Borgon the Axeboy and the Prince's Shadow

by Kjartan, Poskitt

  ‘We saw you eating those tomatoes,’ said the one with curly hair. ‘We’re just making sure you haven’t got any more to throw.’

  ‘He didn’t throw it,’ said Grizzy. ‘I did.’

  ‘Oh really?’ said the bony one. ‘Then here’s a present from Akabbah.’

  He raised his fist, but Mungoid stepped in the way.

  ‘If you want to hit somebody, try me,’ he said.

  ‘You asked for it!’ said the bony one, and he punched Mungoid hard on the chin.

  WUMCH!

  ‘Yow!’ squealed the bony one. He staggered back, clutching his fingers. Mungoid hadn’t even blinked.

  ‘Feel better for that?’ smiled the chunky savage. ‘It must be my turn now. Line yourselves up!’

  But the three Raggahoos didn’t wait. They dashed away, dropping the bag on the ground. Something small and yellow rolled out, but at that moment there was a noise from across the pit …

  TWING!

  They all looked to see Borgon had reached the middle of the rope. A tiny strand had snapped under his feet.

  Borgon took another step.

  PLINK TWOING!

  Borgon smiled to himself. The rope wasn’t going to last much longer. All he had to do was get across and back, then surely the silly prancing savage would end up in the pit!

  ‘Quammy!’

  What?

  ‘Quammy! Quammy!’

  ‘Come back!’ shouted Grizzy.

  Borgon looked round and saw the little duck was toddling down the rope to join him.

  ‘Awww!’ went the crowd.

  ‘Sorry, Borgon!’ said Hunjah. ‘The Raggahoos let her go!’

  The bear looked up at the tiny yellow bird and let out a mighty roar.

  GURR-ARGHHHH!

  The duck started to wobble. She stumbled about, first on one leg and then the other.

  ‘Ooooh!’ said the crowd.

  Then the duck slipped off the rope. She flapped her tiny wings with all her might and for a moment she hovered in mid-air, but then she drifted down and hit the bottom of the pit with a sad little THUD.

  ‘ARGHHH!’ screamed the crowd.

  The bear lunged towards the duck with its claws raised.

  ‘Oh no you DON’T!’ cried Borgon.

  The bear looked up and saw the chubby little savage glaring down and waving his axe.

  ‘I’m warning you,’ said Borgon. ‘Get back from that duck.’

  The bear ignored him and went for the little yellow bird. There was only one thing a proper barbarian could do.

  ‘YARGHHHH!’

  With a loud scream, the axeboy leapt off the rope and hurled himself into the pit.

  Two Against One

  WHAM BASH CHOP GRUNT!

  Borgon’s axe flashed, his feet kicked and his teeth chomped. He had attacked so fast that the giant bear had no idea what had hit it. It backed away a couple of steps, then looked down at the chubby little savage.

  ‘So you thought you’d attack my duck, did you?’ snarled Borgon. ‘I’m going to have to teach you a lesson.’

  ‘Quammy,’ said the little duck, and she waved her wing in a menacing way.

  ‘You’d better keep out of it,’ said Borgon to the duck. ‘Two against one isn’t fair.’

  The crowd were starting to laugh.

  ‘Come on, bear!’ shouted Akabbah, looking over the edge. ‘Finish him off, then I can be the winner.’

  The bear lurched forwards and swiped its giant paw round to scoop Borgon’s head off, but the paw passed clean through empty air. Borgon had already ducked, but then he suddenly leapt up and smacked his axe hard into the bear’s long teeth.

  KRINTCH!

  The bear howled and lashed out, knocking Borgon flying into the wall. The barbarian ended up lying face down in a pile of old bones without moving.

  ‘Ooooh!’ cheered the crowd.

  ‘GET UP, BORGON!’ shouted Mungoid and Hunjah.

  ‘THIS IS NO TIME FOR A SLEEP!’ shouted Grizzy.

  Borgon was too dazed to hear them, but then he felt a peck on his ear.

  ‘Quammy quammy quammy!’ squeaked the little duck.

  ‘What?’ said Borgon. He opened his eyes just in time to see the great bear launch itself at him. He rolled to the side.

  WHUMPAH!

  The bear hit the ground with a mighty, lung-bruising bellyflop.

  ‘Quammy!’ said the duck excitedly.

  ‘Thanks for the warning, little friend!’ said Borgon.

  As the gasping bear slowly pulled itself to its feet, Borgon ran round it in circles, taking swipes with his axe. The bear twisted and turned, swinging its paws wildly, trying to fend him off but the barbarian was too fast. Eventually the beast staggered off to the side of the pit and sat down. Its teeth were smarting, it was covered in nasty scratches, its ribs ached and it was out of breath. It had had enough.

  ‘What’s your problem?’ screamed Borgon. ‘I’ve seen little ducks that are braver than you. Now, come on, let’s finish this off.’

  He raised his axe, took a deep breath and got ready to charge.

  ‘YARGHHHHHH …’

  PLANG!

  Borgon found himself tangled up in a steel net. His arms were trapped and his feet wouldn’t move. The only thing he could do was fall over, so that’s what he did.

  ‘BOOO!’ went the crowd.

  ‘What’s going on?’ demanded Borgon, looking upwards.

  The two slaves who had thrown the net stepped aside. Madreesh looked over the edge of the pit.

  ‘We had to stop you somehow,’ smiled the dame. ‘The bear’s supposed to attack YOU, not the other way round!’

  Small, Fat and Far Too Smelly

  TUB-ARP went the fat blue slave on his double-headed trumpet. He hadn’t done a good tub-arp for a while and was getting a bit bored. Madreesh was back on the stage, standing between Borgon and Akabbah.

  ‘It is time for me to decide who is to be the Prince’s new Shadow,’ said the dame.

  ‘I was the first back from the mountain,’ said Akabbah. ‘And I never fell off the rope, so the rules say I win!’

  ‘I know what the rules say,’ said the dame crossly. ‘It was me who made them up!’

  ‘Forget the rules!’ shouted Grizzy from the crowd. ‘If you want a bodyguard for the prince, you haven’t tested the most important thing.’

  ‘What’s that?’ asked Madreesh.

  ‘Loyalty!’ said Grizzy. ‘Borgon would risk his life for the prince.’

  ‘How do you know that?’ demanded Akabbah.

  ‘Because that’s what he does,’ said Grizzy. ‘He even risked his life for a duck!’

  ‘That’s true,’ said Madreesh. ‘He has also shown exceptional strength and courage.’

  ‘But he’s mad!’ shouted Akabbah. ‘The prince needs somebody calm and reliable. That fat kid is totally out of control.’

  Borgon’s hand immediately went to his axe, but before he could pull it from his belt, Grizzy hissed at him.

  ‘Ignore him, Borgon!’ she said. ‘Don’t ruin it now. You could win this!’

  Borgon looked back at Akabbah and smiled sweetly.

  Akabbah pushed past Madreesh and shoved his nose right into Borgon’s face.

  ‘You can’t be the Prince’s Shadow. You’re too small, you’re too fat and you’re FAR too smelly.’

  Borgon’s knuckles were going white, but still his axe remained tucked safely in his belt.

  ‘Well?’ said Akabbah. ‘Are you just going to stand there and let anybody say what they like to you? What kind of savage are you?’

  ‘Small, fat, smelly, mad and totally out of control,’ said Borgon.

  ‘There!’ said Akabbah to everyone. ‘He said it himself. Are you really going to let him win?’

  Madreesh examined Borgon carefully. His hand had relaxed on his axe, he was breathing calmly, he even had a smile on his face. Down in the crowd, Mungoid and Hunjah started to chant:

  ‘Borgon, Borgon, Borgon �
��’

  Quickly it caught on. The noise got louder and louder as everyone joined in:

  BORGON! BORGON! BORGON!

  The dame needed to be certain. She looked over to the blue slaves. They were all just scratching their noses like they didn’t care, but secretly they were pointing their fingers at Borgon.

  ‘Well done, barbarian,’ said Madreesh. ‘Not only have you faced the other challenges, you have just overcome the hardest challenge of all. You have proved your self-control. Therefore it gives me great pleasure to announce …’

  ‘NO!’ shrieked Akabbah. ‘I can’t believe it! The only reason you’ve picked him is because he made friends with that stupid, horrible, ugly little duck.’

  ‘What did you say?’ said Borgon.

  ‘Ignore him!’ said Grizzy.

  ‘WHAT DID YOU SAY?’ roared Borgon, marching up to Akabbah.

  The tall boy took a nervous step backwards.

  ‘See? See?’ whimpered Akabbah. ‘He’s mad!’

  ‘I know I’m mad,’ said Borgon. ‘And small and fat and smelly. You can say what you like about me, it’s all true. BUT NOBODY INSULTS MY DUCK.’

  He launched himself at Akabbah. The tall boy tried to skip aside, but Borgon was too fast. He caught Akabbah’s ankle with the edge of his axe and sent him sprawling across the stage. Akabbah tried to pull his sword, but Borgon charged forwards and kicked the blade out of his hand. Akabbah was lying on his back, with the axeboy standing on his chest, axe raised high in the air.

  ‘Say SORRY!’ ordered Borgon.

  ‘I’m sorry, Borgon!’ whimpered Akabbah.

  ‘No!’ said Borgon. ‘You’ve got to say sorry to the DUCK.’

  ‘The duck?’ repeated Akabbah. ‘I’m not saying sorry to a duck! How mad are you?’

  ‘You’re about to find out!’ screamed Borgon.

  Suddenly Borgon was dazzled by a flash of white light. Something was flickering in his face and all he could do was stare as it made pretty swoops and circles in the air. Borgon’s head went up and down and twisted and turned, and his whole body started to feel heavy. He staggered away from Akabbah and the next thing he knew there was a loud clatter. Pain shot from his foot.

  ‘Yow!’ yelped Borgon.

  He realised he’d dropped his axe on his toe. It was sore, but at least he wasn’t being dazzled any more. He saw that Madreesh was holding her staff away from him, releasing him from the power of the silver crystal.

  ‘Are you all right?’ asked the dame.

  Borgon nodded.

  ‘Sorry about that,’ she said. ‘But I could see it was going to get messy, and some of us aren’t really dressed for that sort of thing.’

  Akabbah was back on his feet. He stomped up to Madreesh.

  ‘See?’ said Akabbah. ‘There’s no way he can be the winner now!’

  The dame slipped the end of her staff between his feet and gave it a sharp flick. Akabbah’s legs flew out from under him. He tumbled off the edge of the stage and crashed down on to the stony ground.

  WHUMP!

  The laughs from the crowd were enough to tell him that it was time to give up.

  ‘And so, Borgon,’ said the dame, ‘as I was about to say, it gives me great pleasure to announce that you are … THE PRINCE’S SHADOW!’

  ‘Hooray!’ cheered the crowd.

  TUB-ARP! went the double-headed trumpet.

  But Borgon shook his head.

  ‘No thanks,’ he said. ‘Goodbye.’

  Then he jumped off the stage to join his friends.

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ they all laughed. ‘Good one, Borgon!’

  Madreesh was astonished.

  ‘No, wait!’ she called out, then she hurried down the steps to join them. ‘If you never wanted to be the Shadow, why did you put yourself through the trials?’

  ‘Those Raggahoos were getting on my nerves,’ said Borgon.

  ‘He wanted to teach them a lesson,’ explained Grizzy.

  ‘He won, they lost, job done,’ grinned Mungoid.

  ‘Can you seriously imagine Borgon being at the palace with all you posh types?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘He’ll get a really smart uniform,’ said Madreesh.

  ‘Borgon in a uniform?’ giggled Grizzy.

  ‘Of course!’ said Madreesh. ‘The Shadow dresses up so he can go wherever the prince goes.’

  ‘All the time?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Madreesh. ‘Even when he’s at the perfume baths.’

  ‘PERFUME BATHS!’ they all laughed.

  ‘I’ve never had a bath in my life,’ said Borgon. ‘Yuk!’

  The crowd were all starting to drift off, and a few of them were saying ‘well done!’ and patting Borgon on the back as they passed.

  ‘I wish you’d think about it,’ said Madreesh. ‘We really need you.’

  ‘I know what might change his mind,’ said Mungoid. ‘Would Borgon get to eat whatever the prince eats?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Madreesh. ‘Everybody at the palace eats the same as the prince. You can have as much as you like.’

  ‘I like the sound of that!’ said Borgon. ‘I hope he likes elephant tongues and hippo steaks.’

  ‘Er … actually the prince has a very special diet,’ said the dame. ‘It’s mainly nuts and roots, with a little bit of sour cream as a treat.’

  ‘Ha ha ha!’ they all laughed again.

  ‘Honestly!’ said Borgon. ‘Uniforms, baths, nuts and roots … who’d want a job like that?’

  Grizzy pointed at a sad figure sitting all alone on the ground. Akabbah was still where he’d landed.

  ‘Him,’ she said. ‘He was prepared to do anything for it.’

  ‘Then he can have it!’ said Borgon. He looked at Madreesh. ‘If that’s OK with you?’

  ‘I suppose he was the best of the rest,’ said the dame. ‘But you were the winner. You deserve to get something.’

  ‘Really?’ said Borgon. He thought for a moment. ‘Then perhaps you could do me a favour?’

  The Night Visitor

  ‘Hey, Dad! Mum! Guess what? I WON I WON I WON!’

  Borgon ran into the cave to find nothing had changed since the morning. It was just as he expected. His mum was still trying to pull her hair straight with her fingers, and his dad still had only one sock.

  ‘You won what?’ asked Fulgut. He was in the middle of swapping his sock over so that his cold foot could have a turn at being warm.

  ‘The Shadow Trials!’ said Borgon proudly.

  ‘I thought you were only going to watch,’ said Fulma.

  ‘I was, but those Raggahoos were so smug, I had to take them on,’ said Borgon. ‘And I won!’

  Fulma gave Fulgut a poke in the ribs.

  ‘You said they’d never let a barbarian into the palace!’ she said. ‘So, Borgon, when do you start being the Shadow?’

  ‘Er … well, I don’t,’ said Borgon. ‘They’ve given the job to a Raggahoo.’

  ‘See?’ blasted Fulgut. ‘I TOLD YOU! Those palace types are all cheats and liars.’

  ‘They didn’t cheat,’ said Borgon. ‘They were pretty fair actually.’

  ‘Oh really?’ said Fulgut. ‘You might think they were being fair, but that’s how good they are at cheating. You don’t even know you’ve been cheated!’

  ‘I was NOT cheated!’ said Borgon.

  ‘Oh yes you were,’ said Fulgut.

  ‘NOT!’ shouted Borgon.

  ‘WERE!’ shouted Fulgut.

  Fulma sighed.

  ‘Stop it, you two!’ she said. ‘Let’s have tea.’

  ‘Good idea!’ said Borgon. ‘So long as it isn’t nuts and roots.’

  ‘Nuts and roots?’ gasped Fulgut.

  ‘It’s camel-hump pie,’ said Fulma.

  She put a large dish on the table with a huge lumpy pie in it.

  ‘YUM!’ said Borgon.

  Just then a horse galloped up to the cave pulling a silver chariot.

  ‘It looks like somebody from the palace,’
said Fulma.

  ‘It’s the dame!’ said Borgon. ‘Perfect timing.’

  Madreesh let go of the reins and stepped down from the chariot.

  ‘May I come in?’ she asked.

  ‘What do you want?’ snapped Fulgut suspiciously.

  ‘Borgon was our winner today,’ said Madreesh. ‘So I’ve brought some special prizes.’

  ‘He doesn’t want them,’ snapped Fulgut. ‘Now go away.’

  ‘They’re not for him, they’re for you,’ said Madreesh.

  She handed over two boxes, one to Fulgut and one to Fulma. Fulma opened hers first.

  ‘Oooh!’ she said in an excited, squeaky voice. ‘Is this really for me?’

  Madreesh nodded.

  Fulma took out a long silver comb with two hundred teeth, then hurried over to her mirror. Even before the comb touched it, her hair was starting to straighten out and behave itself.

  ‘It’s wonderful!’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

  Everybody stared at Fulgut.

  ‘Open it, dear,’ said Fulma.

  ‘There’s nothing I want from the palace!’ said Fulgut.

  ‘Oh yes there is,’ grinned Borgon.

  Fulgut ripped open the box. A huge smile crossed his face.

  ‘That’s just perfect!’ he said.

  He pulled out a thick blue sock and put it on his bare foot. For a moment he smiled happily but then he suddenly turned on Madreesh.

  ‘HANG ON!’ he said. ‘You’re trying to bribe us, to make up for Borgon not being the Prince’s Shadow. You posh palace types don’t like common barbarians do you? We’re NOT GOOD ENOUGH for you, are we?’

  The big old barbarian stamped his feet in fury. It would have been better if he’d been wearing his big boots to make some loud CRUNCH WAM BASH! noises, but his blue socks just went PIFF POFF PUFF! It sounded a bit feeble, but Madreesh had the good manners not to laugh.