Managed Hearts (Players of Marycliff University, #3)

by Jerica MacMillan

  He held his breath waiting for her answer. Finally, “Okay.”

  “Okay?” Thank God. Relief made him almost limp. “Okay. Can I come there? Or do you want to meet at my place?”

  He heard her suck in a breath and let it out, then silence for a moment. “If I let you come here, will you leave when I tell you to without arguing?”

  She said when, meaning she fully expected to kick him out after letting him talk. Shit. Maybe this was going to be harder than he thought when she’d agreed so easily. “Of course. Hannah, I’ll do anything.”

  “Okay.” The word came out like a sigh. “You can come over now and tell me why you acted like a complete jackass and treated me like shit. Again. For your sake, I hope you have a good explanation.”

  He swallowed again. “I do, I promise. I can be there in twenty minutes. Is that okay?”

  “I guess. See you in a bit.”

  He said, “Bye,” but she’d already hung up. Looking up, he spotted Chris standing in front of the mirror doing bicep curls with both arms. “Hey, man. I gotta go. Can you have Megan come pick you up?”

  Chris bent and dropped the weights on the padded floor. “Seriously, dude? What the fuck?”

  “I’m sorry, man. It’s important. Will she be able to come get you?”

  Chris shrugged. “Yeah, probably. But you owe me, and she’ll probably decide you owe her too, so plan on cooking dinner or something for the next week.” He shook his head, muttering to himself as he followed Matt into the locker room to get his phone.

  Matt ignored him, focusing on taking the quickest locker room shower of his life, so he could get to Hannah’s apartment as fast as possible.

  He texted her when he was on his way, but she didn’t respond. No big surprise, but a little disappointing. He was in deep shit. He just hoped that she’d come around when he told her why he’d acted the way he had.

  She opened the door right away, like she’d been waiting on the other side of the door for his knock. Her blonde hair was swept back on one side, her lips a glossy pink, and she had on skinny jeans and a low-cut green top the same vibrant shade as her eyes. But it was her eyes that killed him. They were glossy with unshed tears. And he knew he was the cause of that.

  Without a word of greeting, she held the door and gestured him inside. He went in, his fingers itching to reach out and touch her, to fold her into his arms until she relaxed into him and let him kiss away her tears. But he knew he had to talk first.

  Talking had never been his strong suit. He preferred physical communication, action. Actions spoke louder than words. But his actions and words this afternoon had told her things he didn’t mean, and he knew he needed to correct that before she’d let him touch her again.

  Her friend Elena sat in one corner of the couch, watching him come in, her face impassive. He looked from her to Hannah.

  “She’s here because I asked her to be.” She perched on the arm of the couch next to Elena. “You can sit if you like.” She indicated the arm chair next to the door and crossed her arms over her chest. “Feel free to start whenever you like. I’m listening.”

  Matt ran his hands through his hair. Now that he was face to face with her, all the things he’d come up with to say to her all afternoon flew out of his head. He sat in the chair, but just on the edge, his elbows braced on his knees. He dropped his head, and scrubbed his hands over his face for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

  “Fuck, Hannah. I’m so sorry. I was a dick, and I know that, and I didn’t mean to be that way.” Neither woman moved. Shit. He opened his mouth, closed it, then went on. “I didn’t expect you to come find me at work, and I especially didn’t think you’d bring me a coffee. And so I reacted badly, but I felt caught, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  She flinched when he said he felt caught. “How awful that must have been for you.”

  His heart sank at the deadpan quality of her voice. “No—shit—this isn’t coming out right. I suck at this kind of thing. You don’t understand. Janine, my boss, she already told me to stay away from you. Or to keep you at arm’s length. I’m one of your supervisors for your internship. I’ll get fired if she finds out we’re together.”

  “Are we together, Matt?”

  It was his turn to flinch. She continued when he didn’t say anything.

  “Because if we’re together, then you don’t get to treat me like shit when other people are around, even at work.”

  He nodded and licked his lips. “I want us to be together. And, again, I’m so sorry. But if we’re going to be together we can’t act like it at work. So, no coming to see me for non-work related reasons at my desk or bringing me coffee or anything like that. I—“ He paused, swallowing, trying to work up some saliva in his dry mouth. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t afford to lose my job.”

  Her even gaze held his. “I get that, but you should’ve told me earlier. This morning you said you’d see me at work, so I had no clue that you wouldn’t want me to come say hi or bring you coffee.”

  He nodded again and gave a little shrug. “We did cover the company’s no fraternization policy in your orientation.”

  A wry smile touched her lips. “And does everyone memorize everything that’s covered in orientation?”

  That smile, fleeting as it was, seemed promising. He let out a huff of laughter. “Yeah, okay, probably not.”

  “And besides. Seeing you knocked me on my ass, metaphorically speaking. I barely remember anything you said that day. I was so shocked to see you in person again that it distracted me from everything else.”

  That made him smile, a real smile for the first time since she’d dumped the coffee in his trash can this afternoon. “Yeah. You threw me for a loop too.”

  A tight smile flashed across her face. “So, how would this work then? I would be your dirty little secret? We couldn’t be seen in public?”

  “Well, um, I don’t—“

  Before Matt could stumble over an answer to Hannah’s unexpected question, Elena interrupted. “I think I’m going to go ... somewhere. I don’t think I’m needed here anymore.”

  He’d almost forgotten she was in the room, his attention focused on Hannah. Elena gave Hannah a squeeze on the arm before getting off the couch. Matt stood when she did, and waited until she’d grabbed her purse and left, throwing a wink his way before going out the door.

  He didn’t even know what to make of that wink. Did that mean she was on his side? If so, that was good news to him. And he was grateful that she seemed to think things were okay enough to go. That seemed like a good sign.

  Hannah slid off the arm of the couch onto the cushion Elena had vacated. Matt took a chance and went to sit next to her. She didn’t object, so he pushed a step further and took her hand in his, running his thumb over the soft skin on the back of her hand.

  He kept his eyes on their joined hands, glad that she hadn’t pulled away. “I don’t know exactly how this’ll work, but I want to figure it out. I want us to figure it out together. You won’t be a dirty little secret. We just can’t act like we’re together at work. Everywhere else is fine. You’ve already met my roommates. I want you to meet the rest of my friends. I want you around as often as possible, not stolen moments here and there.” He raised his eyes to hers. “Is ... Does that sound okay?”

  She searched his face for a moment without saying anything. Finally, she nodded. “Yeah. I think so.” Her voice was little more than a whisper, but her agreement relaxed the bands that had been constricting his chest all afternoon, allowing him to take a full breath for the first time in hours.

  “Okay.” He nodded. “Good.”

  “But you have to tell me things that I need to know. I don’t want to be caught off guard like that again. And you can’t— You can’t ever treat me like that again.” She swallowed, looking away at the coffee table in front of them before settling her gaze on their hands. “My trust in you, in us, is new and fragile. Things like that destroy me. I feel lik
e I’ve always cared more about you than you did for me, and that just confirms my worst fears, you know?” She finally lifted her face then, and the naked vulnerability there took his breath away, her eyes shiny, moisture gathering in the corners, one tear spilling over and down her cheek. She scrubbed it away with her free hand, turning away again.

  He let go of her hand and cupped her cheeks with both hands, holding her steady so he could look into her eyes. “No, Hannah. That’s never been true. I’ve always cared about you. I let you go before because I thought that’s what was best. I did it all wrong, and I hurt you, and I’ve already apologized for that, but I’ll do it again. I’m sorry. For then, for now. You are what I want, what I’ve wanted without even consciously realizing it, for so long. You, us, we fit.” He held back what he wanted to say, afraid she’d think it was too much, too soon. You’re it for me. And she was. He’d tell her as much when the time was right.

  At her nod of understanding, he brought his lips to hers. Her lips were so plump and soft, and he couldn’t get enough of them. What he’d only meant as a simple kiss to seal his apology and declaration that he wanted them to be together quickly turned into something hotter. When he swept his tongue into her mouth, she tasted of mint, like she’d just brushed her teeth recently.

  She met his intensity with her own, pressing herself against him until she was climbing into his lap. His hands moved to the back of her neck and her hip, holding her close, relishing the feel of her against him again. Especially since he’d been afraid she wouldn’t let him do this anymore. Thank God she was willing to listen. Because he was already a goner.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Hannah wrapped the robe around her while Daniel pulled his track pants back on. Megan’s attention was still focused on putting the finishing touches on their painting, even though she’d told them she was done with them. Hannah hoped this would be the last session. She’d felt more conflicted this time with Daniel’s arm wrapped around her. He didn’t do or say anything that made her feel uncomfortable. He was his usual friendly self, though they were all quieter this week versus last week. Megan had music playing and Hannah had let her mind drift, playing through the events of the last week since she’d been here.

  After the fiasco on Monday, things between her and Matt had smoothed out. They largely ignored each other at work, which still rankled Hannah, but she understood where Matt was coming from. She figured it was only for a little while. Once her internship was over at the end of April, they wouldn’t have to worry about people at work finding out about them. Unless they invited her back for a summer internship. That thought had occupied her for most of the modeling session. Would she accept a summer internship knowing she’d have to keep her relationship with Matt under wraps even longer? And if they liked her enough for a summer internship would they eventually want to hire her? But if Matt was only supervising interns, then there wouldn’t be a conflict if she were a regular employee. Right? But he could get promoted or something. And would people think that he’d influenced the hiring decision in her favor if they found out about their relationship after the fact? That last question had made her think even more.

  Then she scoffed at herself mentally because she was thinking up all these convoluted hypothetical situations that probably wouldn’t even happen. Things rarely happen the way you imagine they might, especially when you’re looking for worst-case scenarios.

  Daniel pulled his gray t-shirt over his head. “So, you and Matt?”

  “Yeah.” She didn’t offer anything else.

  He gave her a crooked smile. “Alright. Well, if things don’t work out, come find me.” With a wink and a kiss on her cheek he opened the door and left.

  Hannah glanced over to Megan, who stood watching her with wide brown eyes. “Damn, girl. You’ve got all the hot football players on the hook.”

  “What? No, I— What?”

  Megan laughed, cutting into Hannah’s stammering protests and making her cheeks grow hot. “Don’t worry. I can tell you’re head over heels for Matt. I don’t think Daniel knows he doesn’t stand a chance, but it’s nice of you to let the guy down easy. He’s a sweetheart.”

  Hannah closed her mouth with a snap, realizing it was hanging open. Megan could tell that she’d fallen for Matt? Was she that obvious? She felt the need to protest anyway. “I don’t know what you mean. We’re just—“

  “Spending every available moment together? Sleeping in the same bed more often than not?” Megan chuckled, letting her arched eyebrow relax. “Oh, Hannah, don’t worry. He’s got it as bad as you. I’ve never seen him like this with anyone before, but it’s good.” She finished covering her paints and swirling her brushes in the jar of turpentine, screwing the lid back on before gathering her brushes in her hand. “I love Matt like a brother, and he’s a sweetie, but he’s kind of a doofus. Don’t let him get away with being a bonehead, okay? And if you ever need it, don’t hesitate to call me up for some help.”

  Hannah nodded, not sure how to respond to that revelation, and followed Megan out of the room to the kitchen, watching her wash her brushes in the sink.

  “So my friend Abby’s birthday is the week after next. We’re having a birthday party for her in two weeks.” Megan looked up from where she swirled one of her paint brushes in the puddle of liquid soap in her palm, meeting Hannah’s eyes. “It’s going to be small, just our little group. You have to come. I won’t take no for an answer.” She smiled to soften her words, but Hannah got the feeling that she meant it exactly how it sounded.

  “Who’s your little group?”

  Megan rinsed off the brush, fanning the bristles out with her fingers under the running water, then squeezing the bristles in a paper towel before smoothing them together and setting it on the counter. She picked another one up and started the cleaning process on that one. “Oh, you know. Chris and me, of course. Abby, clearly, and her boyfriend Lance.” She glanced at Hannah. “Lance used to live here with Chris and Matt, but he and Abby got together over the summer and moved in together in August. Abby and I were roommates before that, so I took over Lance’s place here.”

  “Oh.” Hannah had been unaware of all of that. “Interesting. So were you and Chris together before you moved in?”

  Megan laughed and shook her head. “No.” She laughed some more, finding something about the question really funny. “Not even close. I mean, we’d flirted some, but we barely knew each other. He was a complete manwhore, so I wasn’t planning on going there, you know? It was actually Matt’s idea for me to move in.”

  “Oh. Oh. So were you and Matt ...”

  “No! What? God, no.” Megan’s shock at the suggestion was almost comical, except it seemed a little insulting to Matt. “I mean, no, Matt and I have never been more than friends. God, could you imagine how awkward that would be if he and I had been together and now I’m with Chris?” She shuddered and went back to washing her brush. “What a horrible thought. Matt’s a cool guy, and like I said, I love him, but he reminds me of my brother, and I remind him of his little sister. Our relationship has always been that way. We joke around and hang out, and I can objectively see that he’s an attractive guy, but I’m not attracted to him.” She shrugged. “And anyway, I’m totally in love with Chris, so ... yeah.”

  Hannah boosted herself up onto the counter next to the sink to continue this conversation, more drawn in than she’d expected to be. She hadn’t talked to Megan much, and getting the history of their friendship was interesting. “So how did you and Chris end up together?”

  She shrugged, moving on to her next brush. “Proximity and opportunity, I guess?” Wincing without looking up, she went on. “That sounds terrible. No, I mean we were attracted to each other, but I doubt we would’ve acted on it if we hadn’t been constantly around each other. Anyway, he got all pissy and jealous that I was dancing with other guys at a party and dragged me out and kissed me.” Another shrug. “That was in September. We’ve been together ever since.”

  Han
nah laughed and shrugged in imitation of Megan. “Just,” a shrug, “and you’re together. Happily ever after and all that?”

  Megan looked up at her and grinned. “Well, no, not exactly. We’ve had our ups and downs, but, yeah, we’re pretty happy now. I mean, nothing’s perfect, and relationships take work, but when you’ve found the right person, it’s worth it, you know?” She turned her attention back to washing her brushes. “But you do know. Otherwise I don’t think you’d be here.” With a glance at Hannah through her eyelashes, Megan continued, her tone morphing from friendly confidence to something smoother and more probing. “Matty’s been pretty quiet where you’re concerned. From the little he’s said and the way you guys went from zero to serious, I gather you have some history?”

  Hannah snorted when Megan called him Matty. “Yeah, we met over the summer a few years ago.”

  Megan nodded, drying off her last brush. “He mentioned something about that. But you lost touch or something?”

  “Something like that.” Hannah didn’t feel like going into all the details. She liked Megan, but she didn’t know her that well, and Matt and Chris were supposed to be home soon. She didn’t feel like there was time to go into everything that had happened between her and Matt.

  Megan was quiet for a moment, waiting for Hannah to go on. When she didn’t, Megan looked up from drying her brush, eyes narrowed. “You’re as bad as him.” She made an annoyed noise in her throat. “Getting any info from either of you is like pulling teeth.” She shook her head in exaggerated exasperation.

  Hannah grinned, Megan’s annoyance obviously real, but not like she was mad. Gathering her brushes in her hand, Megan headed back toward the living room. “If you’re going to be that way, then I’ll just have to take you out drinking and pry the information out of you that way.” At Hannah’s laugh, Megan cast a glance at her over her shoulder, her brows raised, eyes amused, fighting a smile of her own. “You think I’m joking. I promise I’m not.”