Secrets of a Side Bitch

by Jessica Watkins

  I was so heartbroken. Literally, I could feel a pain in my heart that was excruciating. I stared at that status message, watching the numerous amounts of likes and replies of well wishes, and felt every artery in my heart straining with throbbing pain, envy, and anger.

  I could compete with a broke, fat bitch, but I couldn’t compete with blessings, babies, and God.

  Omari

  I knew that I had done the right thing by cutting things off with Simone, but while at work and even during the ride home, I felt the difference in my day without her being in it. No text messages during the day. No freaky pictures from her that she took in her office. No meeting her for lunch for some head in the car.

  I just kept thinking of Aeysha and the baby. Every time I pictured Aeysha’s happiness when she told me that she was pregnant, I knew that no side pussy was worth taking that happiness from her.

  For the last few months, I had been able to be there for her financially like I always wanted to be. Now, it was time for me to be there emotionally with my commitment like she always wanted me to be.

  I was more than cool with that. As I hopped out of my ride in front of the crib, I felt like me and Aeysha was finally about to have the family that we both always wanted.

  “Hey, Omari.”

  I cursed under my breath as I ran into Eboni in the hallway. I did not feel like dealing with her shit. She had become a little stalkerish; calling and text messaging me at all times of night. She claimed she missed the dick, but it was funny how she didn’t miss the dick that much until it started making some paper.

  “What’s up, Eboni?”

  The further I walked towards the stairs, the closer she walked towards me until she had me cornered on the stairwell with her hands on my crotch.

  Just when I was ready to leave these side bitches alone, here came this bitch. I never wanted to not fuck another woman so bad in my life.

  “Man, what is you doin’?” I smiled to throw her off while I softly pushed her hand away.

  “C’mon, baby. Aeysha isn’t here. She’s at work.” She was damn near purring while walking so close up on me that her breasts were hugging my chests.

  “Okay, and?”

  Right away, she got an attitude. With her arms folded across her chest, she snapped. “So now you all of a sudden faithful?”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “Its bullshit and you know it.”

  She took my hands and placed them on her ass. My hands cupped her cheeks since they were barely covered by blue jean shorts. “Look, Omari. Do you know how hard it is for me to live up under you, listening to you fuck your girl every other night, while I’m down here struggling with these kids with no man? I been a good girl for you. But I get nothing in return for it.” Then she sighed dramatically. “And with me and Aeysha being so cool, I just don’t think I can take keeping this secret from her anymore. I feel so bad.”

  She was using lightweight words to threaten me. I heard them loud and clear though. If I left a chick alone that I was actually feeling to spare my relationship, I definitely wasn’t gone let this broad fuck up my relationship.

  I took heed to her warning. To make her happy and to shut her up, I led her into her apartment, stepped over hella toys and even walked pass two of her kids watching TV, and took her into her bedroom and gave her the dick. I bent her over and signed my name in that motherfucka, just to keep her quiet. When I was done, I even gave her a couple hundred dollars.

  I knew that she would be back again. Now she felt like she had me in a bind. But I just figured, enough trying to save up some bread to buy some big ass house. First the dics was coming around and now Eboni wanted to threaten to snitch.

  It was time to move.

  Simone

  There was a round of knocks on my office door that took me by surprise.

  It was nearly seven o’clock. I was still at work, handling a couple of HR issues. I really wasn’t motivated to go home. I was still a mess over Omari. I played hard all day. I did the opposite of what I usually do when niggas left me. I didn’t call him or text message him. I played it cool to him, but I was in my office bawling like a baby and trying to do work without thinking about Omari, Aeysha, and this damn baby.

  “Hey, Miss Simone.”

  I was startled that it was Chance that came through the door.

  “Chance, what are you doing here?”

  “Security let me in. I wanted to come see you.”

  Chance looked weird. His expression was full of anxiety. He stood in the middle of my office floor with his hands in his pockets, avoiding my eyes.

  “Don’t you have curfew?”

  “Yea. Nine o’clock. But fuck that place, man.”

  “What’s wrong, Chance?”

  And like always, he complained about the same things. He had yet to find a better job since leaving Lexington weeks ago. He had yet to get an acceptance letter from any colleges, which he expected because of his grades.

  When I saw him get teary eyed, I stood up from my desk, walked towards him and put my arms around him. “Its going to be okay, Chance. I told you that I would help you as much as I can.”

  Chance didn’t respond, stayed quiet, and held me as I held him. However, when the hug began to linger for too long, I felt uncomfortable and let go of him.

  “Chance.” I called his name to get his attention. He had continued to hold me around my waist well after I released my embrace.

  Finally, he lifted his head from my shoulder. But as the surface of his cheek brushed against mine, I felt his lips touch mine. I immediately jumped back.

  “Chance, you can’t do that.”

  “C’mon, Miss Simone. I’m eighteen now. You know I’m feeling you.”

  “Chance, this is very inappropriate. I have to ask you to leave. Now.”

  He looked as heartbroken as I had been feeling all evening. And even as he said goodbye, my heart still went out to him. I still wanted to be the friend that promised to help him.

  Tammy

  I felt so bad for fucking Omari.

  I was drunk and in my feelings because I was hurt like a motherfucker that Donte had played me the way that he did.

  I hadn’t seen Donte since I walked out of the hospital room a week ago. However, he had sent me lots of text messages trying to make it right that he’d hidden this long distance girlfriend from me.

  I was sick, literally. For a week, I cried in my old bedroom at my mom’s house and wondered how in the hell my life ended up this way. I was so scared for my life. I felt like a sitting duck, waiting on Jimmy to figure out that I was right up under his nose.

  “Aaaaw! Hey, friend.” Simone was very comforting as she walked into my bedroom and hugged me tightly as I sat on the bed.

  “I brought you something!” Then she waved a gallon in the air that had a familiar color to it. “Brought you a big ass gallon of Panty Droppa. You need it girl!”

  Guilt started to eat me up as Simone went into the kitchen to get us some cups and ice. Yet, I didn’t feel that guilty. Yes, I was wrong as hell for fucking Omari. He wasn’t her man, though. I was pretty lit that night, but before I got lit I remembered him telling me that he and Simone weren’t officially in a committed relationship.

  “So, have you talked to Donte?”

  As soon as Simone mentioned his name after she came back into the room, I rolled my eyes hard. “Fuck, Donte.”

  Simone actually had a smile on her face when she asked, “Why?”

  I don’t know whether she was being funny or cynical. She knew exactly why I felt that way.

  Wearing a questioningly stare, I asked her, “What are you smiling at?”

  “I’m just in a good mood, girl.”

  Even as she made my drink, she had the most humorous yet pleased smirk on her face.

  “And why is that?’

  “I’m just happy. Life is good. Work is good. My man is good.”

  I attempted to hold back a cynical smirk my damn self
as I replied, “Oh, really? And how are you and Omari doing?”

  “Great. We love each other so much. He even wants me to have his baby.”

  I damn near choked on my liquor. “He what?”

  With the biggest grin, she replied, “Yes, girl.”

  “After a few months, huh?”

  “Yes. Sometimes you have to just go with the flow.”

  As she sat on the bed across from me Indian style, I tried hard not to look at her like she was crazy as hell. “Go with the flow meaning?”

  “I mean, if he wants me to have his baby, why not? I’m even thinking of selling the house so that we can move closer to our jobs on the Westside.”

  I definitely choked on my liquor then. A little ran down the side of my lip even. As I wiped my mouth, I lost it. “You’re what?!”

  With that same weird smile, Simone replied, “Yea. I talked to a realtor today.”

  “But you love that house. You’re going to sell your mom’s house?!”

  “With the money I will get from it me and Omari can start all over again. Plus, I need a little money to help out a friend.”

  I held back a judgmental smirk. Sure, she wanted to help out a friend. She was probably giving some ends to Omari to help him with some fucking drugs.

  This damn girl was pathetic.

  Omari’s voice ran through my mind over and over again. I can hear him saying to me that he and Simone weren’t even in a committed relationship. Maybe he was just saying some shit in order to get some ass. Maybe Simone was just being her crazy possessive self.

  Either way. I had my own bullshit to deal with, so I really couldn’t care about Simone’s crazy ass.

  THIRTEEN

  THURSDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2013

  Aeysha

  This baby seemed to be changing my man for the better.

  I knew better than to think that a baby would fix or keep a man. But ever since Omari found out that I was pregnant, he was becoming more and more the man of my dreams. He was attentive and affectionate. He seemed way more focused on this relationship than ever before.

  I still prayed, asking God to make this a permanent change in Omari.

  “You like it, baby?” Omari looked at me anxiously, waiting for an answer. His hands were in the pockets of his Pele as he hid behind its collar, attempting to keep warm. I was doing the same in the matching women’s Pele that he bought a few days ago when the temperature plumaged to the low fifties.

  “Yes. There isn’t anything not to like,” I said as I smiled at Gina, one of Omari’s mom’s friends and a realtor.

  I looked around the living room of the vacant two story brick home in Riverdale. There was nothing overly spectacular about it, but it was nice. What was spectacular, however, was that Omari was very eagerly prepared to buy it for us. I had to force the tears back that were trying desperately to appear and fall. Beyond being overly emotional because I was five months pregnant, seeing the motivation in Omari to make me and this baby comfortable and happy was making me feel some kinda way.

  I was definitely in my feelings as he took me by the hand and followed the realtor around the home from bedroom to bedroom, kitchen to bathroom, and from the living room to the dining room, and then the basement.

  I loved the hardwood floors throughout the house. I adored the second bedroom that would be the baby’s room. I appreciated the third bedroom that Omari said my mother would use while staying there to help out with the baby once it was born. I liked the backyard. I imagined Eboni visiting with her kids and our kids playing back there in the summer.

  But what I loved about the house was that it would be our house.

  “We can put a playground in the yard. It’s even big enough for me to put a pool back here. Once the baby is big enough, it would love swimming in the summer. We’d all love it.”

  That was it! As Omari spoke, holding my hand and staring into the yard, I completely broke down.

  As I cried into my free hand, Gina got concerned. “What’s wrong, Aeysha?! Are you okay?”

  “Baby, what’s wrong?!”

  Embarrassed, I wiped my tears and tried to get it together. But I couldn’t. My tears flowed so profusely from my eyes. I even began to sob in happiness and joy. I couldn’t believe that my life had gotten to that point. At that very moment I felt like I had been praying and asking God for a miracle, and finally, finally, He granted my wish.

  I was so appreciative.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” Omari hugged me as he tried to console me.

  “I’m just happy, bae.”

  Hearing that everything was okay, Gina giggled and said, “I will go into the house and give you all some privacy.”

  Gina went back into the house as me and Omari stayed on the back deck, holding one another as I cried tears of joy into his chest.

  “All I’ve ever wanted is to make you this happy.” Omari’s words only made me cry even harder. “I just want to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you and my baby. You stuck with me through everything, and now everything is going to be okay. I want to make it okay for my family.”

  Simone

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Simone. This is Michelle, Tammy’s mother.”

  When I heard the name, I stopped logging into Facebook and gave her my full attention.

  “Hi, Michelle.”

  “Um, I have a question. Have you seen or talked to Tammy?”

  “No, ma’am. Not since I was at your place about two weeks ago.”

  “Is it normal for you not to talk to her?”

  “We have our moments. A week there. A month here. Is everything okay?”

  Sadly, Michelle answered, “I don’t think so.” Then she let out a heavy sigh as she replied, “She

  never came back from the store last night.”

  “She’s not answering her phone?”

  “It’s going straight to voicemail.”

  “Do you think…”

  Michelle cut off me off. I don’t think she wanted to consider the obvious. “Can you call some of your mutual friends and see if they’ve talked to her?”

  “Sure. I’ll do that and give you a call back if I hear anything.”

  “Thank you, Simone.”

  As I hung the phone up, I put my focus back on Facebook. Fuck, Tammy. She was a bitch. Her facial expression a few weeks ago as I told her about Omari was embedded into my brain. Every time I thought about that cynical smirk that overly confident bitch was giving me, it made me hate her smug ass even more. Yes, I was lying about me and Omari’s relationship, but who the fuck was she to think otherwise?

  Bitch.

  I focused back on Facebook as I cursed Tammy’s existence. Of course I was logging into my fake page so that I could look on Aeysha’s page to see what was going on.

  Though I thought that me and Omari wouldn’t be over, it seemed like it really was. As days and weeks went by, I continued to try to play it cool while calling and text messaging him randomly as if I was just saying hello and seeing how he was doing. My calls were never returned and he returned some of my messages with very vague responses.

  The heartbreak of losing him was especially worse that day. The upcoming Saturday was Sweetest Day. I was going to spend yet another holiday alone. I was use to it. Being the side bitch so many times got me use to spending Thanksgiving and Christmas alone. I could completely count out the romantic holidays. Being with Omari, I was finally looking forward to spending a loving holiday with my man. But, yet again, I was left alone, because he had to be with his real woman; the one who deserved the holidays, and more.

  I wanted to be the one that deserved the holidays.

  I couldn’t believe that, after all the time we spent together, Omari was able to throw me away so easily. It put a demeaning feeling in my spirit that hurt like a bitch and was way too familiar.

  That feeling got worse as I read status messages from that day on Aeysha’s page. That worthless feeling lay over me like a blanket as I rea
d about her and Omari looking for houses and how good her man was to her.

  I stared at her profile picture and reread her statuses about Omari over and over again. I wondered why there wasn’t one thing about me that would make him chose me over this fat, uneducated, ghetto bitch.

  When Tre stopped fucking with me, I said that that was the last time that a nigga chose another bitch over me, and I was not playing.

  Omari

  “I called everybody here tonight because I got picked up by them boys today.”

  My heart started to race while I sat at the table next to Capone in Ching’s kitchen. It was three other niggas at the table with us – Black, Smoke, and Bert. They all played intricate parts in Ching’s camp. Smoke, like Capone, ran Ching’s other block out west. After Ching shut down the block I got robbed on, Black had been upgraded to work alongside Bert supplying other camps all over the city.

  Bert was obviously shook, like the rest of us. “When was this?!”

  Like Bert, I couldn’t believe that the cops had actually been anywhere near Ching without us knowing.

  “Them motherfuckas been questioning me for eight hours. Got me comin’ out the crib this morning.”

  Smoke asked, “This crib? How the fuck they know where you live?”

  What’s fucked up is, when Ching answered, “Beats the fuck outta me,” he looked dead at me.

  It hadn’t been any noise about the murder lately, but I knew that the cops wasn’t just gone let that shit go. The governor was on the news every other day asking people to come forward. Even Ron’s parents spoke at a news conference and offered a ten thousand dollar reward for whoever came forward with information.

  Ten thousand dollars wasn’t worth a life though, so nobody was worried about a snitch.

  “Look,” Ching said leaning forward. “Nobody but the niggas at this table know what happened. The streets may know about that robbery but as long as everybody at this table shut the fuck up, I’ll stay out jail.”