Hold Me: Music For The Heart - Book One

by Faith Starr

  Crap, I had missed both a call and two texts from him earlier in the day. It made me feel good to know he remembered we had a date.

  He didn’t leave a phone message. I read the texts.

  Joey: The guys and I are heading to the studio at four thirty. Are you still up to joining us? Let me know. If you want, I can pick you up on my way there.

  Joey: The time has been moved to two thirty instead. I can still pick you up if you want me to. Let me know.

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Four thirty already! Almost four hours had passed since his last text. I felt awful for not responding sooner.

  Teva: I’m sorry I missed your texts. I got called into work this morning. I didn’t want to call you so early. Then I got busy and forgot to reach out. My bad. Maybe another time? How’s the recording session going?

  Chewing a bite of my tuna salad sandwich and tapping my foot on the floor didn’t get me a reply from him. Neither did my prayer.

  Darn.

  After my break ended, I stuffed my phone into my purse. I left the cafeteria and headed back to the ER. The rest of the afternoon flew by until finally, my shift ended. I met Lily at her car.

  My arm ached. The day had been so hectic with patients that I’d forgotten to take more over-the-counter pain relievers. It didn’t help that people kept bumping into me in the hallways and always hit the exact location of my injury. I held my elbow.

  “You look like shit, Teva.” Lily shook her head, starting the car.

  “Thanks.” I reached inside my purse for a couple of pills. I’d remembered I had dropped the bottle inside prior to leaving for work this morning. And luckily, I still had my bottle of water from lunch shoved inside the side pocket as well. I swallowed the gel tabs.

  “Just sayin’. You should have given your body time to heal today.” She checked over her shoulder as she pulled out of the parking spot.

  “It’s a cut, Lily. I don’t have the flu.”

  I checked my phone to see if Joey had texted me back, smiling when I saw he had.

  Joey: We’re still here, probably will be for another few hours. How’s your arm?

  Lily observed me before pulling onto the main road. “There must be something good on there. From the expression on your face, I bet it has something to do with Mr. Joey Fine. Am I correct?”

  She’d have to wait to get a response from me. I wanted to respond to Joey first.

  Teva: It’s sore, but it’ll be fine. Thanks for asking.

  “Joey texted me.” I held on to my phone for dear life, hoping he was on a break so he could text me back.

  “What did he say?”

  Lying was so not my style, but I didn’t want to give her all the details. I decided to give her the abridged version, since she didn’t know about the invite to the studio. “He asked how my arm is.”

  “That’s thoughtful of him. So what’s the deal between you two?”

  “Good question.”

  My phone signaled an incoming text.

  Joey: We have that charity event tomorrow night. That could qualify as another time if you want to come along and join me.

  I preferred to speak into my phone when responding to text messages, but I didn’t want Lily to be privy to our conversation, so I typed my response instead.

  Teva: I’d love to. What time does it start? I don’t get off work until seven.

  Joey: You’re in luck. We go on at eight. I’ll pick you up from work.

  Teva: I’ll be dressed in scrubs. I’ll have to change first.

  Joey: Please don’t. I like you just the way you are ;) Bring something to change into. The gig will have a full buffet, so you can eat dinner there.

  Teva: I can’t crash a charity event’s buffet!

  Joey: All you have to say is you’re with the band. The place is happy to have us there. It won’t be an issue.

  Teva: Great. I’m looking forward to it, then.

  Joey: I am too. Send me the info on where to pick you up.

  Without pause, I did so. I wasn’t going to risk forgetting to text him again. Not that I would.

  Odd, but I felt more excited to see the band play at the charity event than watching them record in the studio. I knew it would be a cool and special experience, an opportunity of a lifetime. I couldn’t wait.

  “Well?”

  “He invited me to watch his band play at that charity event they spoke about during dinner last night.”

  She frowned. “Ugh. I so wish I could tag along.”

  Sorry, but she wouldn’t be coming with me this time around.

  “He’s picking me up from the hospital. We’re leaving from there.”

  She grunted. “You know how much I love you, but I’m so jealous of you right now.”

  Say what? “Which part are you jealous about?” Her comment regarding Joey’s hotness in front of me still pissed me off.

  “Getting to see Steam play live again. I bet you’ll also get to hang out with the band afterward. You know what a huge fan I am.” She placed her hand over her heart.

  “I’m becoming quite a big fan as well.” I couldn’t wipe the darn smile off my face.

  “Be careful, Teva. You know this thing between you and Joey can’t turn into anything serious. Please keep that in mind.”

  Trust me. I know all too well.

  “I’m taking it a day at a time.”

  While crossing my arms over my chest, I accidentally hit my wound. “Ouch!” Tears sprang to my eyes.

  She glimpsed at me, worry filling her. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, just exhausted. I’m ready to go home and crash.” I didn’t want to discuss my injury with her again or get an earful about my job.

  “Do you want to pick up something to eat on the way?”

  Holding my elbow, in the elusive hopes it would relieve the throbbing, I shook my head. “I’m not in the mood for anything heavy. I had a late lunch. I think I’ll have a bowl of cereal or oatmeal at home, something light.”

  And that’s exactly what I did. I filled a large bowl with Honey Bunches of Oats mixed with Honey Nut Cheerios, a delicious and satisfying combination. Too bad inside all I felt was a bunch of shit.

  I force-fed myself at the table while watching Lily make herself a veggie omelet with toast. We didn’t talk much, being she had a Pandora station blasting music in the background.

  She brought her food into the dining room along with a stack of junk mail. She dropped the pile next to her plate and got comfortable in her chair. She browsed through the catalogs, which was my cue to leave. I cleaned my bowl, then left her to catalog shop while I showered and got ready for bed.

  Snuggled under my covers, my iPad and I got cozy. I figured reading a trashy novel would relax me enough to fall asleep. Instead, my incessant thoughts about my job situation prevented me from losing myself in the book.

  The words Lily had said to me about my job last night still rang at an obscene volume inside my head. She spoke the truth. I couldn’t save the world. I had been doing my best for an eternity to try and convince myself otherwise. But in the end, where did it get me? Nowhere. It left me in need of the life preserver I constantly threw to others. As much as I loved my job, the stress of it was starting to eat me up emotionally.

  The population I worked with grew tiresome, causing me to feel extreme burn-out. It angered me, because I had put so much time and effort to get to this point in my career. Even worse, I had only been in the field for a few years. Could I see myself doing this for another thirty plus? I didn’t think so anymore. And to add to my frustration, I had student loans up the wazoo that had to be repaid. How the hell would I be able to repay them if I changed careers and had to start all over again with schooling? No other areas in nursing excited me.

  Ugh, why did I feel so stuck?

  My salary was decent. I had no complaints in that department. Some months I made double payments on my loans, the extra shifts I worked bringing in a nice chunk of change. Maybe that was the reason for
my exhaustion. Perhaps Lily was right when she said I should take it easy. And my schoolwork piled up daily, adding another stressor to the mix. The last thing I wanted to do after working twelve-hour shifts was come home and spend hours studying. After tomorrow’s shift I had two days off. I intended to make full use of that free time.

  The scrunched-up covers made a perfect stand for my tablet. Since I couldn’t concentrate on the words of the book in front of me, I figured I’d do a bit more research on Joey Fine. I did another search on Steam to discover many links that led me to the band.

  YouTube was my first stop. I watched a few music videos and some live footage from their concerts. Joey’s vocals sounded phenomenal. The man was a gifted and talented artist, to say the least.

  The videos rolled one into another. When the song he had sung during the concert I attended played on the screen, it again brought me to tears. I replayed it several times, paying close and special attention to the lyrics.

  Coming home late

  Lots of things to do

  Or maybe I just say that

  So I don’t have to see you

  Your vision is so clouded

  By the voices in your mind

  They’re loud enough for all to hear

  Yet you keep replaying them, push rewind

  Long gone but not forgotten

  The torment never ends

  Long gone but not forgotten

  A heart that will never mend…

  Say goodbye to what once was

  It will never be again

  I am scarred and changed forever

  For the torment never ends…

  I zoned in and out, his sweet voice lulling me into a deep sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed and excited for the day ahead of me. Well, not the part about going to work, just the part that would take place afterward, the charity event and seeing Joey again.

  It took rummaging through my closet a million times before deciding on an outfit to change into later. I wasn’t sure what attire was called for this evening, so figured a simple cocktail dress would be my best bet. It wasn’t too casual or too dressy. I packed a pair of heels to go with it along with my makeup bag.

  Things worked out perfectly. Lily had a shift, which meant I could drive in with her and not have to worry about my car, since Joey planned to pick me up at the hospital after work.

  “You lucky, lucky girl. Take some close-ups of Trevor for me,” Lily begged before heading off to the NICU.

  As I met with patient after patient, each one of them either trying to seek meds to satisfy a drug habit or threatening to commit suicide, Joey’s words replayed themselves in my mind.

  Say goodbye to what once was

  It will never be again

  I am scarred and changed forever

  For the torment never ends

  These words perfectly described the baggage I still carried around inside me. And listening to the middle-aged woman who sat in a chair in front of me, crying her eyes out, while I made notes in her intake chart, only made that realization stand out in big, bold neon lights.

  Blinking a few times, I tried to get back in the moment and focus on her, but I became too lost in my own thoughts to give her my full attention. I excused myself and asked an aid to keep a close eye on the patient, one who would definitely be admitted and put under a suicide watch, after all the initial assessments were completed. That, I could almost guarantee.

  In the bathroom, I splashed cold water on my face. I had to collect myself, or else I’d suffer the consequences. I had too much at stake to lose, my job for one thing, my mind a close second. It was becoming more and more difficult to let go of my past the further I got from it.

  A session with my therapist had become a necessity on my to-do list. I had canceled several sessions with her over the past few weeks for one reason or another. My feelings were rapidly turning to shit by not releasing and delving into them. Job stress and listening to depressed people all day didn’t help matters either. I sighed, realizing that the time had come for me to take care of myself again.

  I pushed through the day with thoughts about Joey dangling in front of me like a rabbit in a Greyhound dog race. That motivated me and made the time pass quickly until the final two hours of my shift. Luckily, the last hour was relatively quiet, giving me the opportunity to freshen up and change in the staff restroom.

  Joey had his car parked in front of the hospital. He was leaning against his Mercedes, playing on his phone. When he caught sight of me, he shoved it in his pocket and lit up. He held me at arm’s-length, gave me a once-over, then pulled me into his arms like he hadn’t seen me in ages. “You look beautiful.”

  His comment had me beaming against his chest. I closed my eyes, his strength filling me with my own. The scent of his cologne had me clenching my pelvic muscles, making them go into overdrive. God, I had missed his touch.

  I glanced up at him. “And you look adorable, as usual.”

  “Adorable?” His eyes opened wide. “I think I prefer Lily’s description of me better.”

  Leering at him in mock disgust, I replied, “Handsome. Is that better?”

  He tilted his head from side-to-side with a so-so meaning behind it. “I still prefer hot.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine. You look hot, as usual.”

  He smiled. “Much better. Shall we?”

  “We shall.”

  He opened the passenger door for me. I slipped inside, onto the plush leather seat, and buckled up while he walked around the car and climbed into the driver’s seat.

  “I wasn’t sure what to wear. I hope this is okay.” I smoothed out the bottom of my dress. He surveyed it, his attention primarily focused on my exposed thighs.

  “Looks more than okay to me.”

  “Joey,” I reprimanded.

  “What? That dress shows off your sexy legs.”

  Instinctively, I crossed them, suddenly feeling shy. He reached over and placed his hand above my knee.

  “How’s your arm doing?”

  “It feels a lot better today. The stitches should come out at the end of the week.”

  He pulled onto the main road that led to the highway.

  “Where are we headed?”

  “To a banquet hall in a resort downtown.”

  “I’m glad I decided to wear a dress, then.”

  “Me too. Easy access.”

  His eyes gleamed. He took hold of my hand and squeezed it. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. Joey was such a man in every sense of the word. I loved it.

  “You have a one-track mind.”

  “Having you here with me right now has my mind on one thing and one thing only. Do you have to work tomorrow?”

  Our gazes caught and held.

  “No. I have two days off. Lots of homework to catch up on during that time, but I don’t have to be at the hospital. Why do you ask?”

  “I want you to stay with me tonight.”

  “At your place?”

  “Nope. I booked us a suite at the resort where the guys and I are playing. Figured you and I would be there, so why not take advantage of the perks the place has to offer. I hope that’s okay with you?”

  I took a deep breath, unsure of my take on that.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know.” I had to stop holding my thoughts and fears inside and share them with him. “I guess I don’t want to be viewed as a groupie. The two of us escaping to a hotel room after your concert kind of puts me in that category.”

  He tightened his hold on my hand. “Don’t even go there. You’re really fixated on the whole groupie thing. You know I don’t view you that way.”

  “Then how do you view me?” The question occupying my thoughts had stumbled out. Good.

  He studied the road ahead, clearly deep in thought. Crap. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked the question. I rubbed my clammy palm against my dress.

  “I don’t know how to answer that. What I can tell you is that I feel happy
when we’re together, and I think about you when we’re not. I know we only met a short time ago, but I find myself wanting to spend more with you. That’s a totally new experience for me.”

  My heart was pretty much a puddle on the floor of the car. Could he melt it any more?

  “I feel the same way.”

  His eyes held warmth in them. “Good. I’m glad. If it makes you feel better, the guys don’t have to know we’re staying at the hotel. I made the reservation under a fake name, so we wouldn’t be bothered.”

  “Then I would love to stay with you tonight.”

  22

  Joey

  Teva agreeing to stay the night with me at the hotel had me more fired up than the show the guys and I were set to perform.

  For some reason, she had a major hang-up about musician stereotypes. At some point I hoped to find out why.

  Logan, Trevor, and I had a band meeting with Camilla prior to taking the stage. She informed us the audience was filled with bigwig politicians and business officials there to show their support by helping to raise funds to aid those suffering from domestic violence. Most of them were probably only there to have something flashy to put on their CVs, but it didn’t matter to me. If it helped the cause, it was good by me. And as long as the money raised was used appropriately and not stuffed in someone’s pockets, it was a no-brainer on my part to give of my time for those who required assistance.