Since You've Been Gone

by S. M Phillips

  I always thought that what I had with Jake was too bloody good to be true, and it looks like I was right all along.

  Present Day

  “What are you doing here?”

  I watch his eyes closely, wondering how he can even look into mine after all this time. I don’t even think we have any mutual friends so this can’t be down to co-incidence.

  “Will you listen to me talk, or will you storm off as soon as I open my mouth?”

  “That all depends. Are you going to try and feed me with your bullshit?”

  “No…”

  “Good, because today isn’t about you, which I’m pretty sure every other day for the past ten years has, but today is all about my best friend and her special day and I won’t have anyone ruining that on her.” I warn.

  I want to say so much to him. I want to ask so many things, but my pride gets the better of me and I keep my lips firmly sealed. See, who says that you can’t change over the years?

  “I’m not here to ruin anyone’s day Lucy. I’m here for you. Ten years is too long trying to pretend that what we had didn’t mean something.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Did I just hear him right? Trying to pretend that what we had didn’t mean something? Well, it didn’t to him did it seeing as though he happily jumped into bed with my roommate without giving me, or us so much thought.

  “I’ve been waiting for this day for so long Luce and now that it’s here I don’t even know where to start.”

  “How about your tail back between your legs and walking off in the opposite direction? I’ve got nothing to say to you, Jake.”

  “Don’t lie to me Luce. I know you still feel the same as you did back then, It’s written all over your face.”

  “You’re right. Yes, I still feel exactly how I did back then…”

  “I knew it…” He smiles.

  “I still want to kick you in the fucking balls for making a bloody fool out of me. You played me Jake and I wasn’t about to sit around for you to try and talk your way out of it so that you could do it all over again.”

  I begin to walk off, not wanting to cause a scene, but he grips my arm and pulls me back towards him. Jesus, he still smells the same and my head goes a little hazy.

  “Lucy. I warning you, do not run away from me again…”

  “I didn’t run away; you gave me no choice when you slept with Fran. You took everything that we had and threw it away as if it was nothing the moment your body touched hers. We were as good as dead to you and you knew it.”

  “You never let me explain…”

  “You didn’t need to Jake.” I growl, trying to keep my voice down, but anger and adrenaline are pulsing through my body like wild fire. “I can still remember what happened right to this day. Believe me, seeing you two together isn’t an image that I’ve been able to forget in a hurry.”

  I can’t take anymore. If I stay around him, I’ll end up breaking down and causing a massive scene and I don’t want to do either. Why the hell has he come here and who is it that actually invited him?

  “Hey Lucy, what’s wrong?” I go head first into Hannah as I rush out of the room, not really paying attention to where I’m going,

  “I’m sorry.” I whisper.

  “Oh no.” She takes one look at my face and pulls me closer to her. “Shit, you’ve seen him already haven’t you? I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m so stupid. I didn’t even think about it if would catch you off guard or upset you.”

  “What… No. It’s… “

  “Jake. You’ve seen him haven’t you?” She asks.

  “But, how did you…” I ask, more confused than ever. Hannah knew that Jake would be coming to her wedding? She knew and didn’t even warn me? She knows first-hand how much he destroyed me. How the hell does she even know him, anyway?

  “Lucy, you won’t want to hear this, but I really think you need to hear him out. Give him a chance.”

  “Why should I give him a chance? He bloody broke my heart and ruined me for anyone else. I’ve never been happy since and it’s as if the day that I left him, a curse has followed me around like a bad bloody cloud.

  “Honestly Lucy, that’s why I’m asking, no begging you to listen to him. Please, for me? I wouldn’t have invited him if I didn’t think he was genuine.”

  “Oh he’s got a good way of making you think that. Wait… you invited him? How?”

  “It’s a long story, but I wanted to make up my own mind about him before I told you.” She begins.

  “Told me about what?”

  “Okay, don’t but in and let me finish what I tell you before you start jumping the gun.”

  “Go on…” I quickly spit out. This cannot be happening to me.

  “A while back I received a friend request through Facebook. You know what I’m like, if I don’t know them, I delete and block them straight away, but this guy’s name sounded familiar and I couldn’t for the life of me think of where from. I left his request waiting for a few days, hoping that eventually it would come to me, but my mind was still coming up blank. I didn’t think of mentioning it to you because you were still going through all that drama with Oliver’s wandering cock, so I left it there again.

  Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I finally hit accept and sent him a brief message asking if I knew him and where from. Now, I thought he was probably one of those keyboard warriors who create fake profiles and didn’t expect a response from him. His name was bloody niggling at me, and when he got back to me it all fell in to place and I knew instantly that then wasn’t the best time to tell you.”

  “Well what did he say?” I ask impatiently.

  “Hold your bloody horses, I’m getting to that now. He asked if the girl in my profile picture was you. He’d been searching for you online but didn’t know how you’d react if he contacted you directly so he thought if I was the Hannah that he thought I was then maybe I’d be able to speak to you.”

  “And you didn’t even tell me?”

  “Like I said, I wanted to get a feel of him first and you weren’t exactly having the best time of it were you?”

  “No that’s true.”

  “It took me a while, but I finally messaged him back and demanding to know what he wanted from you and why after all this time he wanted to speak to you. It turns out according to him, it was all one big mix up and you ran out on him before he even got a chance to explain himself.”

  “Come on Han. She was in his bed in just his shirt. You really expect me to believe that nothing happened with that promiscuous cow?”

  “Look after speaking to him for a while, I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and thought that if he was serious that it’s only fair that he explains everything to you. I spoke to Daniel and we decided to invite him to the wedding as a surprise. I know you have never been the same since you met him and you’ve had such a bad string of luck with guys, because deep down you still love him, you always have and no one will ever compare to him.”

  “Have you been taking drugs?”

  Yes, she is right, but I’m not about to admit that to her. No one has ever come close to Jake and I know that they never will. It still doesn’t erase the hurt he caused me.

  “Please Lucy, he’s come all this way. Please talk to him.”

  “Please…”

  Jake appears behind the big marble staircase and my heart skips a beat again. He still looks the same, just more refined. His eyes are little bit crinkles at the sides, clearly lines of his past evident on his face.

  “Go on…” Hannah says and nods for me to get up and walk over to Jake. I really, really want to believe that he’s here for me, but why? What is his motive?

  “Jake…” I say as I reach him and his name still hurts on my lips.

  “Lucy, you look…” He begins, but I cut him off, suddenly feeling well out of my comfort zone.

  “Why are you here Jake?”

  “Isn’t that obvious? I’m here for you.”

&nbs
p; “But why? Why now?”

  “Lucy, I’ve been searching and trying to find you since the moment you walked out of that door. What you saw was not what you thought at all.”

  “What, do you want me to believe that she forced you against your will? You were both practically undressed and she had nothing but your shirt on. Jake, we might have been young, but it takes two to tango.”

  “That’s just it. We didn’t do anything. That night, shit, I remember it like it was only yesterday. I ‘d been working with Liam and at some point in the night that Dave had turned up at Poison and started causing a scene with Fran. Sure that girl could hold her own, but she was pretty shaken up from the abuse that he was hurling at her. Me and Liam managed to remove him, but Fran just wasn’t her same usual, perky self so me and Liam decided to grab a few beers and a takeaway and she came back with us. I thought she was going to head home when we got back, but apparently she didn’t want to be alone and before too long, in true Fran style, she began hitting on Liam. I didn’t fancy sitting around playing gooseberry, especially knowing that my girl was probably fast asleep next door. So, I decided to call it a night, knowing that the sooner I went to bed, the sooner I’d be getting up the next day ready to spend the day with you. I just left them to it in the front room, but believe me, if I could go back knowing what was about to unfold the next day, I would have kicked them both out before hand.”

  “But why… She was in your bed. She wasn’t with Liam.”

  “Let me finish. I remember my eyes opening, vaguely hearing the front door go and I thought it was Liam leaving. I turned my head and that’s when I saw Fran well and truly out of it on the bed. I panicked and I remember waking her up and that’s when she told me to grow some balls. As soon as I stepped outside of the room, my whole world shattered when I saw your face and I just knew that you wouldn’t listen or actually believe what had happened. I could see that you had already made your mind up, it was written all over your face. I honestly had no recollection what had happened and how Fran had ended up in my bed, but I promise you; nothing happened. It never did and it never would. I was with you. You were my girl, my everything and all I could do was stand there and watch you run out on me. It won’t make any difference, but it turns out that when you left, Liam just came walking out of the bathroom in a complete state. He’s had way too much to drink and ended up spewing all over Fran, hence why she had to steal one of my shirts. Liam thought it wasn’t fair for her to sleep on the sofa as it had sick on it so he chucked her in my bed and I didn’t have a clue what was going on at all. Not until after you had left anyway.”

  “Wow, just look at the irony. We got together because I couldn’t handle my drink and we lost each other because your friend couldn’t handle his.”

  “Don’t think that I didn’t come after you. As soon as I found out what had happened, I made my way next door but you weren’t there. I had no idea that you just upped and left. Fran checked and your stuff was still there, so I sat back and hoped and prayed that you’d just gone to the beach to cool down or something. Eventually a few hours turned in to days and soon they turned into weeks and I knew then that I had lost you. I had lost the only person that I have ever loved all because of some stupid, drunken misunderstand. Do you know what was the worst about it all?”

  “What?” My hand reaches up to my face automatically and my face is wet with fresh tears. I had no idea that I’d even started crying. Is this all true? How can this be true? If it is, then I’ve been separated from Jake for ten long years. Ten whole years that we’ll never get back.

  “I knew that I’d lost you and I didn’t have a single way of contacting you. You left nothing with any of your home details on at all. Even when Amy came back out, she couldn’t think of a way to reach you. You know, I never once forgot you. You were always in my mind, and I never stopped looking for you, adamant that one day I would get to see you again. I didn’t give up Luce, I’ll never give up on us, not ever, because I know that you and me are meant to be together.”

  “Jake, it’s been ten years. Surely you would have moved on by now? Are you not married, do you not have kids?”

  “Lucy, its only ever been you and will only ever be you. Sure, even if you don’t want to give me another chance, I know that I will never be happy with anyone else. Trust me I have tried and failed miserably. I have only ever wanted and needed you. I love you Lucy Love. Always have and always will. All I’m asking for is for you to give us another chance. Let me show you how our life could have been if things had of turned out differently.”

  “What makes you think that we have a future Jake? For all you know, I could be happily married with a few kids of my own.”

  “You forget. I’ve been speaking to Hannah for the best part of a year Lucy and I know that you have been just as miserable as me. When you left, we both lost a part of each other, but now we’ve got a chance to be together again and our life could be so amazing. All you need to do is have a little faith.”

  I watch him closely and I really hope that this is real, because if I actually wake up from this to find it’s all been one dream, then life is even more crueller than I initially thought. My hand reaches out to touch him, just to check that he is real and his chest falters under my touch, just like it used to do.

  He’s real and he’s here. He’s here for me. A day that I have always dreamed of, yet never in a million years did I ever expect it to come true, but it has.

  I slowly lift myself up onto my tiptoes and seek out his lips. Jake doesn’t leave me hanging as soon our bodies are entwined again as our tongues reacquaint themselves. Right here in this moment, I’m taken right back to how we used to be. A time when we were young and carefree, and now as his body presses against mine, I feel like the whole weight of the world has finally been lifted from my shoulders.

  The big, dark cloud that has followed me around is now finally clearing thanks to Jake.

  He came for me; he came for us.

  He never gave up on me, he never gave up on us.

  I at least owe it to him to give this, us another try, to hopefully find our happily ever after and make all the memories that we missed out on.

  “I love you so much Lucy.” He whispers, while a crowd has circled around us. Both Hannah and Daniel are stood in the middle, clapping and cheering profusely.

  “I love you too Jake. Always have and always will. Thank you for believing in us when I couldn’t. I promise I’ll never run again, no matter how hard things get.”

  “I’m gonna bloody keep you to that. I’ll always believe in us, because there is nothing else in this whole entire universe that matters more than us.”

  Jake

  “You’re my biggest weakness and my greatest regret…”

  I pause for a moment, pull myself from my thoughts and watch her tenderly. My life. My light, my whole reason for living and I still can’t believe that after all this time she’s stood here right in front of me. This is the kind of thing that I could only dream of. She’s completely oblivious to the crazy war of emotions that she evokes from deep within me.

  Pain, anger, sadness encased with happiness, excitement, disbelief, and passion… so much passion.

  Even though it tears me apart inside. It’s true, every single word. I wish that I had of fought for her harder, tried to find her sooner. God, so many years wasted and so many memories that could have been made between us – gone. All because I chose to believe lies and listen to someone who I thought had my best intentions at heart; only to find out that they were just thinking of themselves all along. I don’t know why I was so surprised. Fran was always out for herself. Jesus, never in my wildest dreams did I ever allow myself to imagine, or believe that Lucy and I would ever be here now.

  “Are you being mushy again?” She smiles back at me and it’s highly contagious. Everything about Lucy is contagious. She’s the kind of girl that everyone wants to be, but it seems that nothing seems to have changed over the years, as no matter what
me or anyone else says to her, she just doesn’t see it.

  “Yeah, I guess. Just thinkin’ over a few things is all.”

  I stand, rubbing my clammy hands down my thighs to try and smooth out my pants. “Jeez, it’s too warm for these.” I mutter to myself. I knew I should have gone for something lighter, but then she’d know that something was off and I don’t need that. No, I need today to go as seamlessly as possible.

  “Is that right?” she shouts back at me and I stand motionless, completely taken aback by her sheer beauty as she skips excitedly towards me. You know it’s crazy, after all these years that have passed by between us, all the lies, all the heartache, she still looks at me like I’m her everything. I hope she knows that she’s my everything too.

  When I wake up in a morning and see that she’s still her beside me, I promise myself time and time again that I’ll never let her down again for as long as I live. She’s far too precious for me to lose her again. “It is.” I whisper into the crook of her neck when she reaches me and I lift her slightly and spin around with her, holding onto her with a bit more force than I originally intended.

  God, it feels amazing to have her pressed against me. It’s just a shame that we’re out in public.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see soon enough.” Honestly, she must have asked about a hundred times already, but I’m not prepared to divulge anything that I don’t have too. I’ve been planning this for weeks and it’s taken everything within me to keep schtum. I’ve been tempted to let slip so much. But, I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to keep everything on the low. So far, so good.

  “Come on, don’t keep me hanging much longer. I’ve been patient enough. Can you not just give me a clue? Just a tiny one?”