Lucy at Last

by Mary E. Twomey

  “Our minds might be getting some tether, but our bodies won’t. Say I do get pregnant. Then what? How do I give birth without you having to be ripped open, too?”

  Jamie’s face fell as he worked out that the C-section that laplanded pregnant women received without any other option meant that my cut open body would scar his. His words were chosen carefully. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do. If that’s what you want someday, I’ll go through it for you.”

  I scoffed at the fleeting promise. “Thanks. I wouldn’t do that to you, though. It’s fine. Best keep the crazy limited to me. My gene pool isn’t exactly the best. It’s fine. I don’t care. But if anyone I end up with ever does care, you get to explain that to him.”

  Jamie opened his mouth, but closed it before meaningless platitudes could spill out. He offered his hand to me and pulled me up, engulfing me in a hug that only felt like claustrophobia, not the comfort that was intended.

  I gently pushed him away, shrugging off the kindness. “I don’t need that. You’re married, remember? What would your wife say if you were caught hugging me in broad daylight? The scandal of it.”

  “Lucy, stop it.”

  “Let’s just find the others and get to Nøkken. I’m over it.”

  It was then that Jens materialized a few meters from us with Tucker, his eyes wide and lips pursed to hold back the flood of things he had to say on the topic he was not meant to hear.

  “How long have you been there?” I asked, breathless.

  “Just got here,” Jens lied.

  Tucker found words to break through the awkward silence. “Sorry, my porting’s not very reliable here. We landed shy of the mark.” He glared at Kristoffer. “At least you know my true colors, and that I didn’t take the coward’s way out.” His quote of Kristoffer’s earlier assumptions told me Jens had heard every word.

  “Let’s move, then. If you want to be to Nøkken by morning, best keep going.” Kristoffer motioned to the thick mess of trees that stretched deep and wide for miles. “There are enchantments from here to the edge of the forest that keep us from porting. Criminals tend to hide out here, so it makes them easier to catch if they can’t skip town completely. We’ll have to make the rest of the journey on foot.”

  I started walking in the general direction I assumed Kristoffer wanted us to go in, not wanting to deal with whatever conversation would eventually need to be had with Jens. My sullen boyfriend walked next to me, our relationship kept secret by the four inches of distance between us and our eyes ahead on the journey we faced.

  When we had enough distance for a whispered conversation, he breathed, “I love you. No matter what we decide, I’m in it till the end. Kids or not.”

  I nodded, the tension I’d been subconsciously holding onto lessening at his reassurance that I meant more to him than a duty to my family. My arm swung out, my fingers lightly brushing against his knuckles. “I’m sorry you got stuck with my mess.”

  Jens reached for the smirk that never failed him, despite the gravity of the situation. “Oh, Mox. You know how I like to get my hands dirty.”

  “Love you,” I whispered.

  “Good. You should.” When I scoffed, he smiled ahead, though I knew it was supposed to be for me. “Love you, too. Till the end.”

  I nodded. “Till the end.”

  Thirteen.

  One of the Guys

  Elvage was gorgeous, and also pretty friggin’ long. Going around the Warf to get to Nøkken was no easy task. The four of us were on edge that Jamie or I might trip on the aggressive root system as the night fell around us. One small cut and Kristoffer would know I was a siren. What a useless addition to my life. I had no ability to access those powers, thanks to the wall mom put up in my mind to absorb my magic, but just cutting myself shaving could issue me a death warrant. Lame.

  Jamie’s thoughts were on Tonttu and the deteriorated state his land and people had been reduced to. I listened to him go over different plans to rebuild his people, but they all stopped short when he hit the wall that A) we were laplanded and wouldn’t be living in Tonttu, and B) his dad wanted him dead so that none of the plans Jamie had to prosper the people would come to fruition. He was in pretty low spirits about the whole thing.

  I’m sorry, I said, earning a well-deserved frown from him, and a politely shut door between our brains.

  Jamie could maneuver well enough around the intrusive foliage, but I was far smaller than the rest of them, so a felled tree came up to my chin, but was much lower on them and easier to climb over. Jens offered to carry me through the woods on his back, but I knew the beating he had taken didn’t lend itself to hefting around one Lucy Kincaid.

  I didn’t want to sully Jamie’s precious reputation as a married man by allowing him to help me over the giant trunk, though I knew Britta would scold him for not helping me if he could. Jamie felt the sting of my mental huff and offered his hand. “Here. It’s really not as high as it looks. Just up and over.”

  I tried not to glare at him. “Really? Up and over? You don’t say. I’ve got it.” My gloves didn’t lend themselves to gripping the bark, and after two failed attempts, I grew frustrated. “When we get back home, I’m parking my butt on the couch and watching TV till my eyes bleed.”

  Tucker’s voice came up from behind me. “Not a fan of nature?” His hands went around my waist and hefted me up so I could scrambled over and slide down into Kristoffer’s awaiting arms.

  Tucker climbed over with too much ease, pronouncing my scowl at constantly being the weakest link. No matter how many sit-ups and pushups I did, I was human, and they were Undran. Double Lame.

  We walked into the night until Jens ruled the terrain unsafe to walk through without proper light. Tucker offered a fireball, but Kristoffer overturned that decision, due to the abundance of nature and Tuck’s unreliability with simple things like porting.

  “I can take watch. I’m not tired,” Tucker offered.

  Kristoffer growled. “Over my dead body. Jens is the only reliable guard, other than myself.”

  Jens took first watch and tromped off to do a perimeter check, which left me to pretend I didn’t wish he was next to me as I cleared away a space decent enough to curl up on. The roots were never-ending, reaching up and curling around otherwise flat surfaces, rendering them unusable for rest. It was the one time being small came in handy. I found a patch of roots that had enough space between two of the larger intrusions for me to slip down in the middle and lie on the spongy grass between. The men grunted and shifted uncomfortably as they made their peace with intrusive roots jutting into their backs as they tried to get some shuteye.

  Kristoffer cleared his throat and handed me a coat from his pack, his brown eyes holding a note of bashful hesitance. “For your head. The king would have mine if he heard I permitted a queen to rest her head on the ground.”

  I wanted to refuse it on principle. It was too sweet a gesture, and I didn’t need the gentleman stuff while I was being one of the guys stomping through the woods. Something in Kristoffer’s eyes made me pause before brushing off the sweetness. I think it was the clear declaration of self-sacrificial kindness that really softened me, reminding me that I was a woman, however lost I might feel within that range of definitions. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I’m afraid I insist.” He balled up the coat and lifted my head, sliding it under me so I could have a pillow.

  I touched his hand for the briefest of moments. “Thank you. That’s above and beyond nice. Really decent of you. I promise not to drool on it too much.”

  He laughed at my joke. “Sleep well, Queen Lucy.”

  Jamie’s mind wandered back to the devastation of Tonttu, his sadness weighting me by proxy. As much as I wanted more than anything to go home, I knew in the deepest corners of my heart that I couldn’t ask Jamie to give up his people so I could be happy and have luxuries like ice cream and indoor plumbing. They were in dire straits, and they needed a great man like him.

  My
thoughts shifted, and anxiety flooded up in my veins when it dawned on me that the moon would not always be directly overhead, shedding its red light on us. Soon it would be very dark, and judging by how last night played out, that would mean big time drama in my dreams. The guys were a stone’s throw away for propriety’s sake, but the distance all of a sudden felt like an ocean.

  I brought my knees to my chest in my cage of roots, hoping with everything in me that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself again, crying out like a child because I couldn’t deal with the dark.

  I shut my eyes and bit my lip, leaving the door to my mind ajar just in case.

  Fourteen.

  Bad Dream

  The oppressive darkness crept into my pores, weighing down my hands with iron fetters that tied me to the floor. I jerked and tried to roll, but the iron enclosed me on all sides, keeping me in place as I screamed for freedom. My collar was gone, so I cried out for anyone who could help me. Deeper I sunk into the nothingness, knowing my starving and wasting away body would not be rescued. It had been too long. If Jens was still looking, surely he would have found me by now.

  No, Lucy. Jens found us already. Or we found him. We’re not underground anymore, Jamie’s voice told me.

  Of course dream Jamie would tell me that.

  Six’s hand crept from my knee to my thigh. Olaf’s hand cupped my breast. The Nøkkendalig scarred me all over as I slowly drowned. I screamed as I tried to tear the hands off me, giving birth to a full blown panic attack as Jamie tried to pull me out of the river and away from the hands.

  “Stop it! Stop, Lucy! It’s okay!” Jens cried, his hands adding to the chaos I couldn’t escape. “Calm down! It’s just a dream. It’s not real!”

  I was stuck in the cage of roots, fighting with them to let me go. Jens finally pressed my forehead down so the back of my head was pushed firmly to the ground. I could see his face that was somehow lit by firelight.

  “Who cares about appearances, Jens?” Tucker scolded him. “She’s clearly wrong in the head after everything.”

  Jens barked over his shoulder. “And whose fault is it that she’s wrong in the head?”

  Jamie sat up and scrambled over to us in a sleepy haze. “It’s not real, Lucy! Wake up!”

  I reeled back from Jens and burrowed myself deeper in my root cage, afraid to get near to him, lest they shock me. I could see the pain this caused him, but it was nothing compared to the number the volts of electricity did on me.

  A sword cut through the roots, sawing inches away from my head as I whimpered and edged further from the intrusion. Jamie snatched me out, and I clung to him, feeling his five o’clock shadow and not the scraggly beard I’d been expecting. “Captain Six,” I breathed, my heart racing. “He was just here. Wait, which world are we in?”

  “It wasn’t real,” Jamie ruled. “We’re in Elvage. In the woods. You’re not in the cell.”

  I looked around and saw a ball of fire illuminating Tucker’s serious expression. “Yes, we are. I felt the irons. This isn’t real. I’m dreaming we got out.”

  “You are out.” Jamie tilted my face to look at his. “See me? I’m real. They wouldn’t give us each other if we were in the cell.”

  “The Nøkkendalig,” I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks. “They were real. Weren’t they?” I had no sense of what was a dream, a nightmare, or reality.

  Jamie tensed. “Yes, they were, but they’re dead now. Jens the Brave killed them all with Foss. Remember?”

  “That was you?” Kristoffer looked to Jens appreciatively, and Jens waved off the unspoken thanks.

  Slowly, rationale chased away the crazy, and I melted off Jamie so he didn’t have to be seen hugging a woman that wasn’t his wife. He flinched when he heard my thoughts, but I didn’t care. I nodded, wiping the tears away. “We’re in Elvage. I’m not in the cell. My name is Lucy Kincaid. I live—lived at 1472 North Pinehurst Lane. My mom is…” I sniveled and turned away from Jamie and the wide-eyed onlookers. “Sorry I woke you. I’m cool now. Go back to sleep.”

  Jens touched my shoulder, and I bit back a scream as the anticipation of the shock flared up in me. His hand retracted and raised as he backed up, the worst self-loathing pulling down the corners of his handsome features. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  Kristoffer offered me water, but there was no way I was touching that, in case I actually was still in the cell and had been hallucinating comfort. “The water takes Jamie away.”

  Kristoffer’s expression was horrified. “I’ve heard of your people’s curse, that your minds wander in sleep, but I’ve never seen such a thing. You’re tormented by my cell?” He shook his head, regret weighting his shoulders. “A thousand apologies will never be enough. My men didn’t know you were being controlled by the half-breed. I’m so sorry, Queen Lucy. My prisons were never intended for you.”

  I didn’t speak. My life was too complicated to keep track of. I couldn’t remember which lie was the one Kristoffer knew, and which lies were real at the moment. I knew the hands were starting to crawl on me again, so I moved backwards toward the nearest tree. That way I knew no one was coming up from behind me.

  “You mentioned Captain Six,” Kristoffer said in the dark. “I knew him. You’re so young, though. How would you have met him? He died long before you would have come to power.”

  I bit my lip and tried to calm down enough to come up with a reasonable explanation. “My mom told me about him. She knew him when she lived over here. It was just a dream. My people have them all the time. Sorry I woke you.”

  Kristoffer exhaled. “For a second there, I was worried one of the sirens escaped us and survived over on your side. Could you imagine the damage a siren on the loose could do?” He let out a one-note laugh.

  I shook my head and reached for my gloves, knowing I couldn’t sleep in the dark anymore. “No. Six is long dead, and I killed the last siren myself.” I peeled off my gloves, revealing one secret I didn’t need kept.

  Kristoffer gasped as the other men exchanged wary glances at showing one of our lesser cards to the newcomer. “Domslut!”

  “So you don’t need to worry about me. They were just dreams. I’m not in the cell. I’m in Elvage, and I can handle myself just fine.”

  Fifteen.

  My Name is Lucy Kincaid

  Sleeping after that blast of drama was a wasted effort, but I went through the charade just so the others would stop talking to me.

  Jamie apologized again when I wouldn’t let him sleep next to me. “I’m fine,” I insisted. “Go to sleep over there with the guys.” They were a safe distance away so that I wasn’t totally on my own, but it was clear to society that I wasn’t shacking up with a married man or my guards. Oh, the joys of Pride and Prejudice society life.

  I sat up again a tree, feigning comfort I didn’t feel or even really need. I wasn’t tired anymore, or if I was, I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything, and I feared the cold numbness that felt like the sting of the cell. I ignored Jamie, and finally he consented to leave me to wallow in silence.

  I picked up a stray leaf and pressed out the crinkled edges. Undraland still felt dark to me, making my eyes wide with paranoia and my heartrate quicken with anxiety. When the creeping fear clawed up my throat and tore at my delicate insides, I whispered over and over to myself in the dark that was lit only by the red moon and my sparkling hands, “My name is Lucy Kincaid. I lived at 1472 North Pinehurst Lane. My mom is Hilda, my dad is Rolf, my brother is Linus.” I stopped there, wondering if adding in my magical life would break the bank of sanity I was gambling on. “Jens is my boyfriend. I’m a student in college. I had a friend named Tonya, but she died. I shot her in the face. I had a Nik, but he died. Stabbed with a triton. I had a Tor, but he died, drowned by the farlig fisk. I had an uncle, but he died, killed by Pesta. I had a… I had a brother, but he died in Elvage. I had a dog, but he died, taken over by Pesta.” The leaf in my hand had been torn to bits, but I didn’t recall doing it.


  “Stop! I can’t take it!” Jamie shouted, breaking the silence of the night. “You have to stop this!” He sat up and moved to kneel by my side. “We’re safe now. Yes, they’re dead, but they wouldn’t want this for you. Don’t you know that you were loved?”

  I looked up at Jamie without really seeing him. My brain started spitting out dysfunction like a defunct garden sprinkler that was stuck and couldn’t rotate onto the next patch of green. “I killed Jarl. I killed the farlig fisk. I killed my Circhos, my Thomas Jefferson. I killed Olaf’s bedslave. I got Harold killed. I killed Pesta. I killed my best Tonya.” That one tore at my heart. As Jamie wrapped his arms around me, I struggled to get away. “No. Go over there where I can’t ruin your marriage.”

  Jens knelt on my other side. “Loos, it’s me. I won’t touch you, but can I just sit with you?”

  “I’m not crazy,” I insisted, my whisper even. “Linus will make you all see. I’m not crazy. He’s dead now, but I’ll get him back.” I reached out and retracted several times before making contact with Jens’s hand, smiling in my victory that I hadn’t been electrocuted at his touch.

  “There you go! See? I know you’re not crazy.” Jens wore a friendly demeanor, due to the new guy. He drew me into a hug without smelling my hair or kissing me, which was probably for the best at the moment. He brushed my hair away from my sweaty face. “You’re just tired. Close your eyes for a bit.”

  I shook my head, unwilling to face the darkness that came with closing my eyelids. I gripped Jens with my shimmering hands as I whispered over and over, “My name is Lucy Kincaid. I lived at 1472 North Pinehurst Lane. My mom is Hilda…”

  Sixteen.

  The New Plan

  Jamie had bags under his eyes when morning came, and he wasn’t the only one. We were all a little the worse for wear, and I knew it had been my fault. Things were so much clearer in the daylight.