Intentions - SF9

by Meagher, Susan X

  Ryan chuckled and commented, "You and Jamie have something in common. Her family laid the cornerstone at Stanford, but she's a big ol' Golden Bear."

  Jamie patted her hand and said, "It's not quite that bad, Honey, but it's close. One of my ancestors was in the Pioneer Class, as they call it. The class of '01…1901, that is."

  "Wow, that must have caused some raised eyebrows," Maggie said.

  "A little more was raised than a few eyebrows," Jamie agreed, recalling her first real argument with her father. "My father was livid, but in reality, it's my mom who should have been upset. It's her family that carries the tradition. My Dad was the first in his family to attend."

  "Hmm…why doesn't that surprise me?" Ryan said dryly, getting a playful scowl from her partner.

  "Problems with the in-laws, Ryan?" Maggie asked.

  "On and off," the taller woman replied. "I think things will calm down over time. We've only been together officially since June. Jamie's dad's just going through a period of adjustment."

  "Is he upset with you or…?"

  Jamie piped up, "It's mostly the fact that Ryan's a woman, Maggie, even though he won't admit that's the real issue. I didn't know that I was gay until we fell in love."

  "Ooooh…that must be an adjustment. One of my best friends from high school came out to me just this year," she commented. "I'm sure it's easier to do when you're young."

  "Ask Ryan," Brendan teased. "She was checking out the other little girl babies in the nursery at the hospital."

  "Not true, Bren," his little sister insisted. "I was in kindergarten before I even kissed a girl."

  "You kissed a girl in kindergarten!" Jamie laughed. "You've never told me that."

  "I've tried to forget her," Ryan said, looking like she was about to cry. "She went through the whole class…one by one. I was just a notch on her Cabbage Patch Kids pencil case."

  Jamie reached over and grasped Ryan's hand, giving it a squeeze. "If she could see you now, she'd kick herself. She could have called dibs!"

  Mia had foraged dinner for herself, not returning home until Brendan and Maggie had already left. Ryan was on kitchen detail since Jamie had cooked, and Jamie was in the library preparing for a quiz she was having the next day.

  "Hey, Ryan," the curly-haired woman said as she flopped down on a kitchen chair. "How'd your dinner go?"

  "It went well," she said. "I like my brother's new girlfriend. Did you get fed?"

  "Yeah. I met some friends for a salad. Ryan, can I ask you something?"

  "Sure. What's up?"

  "Do you think Jordan likes me?"

  The tall brunette scratched her head for a moment, appearing to give the matter considerable thought. "Well, she doesn't French kiss me or Jamie, and I've never seen her slip the tongue to any of our teammates, so I'd say there's a good chance that she likes you."

  "You know what I mean," Mia said, narrowing her eyes. "Do you think she likes me enough to date me?"

  Ryan tossed her dishtowel over her shoulder and took a seat next to her friend. "I don't like to talk about my friends behind their backs, Mia. I don't feel comfortable telling you things Jordan has said to me. Do you understand that?"

  "Yeah, I guess I do, but I'm really frustrated, Ryan." She sat up a little straighter in her chair and said, "How about this? Would you tell me if she didn't like me? Like if she told you that she thought I was okay to fool around with, but not good enough to date?"

  "Mia, I wouldn't hang around with her if she said things like that! Jordan's a very honorable woman." She sighed, trying to think of a way to give Mia some information without betraying Jordan's confidences. "Let me tell you this. This is my own observation, not something Jordan has told me. She seems to have a persona that doesn't really match with who she is. Do you know what I mean?"

  "Mmm…kinda."

  "She gives off the appearance of being very much in control and very aloof, right?"

  "Right. But she's not really like that when you get to know her," Mia insisted.

  "Right. I know," Ryan agreed. "I think she's like that in other areas of her life, too. She comes across as being apathetic over whether she sees you or not, but she's not really like that. I think she's just very, very cautious. Very much afraid of being hurt."

  "Oh!" Mia said brightly. "So she's just going slow because she's shy and kinda afraid?"

  "Something like that," Ryan agreed, knowing there was a lot more to Jordan than shyness, but thinking that was a good hint for Mia.

  "Cool. So I should just play it cool and let her do what she needs to do to feel comfortable?"

  "I think that's all you can do, Mia. I know that if you put too much pressure on her, you'll scare her off."

  "I don't want to do that," Mia said slowly. "I really like her, Ryan."

  "Well, I like you both, and I hope it works out between you. You make a really cute couple, you know."

  "Do we really?" Mia wrinkled up her nose, doubting Ryan's sincerity.

  "Yeah. It's kinda cool to see people who have almost no physical characteristics in common. Kinda like me and Jamie."

  "Well, you're a pretty cute couple, too, so if we look like you two, I'm happy."

  Part Four

  When Catherine found Jamie in the stands at the Oregon game on Friday night, it didn't take long for the younger woman to lean in close and ask, "What's wrong, Mom? You look really upset."

  Catherine sighed and said, "I received a very upsetting letter from your father today, Honey. I wasn't going to bring it up, but it's obvious that I can't hide how I feel about it."

  Jamie clasped her mother's hand and said, "Let's go out in the lobby, and you can tell me all about it, okay?"

  "There's really not much to tell, Dear. I made a flippant comment last week when he was at the house, and he obviously took it very much to heart." She reached into her purse and pulled out an official-looking set of papers atop a plain blue backing.

  "He's filing for divorce!" Jamie said this much louder than she had wished, and she noticed a rather shocked look from Martin, who was sitting a few seats down the row.

  "After a fashion," Catherine said. "It's my fault this time, Jamie. I made an issue of it."

  "Tell me what happened?" she begged, feeling like her mother was beating around the bush and not getting anywhere near the point.

  "When he was at home on Friday I made a comment about how much stress a divorce would be, and that I didn't want to pursue one-mainly because I knew he would make my life a living hell." She shook her head, angry with herself for being so snappish with him.

  "Sounds reasonable to me," Jamie said, expecting nothing less from her father.

  "He insisted that he would not put me through that," Catherine said, "but I didn't believe him and said I'd love to have his assurances in an affidavit, where they meant something." She took the papers back and shook them as she concluded, "Here's his proof."

  "So is he filing for divorce or not?" Jamie asked confusedly.

  "Not really," Catherine said. "These are fully executed papers. All I have to do is sign and file it, and we're done."

  "What did he ask for?" Jamie asked, assuming he would want half of all of their assets.

  "All he wants is his clothing, the gifts I've given him over the years, and the cars," Catherine said, shaking her head at the paucity of Jim's request. "He meant it, Jamie. For once he told me the truth, and I doubted him. Now I feel like I've pushed him to do this when neither of us is ready."

  Jamie took the papers from her mother and read the cover letter. "This doesn't sound like he's pushing you, Mom. He says that you can file if you wish, or wait and see how things progress. That sounds kinda hopeful," she said, trying to put a good spin on it.

  "I suppose," the older woman sighed. "It just looks so formal, so final," she said softly.

  "Don't do anything now, please," Jamie said. "There is still a glimmer of hope that you can get back together. I can see it on your face, Mom. You're not finished with thi
s marriage."

  "No, I suppose I'm not," Catherine admitted. "I felt a stirring of emotion for him on Friday that I haven't felt for years. Granted, much of it was anger, but it was still emotion!"

  "Don't give up yet, Mom. See what happens. You might pull this one out yet."

  "Are we having dinner tonight?" Jordan asked brightly as they left volleyball practice on Sunday afternoon.

  "Did you ever eat before you met me?" Ryan realized that her comment sounded a lot sharper than she had intended, and the flash of hurt she saw cross Jordan's face confirmed her worry. "Hey, I'm sorry. That didn't come out like I meant it."

  "How'd you mean it?" the blonde asked, warily.

  "I meant that I'm really grouchy today," Ryan admitted. "We've having a guest for dinner, and I think it's a very bad idea."

  "Who's coming? You look really pissed."

  "We ran into an old lover of mine the other day, and Jamie asked her over for dinner. I'm feeling really weird about it, and I guess it's affecting my mood."

  "What kind of lover?" Jordan asked.

  "Someone I knew really well, but we weren't really girlfriends," Ryan said with a blush.

  "Oohhh, so it was more physical than emotional?"

  "Yeah. Very much so."

  "Hmm, how many times did you sleep with her?"

  Ryan knit her eyebrows together and was deep in concentration for a few moments. "God! That many?!" Jordan cried.

  "I would give a conservative guess of 75 times," Ryan admitted, nodding her head.

  "Jesus, Ryan, I bet my parents didn't have sex 75 times! Are you insane?"

  "I didn't say I'd had sex with her 75 times," Ryan corrected. "We had about 75 dates. Many of those dates lasted for three or four days. The actual number of times we had sex is beyond my ability to count."

  She looked a little sick as she said this, and her mood was not improved when Jordan said, "Jeez, Ryan, that's the last person you want to have at your house."

  "I didn't invite her," she groused. "Jamie asked her without even asking me first. But once she asked her, I couldn't withdraw the invitation." She mused contemplatively, then said, "You know what really bothers me? It's that I know Jamie has an agenda. She always does with this kind of thing. I just have a feeling that I'm going to be under the microscope tonight."

  "I can see why Jamie wants to investigate this a little bit," Jordan said. "It surprises me that you slept with someone that much but didn't have an emotional attachment. That doesn't seem like you."

  "I guess I would have taken more, but it was never offered. Ally made it clear from the start that we would have sex only. I was just a kid, and she was such a good teacher that I just forced myself not to fall in love with her. But I could have," she said wistfully.

  "Is she like Jamie at all?"

  Ryan choked out her first true laugh of the day. "They hardly seem like the same species!"

  Ryan was already home when Jamie came barreling up the drive. The tall woman dashed out with a worried expression to help her drag in the three bags of groceries. "God! Where have you been! We can't possibly get dinner ready in time!"

  "Hi, Ryan," Jamie said slowly, blinking up at her partner. "I missed you too. Did you have a good day?"

  Ryan ran her hands through her hair in one of her chronic nervous habits. "I'm sorry. I just expected you home a lot earlier. I didn't know if I should go to the store or what was going on, so I just kinda stressed."

  "Can I have a kiss hello?" she asked patiently.

  "Of course you can," Ryan said as she stooped to give her a kiss and added a hug for good measure. "I missed you," she said as the hug continued.

  "Okay, you can let me go now. We've got dinner to prepare!"

  Earlier in the week Ryan had informed Jamie that Ally was not a strict vegetarian, but that she leaned heavily in that direction. She also told her that Ally was very careful about her diet in general and did not eat much fat or refined sugar. So when she strolled down the aisle at the grocery she ran through her mental menus until she decided on a low-fat, vegetarian meal.

  Ryan pulled everything out of the bags, looking suspiciously at the contents. "What are we having?"

  "We're having cannelloni with low-fat ricotta cheese, a vegetable salad with low-fat poppy seed dressing, and fruit and cheese for dessert."

  "Oh, you remembered everything I told you," Ryan beamed with pleasure. "You are just the best partner in the world."

  "Anything to keep you happy, Boomer. Now you go get ready, and I'll start dinner."

  "Um, I am ready," Ryan slowly informed her. "Do I look stupid or something?"

  "No, of course not." She surveyed Ryan's big black Doc Martens, her skintight black sleeveless T-shirt, and her new custom-made black jeans, and decided to be honest. "You look too good for an ex, Honey. You're supposed to tone down your magnificence when you're with people that can't have you any more."

  "Oh, is that right?" she asked with a smirk. "Since I've never had a lover, I didn't know the rules. Should I wear my warm-ups?"

  "No, those are too cute too. Maybe one of my sports bras and your baggiest sweats."

  "Your bra?"

  "Yeah. It'll be skin tight so it can hold those beauties down," she said as she cupped one of the beauties in her hand.

  "Do you really want me to change?" Ryan asked seriously as she looked into Jamie's eyes.

  "No, I'll do my best to fend her off if she makes a grab for you."

  "Jamie, we stopped seeing each other long before you and I were intimate. It's not like we were going at it hot and heavy until you came along. Ally decided to pursue a serious relationship with someone right about the same time I did. It was really mutual."

  "I'm sorry if I'm acting jealous. I know that I have no cause to be that way."

  "Absolutely no cause at all," Ryan assured her.

  As it got closer to eight o'clock, Ryan got more and more tense. She had canvassed each stereo but had been unable to find what she was looking for. Mia came home as she rummaged through the CD's for the third time. "Mia, you're just the person I was looking for. Do you have any country CD's?"

  "Yeah, I think I do," she said thoughtfully. "No-wait-oh darn, they're in my other trailer. Sorry, Hon." She smiled sweetly as she strolled past the scowling Ryan and into the kitchen.

  "What's up with the odd musical selections that Ryan's looking for?" she asked after she had hugged Jamie.

  "Oh, one of her old girlfriends is coming over for dinner, and she wants her to feel comfortable. Apparently she only likes country music."

  "Ooh, old girlfriend, huh? Maybe I'll stick around and get introduced. I'm not too proud to take Ryan's rejects if I can't get anywhere with Jordan."

  "I don't think this one would be your type," Jamie warned.

  "Not cute?"

  Jamie thought about that question for a moment. "No, she's not the type that would ever be called cute. She's really big--taller and heavier than Ryan."

  "Ooh, a beefy girl," Mia teased.

  "No, not really. I would bet that she has less body fat than Ryan does. She's just got an extra 30 pounds of rock-hard muscle on a very big frame. She also growing out what Ryan says was a crew cut," she related.

  "She sounds like one of those Bulgarian weightlifters!" Mia cried.

  "No, she's not a weightlifter, but she is a body builder. She works as a personal trainer, but she spends most of her free time working out and training for competitions."

  "Was Ryan with her long?"

  "They were never 'together' per se," Jamie informed her. "They just slept together--a lot. Apparently, neither of them wanted a relationship, or they weren't that interested in each other at the time." Her mouth twitched into an impish grin as she added, "Whatever it was, I'm finding out tonight!"

  "I'm with you," Mia declared. "I'm interested in seeing this specimen."

  "You can stay and eat with us if you want to," Jamie offered.

  Mia placed her hands upon her hips and glared at Jami
e for a moment, "You're trying to hook her up with someone, aren't you, you little sneak!"

  Jamie tossed her hair as she said, "Why, Mia! That would be unseemly. Besides, you're involved with Jordan."

  "Uh-huh," the curly-haired brunette said, not letting her friend's protestation of innocence fool her one bit.

  "She'll be on time, Jamie. Are you sure I can't help you move things along?"

  "Ryan, we don't have to serve dinner the moment she walks in the door! Chill out. Everything is under control."

  "Are you sure I look okay?" she asked with a hint of a whine in her voice. "You got me all worried when you told me to change."

  "You've asked me five times now. May I remind you that you're not going to get to sleep with her this time? Goodness, you act like you're going on your first date!" Ryan looked completely nonplussed, and Jamie immediately regretted shining a light on her insecurities. "Sweetheart, you look good enough to eat, and as soon as Ally leaves I plan on doing just that," she promised as she tweaked her nose.

  Ryan sighed and turned to walk back into the parlor to pace for a while, much to Mia's amusement. "Do I look okay?" Ryan asked worriedly as she checked her hair in the mirror--again.

  "You look great," Mia said sincerely, deciding that since Ryan had asked her three times she must want a complete assessment. She crossed her arms over her chest and appraised her friend critically for a long moment. "I like how that shirt shows off the muscles in your arms. You have great triceps, you know," she said, her intent brown eyes critically surveying Ryan's body. "You have on a sports bra, don't you?" she asked, not waiting for confirmation. "I might choose something that gives your breasts a little more definition, but then you lose some of the softness that the sports bra gives you." Her eyes raked up and down the long form as she said, "Those jeans look really nice, too. They fit nice and snug on your ass, but they still look comfortable, not too tight in the crotch. The Doc Martens are a nice touch…pretty butch, but nice." Grinning slyly, Mia added, "I'd do ya."