunjah, lend Borgon your hat.’

  ‘What for?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘You’ll see!’ said Grizzy.

  What Do Lies Smell Like?

  The four Raggahoos were on the stage, holding up the rubies and looking very pleased with themselves.

  ‘I hereby declare that these four contenders have completed the first trial!’ announced Madreesh.

  ‘No they didn’t!’ shouted Grizzy from the crowd. ‘Three of them never went to the top of the mountain.’

  The Raggahoos hissed angrily.

  ‘But they have the rubies,’ said the dame.

  ‘I know,’ said Grizzy. ‘But ask them where they found the rubies. What were they in?’

  ‘I can tell you that,’ said Akabbah.

  ‘Don’t ask him,’ said Grizzy. ‘Ask the other three.’

  The dame stared suspiciously at the fat one, the bony one and the one with curly hair.

  ‘Well?’ she said. ‘Tell me. What were the rubies in?’

  ‘Um … er … ah … well …’ said the other three. But then their eyes opened wide in amazement. They were looking over the dame’s shoulder.

  Akabbah was standing behind her, flapping his arms, trying to give them a clue.

  ‘A vulture?’ said the bony one.

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ laughed the crowd.

  Akabbah shook his head. He then pretended to pick up some twigs with his mouth and make a bird’s nest.

  ‘It’s a cow eating grass,’ said the one with curly hair.

  The dame was so astonished by the answers that she hadn’t looked round and seen what Akabbah was up to.

  In desperation, Akabbah tried to pretend to be a bird laying an egg. He crouched down, and made it look as if he was pushing something big out.

  ‘Wah ha ha ha ha!’ screamed the crowd.

  At last the dame looked round.

  ‘What ARE you doing?’ she demanded.

  ‘He’s trying to tell them it was a bird’s nest,’ said Grizzy.

  The dame called the Bigfoot to join her on the stage.

  ‘Did you put the rubies in a bird’s nest?’ she asked him.

  The Bigfoot nodded. Madreesh looked down at Grizzy.

  ‘How did you know that?’ she asked.

  ‘Borgon told me,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘But he’s dead!’ sneered Akabbah.

  ‘You wish!’ said Grizzy.

  Then a chubby savage pushed his way on stage with a huge hat pulled down over his head.

  ‘Who’s that?’ demanded Akabbah.

  Borgon pulled the hat off.

  ‘Gasp!’ went the Raggahoos.

  ‘Hooray!’ cheered the crowd.

  ‘So you finally got here, did you?’ said Akabbah, trying to stay calm. ‘Well, you’re last, so you’re eliminated.’

  ‘At least I went to the top and back,’ said Borgon.

  ‘Prove it!’ sneered Akabbah. ‘Where’s your ruby?’

  The dame turned to Borgon. ‘I’m sorry, barbarian,’ she said. ‘You have to have a ruby to show you finished the trail.’

  ‘Akabbah took all the rubies and gave them to his mates,’ said Borgon. ‘But he left behind a yellow egg. Look!’

  Borgon reached into the bag and pulled out the pieces of eggshell.

  ‘That’s not an egg!’ said Akabbah.

  ‘No, but it WAS an egg,’ said Borgon. ‘And if you don’t believe me, ask her.’

  The little duck stuck her head out of the bag.

  ‘Quammy!’ she said.

  The dame turned to the Bigfoot, who was nodding.

  ‘So you DID go there!’ said the dame.

  ‘So did we!’ shouted the other Raggahoos.

  The dame stared at the three savages. Her long nose twitched suspiciously.

  ‘Did you know that when there is a lie in the air I can smell it?’ she said. ‘And we have a severe punishment for lying!’

  The blue slaves all came up on to the stage and waved their big heavy clubs with spikes on them. The three cheating Raggahoos shook with fear.

  ‘DEATH DEATH DEATH!’ cheered the crowd.

  ‘Er … no,’ said the dame.

  ‘HURT A LOT, HURT A LOT, HURT A LOT!’ chanted the crowd hopefully.

  The dame shook her head.

  ‘SLIGHLY SORE, SLIGHTLY SORE, SLIGHTLY SORE!’ chanted the crowd.

  ‘NO!’ said the dame. ‘You will all be disqualified.’

  ‘Booo!’ went the crowd.

  ‘Oh, thank you!’ said the three Raggahoos, and they quickly got off the stage before the dame changed her mind.

  ‘So I win, then!’ said Akabbah. ‘I’m the only one left.’

  ‘No way!’ shouted Grizzy. ‘Borgon went up the mountain too! That’s what this trial was all about, wasn’t it?’

  ‘The girl is right,’ said Madreesh. ‘The axeboy is still in the competition, so now prepare yourselves to face the next trial.’

  A slave came over with two small shields and passed one each to Borgon and Akabbah.

  ‘Two little shields?’ shouted Eyepatch Woman. ‘Is that all they get?’

  ‘Boring!’ shouted Mr Rusty Teeth.

  ‘Give them swords!’ shouted Spike-Head Man.

  ‘SWORDS!’ echoed the crowd.

  ‘No,’ said Madreesh.

  ‘What about daggers, then?’ shouted Eyepatch Woman.

  ‘DAGGERS?’ shouted the crowd hopefully.

  ‘No,’ said Madreesh.

  ‘Just give them anything dangerous,’ cried out Mr Rusty Teeth.

  ‘ANYTHING DANGEROUS!’ cheered the crowd.

  ‘No,’ said Madreesh. ‘This is the trial of a thousand darts.’

  ‘The what?’ said the crowd.

  ‘You all get to throw darts at these two,’ explained Madreesh. ‘One thousand of them.’

  ‘Hooray!’ cheered everyone.

  The Trial of a Thousand Darts

  Borgon passed the picnic bag down to Hunjah to keep the duck safe, then the blue slaves wandered through the crowd handing out little wooden darts.

  ‘What’s the point of this trial?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘It’s to test their speed,’ said Grizzy, checking her book. ‘Whoever catches the most darts on his shield wins.’

  ‘But what if I hit Borgon by accident?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘They’re just little darts,’ said Mungoid. ‘They won’t hurt much.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter about hurting,’ said Grizzy. ‘If either of them get hit, they get disqualified.’

  ‘I don’t want to risk it,’ said Hunjah. ‘I’m going to have my lunch instead.’ He reached into his tunic and pulled out a string of tomatoes. ‘Do you want one, Mungoid?’

  ‘Yuk, no thanks!’ said the chunky savage. He was clutching a pile of darts all ready to throw.

  The rest of the crowd were buzzing with excitement, and some of them were getting out their daggers and spears to throw as well.

  ‘I’m watching you all,’ warned Madreesh. ‘When the trumpet sounds, you just throw the darts. You do NOT throw anything else!’

  ‘Aw!’ moaned the crowd.

  Madreesh got off the stage, just leaving Borgon and Akabbah holding their little shields.

  The fat blue slave took a deep breath and gave his trumpet a mighty blow.

  TUB-OW!

  A little dart had flown out of the crowd and stuck itself into his nose.

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ went everybody.

  The slave tugged out the dart and looked a bit grumpy.

  ‘Blow it again,’ said Madreesh.

  ‘I’m not in the mood now,’ said the slave.

  ‘PLEASE!’ begged the crowd.

  ‘I’m not blowing my trumpet until you say sorry,’ said the slave.

  ‘SORRY!’ cheered the crowd.

  ‘Oh all right, then,’ said the slave.

  TU
B-ARP!

  A shower of darts flew at the stage.

  Borgon’s first reaction was to duck, but Akabbah dived straight at them, skipping his long legs in the air and waving his shield around.

  THUPPA PLUPPA DONK!

  Akabbah’s shield was already filling up with darts, so Borgon had to catch up quickly. He ran around, holding out his shield and trying not to be hit. More darts came whistling through the air, some landing on the floor, some flying off to the side, and a few just skimming past his hair and clothes.

  Borgon thought he was doing rather well, until he saw Akabbah’s shield was already completely full.

  ‘You’re too slow, barbarian!’ said the tall savage mockingly. ‘It’s all over and I’ve got lots more than you.’

  ‘Hey, Borgon, over here!’ shouted Mungoid. He had kept a whole handful of darts back, and he threw them all at once.

  ‘Thanks!’ cried Borgon, reaching out to catch them. Akabbah was behind him and couldn’t get there first, so instead he gave Borgon a shove in the back and sent the barbarian flying forwards. Borgon landed flat on his tummy, but he just managed to stretch up his arm.

  THIBBA DOBBA!

  Mungoid’s darts buried themselves on the very edge of the shield.

  ‘There!’ said Borgon proudly. ‘We’ve both got a shield full. So what happens now?’

  ‘This!’ said Akabbah.

  A single dart came slicing through the air, and hit Borgon right on the bottom.

  ‘YEE-OW!’ yelped Borgon.

  RAGGA RAGGA HOO HOO! came a shout from the crowd. The savage with the curly hair was holding a small crossbow and looked very pleased with himself.

  ‘Good shot!’ said Akabbah. ‘Borgon got hit, so he is disqualified. I win!’

  ‘I will decide who wins,’ said Madreesh as she got back on to the stage.

  ‘It has to be me,’ said Akabbah. ‘I never got hit.’

  ‘But that last dart was cheating!’ shouted Mungoid.

  ‘No it wasn’t,’ said Akabbah. ‘It was a clever plan, and Borgon should have been ready for it. After all, if you want to be the Prince’s Shadow, you should be ready for anything. Well, am I right?’

  Madreesh nodded sadly. ‘I suppose so,’ she said.

  Down in the crowd, Hunjah was looking gloomy.

  ‘I can’t believe Borgon lost because of that,’ he said. ‘It’s put me right off my lunch.’

  ‘Can I have your last tomato, then?’ asked Grizzy.

  ‘Are you sure?’ said Hunjah. ‘It’s a bit green and mouldy.’

  ‘That’s exactly how I like them!’ grinned Grizzy.

  Up on the stage Akabbah was still strutting around proudly.

  ‘I’d make the perfect Shadow!’ he was saying. ‘I’m always on my guard, expecting the unexpected. Nothing ever catches me out …’

  SPLOTCH!

  One green mouldy tomato hit him right in the teeth and exploded all over his face.

  Ha ha ha! roared the crowd.

  ‘I call this trial a draw,’ smiled Madreesh. ‘So you will both face the third and final test. Prepare for the Walk of Death!’

  ‘Wooo!’ went the crowd.

  The Walk of Death

  Everybody went to gather round a large hole in the ground. The sides were steep and smooth and a long rope was stretched tightly across the middle. Grizzy, Mungoid and Hunjah peered over the edge.

  GURR-ARGHH!

  A huge sabre-toothed bear was prowling around the pit. It had toenails like bananas and claws like daggers. The bottom of the pit was littered with skulls and bones.

  ‘Wow!’ said Mungoid. ‘She is a BEAUTY.’

  The blue slaves had taken Borgon and Akabbah to stand at opposite ends of the long rope. Grizzy, Hunjah and Mungoid made their way round to join Borgon, while the other Raggahoos went to support Akabbah.

  Madreesh was standing on the very edge of the pit, leaning on her staff. She was just about to speak when the bear lunged up and tried to swipe a giant claw at her.

  GURR-ARGHH!

  ‘Behave yourself,’ said Madreesh.

  GURR-ARGHH!

  ‘I said behave!’ she said sharply. She thrust the end of her staff down at the bear, and waggled the silver crystal in front of the snarling face. The great beast tried to shy away, but as the crystal twisted and flickered in the sunlight the bear couldn’t take its eyes off it. Suddenly the dame flicked the end of the staff upwards. The beast fell over backwards and collapsed on to a heap of old bones.

  KERR-UNCH!

  ‘Oh cool!’ said Grizzy. ‘I SO wish I could do that.’

  ‘Contestants, you will take turns to walk across the rope,’ announced Madreesh. ‘Keep going until one of you gives up …’

  ‘Boring!’ shouted the crowd.

  ‘… or falls in.’

  ‘Hooray!’ cheered the crowd.

  By this time the bear was back on its feet and looking crosser than ever.

  ‘You go first, little chubby guts,’ called out Akabbah from across the pit. ‘That bear looks ready for a good meal.’

  ‘Why don’t you go first?’ shouted Mungoid.

  ‘Can’t he speak for himself?’ said Akabbah. ‘Or is he too scared?’

  ‘SCARED?’ cursed Borgon, clutching his axe. ‘Nobody tells a barbarian he’s scared.’

  ‘I just did,’ said Akabbah. ‘So come over here and get me if you dare!’

  Borgon hissed angrily, then held out his axe to balance himself. He stepped on to the rope with one foot, then very carefully he put his second foot on too. Below him the bear’s blood-red eyes were looking up, his teeth and claws all ready.

  ‘Good luck, Borgon!’ shouted Mungoid. ‘Dash over as fast as you can.’

  ‘No!’ shouted Hunjah. ‘There’s no rush. Go slow, one step at a time.’

  Borgon was already starting to wobble and the bear was licking its lips.

  ‘How about you, Grizzy?’ asked Borgon. ‘What do you say?’

  ‘Goodbye,’ said Grizzy. ‘It was nice knowing you.’

  Borgon bit his lip and took a tiny step forwards. The bear stretched itself up and opened its mouth wide. The thick purple tongue lashed around hungrily, licking its long curved teeth. Over on the far side the Raggahoos were laughing.

  Borgon felt the rope twitching. He looked across to see Akabbah had his foot on the far end and was bouncing it up and down.

  ‘Get on with it!’ shouted Akabbah. ‘We haven’t got all day.’

  ‘Why don’t YOU try?’ shouted Grizzy.

  The crowd agreed. They all turned to point at Akabbah.

  ‘GO GO! GO!’ they chanted.

  Akabbah broke into a big laugh.

  ‘Oh all right, if you insist.’

  Akabbah ran forwards and launched himself straight off the edge. He landed neatly on the rope and sprinted all the way across to where Borgon was struggling to keep his balance. The lanky savage gave Borgon a sharp prod in the guts, dashed back and then leapt off with a high backflip and landed perfectly on his feet. Down in the pit the bear lumbered around in confusion as the crowd erupted with noise.

  RAGGA RAGGA HOO HOO!

  RAGGA RAGGA HOO HOO!

  Akabbah was grinning and bowing and lapping up the applause.

  ‘Your turn!’ he called over to Borgon.

  Borgon was still on his end of the rope, trying to keep his balance.

  ‘Barbarian, you have already done well,’ said Madreesh. ‘You can give up now and still depart with honour.’

  ‘And lose to HIM?’ said Borgon. ‘No way!’

  And with that, he took a big step out over the pit.

  ‘Ooooh!’ went the crowd.

  GURR-ARGHH! went the bear.

  Borgon took another step, and then another … but then he stumbled! He threw himself forwards and dashed the rest of the way, almost knocking Akabbah over on the other side.

  ‘It’s easy,’ gasped Borgon.

  ‘Then back you go again,’ said Akabbah, giving Borgon a ha
rd push.

  Borgon staggered backwards over the pit. Mungoid and Hunjah just managed to grab him before he fell and pulled him to safety.

  ‘Fantastic!’ said Mungoid. ‘You can do it!’

  Borgon took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

  ‘So what happens now?’ he said. ‘Do we just keep going backwards and forwards all day?’

  ‘You’re right,’ shouted Akabbah from the far side. ‘Let’s hurry it up!’

  He skipped across to the middle of the rope, then bounced up and down to make it stretch.

  CREAK PING TWANG!

  The bear leapt up and just caught the rope with the tip of a claw. Akabbah had to wave his arms madly to keep his balance, then quickly ran back to his side of the pit.

  ‘All ready for you!’ he called over to Borgon.

  Borgon stepped on to the rope.

  ‘Just go very gently,’ said Hunjah. ‘He was bouncing, but you should be fine if you tiptoe along.’

  ‘Tiptoe?’ snapped Borgon. ‘I’m a BARBARIAN about to cross a BEAR PIT. And you want me to tiptoe like a little pixie?’

  ‘It was just a thought,’ said Hunjah.

  Borgon stepped out over the pit. Last time the rope had been almost level, but this time it was sloping downwards and it was wobbling more. The bear was waiting with its teeth and claws ready. Borgon slid his feet along the rope as carefully as he could.

  Grizzy, Mungoid and Hunjah were so busy watching him, that they didn’t notice the other three Raggahoos had pushed through the crowd behind them.

  ‘Give me that!’ said the fat one, snatching the bag from Hunjah.

  ‘What do you want?’ demanded Hunjah.