Managed Hearts (Players of Marycliff University, #3)

by Jerica MacMillan

  His mouth twisted in a grimace. “I apologized about before.”

  “I know you did. And even though I forgive you, it still means that you’re good at hiding your thoughts, and the possibility exists that you’ll leave me high and dry again.”

  “I won’t, Hannah. I told you, I learned from my mistakes. I won’t do that to you again.”

  She nodded, feeling somewhat reassured. “Okay. But if you do decide you’re ready to move on, I need you to have the balls to tell me this time, okay?”

  “I don’t see that happening, but okay.” He reached for her, tugging on her hands until they loosened their hold on the sheet and pulled her forward so she sat straddling his lap. “If it makes you feel more secure to hear me say it, I promise that I’ll tell you if I decide to end things between us. And you promise me the same, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  His hand slid up her back to tangle in her hair. “As for my reputation, it’s not entirely deserved. Lance and Chris were the manwhores. I just got lumped in with them because we’re friends.” He brought her mouth down to his for a kiss, but she didn’t let it last long, not quite as done with this conversation as Matt seemed to want to be.

  She pulled back. “Is that so? So no hooking up with jersey chasers at parties or whenever?”

  He shrugged a little, a crooked smile on his face. “I didn’t say I was celibate between relationships. But those guys didn’t even date. I’ve at least had girlfriends before. Now, do you really want to talk about the other chicks I’ve nailed?” He arched an eyebrow at her, the intensity in his eyes contrasting with the smile playing on his lips.

  She shook her head, the movement small since his hand still held the back of her head. “Not really. Do you want to hear about my past relationships?”

  He growled, and she fought a smile when she felt the rumble through the wall of his chest. “Not fucking likely.”

  He pulled her mouth down to his once more, with more force, not letting her get away, nipping at her lower lip so she would open for him. Soon he maneuvered them so she was pinned beneath him again, and she could feel him lengthening and hardening against her leg. “You’re mine, Hannah. As far as I’m concerned you’ve always bene mine, and you’ll always be mine. Got it?”

  He pulled back enough for her to nod, and then he was on her again. He was rougher than before, nipping at the skin of her neck and over her collar bone, soothing the sting of his teeth with his tongue and wet, open mouth kisses until he reached her breasts. He used his fingers to stir her arousal, ratcheting it up almost to the breaking point before donning a condom again and sinking inside her once more.

  She gasped at the feeling of him stretching her sore tissues again so soon after the last time. The edge of pain served to heighten the pleasure even more.

  He bracketed her face with his hands, his eyes boring in to hers. “Mine,” he said as he thrust into her. He thrust again. “Say it. Say you’re mine, Hannah.” He withdrew, waiting for her to comply with his command.

  She squirmed under him, searching for contact. “Yours.” One word was all she could muster. She gasped when he thrust into her again, hard, each stroke a claiming. He covered her mouth with his, swallowing her moans and cries, driving her toward another orgasm, and when it came, her spasms set off his own, a series of fireworks exploding one after another.

  Afterward, she lay under him, limp and exhausted, her body so sated that her brain finally shut off, letting her simply drift in the pleasure of skin on skin. Not feeling the need to wonder about what this would mean for tomorrow. Not worried about anything beyond the perfect microcosm of their shared universe.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Hey! I brought you an afternoon pick-me-up.” Hannah’s smiling face peeked over the wall of Matt’s cubicle, surprising him. She held a coffee cup from the coffee stand on the corner over the wall.

  He stood abruptly, looking past her around the HR department, a sick feeling in his gut. What was she doing here? Janine’s office door was open, and looked directly at the entrance to his cubicle. She sat at her desk, looking at him over the top of her glasses, her eyebrows raised.

  Swallowing thickly, Matt turned his attention to Hannah. “Thanks, Hannah, but you shouldn’t have done that.”

  Her face fell, confusion entering her eyes, the coffee in her hand dangling in the air between them. “Oh.” She retracted her hand, dropping her gaze to the floor, her hair swinging forward to shield her face from his view for a moment before she looked up at him again. “Um ... well, I don’t need two coffees. Is there anyone it would be more appropriate to give it to?” She met his eyes, hers now hard, her lips clamped together.

  Fuck. They’d had a perfect day together on Saturday, a breakthrough both physically and emotionally, and spent the rest of the weekend together. She’d agreed she was his, that they were together and exclusive, and now he was fucking this up already. He hadn’t thought to warn her not to approach him at work, that there were strict rules about supervisors having relationships with their employees. And he was most definitely one of her supervisors during her internship here. Fucking hell. She was already hurt, no doubt thinking the worst. How could he salvage this?

  “Well, um.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at her. “Maybe one of the other interns would enjoy it. Or Sandra down in marketing. Since you’re working with her, she’d probably appreciate it.”

  He didn’t know it was possible, but her face hardened further. Her eyes shuttered, closing him off from her again. Shit. Shit shit shit.

  “Fuck you, Matt. Sorry for trying to be nice.” At least she kept her voice low, instead of screaming at him like he totally deserved. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

  “Hannah, you have to see—“

  “No. You know what? Never mind. I thought— But whatever. You don’t want your coffee? Fine. Don’t drink your fucking coffee.” With that she dumped the cup in his little trash can. The lid popped off from the force of the drop, caramel colored liquid spilling out and staining the papers at the bottom, the rich smell permeating the air.

  “Hannah, wait—“ Before he could say anything to try to mitigate this, though he had no idea what he could say with Janine sitting twenty feet away with her door opening witnessing everything, Hannah spun on her heel and marched out, her hair swishing, her body jarring from the force of her steps.

  Fuck. Fucking shit fuck hell.

  He sat back in his chair, his head in his hands, elbows on his desk. How the hell was he going to fix this?

  “I thought we already talked about this, Matt.”

  He flinched at the sound of Janine’s voice, turning to look at her. He hadn’t heard her walk from her office to his cubicle. “It’s not what you think.” The lie tasted like ash in his mouth. But what else could he do? He couldn’t afford to get fired. He couldn’t stay away from Hannah. Though after this, she might not give him a choice in the matter. Fuck. The smell of the spilled coffee made his stomach turn, and he thought he might be sick.

  How could everything—his job, his budding relationship—go from perfect to shit in a matter of minutes?

  Janine’s arched eyebrow said she didn’t believe him more eloquently than words. “Well, it looks like that successfully took care of whatever might have been going on. But this is your last chance, Matt. Anything more like this and I’ll have to give you an official reprimand.”

  He swallowed against the bile rising in his throat and nodded. “I understand.” Turning back to his computer, he pretended to busy himself with work until Janine was safely back in her office and engrossed in her own work before pocketing his phone and heading out to take his afternoon break. Janine glanced at him as he walked by, but didn’t say anything, and he purposely avoided making eye contact with her. He had a good poker face, but he didn’t want to test it when he was already on thin ice with her.

  Instead of going to the break room or using the bathroom, he went outside. His bre
ath puffed out in a cloud around him, but he was barely aware of the cold as he pulled out his phone to text Hannah even though he hadn’t grabbed his coat.

  I’m so sorry. You caught me off guard. Please let me explain.

  He waited. And waited. Pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, running his hands through his hair, his lips and chin going numb from the cold, his fingers almost painful spots of ice through the inner fabric of his pockets. Nothing. No response.

  Fuck.

  He checked his phone every thirty seconds, watching as time ticked by. Checking to see if she had read the message. After two minutes it showed as read. He held his breath, hoping, standing still as though any movement would jinx her responding. Finally his lungs begged for air, and he dragged in a ragged breath, the cold freezing his chest. She still hadn’t responded.

  Time ticked by, and he had to get back inside and get back to work. There were still over two hours left in the day. He had to get through them, get his work done, and figure out what he was going to do about Hannah. Groveling seemed like a good idea. But she had to consent to listen to him. And it had to be outside of work. Janine was way too perceptive, and office gossip would sink him faster than the iceberg that hit the Titanic.

  But dammit, he had to do something.

  * * *

  “Uh-oh. What happened?”

  Hannah looked up from her bowl of fudge ripple ice cream and popcorn. She hadn’t even registered Elena opening and closing the door. Elena dumped her backpack on the floor, tossed her keys on the coffee table and plopped down next to Hannah. Stealing a piece of popcorn out of Hannah’s bowl, Elena popped it in her mouth while looking Hannah over.

  “What did Matt do this time?”

  Hannah shrugged and set the bowl of her favorite comfort food combo on the coffee table, pulling the sleeves of her favorite comfy long-sleeved t-shirt partway over her hands and scrubbing the fabric over the dried tear tracks on her cheeks. She knew her nose was probably still red, and her eyes were all puffy. After storming out of Matt’s office, she’d managed to hold onto her anger long enough to get through the afternoon. When he’d texted her shortly after she got to her desk, she’d turned her phone off. But on the drive home, her anger had morphed into sadness.

  “So, you know I stayed the night with him the last couple nights.” Hannah had seen Elena briefly on Sunday when she’d come home to get some clean clothes and stuff for another overnight stay at Matt’s house. Caught up in the glow of their new relationship and excited by how he wanted to spend so much time with her, she hadn’t even protested for show when he told her he wanted her to stay Sunday night too. Monday morning had been such a picture of domesticity as they’d gotten ready and eaten breakfast together before going their separate ways. She didn’t have class as early as Matt had work on Mondays, so she went home and did homework this morning, expecting to continue enjoying the bliss of great sex and time with a guy who cared about her. It really had felt like they were picking up where they’d left off, all of the bad feelings from their time apart having evaporated, leaving barely a residue behind.

  Elena nodded. “Yeah. You seemed happy yesterday, and you said things were going great, better than you could’ve imagined. So what happened?”

  “I brought him coffee when I got to my internship this afternoon, and he acted like I had Ebola or something. He barely looked at me, didn’t touch me, and made me feel like a complete moron for thinking that he’d be happy to see me. I guess this weekend was just a fuckfest to get me out of his system.”

  Elena’s eyes widened and she grabbed another piece of popcorn out of the bowl on the table. “No! What a jackass.”

  Hannah nodded and mumbled her agreement, squishing herself into the corner of the couch and hugging her knees to her chest. Talking this over only intensified the hollow feeling in her chest, and made food sound unappealing. The blaring of the movie on the TV annoyed her, the usual feel-good rom-com making her irritated instead of cheering her up. People didn’t really fall in love that easily and live happily ever after.

  “So what did you do?” Elena’s question pulled Hannah out of her pessimistic train of thought.

  She shrugged. “I tossed the cup in his trash and left. I was pissed and I had to work, so I did. I managed to make it through the afternoon without crying, but by the time I left it all had to come out. And here we are.”

  “Did he say anything? What was his deal?”

  Hannah shrugged again. “I dunno. He said it wasn’t appropriate for me to bring him coffee, or some shit like that. He texted me after I got to my desk, but I turned off my phone and haven’t turned it back on. I don’t want to talk to him or see his stupid text messages.”

  “So you’re going to ghost on him this time?”

  “Maybe.” Hannah sounded petulant and childish, and she knew it, but she couldn’t help herself. She was hurt and mad and how dare he treat her like that? Especially after his whole apology for the past, begging for a second chance, and declaration that she was his and he was hers? What the hell? She just couldn’t figure it out no matter what.

  Elena scoffed. “You’re better than that, Han. Check your messages, let the guy grovel a bit, and then tell him to go fuck himself if that’s what you want to do. Maybe he’s already in trouble at work or not allowed to have coffee at his desk or something.”

  “Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. I’m not sure how much I care.”

  Elena gave her a doubtful look. “Please. You wouldn’t be in your moping clothes, eating ice cream with popcorn—which I still say is a weird combo, by the way—and watching chick flicks if you didn’t care.”

  “Please. You still haven’t give my ice cream and popcorn a try. And if it’s so gross, quit eating the popcorn out of my bowl. As for the rest ...” Hannah waved a hand in dismissal. “It doesn’t even matter. A guy that can turn on me that fast isn’t someone I want around. Right?”

  Elena sat back in her corner of the couch, finally leaving Hannah’s popcorn alone, and grew thoughtful. “Normally I’d agree with you. But you’ve been hung up on this guy since you first met. I know you’ve dated other guys, but you’ve broken up with all of them, pretty much because they weren’t Matt. Shouldn’t you at least give him a chance to explain? Maybe there is a real reason for how he acted—which was completely shitty, and he should totally get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness before performing sexual favors until you forgive him. But it seems like you should hear him out. At least get his explanation. If it’s shit, kick him to the curb and move on for real.”

  Hannah leaned her head back against the couch, her hands over her face. She yelled wordlessly into her palms. “This is so frustrating.” She threw her hands in the air. “Why do I let him do this to me? Why does it even matter to me why he acted the way he did? I’ve been wracking my brains all afternoon trying to come up with some reason, and I just can’t. Things were fantastic all weekend, he kissed me goodbye this morning and told me he’d see me at work. Why would he do that if he didn’t want to see me at work? Huh? Explain that one to me!” Her hands cut through the air with each question, dropping back to the top of her head when she was done.

  “I can’t, babe. That’s why you need to turn your phone back on and see what he has to say. Call him back and let him tell you what his deal is. Figure out what to do after that.”

  Hannah sighed, letting her hands fall in her lap again. “Boys are so dumb. Why do we like them again?”

  Elena got a wicked smile on her face. “Well, from what I can tell about Matt, he keeps you pretty happy when you’re together. Orgasms can cover a multitude of sins.”

  Hannah burst out laughing. “Did you just paraphrase the Bible but about orgasms? I think that might be blasphemy or something.”

  Elena just shrugged, her smile never faltering. “Meh. I’m sure that’s not my worst offense. I’m not too worried about it.”

  Hannah chuckled, shaking her head. “Okay. If I’m going to call him I should probably
do it soon. Rip off the band-aid, so to speak.”

  “Do you want me to stay? Or give you some privacy?”

  Hannah bit her lip. “Stay. If I change my mind and want the illusion of privacy, I’ll go in my room.” Elena grinned at that. Their walls were paper thin, so going in another room wouldn’t really keep Elena from hearing the conversation, but at least she wouldn’t be staring at Hannah while she was on the phone.

  With a deep breath, Hannah powered up her phone. She had five new texts since the one Matt had sent earlier plus three voicemails. The basic message in all of them was the same—I’m sorry. Please call me.

  Another deep breath, and Hannah pushed the button to return Matt’s call.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Matt jerked when his phone rang, then finished pushing the bar away from his chest, up to rest in the stand.

  Chris’s hands came under the bar, ready to catch it if Matt dropped it in his surprise. “You alright, man?”

  Matt sat up, wiping his face with his towel before grabbing his phone off the floor next to the weight bench. “Yeah, man. I just need to take this call.” He was vaguely aware that Chris answered, but he didn’t register what he said, too focused on the picture of Hannah he’d taken this weekend that had popped up on his screen. Hope and fear warred in his gut, making it churn. With a deep breath, he swiped his thumb across the screen and answered.

  “Hannah?”

  “You said you wanted to talk to me. So talk.” Her voice came out hard, the brittleness coming through even over the phone.

  He bit back a groan of frustration at her obvious antagonism. He knew it was too much to hope that she’d be more open to listening. But she had called him back. That was something. Especially since her phone had been off all afternoon. Swallowing thickly, he strode to the corner of the weight room, trying to keep his voice down so he didn’t bother anyone.

  “Yeah. Listen, Hannah. I’m so sorry about today. That didn’t go like I expected, and I know I hurt you, and it’s killing me that you won’t talk to me. Can I see you so I can explain?” He paused, but went on when she didn’t immediately respond. “Please?” He couldn’t keep the desperation out of his voice, even if he wanted to. He’d been punishing himself in the weight room today, maxing out on each set, driving himself harder than he had in a long time.