Lucy at Last

by Mary E. Twomey

  Jamie’s expression was grave when he turned to face me, his hand extended. He wrapped my palm around his stiff arm. “It’s done. At a great price, but it’s done. I’m not sure it was worth it.”

  I eyed Tucker, whose bonds Kristoffer was removing with great reluctance and a wary glance in my direction. “He’ll make it worth it.”

  Eleven.

  Buyer’s Remorse

  Kristoffer led the way back to my uncle’s house, which apparently was the only thing left of Uncle Rick’s estate now. I’d kept the house, but the fortune he’d amassed was gone to cover Tucker’s debts.

  “All of it,” Jamie confirmed as we walked in front of the others. Kristoffer took up the rear behind Tucker, and I knew that one false move would earn my indentured servant a stab through the back. “Every last coin. Three hundred years of wealth, gone in a conversation.”

  I nodded, gulping at the decision I’d made without all the facts. I wasn’t sure knowing the full amount would have changed my decision, but it was a hefty weight, all the same. I didn’t know what Uncle Rick would have wanted me to do in that situation. I hoped he would want me to be safe, but I knew that probably wasn’t the case, given that he’d brought me in on a life-threatening mission from the beginning. I pretended my uncle was the type to put a high value on my life, that he was noble and would stop at nothing to keep me safe. Tucker would help Jamie, Britta and the baby survive whatever Johannes threw at us. Hopefully that would be enough to warrant liquidating my uncle’s assets.

  “It’s done,” I said, my tone bereft of emotion.

  When we reached the house, I excused myself. “I’ll be in my room. Could you guys pack without me this time? I have to change.”

  Delling was purple with rage as Kristoffer began the explanation of how Tucker was no longer a wanted man. I took her cursing in stride, my head bowed as I trudged up the stairs. It dawned on me that I didn’t know what crimes Tucker had committed. Had I just freed a rapist? A murderer? A breakdancing cannibal?

  I shut myself in my room and simply stood, reality hitting me over the head as I contemplated deciding to regret this massive decision. I touched Linus at my throat, wishing this whole ordeal was over so I could get the smack out of Undraland and go back to where no one cared where I was or what I did, other than the usual band of thieves I’d grown to love.

  Jens let himself into the room silently, shutting the door behind him. “You alright?” he breathed, taking in my shock. His own eyes were wider than usual.

  “Did I just do that? Did I just give away my uncle’s whole life savings for the guy that got me locked up and tortured? Have I lost my mind?”

  Jens wrapped his arms around me, squeezing gently to bring me down to earth back from the sea of regret I was wading in. “I’ll have a talk with him. He’ll pay you back every cent of Alrik’s estate. Tuck’s broke here, but he’s loaded on the Other Side.”

  “Do you trust him?” I asked, needing someone to give resolution to the question I was sure I’d never find a satisfactory answer to.

  Jens looked down at me. “You have to come to that conclusion yourself. I do with the important things. He didn’t give you to the sirens to hurt you. He was trying to help. So I trust his intentions, but I don’t trust him to take the lead and make the big decisions. He’s always had my back, though. So yeah, I trust him. But you can feel however you want.” He kissed my forehead. “You took a big risk.”

  “Buyer’s remorse is hitting me hard. I think we should get out of here. You well enough to travel?”

  Jens nodded, his expression closed off. “I took a little lavender powder last night. The healer recommended it, and Loos, I’m not doing so hot.”

  “Really? You hid it so well.”

  Jens snorted. “Yeah. But now that I’ve got the doctor recommended dose in me, I can move around enough to get us to Nøkken. By then, I’ll be good as new. Jamie’s got the powder, and he’s in charge of doling it out at the recommended times, so I don’t have access to it.” He pressed his forehead against mine, and I could tell he hated that he had to be so closely monitored. “We can’t wait around here forever. Jamie’s gotta get back to Britt. I don’t like that we left her alone.”

  “She’s with Foss,” I reminded him.

  “Oh, that makes me feel so much better.”

  A timid knock interrupted us. When Jens opened the door, he clapped Tucker on the shoulder as if to rally him for the reckoning he was due to endure under my wrath. Then Jens pointed to the floor. “On your knees, Tuck.”

  Tucker reared back. “What? I won’t…”

  Jens shoved his friend down to the ground so Tucker was on his knees before me. “I’ll give you two a minute. Come on down when you’re ready to go. I’ll pack up.” Jens tapped his ear. “Kristoffer’s downstairs, so try not to yell, Mox.”

  When Jens left us alone, I motioned for Tucker to stand. “Get up. I don’t need you to kneel. It’s weird.”

  Tucker stood with great reluctance, unable to look at me. I could tell he wanted to apologize, but I was too overwhelmed to hear it.

  I held up my finger and went behind the partition to change back into clothes that made me feel like me. Of course, I couldn’t undo the stupid laces that sucked my ribs too tight for comfort. I came back out and turned my back to Tucker, who silently helped me out of the dress without a single perverted comment. It was a true mark of growth for him.

  I slid into my jeans and my brown “What Moose?” t-shirt, sighing with relief at the familiarity in such a confusing time. My blue opera gloves were resituated up my arms like armor for the conversation I didn’t want to have.

  When I came out from behind the makeshift wall, Tucker was seated on the bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Why did you do that?” he asked, his hoarse voice barely above a whisper.

  I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to tell him I regretted the decision, or that I had no real answer for him. I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared at the floor, offering up a shrug in all of its eloquence. My purple Chucks made me feel like a kid, and much too young for this conversation.

  “I… I’ll pay you back. Every cent. I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll make sure we’re square when we get back to the Other Side. I have properties I can sell off.”

  I nodded, not sure I felt any better about the situation.

  “I’m sorry, Lucy. I didn’t know you were going to do that. No one’s ever… I don’t know what to say. After everything I put you through with the sirens, why didn’t you let them take me?”

  My lips remained shut to keep from admitting that I’d probably made the wrong decision.

  “Lucy, what can I do?”

  My voice cracked when I finally spoke. “Take care of Jamie. I’m serious, Tuck. Watch that baby like it’s your life’s work. Make sure Britta never worries another day in her life. And yes, pay me back. It was my uncle’s money, not mine. I don’t like that I gave it all away. But Jamie’s worth it. Every dime. Jamie’s the kind of guy who deserves to have a fortune spent to protect him. It’s what his dad should’ve done for him. Jamie’s valuable to me.” I was wringing my hands as I spoke, the blue fabric of the gloves slipping as I worried. “And Britta should feel safe for once. She gave up too much in all of this. Give them a happy life where their kid never knows about any of this drama. That’s what you can do for me.”

  Tucker’s mouth fell open. When he finally closed it, he stood, erasing the distance between us. “I’m your servant. I swear to you right now. Whatever you need, I’ll see to it.”

  I touched the necklace that weighted my soul. “I need Linus. I’m so lost here. What did I just do?” I looked up into Tucker’s eyes, revealing the regret I was swimming in. “Help me get Linus back.”

  Tucker picked up my hands and pressed my palms to both his cheeks, breathing in the air of freedom he did not think he would ever have again. “As you wish.”

  Twelve.

  Slack in the Bond

/>   “I’m telling you, they’re laplanded. It’s a bad idea. I can’t port as well as you, Kris. I’m used to the atmosphere on the Other Side. It’s quite different.”

  Kristoffer stiffened at the familiar address Tucker used. “Alright. I can port both of them, but it’s up to Queen Lucy if you’re allowed out of her sight.” His brown eyes turned to me, his stern jawline set with clear opinion. “I would not recommend it.”

  I nodded, taking his advice into consideration. On the one hand, there was possibly losing Tucker if he bolted. On the other, there was the searing headache. I wussed out under the label of trusting Tucker to be cool. “If he runs, he runs. I have no interest in babysitting a grown man. Tuck, can you handle yourself?”

  Tucker nodded, his lips tight at being the weakest link that needed a chaperone. “I told you, Lucy. I’m your servant until you release me. I just can’t port well enough to make sure you and Jamie aren’t separated. I can take Jens, though.”

  Delling was at the neighbor’s house, wailing away her anger at Tucker being a free citizen now, despite her best efforts. It made things easier to talk about without a witness to the plans.

  Kristoffer’s jaw tightened impossibly further. “As you command, my queen. Tucker, take Jens first. Remember, we meet at Kyssar Bridge. It’s far enough outside of civilization that we won’t be seen by many. Bedra borders Elvage, but you’re sure you don’t want to cut through their land? The Warf is a bit farther.”

  “I’m sure,” I answered for the group. If I had any power left in the world, I would use it to keep Jens out of Bedra.

  Tucker slapped Jens on the shoulders and closed his eyes in concentration. I could see the effort porting cost him, and wondered if it would have been easier were he not so distressed at how everything went down at the Elvage palace. Finally, Jens and Tucker disappeared in a slow wave of now you see me, now you don’t.

  I tilted my head at Kristoffer. “I thought elves could only port one person at a time.”

  Kristoffer nodded. “That’s usually true, but I’ve been granted certain enhancements as Head of the Guard. It was a long and painful ritual, but it helped me ensure the king and queen are safe at night, so it was worth it.” Kristoffer placed a hand on Jamie’s shoulder and on mine, gripping as if readying for a fight. “Come a little closer,” he requested, and I wondered what black hole I might be dropped down if he released me accidentally mid-port.

  Since I was smallest, I moved into his body space, wrapping one arm around his waist as I pressed my cheek to his chest. I held onto his gray shirt with an anxious fist.

  I don’t think that’s what he meant, but you certainly made his day, Jamie teased, moving in behind me to sandwich me between them.

  Kristoffer touched his lower lip to the top of my head before stiffening with a deep inhalation as he gripped both of Jamie’s shoulders.

  It took four seconds of closing my eyes and holding my breath, but when I opened my eyes, we were not in the house anymore. We were in a gorgeous forest with too many fantastic fat-trunked trees, their branches intertwined and twisted like they were holding hands through the lovely spring day.

  I wanted to feel the elation nature sang at me, but the absence of Jens and Tucker dampened the explosion of chartreus, violet and a myriad of other colors that were more vibrant than their Other Side counterparts.

  Jamie stepped back, but Kristoffer held me in place, his arm around me as his other drew his sword. “So soon your servant shows his true colors. I knew he’d take the coward’s way out.”

  I looked around, my heart sinking when there was no sign of them. “Jens wouldn’t leave us. It’s fine. Let’s just wait a minute before we start assuming the worst.”

  Kristoffer was stiff in his movements as he looked around. It was no surprise; his whole body was cartoonishly muscular. Tonya would’ve been drooling.

  I ducked out of Kristoffer’s grip and sat down at the base of the nearest tree, picking up a leaf that had twelve points to it and a hint of purple brushed over the green. Jamie and Kristoffer stomped around, calling out occasionally for the other party, but I was too in my own head to get all worked up. If Tuck bolted, best do it sooner rather than later.

  I touched the vial around my neck in the same way I always did when I needed comfort. Then my finger drifted beneath the brown material of my shirt and lifted out Foss’s ring. I slid my thumb through it, almost cracking a smile at how big it the fit still was. My hint at levity faded when it hit me how useless and small I was in comparison to the warriors. The only thing I was good for was shopping with my uncle’s money, and I had a feeling I wasn’t very good at that either, based on my last purchase.

  We’d had two major altercations, and we weren’t even to Nøkken yet. The plan was to use Elvage’s backwoods to avoid cutting through the Warf. While that sounded like the option with the least amount of opposition, I worried at what else might be at work to keep me from my brother.

  My mind drifted to Charles Mace, our frustrated and awful back and forth in the dungeon before he died replayed itself in my head. He’d told me I was a beautiful thing to watch. Now I was certain he’d been looking at me through rose-colored glasses. I was worn out from life at twenty-one. That had to be some kind of record.

  Jamie came back toward my spot, his hand on his heart. “This is hard to hear, Lucy. Could you put up your wall? I’m having a difficult enough time with my own stuff.”

  Something clicked in my mind, and my eyes flashed up to my buddy. “You heard me screaming last night.”

  Jamie hung his head. “And I already told you how sorry I am that I didn’t stay with you. After everything you did for me when I was out of my mind, there’s no excuse. Again, please forgive me.”

  “No,” I said coldly, standing to face him. “I don’t forgive you for that, but that’s not what I’m talking about. You heard me with your ears, not felt me in your mind. When you have a nightmare, I can feel your agony, so I open the door and let you into my side so you can calm down. You didn’t feel me freaking out?”

  Jamie’s nose scrunched as he thought about this. “I guess I didn’t. I was awake at the time. Perhaps I was preoccupied?”

  “I’d think with how big everything hit me last night, you would’ve felt it.” I stared at his chest as I tried to make sense of such far out magical concepts. “I shut my mental door tight last night before I went to sleep. I wanted space. Do you think… Do you think it worked?” My eyes lit with the first sign of hope I’d felt in a while. “Are we finding a little space in the bond?”

  Jamie’s guilt switched to the same creeping optimism that lifted my shoulders. “It’s possible. But I felt your melancholy just now.”

  “I wasn’t actively trying to keep you out. My mind was just wandering without thinking of the bond.”

  “Try it now,” Jamie requested, his fists clenched with anticipation as he bobbed on the balls of his feet. “Put up your wall and think of something big, and I’ll see if I can feel it.”

  Kristoffer was watching us a few meters off, but I didn’t care. I shut the mental door tight and leaned against it. I brought up an image of Jens with his shirt off – my favorite version of my favorite garden gnome.

  “Did you get that?” I asked.

  “Nothing. I mean, I’m at the door, but I don’t see anything or feel anything coming under the bottom.”

  I dug deeper for something harder to keep contained. I brought back the night I’d spent with Nik, running my fingers through his blue hair as his head rested on my bosom. I ventured further and brought up what I imagined Kirk to look like, envisioning a world where the three of us sat by the creek and laughed. Nik’s fingers laced through Kirk’s.

  “Anything?”

  Jamie shook his head. “I don’t feel what you’re feeling. Try something bigger. You’re playing it safe with whatever it is you’re thinking.”

  I took a breath before delving deeper into the muck. I recalled the Nøkkendalig’s hands searing themse
lves on me, allowing a portion of the anxiety to fill me as it had before the white light and Nik chased them all away.

  When Jamie only shrugged, my expression darkened as I poked at the wounds that would never heal. The darkness of the cell and the recorded sounds of the rats scurrying around me, interrupted only by the occasional nails on a chalkboard noise that made my spine tingle and bile rise in my throat.

  Jamie watched my face change, but shook his head. “Nothing. Are you quite certain you’re concentrating?”

  I nodded, unwilling to torture myself anymore. “It’s working. Those were pretty powerful memories. If I can keep those on my side, then the bond really is giving us slack. That’s pretty awesome, isn’t it?”

  Jamie’s grin was so bright, it matched the glow of the woods around us. “We’re doing it! We can have our own lives, Lucy! Don’t you understand what this means? You can get married and have a family of your own! I don’t have to be so careful enjoying the benefits of my marriage! So long as we keep that door shut, we can survive this!”

  That he immediately jumped to marriage and family at mention of our newfound extension of grace only showed the vast differences in our cultures. I nodded, not nearly as elated as Jamie. “So long as I always keep my guard up, sure.”

  His face fell. “Oh, well I don’t want that. Perhaps it’ll get easier over time. Only shut the door tight when you’re going to do something big you don’t want me there for.”

  I sat back down at the base of the tree, the optimism darkening as soon as it reached its crest. “It’s good. It’s a step in the right direction.”

  Jamie poked at our connection, noticing the door was easy to open now that I wasn’t actively keeping it shut. “What’s wrong?”

  I shrugged. “Nothing I’m actually all that sad about. The whole marriage and kids thing? Still not an option for me. I guess it’s good to know sex might be someday, though.”

  Kristoffer and Jamie both blushed at my blatant use of the s-word. Jamie was more used to me, so he pushed forward. “How do you mean?”