“Don’t forget to breathe.”
Lifen’s glow continued to ripple as Ana attempted to draw in the energy around them. She didn’t want to give up, but couldn’t take it any longer. She shuddered and a rush of blood flooded her head.
“You did very good, but it will require some more practice.”
Ana braced her hand against her forehead and waited for the pounding headache to pass. When she had recovered enough, she asked, “So, why is it Chance never had to worry about this? Can shapeshifters or healers pull in energy from other people?”
Lifen’s face darkened and Ana wasn’t sure if she’d answer. Finally, she said in a soft whisper, “Yes. It is possible. Both shapeshifters and healers can do this, although they need to make contact with the person to do it. It is a true evil. It is something only poisoned souls resort to.”
Ana immediately thought of Chance and her heart squeezed in her chest. Lifen noticed her grow silent and added, “It is true, your Chance has been poisoned. This is why you must learn to protect yourself first before learning how to save him, if it is at all possible.”
“But I thought you said that I’d be able to save him?” Ana’s throat tightened.
“I saw him, and the dark chi that pours from his body. It will be hard, even for the most experienced healer. I do not wish for you to die trying to save him—you mean too much to sacrifice yourself for someone that’s . . .” Lifen tucked the edge of her dress around her legs and sighed. “I will never again place my life in the hands of a man. Learn from my mistakes.”
Ana’s mind was reeling. She didn’t know what to say, and even if she did, words would fall short of the emotion churning in her heart. Stars flickered before her eyes and she began to sway forward.
Lifen reached for her and caught Ana before she crashed into her. “Ana!”
Through the maelstrom of emotion, fear and pain were first and foremost. What if she’d never see Chance again? What if she never felt his warm embrace? Or hear the words, I love you?
Instead of being lost in an ethereal void, the pale wood beams that ran the length of the ceiling came into focus. Lifen’s face hovered above hers. “There you go. Follow my voice and come back to me. Take deep, slow breaths and listen to what I’m saying. I want you to know the truth and your odds before going out into the world. This is why I protect my students by keeping them safe at home until they’re ready to face the evil that is out there, and to ensure they will not add to it. You have the most potential of any student I have ever taught. If anyone can save Chance, it will be you.”
Ana wiped her tears away and whispered. “Really? Is there even the slightest possibility I can help him?”
“It will require a huge amount of dedication on your part. You will have to work twice as hard as everyone else. Do you think you can do that?”
“Yes, I’ll do anything.” Ana propped herself up on her elbows and ignored the wave of vertigo. “So, have you met any other shapeshifter healers?”
“I have only met one other like us. We are special, you and I. This is why I wanted to teach you. I only wish I’d had someone to help me when I was a youngling, but I had to figure it out on my own.”
“How old are you?” She realized the rudeness of her question after she’d blurted it out, but it had only been out of pure curiosity and amazement.
Lifen helped her up the rest of the way and stared at her. Ana winced apologetically and hoped she hadn’t just blown her chance at finding out more about her teacher.
“How are you feeling? You should go get yourself some breakfast. Drink plenty of water and rest a little. I want you to practice some more.” Lifen went over to a small wooden hutch that was placed against the back wall and slid open a drawer. “Take this to practice with.”
She held out a candle and matches to Ana, who accepted it curiously.
“What do I do with this?”
“The same thing you were doing with me. When you try to bring in the energy around the flame and you do not control yourself properly, you will see it grow small. Once you can do it without snuffing the candle out and keeping control, then you can start practicing with the boys and I will begin to teach you healing. I will check in with you later.”
“Sure, great.” Ana nodded and watched her teacher leave the meditation room.
There went an opportunity to learn more about Lifen. After Niyol, she wasn’t sure who was more cryptic.
Ana stared out the window at the sun peering over the craggy horizon. Shafts of light made the pristine snow glimmer and sparkle. The amazing scenery helped soften the blow she’d received by only a little. The news that it would be near impossible to help Chance and that she’d have to work harder than she’d ever had to wasn’t really news, but reality was just beginning to sink in. Maybe it was the exhaustion she felt from trying to control her powers and passing out, but she had a feeling Lifen wasn’t lying. This was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done.
Chapter 11
“How early did Lifen wake you up?”
Ana turned around and found Derek entering the kitchen. He was dressed in a pair of jeans, a long-sleeve shirt and appeared fully rested. She groaned and kept searching through the cabinets for something hot to drink. As long as it had caffeine, she’d be happy. “I don’t know, at least an hour ago she started training me. What time is it now?”
Derek craned his neck and stared at the oven clock. “Looks like it’s pushing seven. It was nice while she was gone—Ryan and I slept in. Not Jordan though, you can set a watch to his schedule. Now it’s back to work.”
“Is there anything in here that resembles coffee? I need a serious pick-me-up.”
He gave her a sympathetic grin and laughed. “No coffee, but Lifen has a caffeinated tea blend that’ll slap you across the face. No offense, but it looks like you need it. Didn’t sleep well last night?”
While Derek took over and pulled out a glass jar filled with crushed herbs, Ana leaned over the counter, bracing her head up. “I slept, but it was just rough in there. This isn’t going to be easy.”
Derek filled an electric kettle with water and bent over to open another cupboard. “I’m not good at making fresh oatmeal like Jordan, so I can offer you some instant creamed wheat or microwave oatmeal.”
“I’ll try some creamed wheat, thanks.” She tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear and ran her finger along a vein in the stone countertop.
“Listen. It takes some getting used to.” He looked cautiously at the doorway and edged closer to her. “Lifen takes some getting used to. She’s intense, but you’ll be okay. I can tell you’re tough—I can see it in your eyes.”
Derek reached past her to pull out two pairs of mugs and bowls. She watched him work and in minutes he had her breakfast ready and her tea was steeping in hot water. Ana sniffed the vapor rising from her cup and wrinkled her nose. “There any sugar?”
“It smells worse than it tastes. Give it a try.”
She sipped the steaming tea and had to admit he was right. She had expected it to taste like lawn clippings, but it had a light flavor that took her by surprise. “Not bad, but it’s nothing like waking up to hot chocolate in the morning.”
A loud groan echoed through the kitchen and she turned to see Ryan stretching his bare arms above his head next to the fridge. He cleared his throat and scratched at his scalp. “Hey.”
“Um, hi,” Ana answered a little distracted with all of his bare skin. Tattoos lined his chest and arms, and when he turned to open the refrigerator she saw his back was more ink than anything.
“We’re living with a girl now. Why don’t you get dressed in more than your boxers. . . ” Derek balanced both of their bowls and his tea cup in his arms before nodding his head to the doorway.
Ryan reemerged from the fridge drinking orange juice from the container. “I don’t care—she’s free to reciprocate. S’pose Mr. Perfect is shoveling the walkway?”
“You know it.” Derek led her i
nto the dining room, which was bathed in morning light. “Ryan’s harmless. Once you get to know him better you’ll see he’s more than just a pretty face and an attitude, he’s also a punk. When Lifen found him, he was living on the streets. His parents did a number on him.”
“That explains a lot.” Ana settled at the table and took another sip of her tea. There was so much to get used to. It was all so overwhelming. There was no one there for her to lean on. She couldn’t hide from her troubles, or the mean kids in her room. She’d have to deal with it herself.
Derek pushed her bowl in front of her and she accepted it without looking at him. Ana took a bite of the warm breakfast cereal and felt it heat her belly.
“So, I know you’re from Idaho, but how old are you?”
“Eighteen. Graduated this last summer. How about you?”
“I’m nineteen, Jordan’s eighteen like you and Ryan’s the oldest out of the lot—he’s twenty.”
“What about Lifen? I made the mistake of asking her how old she was and she changed the subject and ended our training session, but it could have had to do with me fainting too.”
Derek raised his brow as he spooned a huge mouthful of creamed wheat into his mouth. He swallowed before answering, “Yeah, none of us really know how old she is. You know what they say about asking a woman her age—she won’t have it. Jordan’s looked up a couple historical events she’s mentioned and we’re pretty confident she’s at least seven hundred years old.”
If Derek was right, then that meant she was even older than Balam when he died. “Wow, and I thought I knew an old shapeshifter . . .”
“Oh yeah? Who was he?”
“His name was Balam. He was Mayan. He’d lived through the Spanish invasion and he was a really great man.” Ana swallowed a bite that was too large and almost choked. Anything she could do to avoid thinking about his lifeless body and carrying it to his burial chamber.
“Was?” Derek asked gently.
“Yeah, he was my boyfriend’s great-grandfather and mentor and the reason I was in the Yucatán.”
Ana stole a glance at his face and saw him struggle with what question to ask next. “So you have a boyfriend? Where’s he at?”
Why couldn’t he have quizzed her about something else? Something she knew the answer to. Something that didn’t make her heart feel like a dying star.
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“No, I’d rather get it over with. I’ll just tell you and move on.” Ana sipped her tea. The refreshing liquid poured down her throat and made her feel just a little more human after such a rough morning. “I don’t know where Chance is. When we were in Mexico, while he was being trained, his cousin, Markus, tracked us down and tried to kill him for his power. Only problem was, he killed Balam instead. And as usual, when my life’s at risk, Chance did what he could to save me and he put a stake through Markus’s neck. Not sure how much you know about all of this stuff, but that means—”
“That means your boyfriend’s got the sickness? That’s rough. Sorry, Ana.” Derek’s spoon clattered back into his bowl and his brown eyes stared at her.
“Yeah.” She gritted her teeth and decided she wouldn’t cry. Not again. “I’m here so I can learn how to save him. He’d do the same for me.”
Derek continued to gaze at her, but his expression deepened and he seemed to look at her differently. “Wow. I didn’t realize that was possible. But if it is, I bet you’re the one to do it. There’s something about you that makes me believe it.”
For the second time that day, her hopes faltered and she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She tried telling herself that Derek wouldn’t necessarily know anything about shapeshifters being healed. He wasn’t a healer, just a young shifter.
He seemed to read her thoughts and added in haste, “Hey, just because I don’t know anything about it doesn’t mean anything. Don’t let it shake you.”
Ryan wandered into the room carrying a bowl and a full glass of orange juice. “You use those lips to your advantage yet, Derek? She told you how she became a shifter?”
Ana ignored him as he sat down next to Derek, but her cheeks warmed at his comment despite her agitation. He was still in his boxers and it appeared he had no intention of getting dressed, or at least, not until he got the reaction he wanted. She decided to try to block him out.
“She was telling me about her boyfriend.” Derek gave Ana an apologetic grimace.
“Boyfriend, eh? Where’s he at, then?” Ryan curled over his steaming bowl of what looked like oatmeal, and began wolfing it down.
“Ryan—” Derek spat in warning.
“He got the sickness while trying to save my life and I’m here to learn how to save his.” She hoped the guys would tell Jordan because she really didn’t want to go over it again.
Ryan twisted one of his blond locks between his fingers and raised his blue eyes to study her face. He exchanged a glance with Derek, who shot him a glare. “That doesn’t explain how you’re a shifter. You weren’t immaculately conceived—no girl just becomes a shifter, it’s not possible. What’s the story there?”
Where was the closest getaway route? Ana fought the urge to jump up and leave the room. Ryan may have asked the question, but Derek seemed just as curious about the answer. Ana wasn’t in the mood to keep talking. Not to someone who had the tact of a water buffalo in a museum. It took all of her courage to retort, “I don’t know anything about you, Ryan. I only know your name. Where’re you from?”
“Everywhere.” He smirked at her. Well, clearly two people could play that game.
“Right. Nice tats—Chance just got one, a bear across his back. It was sort of a big deal.”
Ryan sat back in his seat and folded his arms, almost protectively. “Chance, eh? I got all of these years ago. Before I turned. I tried getting some new ink, but it didn’t take.”
“Chance had his nagual tattooed on his back by his great-grandfather. It was also kind of a test—to see if he could shift and keep it.” Ana avoided eye contact and kept eating.
“And?” The way he asked she could tell he was trying to seem disinterested, but it was clear just how much he cared to hear the answer.
“He shifted into a bear while the tattoo was still fresh. It looked like it was hard for him to stop his body from healing when he shifted back—it went against all of his instincts, but he was able to do it.”
Derek leaned forward. “What’s a nagual?”
“Balam said it was like a spirit animal. That shifters have a primary animal they have a connection with, the form they prefer to take. You can have plenty of forms you like, but there’s one that’s. . .”
“Yours.” Derek nodded.
“Whatever. Sounds like a nut to me.” Ryan grabbed his bowl and cup and turned to leave the room.
“You’re just mad because you’re twenty and haven’t made a connection with any animal yet,” Derek called after him.
Even though at every turn Ryan tried to be hurtful, she didn’t buy it. He reminded her of a cornered animal protecting himself. It didn’t make her like him any more, or excuse his behavior, but she could understand his attitude.
Ana stood and picked up her dirty dishes. “So, Lifen asked me to go do some energy practice with a candle. See you later?”
“Of course. The guys’ll be getting ready to meet her in the mediation room, but I’ll find you when we’re done.” Derek waved and left the room.
She sighed and took the dirty dishes to the kitchen. While she rinsed them off and put them in the dishwasher she stared at the candle and matches on the counter. Well, at least this way she wouldn’t hurt anyone and no one would be around to watch her fail. She dried her hands and snatched the items off the counter. Time to play with fire.
Chapter 12
“Are you ready to move?”
Chance eyed Batukhan and tightened his grip on his pack. They had eaten and rested. Well, Chance had tried to sleep, but wok
e with every noise or movement. In the minutes he slipped out of his dreams, familiar voices had skirted his mind. Niyol’s calm whisper echoed caution to him. Be careful. Do not trust until it is earned. Keep your hunger in control, stay calm and be patient.
It was like receiving a distant radio signal and he didn’t want to move in case he lost the connection. He pinched his eyes shut, savoring the comfort his grandfather provided, but it was short-lived. Batukhan had woken him at the break of day and told him they needed to move.
“Where are we going?” Chance asked.
“Well, my friend migrates north to Canada during the winter, so we can find him there. But first you need some meditation practice. You need to learn to control the voices in your head before they begin to control you. You said it was only days ago that you got the sickness?”
Chance nodded.
“When I had the sickness, the extra voice pushed me to behave in ways I never did before. Luckily, my new focus was on women and drink instead of reaping more power. Although in my lifetime I’ve killed many in the name of my people, I am fortunate I never sought other shifters to murder. I have known others though, that have battled those voices. It depends on the energy you absorb and the power behind them.”
“What’s that mean for me?”
“It means, we need to move. I stopped you from killing an innocent girl. I think it is very clear the kind of voice you have in your head and how persuasive it is.”
“If it’s as bad as that, do you really think there’s a chance I can control my . . . urges?” He thought about Ana and seeing her again. If he could control the voices in his head, then maybe he could trust himself around her.
“My friend can help you keep the voices at bay. Without his help, it could take decades of work . . . if you don’t lose yourself entirely.”
Decades? Pain rippled out from his chest and radiated to his arms and neck. Could he stand not seeing his Ana for so long? He pinched his eyes shut and controlled his shaky breathing. If it meant he’d see her again and hold her in his arms without hungering for her like cells needing oxygen, he’d do anything it took.
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