Whispering Waves

by Jamie Berris

  Sadie saw the pleading in her father’s eyes, and something deep within her crumbled, and she let her guard down. Her defensive wall collapsed. “I’ll go get Nicholas. He’s playing on the back porch.” She walked out, knowing that, from this moment on, her life was going to go through another big change. This was no longer her mother’s home.

  Fighting back anger and fear, Sadie sat down next to Nicholas and grabbed a fistful of Play-Doh. She squeezed it so hard it crept out between her fingers. “Are you hungry for dinner?”

  “Did you make pizza rolls?” Nicholas asked, excited.

  Sadie snickered. “No, champ, I didn’t, but Marissa is here, and she brought you noodles, your other favorite.”

  With a “Yippee,” Nicholas was gone, tearing through the porch and into the house to find his newfound love. Sadie sat alone for another minute and gave herself a pep talk. She loved her dad, and she was doing this for him. He deserved to be happy too, right? It was just really confusing knowing how to feel about Marissa now that the truth was out. When she wasn’t around, Sadie felt like she could be okay with the two of them dating, and then, Bam! Marissa was here, and all these strange emotions invaded Sadie. She had no choice but to suck it up, so she made her way back inside.

  Marissa moved around the kitchen like she owned the place. She gathered plates, salad bowls, and silverware and stacked them on the counter. “We should eat al fresco. It’s such a gorgeous night.”

  “Sounds fantastic,” said Kurt as he disappeared outside with the dishes.

  Al fresco? Fantastic? Double barf! Was this a dream?

  Marissa pulled out Lydia’s salad tongs and mixed the salad with dressing. Sadie acted distracted by Nicholas, helping him get his milk, but all she could think about was the fact that Marissa still remembered where everything was in their kitchen. Sadie wondered how many hundred times Marissa had moved around this kitchen with Lydia. If it wasn’t a weekend barbeque in the summer, it was homemade pizza night in the winter, or baking birthday cakes together, or holiday cookies and bake sales for school.

  “Taste this, Sadie, and tell me if it has enough dressing.” Marissa was holding up a fork full of salad for Sadie to test.

  Reluctantly, Sadie took the fork and tried to act normal, even though she was screaming inside. This was far from normal; it was weird, awkward, and extremely uncomfortable, even though Marissa was acting as if she came over every night and did this.

  That’s it, thought Sadie, as she took the fork from Marissa. Halfway through dinner she’s going to let me have it. She’s going to reprimand me and tell me what a horrible person I am for the way I treated her and her daughter.

  Sadie ate the salad and nodded. “It’s fine.”

  Marissa was smiling at her and it made Sadie edgy. How can she be so nice to me? I’ve been anything but pleasant to her.

  “It’s really good,” she added and turned away to fill their glasses with water.

  Thankfully, her dad came back in to help carry the food out. Rescue me, thought Sadie, but Marissa was intent on having a conversation with Sadie, or at least small talk.

  “Can you slice the bread, please, Sadie? I’m going to mix some fresh parmesan, garlic, and olive oil together for a dipping sauce. Doesn’t that sound good?”

  “Uh, yeah, sure.”

  As Sadie headed for the cutting board, she caught a glimpse of her father’s eye as he was walking out with the ziti in his hands. He was obviously tense. He wasn’t acting all cool and nonchalant like Marissa. Sadie was glad. She wanted to make him sweat a bit, even though she had promised herself to be on good behavior.

  The conversation, or babbling as Sadie thought of it, never stopped. Sadie had to admit the ziti was awesome, but yet she couldn’t bring herself to compliment Marissa. When Sadie took her third helping, Marissa made a comment about Paige loving the ziti too. Sadie felt her cheeks heat, but nothing else was said.

  Nicholas loved having Marissa around. He wanted to sit next to her, and he even asked if she would spread “that oily stuff” on his bread and sprinkle parmesan on his ziti. Nicholas was going through a phase where he had to do everything for himself, so the fact that he was asking Marissa to do things for him told Sadie his attraction to Marissa was the real deal. Could she blame the little guy? It was his chance for a real mommy.

  Sadie asked if he wanted more ziti, and he said yes, but wanted Marissa to scoop it on his plate for him. Slap!

  Dessert was margarita bars. Margarita bars reminded Sadie of her childhood summers. Either her mom or Marissa made them for every pool party they ever had. Most children would not like them, as they were a cross between key lime pie and a lemon bar, with an amazingly thick graham cracker crust, but since she grew up on them, she acquired the grown-up taste.

  Just as Sadie was about to excuse herself, Marissa asked Sadie to play tennis with her in the morning. She explained that she and Paige were on a mother/daughter doubles team and she had to cancel their matches since Paige had been in California. She was hoping tomorrow Sadie could play in place of Paige.

  Sadie quickly started fumbling for words or, better, excuses, when Kurt interrupted, saying how fun that would be and that Jayna would be fine watching Nicholas for a few hours while Sadie played.

  “Great! I’ll pick you up at 9:00,” offered Marissa.

  Sadie panicked. In a car alone with Marissa! I think not! “Nah, that’s okay. I’ll meet you there. I need to stop at Target after, anyway.”

  Kurt started to say something and Marissa interrupted him. “That’s fine. We’ll meet at 9:15 at the country club. I have to show a house afterward, anyway.”

  Sadie finished her dessert and volunteered to do the dishes. She and Travis kept up with their obsession for Bitmojis, usually ones laced with hearts, kisses, and I miss you quotes, but not tonight, not with Marissa intruding. Sadie was sending him everything from WTH, SMH, AWKWARD, and THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

  From the kitchen window, she had a straight shot of the entire backyard and pool. She watched Marissa pushing Nicholas on the swing, even doing underdogs. He loved it, yelling out deep belly laughs. Kurt was watching both of them, his smile so wide his eyes crinkled in the corner.

  She studied her dad, noticing how he looked at Marissa. It was different from the way he had looked at her mom, at least from what she remembered. Sadie was nervous she would forget the two of them together. And if she forgot what it was like seeing her parents together, would she soon forget the images of their family together?

  In bed, Sadie and Jayna wrote on each other’s backs and Sadie told Jayna about the night with Marissa and how bizarre it was. Jayna was easily softening towards Marissa and it scared Sadie. As defiant and reckless as Jayna was, Sadie knew she was lost without a mother. Sadie was lost too, but in a different way, especially since the mothering fell on her shoulders.

  Jayna had helped herself to two plates of leftover ziti when she got home from Chrissie’s and wrote on Sadie’s back, “At least she makes good ziti.”

  Chapter 50

  Sadie

  Sadie drove with all the windows rolled down and the morning breeze blowing through her hair. She was sweating, not because she was necessarily hot, but because her stomach was a ball of anxiety. As she turned into the country club, she swiped some more deodorant on and threw it in the back seat.

  She adjusted her skirt and slung her tennis bag over her shoulder. It had been a few weeks since she’d played, and to be honest, she was itching to get back on the court, just not with Marissa as a partner.

  Luckily, they only had a few minutes to warm up. There was no time for idle chitchat. Sadie waved to a couple of girls and their mothers that she knew from school and her team and felt her adrenalin kick in.

  Marissa was a good tennis player, a really good tennis player, actually. She was petite and quick on her feet and not much got by her. It didn’t take long for Sadie to also find her groove, and before she knew it, they had won their first three matches.

&nbs
p; “We make a great team, Sadie,” Marissa said, as they drank from their water bottles. Sadie noticed Marissa had slices of lemon and lime in her water, just as her mom used to do.

  They did make a great team, but Sadie hated open-ended statements like this. She felt like she had to elaborate on them and suggest they play together more or something. “Yeah, I haven’t played in a while. I was nervous I was going to be a bit rusty.”

  “You’re doing awesome.”

  “Thanks, you too.” Sadie wiped the sweat from her forehead and stretched her serving shoulder. They went undefeated until their very last match. Sadie crumbled. She hit a wall and made a couple of mistakes that cost them the game.

  If it bothered Marissa, she didn’t let it show. She gave Sadie a big congratulatory hug and praised her for her hard work. She was sure their score had bumped them up a few rungs on the league ladder, despite their loss.

  Marissa pulled an extra protein shake out of her cooler and gave it to Sadie. “I’m so used to making a double batch for me and Paige that I didn’t realize what I was doing until I was done, so I brought you one. It’s kinda thick because of the protein powder, but the flavor is good—pineapple and mango. There’s also spinach and avocado in it, but I swear you can’t taste them. Paige even likes it.”

  Just like that, Marissa was gone. She said she had to get home and shower because she had to show a house in an hour. Again, Sadie wondered how and why Marissa was being so sweet. Not that she was ever mean, but Sadie was well aware there were definitely a few things that could make Marissa not care for her much.

  Sadie wondered if Paige had mentioned to her mother that Sadie had texted her. She wondered how much they’d talked since Paige had been in California, and how much Paige opened up to her mom. Sadie felt that pang, that pang of wanting the option of having a mom to talk to about friends and boyfriends. Of course, who knows how much she would actually tell her mom if she were still alive, but not having the option made her feel like she would want to tell her everything.

  Chapter 51

  Sadie

  It was the night before the first day of school. Sadie had spent the day with Travis. They had gone to the mall so she could help him pick out some new clothes, and then they had spent an hour at Target, getting composition books, pencils, and a calculator.

  Andrea had cooked them dinner and sent Sadie home with all the leftovers and a batch of peanut-butter-chocolate-chip cookies. She looked at the cookies sitting on her passenger seat, but what she really craved was the protein shake Marissa had made her the other day.

  Now Sadie sat in her bedroom, staring at her cell as Travis modeled his new outfits over a Facetime call. Pitbull sang “I Know You Want Me” in the background, and Travis sang along as he danced for her. He could always make her laugh. They had fun together, and he was as much her friend as he was her boyfriend.

  Jayna came barreling in Sadie’s room after hearing her hysterics. A larger audience only made Travis put on more of a show, especially when Jayna repeatedly told him what a dork he was and that he had no rhythm.

  Sadie hadn’t heard her dad knock on her bedroom door. “Sadie, Sadie!” he yelled over the commotion.

  When Sadie looked up, her room fell silent except for the thumping from the beat of the music coming through her phone. Standing next to her dad was Paige.

  “Paige is here,” he said and started to walk out of the room. “I’ll leave you alone.”

  Travis was still dancing, and Sadie saw the corners of Paige’s mouth creep up into a smirk. Sadie was fumbling, caught completely off guard. “Travis, I gotta go,” she panicked into the screen, and she shut him off.

  Paige looked really pretty. She was tan and her hair looked as if she had just had it professionally blown out. She only had a pair of cutoffs on, but she wore this cream lacy tank top and a stack of gold bangles that matched her sandals and made her look like she was pairing vintage with new, to come up with summer chic straight from a magazine.

  Sadie told Jayna to get out, so in Jayna language that meant plop down on the window-seat cushions and get comfortable. Paige sat on the edge of Sadie’s bed across from Sadie at her desk. “Looks like things are going well with Travis?”

  Paige didn’t look mad, which was a relief, but she didn’t look overly happy either. So Sadie decided to follow suit. “Um, yeah, he was just, ya know . . .” Sadie flipped her hands around apprehensively. “He was showing off some of his new school clothes.”

  “Look, Sadie. I was pretty mad when I left Pentwater. It just hurts, you know, to be rejected, even if you know inside that it wasn’t meant to be.”

  Paige was playing with the corner of a blue fuzzy peace-sign throw pillow lying on Sadie’s bed. She kept her eyes down, like she was trying to find a tick deep in the plush pillow.

  “There’s been a lot to process. I’ve been trying to figure things out from all angles. I’m not just talking about Travis. I’m over that. It’s more the other stuff . . .”

  Sadie felt her body relax, realizing how tense she had been since Paige walked into her bedroom. She wasn’t going to hate her because of Travis.

  Paige continued. “I still feel betrayed. I feel like my parents are both liars. Up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was an only child. I’d always been alone, my dad left, and I had no siblings and never a boyfriend. The boyfriends never worked out, and the fact that I have a brother was kept a secret. I’ve hated being an only child.”

  Sadie and Jayna exchanged glances. They were both waiting to hear Paige bad-mouth their mother, blame everything on her. Sadie had not thought of Paige feeling the way she described. Despite losing her mother, Sadie knew she was fortunate to have so many people in her life that she was close to.

  The bedroom felt really thick, so Sadie cracked a joke. “Let me know when you want to babysit our brother. Pick your day and I’m outta here.”

  Paige welled up. “He can’t even know I’m his big sister.”

  Dumb, thought Sadie, dumb, dumb, and dumb! Why did I say that? Sadie watched as a tear trickled down Paige’s cheek. She hadn’t a clue how to respond. When Jayna started to speak, Sadie cringed, fearing what would come out of her mouth, no doubt even worse than what Sadie said.

  “That doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with him. All it takes is ten minutes playing trains in the dirt and a pack of fruit snacks and he’s your best friend.”

  The girls all giggled. “I always wished I had sisters.” Paige sighed.

  “It’s not forever,” said Jayna. “I mean, when Nicholas is older, we’ll tell him the truth.”

  “I know.” Paige looked down and Sadie felt bad for her. “I also know that what happened with your mom and my dad wasn’t all her fault. I really wanted to blame it on her because it would be easier. I wanted to blame my parents’ divorce on her and keep my dad perfect in my mind. I know he’s not and we talked a lot in California.” Paige wiped a few more tears away. “I could never figure out why my dad would want to live so far away from me. I figured he didn’t love me enough.”

  Sadie felt a pang in her throat. Her dad was responsible for sending Marcus so far away. No wonder she throws herself at guys’ feet. She’ll do anything to get the attention and love from a guy because she feels abandoned by her dad.

  Paige tugged at her gold surfboard necklace and sighed. “My dad said it was too difficult to be so close to the mess he created and it was best for everyone if he moved away. I screamed at him that it was best for everyone but me. I guess the more we talked about it, the more I understood his point, but it still hurts, ya know?”

  Paige looked up and saw that both Sadie’s and Jayna’s eyes had filled. They all sat for a second and connected their own dots, their own perceptions of what took place six years ago.

  “This is why kids are so screwed up nowadays. It’s our parents’ fault!” Jayna joked, and all three girls laughed.

  This is one of those moments where I’m supposed to go hug her, thought Sadie, but
she just sat there, still feeling uncomfortable. A chirp from Sadie’s phone broke the spell. They all knew it was Travis.

  Paige stood up. “It’s late and we’re starting our junior year tomorrow. I better get my beauty sleep. You never know. Maybe Blake will dump Abigail when he sees me.”

  Paige made the first move and gave both girls a hug. “I’m really sorry I said those things about your mom. I honestly have the best memories of her. Truce?”

  “Truce,” Sadie and Jayna agreed.

  “She’s kind of a sorry case,” said Jayna after Paige left.

  “Aren’t we all?” Sadie snickered.

  Jayna laughed. “Speak for yourself! I consider myself to be pretty well adjusted.”

  Chapter 52

  Sadie

  The first few weeks of school flew by. Sadie liked being a junior, an upperclassman. Or was it upperclasswoman? At first, it seemed weird not meeting Dylan by his locker between classes. When she passed it, she still glanced at it, remembering how her pictures had hung on the inside. A senior girl had it this year, a girl she didn’t really know. Sadie thought she may have had an art class with her last year.

  Dylan had not texted, called, or emailed her directly, but he had made a few more sly remarks about Sadie that traveled the gossip channels back to her. He posted some raunchy pictures on Instagram, always partying and smiling. Sadie ignored them. Paige admitted to Sadie that Dylan had called her and wanted to spread the family secret, but Paige begged him not to, explaining that he would be hurting far too many people, more than just Sadie. So far, he hadn’t broken his promise.

  She noticed that, since going off to college, Dylan had acquired one hundred seventy-eight new followers on Instagram. Sadie had heard that he was rushing a fraternity and enjoying the partying and girls that came along with it. It did bug her a bit, how couldn’t it, but she was also relieved that she had moved on and wasn’t sitting in a high-school classroom worried about her boyfriend cheating on her.